Something My Bf Mentioned

[eek]

Ok, just interested to read what others think of this comment, because I found it a little offensive (probably more sad about it that offended tbh), and it makes me think about how Thai men may view western women in general.

Some small background on my bf first. He is an educated Thai man. Has his own business(s). Has travelled outside of Thailand (once for a duration of 3 months in Australia and New Zealand). Can speak VERY good English. Next month we will have been together one year.

Today he was feeling a bit sentimental and said something along the lines of "I am so happy that I found you, you have always been good to me and honest with me. Not easy to find that, especially, im sorry to say, in a westerner". At first I said nothing, and mulled over what he said, but a bit later I asked him to clarify a bit what he ment by the "in a westerner" part. He said that from what he has seen in movies and things, it doesnt paint a good picture of women in the west. I said to him that movies are not a good representation of the average western woman and not to believe all he sees on the screen.

I was quite surprised that an educated Thai man would think that way. I had thought he would have been able to separate reality from fiction. Makes me wonder if Thai men in general think about Western women as being "easy" or not as honest or something.

Thoughts?

[eek]

btw, if this is classed as a "Troll" post, im sorry. Im not meaning to Troll, im interested in others thoughts about this, not trying to provoke in any way.

[Chaimai]

btw, if this is classed as a "Troll" post, im sorry. Im not meaning to Troll, im interested in others thoughts about this, not trying to provoke in any way.

The only "Thai" actress I know is Lily Thai (I accept that she was born in USA) and she does not shape my thinking about ALL Thai women.

That is because I can differentiate between TV/DVDs and the real world.

I hope for your sake that your boyfriend can otherwise he may see you as a cross between Kate Winslett and Hilda Ogden.

(that will be lost on anyone outside the UK - feel free to Google Hilda Ogden)

Edited February 18, 2009 by Chaimai

[patklang]

i wouldnt get upset about that comment,after listening to what greeks,turks,indians,jamaicans,spanish,italians say about western women,this made me cringe,but it is true when on holiday and the drink and hot weather takes over.

they are not very complimentary in the slightest,but the girls think its a lovely romance story.

Your bf thought all western women were like that and these other countries certainly think they are like that.

The worst by far are the uk jamaicans,they say uk women are easy and the jamaican women want committment before bedroom party.

[eek]

Im not actually upset, or angry, in any way with him. It just got me thinking that its quite sad if Thai (and from what you say patklang, other nationalities too) have a general negative view of western women.

I guess i have been very naive.

[Boo]

Never had any comment or any kind of indication from my husband or the several very close thai male friends I have made over the years. They don't view movies as real life & don't assume that all characters int he movies are true to life either, same as they undertsnad that thai movies are not real life either & that the characters in them are exaggerated examples of something like real life.

TBH Eek, if my husband had come out with that I'd have quizzed him a bit further & then given him a verbal slap for being such a muppet.

[eek]

haha..tnx boo.

Yeah, im very surprised. Not something I thought id ever hear from him.

A bit too much detail here, but basically at the time I had a bit of a cry about something, bad time of the month and feeling a tad emo! So I wasnt in a clear frame of mind, thats why I asked him about it later.

[neverdie]

Never had any comment or any kind of indication from my husband or the several very close thai male friends I have made over the years. They don't view movies as real life & don't assume that all characters int he movies are true to life either, same as they undertsnad that thai movies are not real life either & that the characters in them are exaggerated examples of something like real life.

TBH Eek, if my husband had come out with that I'd have quizzed him a bit further & then given him a verbal slap for being such a muppet.

Ohh boo, you would not have done such a thing.

You guys are being too sensative, the guy was trying to pass a compliment to his wonderful lady, why do you have to read into that so much and make it so dam_n complicated. Perhaps in due course the OP's man will learn that he should never share his thoughts with his farang sweetheart because the thoughts may be be over examined & turned against him and before you know it, moderators on thai visa are calling for his execution.

Poor guy....go give him a cuddle & tell him uncle neverdie understands him

boo, you better report to my office for your monthly slapping

Edited February 18, 2009 by neverdie

[eek]

Glad this thread is seeing the lighter side, rather than getting too serious!

As I said, i was just surprised, but not angry or anything at him. Just that it got me thinking.

Im not going to turn it against him neverdie, bad man!

Im very glad to read from Boo that this may not be a general viewpoint.

[Boo]

lol, if he had only wanted to give his gf a compliment then he should have left out the "for a westerner" bit.

People can & do get skewed views of other nationalities, you only have to read the some of the dross written about thai people on this forum to know that.

