If It Ain't Love, Is It Money Or Convenience?

[Unfaithful]

I've been going with the same Thai 30-something gay man since July 2003. We broke up in June 2004 because I wasn't getting enough ***. Three weeks later he came back and said "Okay, we can stay together and you can have recreational activities as long as you don't lose your heart." I've been doing that ever since.

My best friend has just spent 4 days with us. He's convinced that the Thai b/f doesn't really love me, and that I don't really love him. He's probably 100% right. It's like a 'marriage of convenience.' I don't need a live-in LTR or monogramous relationship. I want *** five days a week. I'm a bad man. I don't need a cook, housekeeper, or Thai-English translator.

Should I say sawasdi and save a lot of money?

[PeaceBlondie]

Hmm, let's see

1. You don't love him?

2. He doesn't love you?

3. You're not getting enough sex from him?

4. You don't need him?

5. Breaking up would save you a lot of money?

Are you a troll, is the answer painfully obvious, or are you just a little slow?

BTW, not to be pedantic, but I think it's spelled "sawasdee" and the second 's' is silent.

[Ijustwannateach]

Does this guy play the (occasionally important) role of preventing you from getting involved in something you're avoiding- like either the sex-sex-sex you say you want [but also the physical and emotional risks] or an actual relationship with someone that might involve the love you say you don't have [but also vulnerability]?

A lot of times when someone finds him/herself stuck in a pattern that isn't really satisfying their needs but seems hard to break, it is because they are avoiding making difficult changes- either in actual life circumstances or in personal awareness.

For years I had a pattern of chasing after unavailable straight-ish types because I just wasn't willing to admit to myself and everyone else that I was gay.

Something to think about.

"Steven"

[Unfaithful]

Thanks to Steven. I don't think so. I am able to have all the recreational sex I want, and I do. I think I'm just reluctant to end the relationship. I'll PM you.

[jdinasia]

I think simply enough you should find a definition of love that you can live with.

Determine if this fits your current situation. (Yours not his) If it does then sit down and figure out how to make it work.

If it doesn't fit your current situation simply be nice and end it :-)

(I think you already know your own answers on this topic and were just looking for moral support in your decision ...) Remember though that sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship ... Love is :-)

[Unfaithful]

Thanks, jdinasia, for talking about 'love' in a way that somehow doesn't seem (to me) to apply to our relationship. I don't know if he loves me. How he loves me. Maybe I'm just a convenient source of too much income to kiss goodbye. Lately he's been very romantic. Makes me think he's afraid he'll lose me. He may lose me.

I don't need 'love.' I already have lots of sex. Don't need a maid or cook or babysitter. Had love once, and lost it. Can't find it in this relationship. I gave it an honest try.

jdinasia, maybe your right. Maybe i'm just looking for moral support. Or immoral.