Wait Or Take The Risk

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

Hi to All,

Have delimma intrested to know your views:

I have known my Thai Girl Friend for over a year, lived together for more than 40 days

and I am very happy with her habbits and heart and I know if i lived with her for a couple more months It would not change my views nor make us more closer as we are very very close and in love.

I am from Europe and i would like to marry her and take her to live with me as I have been offered a job back in my country and I am not a fan of distant relationship.

she always tell me that she will love the same in Europe too and will adopt to the new enviroment and basically there is no way I can be sure of that that until she is with me in Europe.

Is it too fast or should I take the risk of marrying her ?

your views appreciated and would definitly be very helpful for me

and we have not met in a bar we worked as teachers in a same school.

Kind regards

Edited March 15, 2009 by incrediblebutnotinterested

[Pakeha]

I'd recommend waiting for another 5 years and then deciding if you still want to marry her. If you're in love and are going to spend the rest of your lives together why rush into it? What's the hurry?

[pattaya_girl]

Wait a bit, its far too soon..

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

I'd recommend waiting for another 5 years and then deciding if you still want to marry her. If you're in love and are going to spend the rest of your lives together why rush into it? What's the hurry?

I have been offered a job back in my country and I am not a fan of distant relationship

Thanks for ur reply

[Sabum]

Oh man here we go AGAIN. Look, why so delusionsal? Theres nothing you wont learn in another 2 months that you dont already know? Maybe the huge divorce rate in most countries points at a possibility you WILL discover more and youre feelings could possibly change. WAIT, just give it more time..... for the love of god WAIT. Living with someone for 40 tiny days is still the honeymoon phase, you don't know squat about this woman, the real her. You don't have to be me but I spend YEARS with a woman before even thinking of marriage. People that rush into things are being foolish, marriage isnt something you should take lightlty.

[britmaveric]

Wait a few years before you think of marriage. I'd have her over on an extended holiday and see how she likes europe before proceeding.

[Pakeha]

I have been offered a job back in my country and I am not a fan of distant relationship

Thanks for ur reply

It shouldn't make any difference if you are married or not. I spent a year apart from my partner after we met and we waited and made it work for that difficult year. Was it easy? No. Was it worth it? Yes. We've now been together 6 years and are getting married in less than a month . Marriage won't make anything easier or better. It'll just be what we in my homeland call 'blowing your bolt'.

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

Oh man here we go AGAIN. Look, why so delusionsal? Theres nothing you wont learn in another 2 months that you dont already know?

I am Going back to my country and suppose even after sometime I come back and live with her for a month I do not think that would make me know the real her and she has also stated to me that she is willing to wait me for another 3 years.

[SoiGirlHunter]

I'd wait, too soon

If u end up losing her there are tons more pu ying

[Pakeha]

I'd wait, too soon

If u end up losing her there are tons more pu ying

That's so true. But he wants this one . You got to respect that Soi Girl Hunter. You were like that once too before you got burnt remember

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

Wait a few years before you think of marriage. I'd have her over on an extended holiday and see how she likes europe before proceeding.

I would consider the holiday. We have talked about marrying and live apart for sometimes and she is fine with that. She wants her family to know that I am serious with her and she will have future with me. thanks for reply

Edited March 15, 2009 by incrediblebutnotinterested

[craigrs]

Well one thing not said in this thread was will she happy in your home land? My wife has been america 3 days and i know if she lived here she would be very sad(like most thai girls) She will stay for 6 months we was lucky enough(another problem) to get her a visit visa to come to ameirca.. I am trying to make her feel at home(now thats a joke) bought her a rice cooker and went to china town in NY.. She is cold and hungry..LOL

bring her for a few weeks and see if she likes.. Then get ready for the thai marry and the cash gift!

Edited March 15, 2009 by craigrs

[sassienie]

Put her to the test.

Tell the girl you love her and wish to take her to your home country.

Get introduced to the family and all the rest of it.

Than see how long it takes before she or her family ask you for money.

If there are no demands for money, than marry the girl.