It's only right that she should try to defend or at least correct his prejudice about her country, I'm sure if she said to her bf, "hey, you're alright for a thai man, I am told on thaivisa that they are all lying, cheating, wifebeating, alcoholic, druggies", he would have somethign to say about that

[patklang]

Im not actually upset, or angry, in any way with him. It just got me thinking that its quite sad if Thai (and from what you say patklang, other nationalities too) have a general negative view of western women.

I guess i have been very naive.

I stopped going out with my jamaican friends as they were obnoxious to the english girls especialy blondes for some reason.I cant even say on here what they say,its too offensive.Turks are very bad too,but so are some farangs against thai ladies.Been very close on 3 occasions to giving a slap to a big mouth farang,for talking bad to a thai lady,and a friend of mine actualy did it,knocked him spark out and he fell by a police motorbike,the cop asked why he did it and he said man say bad about thai lady and the cop said well done to him and drove off.we were laughing like mad but the guy had 2 teeth missing so he couldnt laugh much.

No excuse to be nasty,we have one of the best places in the world to live

[Boo]

I rememeber a few years back that Mr Boo said that on teenee & other thai websites there was a lot of talk by younger thai lads wanting to get Japanese gf's cause of the recent popularity of japanese porn & manga comics. Bet some of them were well disapointed when the girls didn't all have giant fake boobs or knew how to weild a samarui sword

Some people just take things they see or are told too literally so it distorts their overall perception. That isn't to say your bf thinks all westeners are bad just that he probably didn't imagne that he could be in a happy relationship with one?

[patklang]

that was very funny Boo

lol.

I like you light side

[neverdie]

Glad this thread is seeing the lighter side, rather than getting too serious!

As I said, i was just surprised, but not angry or anything at him. Just that it got me thinking.

Im not going to turn it against him neverdie, bad man!

Im very glad to read from Boo that this may not be a general viewpoint.

lol, if he had only wanted to give his gf a compliment then he should have left out the "for a westerner" bit.

People can & do get skewed views of other nationalities, you only have to read the some of the dross written about thai people on this forum to know that.

It's only right that she should try to defend or at least correct his prejudice about her country, I'm sure if she said to her bf, "hey, you're alright for a thai man, I am told on thaivisa that they are all lying, cheating, wifebeating, alcoholic, druggies", he would have somethign to say about that

Maybe I could start a topic where all you lovely ladies come and ask me various questions....I could do a column here, right at thai visa....one with a no bs approach, call it as it is style. You know what I mean? Like one of those dear daisy/mary/Oprah things.

I can mix it up with you girls anyday....you might even learn something about the true male psych

Edited February 18, 2009 by neverdie

[Boo]

^^lol, I'll see what sbk says

I like you light side

ya, there is one in there somewhere

[CroBiker]

Perhaps your bf was referring to Anglo-Saxon women. If he can't distinguish between them, latin and slavic women then he isn't that much educated after all.

[eek]

Hmm, you know Boo, his answer was a bit vague when i asked later. I think he may have got a bit embarrassed.

Last year before he knew me he had a really good western male friend who he hung out with a lot. For all i know he may have heard some negative stories to tell and my bf didnt want to mention it. We also both have some western friends, one who is generally a bit anti western-female, which doesnt sit well with me, but he is in his late 70's and he is actually an interesting and lovely man, and not in good health. I worry about him and we often have some nice chats. Maybe my attitude towards him helps dispel negative viewpoints in his old age.

Maybe my bf saying "movies and tv" is only the half-truth, or maybe he didnt really want to tell me why he thought that way.

Hey, but as nevermind mentioned, bit too much over examining is not good too.

Just wanted to dispel any misconceptions my bf may have had based on something as unrealistic as movies, and find out if this was a general view or not.

[eek]

Perhaps your bf was referring to Anglo-Saxon women. If he can't distinguish between them, latin and slavic women then he isn't that much educated after all.

[patklang]

^^lol, I'll see what sbk says

I like you light side

ya, there is one in there somewhere

well let it out more and more lol

[sbk]

Nah, she would have given Mr Boo a slap, I imagine. But then, Mr Boo isn't fool enough to say such a thing. Sounds to me, eek, like someone has been bending mr Eeks' ear and not in a nice way. Sad, but some people proselytize their bigotry.

As for the advice column, neverdie, I wouldn't count on it. But you are, of course, always welcome to join in since you seem such a well-mannered young man

[eek]

Maybe I could start a topic where all you lovely ladies come and ask me various questions....I could do a column here, right at thai visa....one with a no bs approach, call it as it is style. You know what I mean? Like one of those dear daisy/mary/Oprah things.

