Domestic Violence

[Pablo H]

A few months ago I was sitting in a pick-up with workmates (Thai and Malaysian), waiting at traffic lights in Hat Yai. The car infront of us had a man driving, a woman in the passenger seat and a boy no older than four in the back. The guy then started punching the woman passenger in the head repeatedly for about 10 seconds while the boy looked on. The lights changed and the car sped away.

What do TV members reckon they would do if they witnessed this?

A few days ago I was speaking with someone who told me her friends father had invited a Thai man around to the house with the intent to ask her to marry him. She had never met him before and it seems the father had been passing photographs of his daughter around as he is desperate to get her married off so that he can claim his dowry and fuel his alcholism. She refused point blank to even speak with the guy, the father then proceeded to kick shit out of her in front of the people present in the house.

If you where there what would you do?

Its a tricky one on both counts, I would just be interested to hear other members views on this subject as grim as it is.

Edited January 3, 2005 by Pablo H

[chingy_]

in asia you just look and move on, nothing much you can do, if a husband and wife or brother and sister or father and daughter have an argument (including physicaly punching, kicking) you don't involve, do so will make you totally wrong, if you don't like what you see call the cop, but than again the cop can't really do anything except break them apart, after cop leave samet hing will happen again.

[SEAtramp]

Walk away. You get no points in Thailand for sticking your nose in Thai affairs.

You would become an instant victim for the wrath that Thai's know how to delve out.

[Pablo H]

Back in the U.K. I think I would have got involved in both cases as I have done once before but in Thailand its a different kettle of fish. My gut reaction was to step in and do something in the first case but having looked back I reckon I probably would have come out of it worse in the long run. Just when I see something like that I really do get the urge to whack the perpetrator. Cowards, there's no excuse for hitting a woman.

[cdnvic]

In Canada I have laid a beating on a guy in a similar situation. That was the wrong thing to do. These pussies often don't have the guts to take on another guy, and he just took it out on her worse later.

Now I'd stop him if I thought she was in real danger, and let the cops sort the rest out. Doubt that would work in Thailand.

If a friend of mine slaps around his wife, he doesn't stay my friend. I don't hang out with losers.

A guy I worked with years ago spent a weekend in jail after beating up his wife. As he hadn't yet been convicted my boss couldn't fire him, so he gave him a bucket and made him walk around the back lot in the rain picking nails out of the gravel. He quit after one day.

The emotional side of me says beat the fruker until he wets himself in fear.

The rational (and experienced) side says you can't save someone who just sits and takes it time after time.

cv

[gburns57au]

Unless it is family, be an apathetic bystander

even if family be very careful because you as a farang will get done harder by the courts than the person who is doing the girl beating.

[kat]

This is a tough one here. And as Ravisher pointed out, at times also tough in western societies. I have always believed in intervention if I see an unfair physical disadvantage anywhere. But I am also a westerner.

One of my culture shocks here was witnessing a few incidents of domestic violence and abduction on the street without any of the SE Asians I was with blink an eye. This is enormously difficult for me.

Some things I have come to accept, and no, it isn't what you think. I have come to accept that I am an educated Western woman, living in SEA among many who still see abuse as a norm. I have reckoned with the fact that I will never accept that outlook. Therefore, on many things, I subvert my own natural tendency in favor of Thai accepted modes, even though it is completely unnatural for me. But in the case of abuse, I will not. I will not change my attitude of voicing my concern or distaste for it.

Even if nothing will change for the people involved immediately, they know that this kind of behaviour is not the norm to everyone.

[britmaveric]

I think the best way to approach this if a someone is requesting assistance. I don't think it would be wise to intervene for reasons stated. Even in the west domestic situations can turn ugly especially both the victim/attacker turning on the good samaritan.

[Kiwi_James]

I don't think you could do much about the couple in the car, except to take down the licence number and get your mrs to call the boys in brown.

As for the father and daughter..... I'd step in for sure..... I would not throw any punches but just try and hold them apart.

Before I came to live in the village my wife told me that there is often a lot of domestic violence in her extented family...... her brother had knocked out his wife's front teeth and her uncles would often get drunk and use their wives as punching bags...... I told her that is one thing I absolutley hate and if I ever witnesed anything like that I would step in.

On the day I moved to the village we had a party and I jokingly told the family they are welcome to have a drink but if there is any wife beating they will have a

very angry farang to deal with and they will never ever be invited to our house again......