A fool never listens to advice or uses common sense, they only learn by experience.

[sassienie]

Sorry, submitted a duplicate post in error.

Edited March 15, 2009 by sassienie

[TruthWillOut]

I have known my Thai Girl Friend for over a year, lived together for more than 40 days

and I am very happy with her habbits and heart and I know if i lived with her for a couple more months It would not change my views nor make us more closer as we are very very close and in love

Mate if you are having to ask this on an internet forum then you probably not ready for a wife. I've been with someone for years & still learn something new on a regualr basis. 40 days, I've had food in the fridge longer than that.

[scottyd]

Well I must disagree with all other posters.

I suggest you bring her to live with you in your country, see how it goes, if everything turns out well, you will live happy ever after.

If things turn out not so good, well it's a learning experience and you can choose to learn from it.

Go for it mate, but just be prepared.

[LadyHeather]

Nothing like the romance of instant love

Good luck young man, I think you are going to need it.

[RAZZELL]

Take her on a visit visa for 6 months or whatever is applicable to your country.

Wait another year or so and then think about it.

Good luck

RAZZ

[henryalleman]

You talk about the risks for yourself. But if you really love the girl you should consider the risks for her.

She have to leave her job.

What will happens with her when things don't work out between the 2 of you. She will probably lost her job, and than?

She can say that she is willing to adopt a new environment, but this is meaningless because she have no clue about life in Europe. Did you tell her the truth about life in Europe, or did you only tell about the good things. And make its seems like Europe is some kind of paradise.

Because European lifestyle is completely different. Thai people don't realize, that over here its each men or women for itself. Working in Thailand have an 'jay yen yen' attitude, this is not so over here with that attitude they throw you out after 1 hour.

Does she knows that it will be almost impossible to find a good job for her. Certainly in the beginning. Does she realize that her university degree has no value what so ever in Europe. I Know a single Thai girl from a well off family with an Master degree in economics who works as an shop assistant in a Thai supermarket. When her parents came to visit her, the mother cried for 2 day's when she saw the life of her daughter.

The best job she can have over here is room maid in some hotel, with an working schedule that is almost inhuman for Thai people, or work in some Thai restaurant as kitchen help or as a cleaning lady somewhere.

In Thailand she was respected because she was Ajan, in Europe, people will look at her as an foreigner from some poor backward country who was a bar girl in Pattaya, and she lured someone to take care of her and her family. Maybe many of your family, friends and co-workers will not believe she was an teacher in Thailand, maybe not in your face but on your back. And believe me women have a 6th sense to it. Certainly when they come in an alien surrounding and already very sensitive.

Did you told her that.

Are you prepared and able to take care of her, meaning Financially and emotionally. And don't underestimate the emotional part, because she will be homesick the first years this is a 100% certain. Does she have some financial responsibilities in Thailand, if she can not find a job are you willing to take them over from her. Did she told you what kind of life she expect to have in Europe. You should dig deeper to find out what are her real expectations when she will live in Europe, and correct them if the are unrealistic. it will avoid a lot of problems and dissapointments for the 2 of you

Most of us oldies know that communication skills of Thai are not that great, the oldies in this topic will confirm that most of the time we speak on 2 total different levels, Its take years to master to understand the real meaning of what has been said.

You wrote that you will return back home. So is it not better that you organize your life first before you take her with you. IMHO you should invite her next year during Thai school holiday so she loose nothing and have a time to look around an touch the real life in Europe, because you will have to work that moment.

And after all what is 1 year in a humans life, in the modern world of communication you can chat, this is the best way to talk some more, and find out if your mutual feeling don't change. And if you relation can't survive it, its meaning it was not genuine.

Maybe I make it too grim, but its the only way to make a clear statement and let you to understand the reality.

I promised myself not to comment this kind of topics anymore, because nobody listen to the advise given, but you seems somebody who seek some genuine advice.

Edited March 15, 2009 by henryalleman

[Moonrakers]

What is the point of asking on here?

I could tell you about my marriage, about how I recognised that I had a good one and snapped her up as soon as I could and we where married in little over a year.

