Should The Farang Pay

[goodheartman]

Am I the only one on this forum that is depressed by the fact that most farang just seem obsessed by money and the fear that everyone in the world is trying to scam them from their money??

No, I am depressed also.

Missus works in a 7/11 that money goes straight into her parents account.

When we visit them every two months, money no longer changes hands, i.e. me giving to them via her.

In the Thai way the daughter is taking care of mama and papa. I take care of their daughter.

Never been asked these past few yaers except for BBQ when all the relatives and nieghbours come around.

To the original OP. I would make an offer of 50 or 66% on seeing the bills, that way you are doing more than half, your wife keeps face up to the others on keeping theirs in front of her?

Pom song satang

you should be depressed. can you say ATM! you make it hard for me to find a upcountry girl to love and cherish. they all think i atm like you.

[tmd5855]

Am I the only one on this forum that is depressed by the fact that most farang just seem obsessed by money and the fear that everyone in the world is trying to scam them from their money??

No, I am depressed also.

Missus works in a 7/11 that money goes straight into her parents account.

When we visit them every two months, money no longer changes hands, i.e. me giving to them via her.

In the Thai way the daughter is taking care of mama and papa. I take care of their daughter.

Never been asked these past few yaers except for BBQ when all the relatives and nieghbours come around.

To the original OP. I would make an offer of 50 or 66% on seeing the bills, that way you are doing more than half, your wife keeps face up to the others on keeping theirs in front of her?

Pom song satang

you should be depressed. can you say ATM! you make it hard for me to find a upcountry girl to love and cherish. they all think i atm like you.

You are correct they think you ATM lol. After 6 years of observation, 3+ plus with daddies girl. She is an ATM for them. Me an ATM for her. If you can speak the language, not need a translator you can get a better understanding of their physce?

I apologise "Kaw Tot, Pom Sia jai" On making your life hard, not finding the up country girl to love and cherish must be torturous for you. Please do not be bitter, twisted or cynical. You should be happy, you are in the land of smiles 555 555 555

[loong]

Am I the only one on this forum that is depressed by the fact that most farang just seem obsessed by money and the fear that everyone in the world is trying to scam them from their money??

I don't actually think that the theme of this thread is scamming.

I also think that it's not a case of Farang being obsessed with money, it's a question of fairness.

My money has not been easy to come by and I don't see why I should just give it away, without considering the circumstances.

If my gf's father was to get sick, none of the family has any money, so I would have to pay, if I am able.

But I do get pissed off with so many Thais attitude to money.

My gf's sister borrowed 10,000 Baht to help finish her house. Most of the money for the house has come from her father and he is now broke and retired. With no current income she still managed to gamble 800 Baht (borrowed) on the lottery 2 weeks ago. I have just found out that she has gambled 700 Baht on the lottery today. That 700 Baht came out of the money that I have lent her.

It's examples like this that gets up the nose of Farang and makes them reluctant to help people who will not help themselves. How can somebody with no current income gamble 1,500 Baht in 1 month? I feel sorry for her husband, he's such a decent hardworking man, lumbered with a lazy, gambling drunk for a wife.

[goodheartman]

they can do it coz thers a farang in the family!

[samuibeachcomber]

It should be shared equally, I feel.

If you feel inclined to help with the bill, tell the family you will help. That does not mean you will foot the whole bill See the bills yourself from the hospital. Check the dates to make sure they are current and not old bills produced from the depths of some hidey hole.

Agree with you.If it was me i would agree to go thirds,but to protect myself i would go to the hospital and find out the monthly costs so i knew i was n't feeded BS.Thais will always expect the farang to pay the full cost,and IMO that is not on.And i would keep my hand in my pocket until i knew what the in laws were going to do.Put the ball back in their court and i bet you they will do nothing and just hope the guilt gets the better of the farang.

[TAWP]

OP: Unless the person was close to me I wouldn't pay when there are closer relatives around that could do it.

[h90]

Tell them you're a firm believer of non-traditional medicines and healing and buy him a box of Zen meditation stones and mini sand garden from a gift shop like say Loft at Siam Discovery.

Sorted.