So far it's been all quiet on the eastern front.....

[ProfessorFart]

I can ditto Ravisher's experience many times over! If I live to be 100 I'll be buggered if I can understand it!

[GuestHouse]

One of the finest things I ever saw in Thailand was a Thai guy who was beating a girl up get a beating from a Farang.

I was driving up the Narklua road, just off the Wongamat roundabout, when the traffic stopped, a Thai guy was standing in the road beating seven shades out of a Thai girl.

While all the questions the Prof asks were going through my head (and all the warnings others have given), a bluddy lanky farang came bounding down the road, tw@tted the Thai so hard in the head it decked him in one punch, and the farang carried on running without having broken step.

All the people standing watching at the side of the road cheared as this farang disapeared passed the roundabout.

[mbkudu]

One of the finest things I ever saw in Thailand was a Thai guy who was beating a girl up get a beating from a Farang.

I was driving up the Narklua road, just off the Wongamat roundabout, when the traffic stopped, a Thai guy was standing in the road beating seven shades out of a Thai girl.

While all the questions the Prof asks were going through my head (and all the warnings others have given), a bluddy lanky farang came bounding down the road, tw@tted the Thai so hard in the head it decked him in one punch, and the farang carried on running without having broken step.

All the people standing watching at the side of the road cheared as this farang disapeared passed the roundabout.

If it's happening in public like that, then I'd do the same as the above. If it's behind closed doors, that not my business. By publicly beating a woman, he has crossed the line of cultural acceptability. Would a cop sit by and watch the pummeling? The guy used the right tactic to hit and run; no standing around for glory and trouble later. Another thing. Do you think a Thai man would look on while a Farang boyfriend or husband was beating the #### out of his Thai woman? Would the same Thai man look on while another Thai man beat the #### out of his Thai woman? Thai raak Thai, no? It is a touchy subject. It gets touchy with children being beaten as well.

Edited January 4, 2005 by mbkudu

[Boon Mee]

Depends totally on the situation. Conventional Wisdom says MYOB but sometimes it's not possible.

Fortunately, I've never been witness to any physical domestic abuse - lots of verbal though! Take that back - saw a friend of my wife's haul off and slug her farang husband with one of our dinner plates one night. The party broke up shortly afterwards...

[Ijustwannateach]

In the fortunately rare circumstances that I've been in situations like the ones listed above, I try to see if the [adult] victim is trying to get away or defend him/herself. If so, and they can't because of the violence, that's when I feel morally obligated. Otherwise, [assuming I'm not witnessing mutilation or murder], it's up to the victim to help him/herself first. Nobody else can really do it for them.

If it were a child, I'd feel... very... angry. I'd be reluctant to get involved- vulnerable foreigner and all- but more tempted to intefere because I wouldn't expect a child to feel like it was possible to run away, as an adult could with more success.

"Steven"

[OxfordWill]

In the case of the second, it might be more than is worth your while to do anything to the father. Physically covering the daughter and accepting some of the punches yourself before he calms down might mean 1) the girl is protected and 2) the father doesn't lose too much face.

Grabbing him in an arm lock is gonna ensure you don't get invited for tea again, for example. Not that you would want to go..

[chingy_]

what ever you guy decided to do in situation like this, keep your head clear, play smart, hit and run is a good idea, don't stand around trying to get credit and being a hero, remember you live in a foreign land, live by their rule or pay consequences

[meemiathai]

Strange that so many people have a man's body but do not have a man's mind.

I despise men who use force to deal with women.(of course! there are always exceptionals)

I am glad that I have never come across a situation that I thought I need to use force on a woman.

I do quite agree with what "Ijustwannateach" said. If someone is looking for help, I'll try to help. Or otherwise, we don't really know if the so-called victim really wants it.

Also, even if you have helped at that particular moment, what is going to happen after? Do you think that help is going to make things any better? It is just going to make yourself feel good. A good entertainment, and that's all!

Another strange thing I noticed is, people here seems to tend to stick their noses into other people's businesses when they think someone is doing something wrong.

Yet they rant about a country doing the same thing in the middle east.