5 years later we are still happily married and with no indication that it will change anytime soon, I took 'the risk' and it worked out for me. All very good but everybody is different and so if you take my post as a suggestion that you should get married then you would be a fool as so many more 'quick' marriages are likely to fail.

One thing to note though is that when I made the decision to pop the question I didn't need to ask advice from anybody because my mind was made up, therefore if you feel the need to ask a bunch of complete strangers on an internet forum, whom know neither you or your GF whether or not you should marry then you simply just are not convinced yourself yet are you??? Therefore I think you have your answer.

[473geo]

You talk about the risks for yourself. But if you really love the girl you should consider the risks for her.

She have to leave her job.

What will happens with her when things don't work out between the 2 of you. She will probably lost her job, and than?

She can say that she is willing to adopt a new environment, but this is meaningless because she have no clue about life in Europe. Did you tell her the truth about life in Europe, or did you only tell about the good things. And make its seems like Europe is some kind of paradise.

Because European lifestyle is completely different. Thai people don't realize, that over here its each men or women for itself. Working in Thailand have an 'jay yen yen' attitude, this is not so over here with that attitude they throw you out after 1 hour.

Does she knows that it will be almost impossible to find a good job for her. Certainly in the beginning. Does she realize that her university degree has no value what so ever in Europe. I Know a single Thai girl from a well off family with an Master degree in economics who works as an shop assistant in a Thai supermarket. When her parents came to visit her, the mother cried for 2 day's when she saw the life of her daughter.

The best job she can have over here is room maid in some hotel, with an working schedule that is almost inhuman for Thai people, or work in some Thai restaurant as kitchen help or as a cleaning lady somewhere.

In Thailand she was respected because she was Ajan, in Europe, people will look at her as an foreigner from some poor backward country who was a bar girl in Pattaya, and she lured someone to take care of her and her family. Maybe many of your family, friends and co-workers will not believe she was an teacher in Thailand, maybe not in your face but on your back. And believe me women have a 6th sense to it. Certainly when they come in an alien surrounding and already very sensitive.

Did you told her that.

Are you prepared and able to take of her, meaning Financially and emotionally.

You wrote that you will return back home. So is it not better that you organize your life first before you take her with you. IMHO you should invite her next year during Thai school holiday so she loose nothing and have a time to look around an touch the real life in Europe, because you will have to work that moment.

And after all what is 1 year in a humans life, in the modern world of communication you can chat, this is the best way to talk some more, and find out if your mutual feeling don't change. And if you relation can't survive it, its meaning it was not genuine.

Maybe I make it too grim, but its the only way to make a clear statement and let you to understand the reality.

I promised myself not to comment this kind of topics anymore, because nobody listen to the advise given, but you seems somebody who seek some genuine advice.

What a great piece of well reasoned, well thought out advice.........well done Henry.

[hnka]

Hi to All,

Have delimma intrested to know your views:

I have known my Thai Girl Friend for over a year, lived together for more than 40 days

and I am very happy with her habbits and heart and I know if i lived with her for a couple more months It would not change my views nor make us more closer as we are very very close and in love.

I am from Europe and i would like to marry her and take her to live with me as I have been offered a job back in my country and I am not a fan of distant relationship.

she always tell me that she will love the same in Europe too and will adopt to the new enviroment and basically there is no way I can be sure of that that until she is with me in Europe.

Is it too fast or should I take the risk of marrying her ?

your views appreciated and would definitly be very helpful for me

and we have not met in a bar we worked as teachers in a same school.

Kind regards

Take your time. If you are in love, then what's the rush. You will not see her true colours in just more than 40days of living together. Otherwise, live together for a while longer without tying the knot and then go from there.

Seriously, DON'T rush into marriage!

[petermik]

Hi to All,

Have delimma intrested to know your views:

I have known my Thai Girl Friend for over a year, lived together for more than 40 days

and I am very happy with her habbits and heart and I know if i lived with her for a couple more months It would not change my views nor make us more closer as we are very very close and in love.