Buy that and a bottle black label and let the man decide if he prefers the hospital or the Zen meditation stones + black label

[barky]

It's difficult to do, but try to imagine a role reversal. Your father needs some kind of major surgery and doesn't have any health care. You, fortunately, have married into a wealthy family. Where you make $30,000 per year, your wife is pulling well over $300,000. While you have maybe $5,000 in savings, your wife have has $500,000. You do have siblings, but they have kids, low end jobs, and are struggling just to make ends meet. Would you consider asking your wife to help out with the medical costs or would your father end up going untreated?

In general I tend to agree with this fair and logical approach, however, it is my observation that many Thais are obsessed with money and wouldn't give you a penny if the "shoe was on the other foot".

Having said that, in all fairness, and as somebody else has said , if you genuinely feel part of the family, then you should contribute to a level that is proportionate to your ability.

And, if you are rich, and money is not an object, then pick up the whole tab on the proviso that the old fella goes into rehab.

Separately, it never ceases to amaze me the frequency of westeners getting themselves into marriages with poor, low class, ill-educated Thais. You are immediately setting yourself up for a fall. I mean it's not as if you hadn't been warned like about 1,000 times!

[goodheartman]

Separately, it never ceases to amaze me the frequency of westeners getting themselves into marriages with poor, low class, ill-educated Thais. You are immediately setting yourself up for a fall. I mean it's not as if you hadn't been warned like about 1,000 times!

this is what needs to be investigated.

why go for poor and uneducated when there are hiso thai chinese babes out there?

ive said a 1000 times only poor low skooled will marry farang as a general rule.

hiso dont want sketchy man as a non thai husband.

[longstebe]

Ok guys just to clear a few things up.

The father does not continue to drink.He is on the 30baht deal.He does not gamble because he cannot see and walk by himself properly.I am not talking 1000's a baht here just some overnight stays and medicine and food.I have to go along with GuestHouse first post and Loong.Like I say before I dont mind helping out, its family, but its all about getting the right balance how much you contribute without people walking all over you.

[jts-khorat]

In general I tend to agree with this fair and logical approach, however, it is my observation that many Thais are obsessed with money and wouldn't give you a penny if the "shoe was on the other foot".

Having said that, in all fairness, and as somebody else has said , if you genuinely feel part of the family, then you should contribute to a level that is proportionate to your ability.

The OP talks about the father of his wife being severely sick. How much closer in family can this get?

If your own father would be seriously sick, would you not wish your wife being a part in helping? As she might not have financial means (and her family also not, proportionally), this could mean giving care and spending time or being concerned.

If you have married a woman who values her father highly, but you do not have an emotional relationship to him that would include automatically helping for a hospital stay (ven if the father in essence brought it about himself), maybe then the real worry is not how much money should be paid, bot how weak are your social values to begin with? How much in this relationship is purely for your own egoistic needs and satisfaction? Marrying a woman should, in my opinion, include sharing interests and worries, especially if they are in such a close circle of family.

A different matter would be if we are talking gambling debts, nephews of fourth degree, sick cows, the 20th time you helped with the same avoidable problem, etc.

Another point: if you already start to worry if you will get your "fair share" of help back, you definitely have not made a good choice in your partner. Again, fair share would mean not the identical amount of money, but proportional help. And yes, I would expect that from my family from the other side without feeling the need to question it already before the need has arisen. It is called trust.

[jts-khorat]

Yes, but it should be pointed out that Guttama Buddha left his wife and child and broke contact with his parents and never supported any family member financially - so probably not the best example.

One might assume wife and son were financially secure regardless, being part of the noble elite.

Siddhartha, destined to a luxurious life as a prince, had three palaces (for seasonal occupation) especially built for him. His father, King Śuddhodana, wishing for Siddhartha to be a great king, shielded his son from religious teachings or knowledge of human suffering. Siddhartha was brought up by his mother's younger sister, Maha Pajapati.

As the boy reached the age of 16, his father arranged his marriage to Yaśodharā (Pāli: Yasodharā), a cousin of the same age. Though this is the traditional account, an early source casts doubt as to the historicity of his married life. According to the traditional account, in time, she gave birth to a son, Rahula. Siddhartha spent 29 years as a Prince in Kapilavastu. Although his father ensured that Siddhartha was provided with everything he could want or need, Siddhartha felt that material wealth was not the ultimate goal of life.