[kreon]

when i was n my apartment in paris two years ago, we had a young couple whereby the guy was bashing his missus from time-to-time

one day when the noise gave me the sh.ts, i confronted him and told him to cool it, next i was in an all-in brawl with him and his missus

next day i got charged for causing damage to property and assault

took me a lot of cash and grief to get out of it

the moral of the story is <deleted> them and walk away, i know its cruel but learned it the hard way, there will be no compasion for you

good luck for me was that the landlord refused to renew their lease

Edited January 7, 2005 by kreon

[chingy_]

Strange that so many people have a man's body but do not have a man's mind.

better be strange than being stupit.

[JonJuan]

I don't think you could do much about the couple in the car, except to take down the licence number and get your mrs to call the boys in brown.

As for the father and daughter..... I'd step in for sure..... I would not throw any punches but just try and hold them apart.

Before I came to live in the village my wife told me that there is often a lot of domestic violence in her extented family...... her brother had knocked out his wife's front teeth and her uncles would often get drunk and use their wives as punching bags...... I told her that is one thing I absolutley hate and if I ever witnesed anything like that I would step in.

On the day I moved to the village we had a party and I jokingly told the family they are welcome to have a drink but if there is any wife beating they will have a

very angry farang to deal with and they will never ever be invited to our house again......

So far it's been all quiet on the eastern front.....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[SEAtramp]

Good Samaritan shot whilst trying to help

Shortly after 1.30 a.m. on January 24, Banglamung police were called to the Bangkok Pattaya Hospital following the admittance of two men with gunshot wounds.

Upon arriving at the hospital emergency room police learned the men’s identities and injuries: Vimol Ampueng, 40, the brother of a Chonburi Member of Parliament, had been shot and beaten about the head, and Ghislaiin Backceki, 43, a German national had been shot in the legs; both were unable to talk to police at the time.

Initial investigations revealed that the shooting occurred in front of a small restaurant in the Nong Gateyai area.

Ghislain Backceki was shot in the legs when he tried to help Vimol Ampueng.

According to witnesses the foreigner had tried to help Vimol who was being beaten by 6 drunken youths when one pulled out a gun and shot Backceki and Vimol before fleeing the scene.

Police had to wait for both men to regain consciousness before continuing their investigations but according statements from witnesses, police know the identity of the attackers and are in the process tracking them down.

[pautai]

i did once intervene when i saw a thai women whipping a young child of 3 years on the bare bottom ,it was so vicious that you could not intervene .

it was at a hotel in pattaya. the hotel manager had offered to buy the child off the woman as she was always beating this young boy .

i think he must have grown up with severe problems now.

#

on another occasion when i saw a woman near siam square kicking a young child in the back with a full force , i wish i had intervened.

[pautai]

a brit guy had his head bashed in some years back in BKK when he intervened in an argument , i recall he died of his injuries

[taxexile]

about six months ago , whilst staying with my wifes family in bangkok , (they live in a particularly nasty little sub-soi of a main mid sukhumvit soi) , i saw a (large for a thai) man beating a young woman about the head and body with a baseball bat sized lump of wood , the woman was by now lying on the ground and he was shouting at her and hitting her on the arms and legs , people were just walking by and ignoring it.

my wifes sister started to close the "shophouse folding doors" of the house. i had watched this for a few minutes until a red mist came over me and i felt i had to do something , i am not a muscle bound man by any means and my presence is not threatening , my wife and her sister tried to stop me rushing out of the house , i ran over to them and yelled at this man in thai to leave the girl alone , he stopped hitting her and hurled the piece of wood at me and came after me , i was by now back in the house.

it turns out that this man , known by everyone in the soi (except me !!) is the local muscle , he carries a gun and he "protects the interests" of those who live in this soi , he has committed acts of great violence on people who have upset him in the past and the police will not touch him , and i had just made him look silly in front of other people.

i was hidden away whilst meetings with this thug were held to extricate me from the mess i was now in. i was advised to buy large amounts of the finest scotch and go to his apartment down the soi and apologise profusely for being a stupid farang.

it turns out that the woman he was beating had come into the sub-soi to try and sell drugs on his territory , and after being warned on two previous occasions not to come back this girl had tried her luck and been beaten up for her sins.

in the end, the scotch was not needed , and i just apologised to him for not minding my own business , he yelled at me but i couldnt understand what he was saying , but my father in law told me that i need not live in fear of broken legs.

this is a long winded story to show that you never know what you might be getting involved with , had i not had my wifes family to speak on my behalf then the red mist that came over me when i saw him hitting the girl might have resulted in me being hurt bad like the german in an earlier post.

you dont know who you are dealing with here and i would never intervene again unless one of my family were being threatened.