I am from Europe and i would like to marry her and take her to live with me as I have been offered a job back in my country and I am not a fan of distant relationship.

she always tell me that she will love the same in Europe too and will adopt to the new enviroment and basically there is no way I can be sure of that that until she is with me in Europe.

Is it too fast or should I take the risk of marrying her ?

your views appreciated and would definitly be very helpful for me

and we have not met in a bar we worked as teachers in a same school.

Kind regards

Patience is a virtue-fools rush in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

Put her to the test.

Tell the girl you love her and wish to take her to your home country.

Get introduced to the family and all the rest of it.

Than see how long it takes before she or her family ask you for money.

If there are no demands for money, than marry the girl.

A fool never listens to advice or uses common sense, they only learn by experience.

I have been introduced to her family and till now there have not been any demand for money

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

Well one thing not said in this thread was will she happy in your home land? My wife has been america 3 days and i know if she lived here she would be very sad(like most thai girls) She will stay for 6 months we was lucky enough(another problem) to get her a visit visa to come to ameirca.. I am trying to make her feel at home(now thats a joke) bought her a rice cooker and went to china town in NY.. She is cold and hungry..LOL

bring her for a few weeks and see if she likes.. Then get ready for the thai marry and the cash gift!

yes that is one way to make sure that she can cope with the new enviroment.... one of her best friends married and lives in my country for almost 5 years and have 2 children and My girlfriend always tell me about her and how she too can be happy same in my country.

[asiasurfer]

Oh man here we go AGAIN. Look, why so delusionsal? Theres nothing you wont learn in another 2 months that you dont already know? Maybe the huge divorce rate in most countries points at a possibility you WILL discover more and youre feelings could possibly change. WAIT, just give it more time..... for the love of god WAIT. Living with someone for 40 tiny days is still the honeymoon phase, you don't know squat about this woman, the real her. You don't have to be me but I spend YEARS with a woman before even thinking of marriage. People that rush into things are being foolish, marriage isnt something you should take lightlty.

One good thing is that Mr. Incredible has mentioned that he didn’t meet her in a bar.

I also did NOT meet my wife in the bar. Before we got married we spend effectively three weeks together!!! Seven years onwards we are still living happily together and have two kids.

It all depends on the right feelings and you need a teaspoon of good luck…

Go for it Mr. Incredible

[asiasurfer]

Well one thing not said in this thread was will she happy in your home land? My wife has been america 3 days and i know if she lived here she would be very sad(like most thai girls)

Yes, Craigrs is actually right about that. Most Thai women are not happy outside Thailand.

[Maizefarmer]

... well there you have it: without exception the advise is wait.

Come back in 3 - 5 years time and tell us the relationship is going strong .........?? my guess is 3/4's of folk, all of whom feel now just as you do, will be divorced/seperated - and if there are kids involved, it can become real messy.

[Hawaiian]

Difficult to say whether she will be happy living in Europe. We live in a multi-ethnic community and have a climate similar

to Thailand. The wife has many Thai friends living in our neighborhood. They get together at least several times a week

to cook, eat and socialize. Of course my wife misses Thailand, but she phones her family once a week and goes back home to visit once a year. She gets along very well with my family and my mother treats her like her daughter.

There are many factors that can affect how well a relationship works. My wife is allowed and encouraged to pursue her

hobbies such as tending to her orchids, anthuriums, vireyas and Thai herbs. I make a special effort to see that our pantry

never runs out of ingredients for Thai cooking. In other words, it's the many little things that count.

Another thing is that whenever we are in public people do not stare because we are a mixed couple. Here in Hawaii that is

quite common and getting to be the norm. Hope this gives you some insight.

[Pierrot]

There are a few things to consider.

First maybe wait for a few more month of shared life could be good idea.

Then as a few posters already said, there is the "expatriation" factor, and it goes both ways. Are you sure your gf will like to live in your country? But also people with experience of long terme expatriation can talk about it, you are a different person here than you are in your home country. Are you sure your gf will like the person you are back home ?

Edited March 16, 2009 by Pierrot