According to other parts of the canon, the Buddha married the daughter of a rich merchant; in any case, no financial hardship was to be expected. That he broke contact is also not quite correct:

His son Rahula also joined the sangha at the age of seven, and was one of the ten chief disciples.

[Neeranam]

The wifes father is poorly. This is due to hammering the sh!t out of the whisky and whatever else.

Sometimes he needs to stay overnight in hospital but its not a regular thing by all means.I have one brother-in-law(mechanic from home)and one sister-in law(hubby is workin in S'pore).All Thai.

My question is - who should pay the Hospital/medication bills and food for him every month?

The "farang" shouldn't pay. Your wife should pay some and her brother some.

Is your money your wife's money?

[longstebe]

The OP talks about the father of his wife being severely sick. How much closer in family can this get?

If your own father would be seriously sick, would you not wish your wife being a part in helping? As she might not have financial means (and her family also not, proportionally), this could mean giving care and spending time or being concerned.

If you have married a woman who values her father highly, but you do not have an emotional relationship to him that would include automatically helping for a hospital stay (ven if the father in essence brought it about himself), maybe then the real worry is not how much money should be paid, bot how weak are your social values to begin with? How much in this relationship is purely for your own egoistic needs and satisfaction? Marrying a woman should, in my opinion, include sharing interests and worries, especially if they are in such a close circle of family.

A different matter would be if we are talking gambling debts, nephews of fourth degree, sick cows, the 20th time you helped with the same avoidable problem, etc.

Another point: if you already start to worry if you will get your "fair share" of help back, you definitely have not made a good choice in your partner. Again, fair share would mean not the identical amount of money, but proportional help. And yes, I would expect that from my family from the other side without feeling the need to question it already before the need has arisen. It is called trust.

First of all, I did not use the word 'severely'. Secondly,Who mentioned that I was worrying about 'my fair share of help back'. As for your first full paragraph, I couldn't agree more. Lets not twist things on here.

[jts-khorat]

The OP talks about the father of his wife being severely sick. How much closer in family can this get?

First of all, I did not use the word 'severely'. Secondly,Who mentioned that I was worrying about 'my fair share of help back'. As for your first full paragraph, I couldn't agree more. Lets not twist things on here.

My post was not actually directed on your OP, I did answer more to Barky and in a general sense; too many foreigners here seem to worry about money when they either show obvious lack of moral fiber and social responsibility or are very inept in choosing a good partner to begin with; and a good number of people on this thread are going in this direction by immediately assuming that a plea for help from their spouse and her closest family must be a scam and advise automatically to never give anything.

This was not reflected in your OP, so I am not commenting with this on your specific case.

[robblok]

The OP talks about the father of his wife being severely sick. How much closer in family can this get?

First of all, I did not use the word 'severely'. Secondly,Who mentioned that I was worrying about 'my fair share of help back'. As for your first full paragraph, I couldn't agree more. Lets not twist things on here.

My post was not actually directed on your OP, I did answer more to Barky and in a general sense; too many foreigners here seem to worry about money when they either show obvious lack of moral fiber and social responsibility or are very inept in choosing a good partner to begin with; and a good number of people on this thread are going in this direction by immediately assuming that a plea for help from their spouse and her closest family must be a scam and advise automatically to never give anything.

This was not reflected in your OP, so I am not commenting with this on your specific case.

The thing is once you start helping they will not take care of themselves anymore and always see you as their safety net. When they know they can get into trouble they will take insurance and other things. If your always there to back them up they wont and you are always there to pick up the tab.

I would not have a problem with helping in extra ordinary cases, but i worry about the fact they start to rely on you. Every time my wife has some money her family want a loan for some reason. They expect it from her and its real hard for her to get it back. I just don't want to become part of that cycle that is why i'm really careful with helping.

My wife has even become more careful because of the trouble she is having getting loans repaid. As far as i know there is a 30 baht scheme to help Thais in hospitals and i believe there are other ways that should be exploited first before the farang steps in.

[Geekfreaklover]

Yes, but it should be pointed out that Guttama Buddha left his wifand child and broke contact with his parents and never supported any family member financially - so probably not the best example.

One might assume wife and son were financially secure regardless, being part of the noble elite.