I can mix it up with you girls anyday....you might even learn something about the true male psych

Dear neverdie,

I have a question which has baffled me for many years.

why do men in general have a hard time finding things?

ie: "where did i put my glasses/pen/watch/etc."

This seems to even be an international and cross cultural issue.

Yours most Sincerely,

Eekers

[eek]

Nah, she would have given Mr Boo a slap, I imagine. But then, Mr Boo isn't fool enough to say such a thing. Sounds to me, eek, like someone has been bending mr Eeks' ear and not in a nice way. Sad, but some people proselytize their bigotry.

As for the advice column, neverdie, I wouldn't count on it. But you are, of course, always welcome to join in since you seem such a well-mannered young man

I suspect you may be right, now i think it over, and his answer was probably just what he could think of off the top of his head, so as not to shed bad light on anyone.

Ah, nevermind!

Happy to let this thread turn into a "Dear neverdie".

[patklang]

Maybe I could start a topic where all you lovely ladies come and ask me various questions....I could do a column here, right at thai visa....one with a no bs approach, call it as it is style. You know what I mean? Like one of those dear daisy/mary/Oprah things.

I can mix it up with you girls anyday....you might even learn something about the true male psych

Dear neverdie,

I have a question which has baffled me for many years.

why do men in general have a hard time finding things?

ie: "where did i put my glasses/pen/watch/etc."

This seems to even be an international and cross cultural issue.

Yours most Sincerely,

Eekers

i know the answer,

because the wife keeps moving the things lol lol

[OxfordWill]

the poor guy just probably heard something at work or from a friend and make a generalisation based on that.. we all do it from time to time. lets not hang him

[eek]

No hanging, but if it something like that is said again, apparently a verbal slapping is ok.

[neverdie]

Maybe I could start a topic where all you lovely ladies come and ask me various questions....I could do a column here, right at thai visa....one with a no bs approach, call it as it is style. You know what I mean? Like one of those dear daisy/mary/Oprah things.

I can mix it up with you girls anyday....you might even learn something about the true male psych

Dear neverdie,

I have a question which has baffled me for many years.

why do men in general have a hard time finding things?

ie: "where did i put my glasses/pen/watch/etc."

This seems to even be an international and cross cultural issue.

Yours most Sincerely,

Eekers

Sorry for the delay in replying to you eek....my internet went off & I initially suspected Boo as the culprit, but it was actually tot! Sorry Boo .

In answer to you're question, the very first question at Dear Neverdie, this is a very strange Phenominem know in laymans terms as the "Boy look/Girls look" theory. I will attempt to explain this in detail & since I possess a doctorite in bullshite, perhaps you will except my theory on this.

The Boy look/Girls look theory is simple. Men often pre-ocupy their thoughts with the important survival type stuff, things like the size of the breasts on the new secretary, the latest centrefold in the ralph magazine, the latest & newest Ducati Superbike, Golf Courses, Sensual massages & the list goes on. As men are very poor multi-taskers it is very difficult to concentrate on simple tasks, such as finding the car keys. Anyway, most men like to keep their thoughts angled towards the important things listed above & re-direct their spouses to the remedial tasks of finding things, making beds & generally anything else that carries any level of responsability!

To simplify this even further, I would like to point you to a friend of mine, HOMER SIMPSON......Are you familiar with the workings of his brain?......most males operate on this level when it comes to finding things.

You may notice in the picture below an example of the typical male brain....you will notice that the section of the brain devoted to memory & looking for things, called the Occiptal Lobe is very miniscule or non existant.

I hope my answer has helped you, remember only Dear Neverdie can be 100% right about all things all of the time, which is amazing because hes not even female.

[eek]

Very informative, thought provoking, and disturbing, neverdie ...thank you.

[bina]

a definately cross cultural phenomona as i work with several arab guys, a mexican guy, and several women ... they consistently cant find anything smaller then a garbage can at work. a five kilo cheese cant be found even if the fridge is empty. five boxes of tomatoes mysteriously disappears behind!! the one box of kolrabi. but they always always find the one last beer in the cola fridge, behind five rows of fruit drinks and water bottles. anon wil always buy more onions cause the onion basket filled with all the sprouting onions that were previously mysteriously hidden was behind a small bottle of rasberry flavoured syrup and he couldnt see it.

how is that?

bina

[Boo]

I have the solution. When husband says "where is the xyz?" I now just say "dunno" (used to get annoyed as I would normally find it within 3 seconds)

But now he is forced to actually look for it or go without, either way leaves me stress free

[endure]

Being serious for a moment there's a book called 'Thailand Fever' by Pirazzi & Vasant which deals with cultural differences. The left-hand page is written in English whilst the right-hand page is the same thing but in Thai. Worth reading.