Siddhartha, destined to a luxurious life as a prince, had three palaces (for seasonal occupation) especially built for him. His father, King Śuddhodana, wishing for Siddhartha to be a great king, shielded his son from religious teachings or knowledge of human suffering. Siddhartha was brought up by his mother's younger sister, Maha Pajapati.

As the boy reached the age of 16, his father arranged his marriage to Yaśodharā (Pāli: Yasodharā), a cousin of the same age. Though this is the traditional account, an early source casts doubt as to the historicity of his married life. According to the traditional account, in time, she gave birth to a son, Rahula. Siddhartha spent 29 years as a Prince in Kapilavastu. Although his father ensured that Siddhartha was provided with everything he could want or need, Siddhartha felt that material wealth was not the ultimate goal of life.

According to other parts of the canon, the Buddha married the daughter of a rich merchant; in any case, no financial hardship was to be expected. That he broke contact is also not quite correct:

His son Rahula also joined the sangha at the age of seven, and was one of the ten chief disciples.

Yes, I have read most of the texts, so there is no need to cut and paste from wiki or whatever.

The point is he didn't work or pay finacilally towards his family (if he needed to or not) and therefore it is a poor example to use in this topic. Justification for sponging, basically.

And if you were really Buddhist, that statement would not bother you one bit.

[gaipad]

No no nooo!

My normal middle class Thai girlfriend from Bangkok recommends you that you should either lend your girlfriend the money her daddy needs or that you offer a small amount to help them out but do not pay the whole bill or most of it! This is not your business and when my gf just saw what some other people here wrote that this is part of the Thai culture she got really pissed off.

This is part of the lazy girl culture who usually get together with farangs to have better lifes. Its sad to see many people here who try so hard to justify or find a nice sounding reason instead of facing the reality that they get ripped off. Regular Thai women want and can take care of themselves. This is not the case with lazy women or gold diggers from bars of course.

Edited May 2, 2009 by gaipad

[Birdman]

since you are a fortunate member of TV now, you do not have to ask your gf again about the Thai ways.

[ALFREDO]

-gaipad-

How-where did you met your goldcoin and what is she doing for a (her) living expences?

Thanks, lucky.

[gaipad]

I met her at work in the design studio I was working some years ago. She still works for the design company as graphic designer (making about 30.000 THB/month). By the way she also takes care of some of the hospital expenses of her father who has some liver disease. She is proud to do this and would not want it otherwise. I met her friends and they actually think the same. We are going to marry soon and I will also not have to pay any sin sod because this absolutely outdated even though she comes from a conservative middle class family.

Oh and lucky if you want to get to know some good girls just hang out around noon in business areas. There are lots of really nice girls who are easy going. Check the street food places in Silom for example and chat with some girls there. I also know nice office girls who in fact like older men. One of the best friends of my girlfriend has been with a 60 year old Thai guy from Los Angeles for some time (she didn't get any money or whatever but she likes "daddy" type of partners).

This is not that uncommon. So even if you are older there is the chance to find a lovely, younger Thai lady who has no financial interest in you. Amazing Thailand huh?

Edited May 2, 2009 by gaipad

[eljeque]

Gaipad: Good find!! Congratulations

[Birdman]

What should be the basis of the answer to that???

The financial ability of the OP. If he can afford it, go for it and for all other future family distributions. If not, be a cheapcharly right from the beginning.

[sanook2me]

I met her at work in the design studio I was working some years ago. She still works for the design company as graphic designer (making about 30.000 THB/month). By the way she also takes care of some of the hospital expenses of her father who has some liver disease. She is proud to do this and would not want it otherwise. I met her friends and they actually think the same. We are going to marry soon and I will also not have to pay any sin sod because this absolutely outdated even though she comes from a conservative middle class family.

Oh and lucky if you want to get to know some good girls just hang out around noon in business areas. There are lots of really nice girls who are easy going. Check the street food places in Silom for example and chat with some girls there. I also know nice office girls who in fact like older men. One of the best friends of my girlfriend has been with a 60 year old Thai guy from Los Angeles for some time (she didn't get any money or whatever but she likes "daddy" type of partners).

This is not that uncommon. So even if you are older there is the chance to find a lovely, younger Thai lady who has no financial interest in you. Amazing Thailand huh?

I'm with you dude all the way - there are so many nice/decent girls available here that it amazes me how much is written about gold diggers/scammers etc..

But the likes of me and you who have found a golden coin are little fry here..

Good idea about Silom so many office workers who don't have big families, don't send money home etc.....

But i think you find the guys on here or the ones who hunt BG's don't seem to have interest in this species of Thai girl and prefer the BG's

There loss our gain

[TEFLMike]

I have read this thread with interest.

Please lets get back to basics.

Do you remember the weekly quiz show on UK TV in the 70's?

It was entitled 'For Love Or Money'.

It was a programme, if I remember correctly, that brought together, husband, wife and inquisitive media, to test the participants, if the marriage was really for love or money.

This is nothing new, the world over.

Thailand is no different than any other country.

I rest my case.

EDIT: Adding the fact there was a revamp at a later date... link>>>

http://www.tv.com/for-love-or-money/show/13152/summary.html

Edited May 2, 2009 by TEFLMike

[snuggzzz]

Cheers Mike for reminding me about 'for love or money', you're right about people's nature in Thailand, it fits in with other Countries. With the OP I would suggest a clear look at what expenses need paying and sight of all bills and payments. Who had previously paid them...??

I'm quite lucky my Thai wife has a job and sends money home from her earnings, she lets them know that money is tight and it's not a bottomless pit. No outrageous payments have been requested, I have treated the family to New Year by Sea at Jomtien, they in turn arrive with the food and drink.

I've found that no blanket assumptions can be made, each case must be looked at on it's merits, some replies here indicate swift judgements have been made, however, only the OP (or his wife) knows the full facts...........

[goodheartman]

I met her at work in the design studio I was working some years ago. She still works for the design company as graphic designer (making about 30.000 THB/month). By the way she also takes care of some of the hospital expenses of her father who has some liver disease. She is proud to do this and would not want it otherwise. I met her friends and they actually think the same. We are going to marry soon and I will also not have to pay any sin sod because this absolutely outdated even though she comes from a conservative middle class family.

Oh and lucky if you want to get to know some good girls just hang out around noon in business areas. There are lots of really nice girls who are easy going. Check the street food places in Silom for example and chat with some girls there. I also know nice office girls who in fact like older men. One of the best friends of my girlfriend has been with a 60 year old Thai guy from Los Angeles for some time (she didn't get any money or whatever but she likes "daddy" type of partners).

This is not that uncommon. So even if you are older there is the chance to find a lovely, younger Thai lady who has no financial interest in you. Amazing Thailand huh?

Do these office girls speak english? And are they interested in large hairless, heavy drinking men? Dressed in sandals and tank tops?

[TonySoprano]

Oh and lucky if you want to get to know some good girls just hang out around noon in business areas. There are lots of really nice girls who are easy going. Check the street food places in Silom for example and chat with some girls there. I also know nice office girls who in fact like older men. One of the best friends of my girlfriend has been with a 60 year old Thai guy from Los Angeles for some time (she didn't get any money or whatever but she likes "daddy" type of partners).

daddy issues.

the key to old guys and chubby/big guys getting girls.

[goodheartman]

guys like to give the exceptions to prove the rule wrong. most will not end up with an officw girl from a middle class to hiso thai family.

[coconutmonkey]

I met her at work in the design studio I was working some years ago. She still works for the design company as graphic designer (making about 30.000 THB/month). By the way she also takes care of some of the hospital expenses of her father who has some liver disease. She is proud to do this and would not want it otherwise. I met her friends and they actually think the same. We are going to marry soon and I will also not have to pay any sin sod because this absolutely outdated even though she comes from a conservative middle class family.

Oh and lucky if you want to get to know some good girls just hang out around noon in business areas. There are lots of really nice girls who are easy going. Check the street food places in Silom for example and chat with some girls there. I also know nice office girls who in fact like older men. One of the best friends of my girlfriend has been with a 60 year old Thai guy from Los Angeles for some time (she didn't get any money or whatever but she likes "daddy" type of partners).

This is not that uncommon. So even if you are older there is the chance to find a lovely, younger Thai lady who has no financial interest in you. Amazing Thailand huh?

Neither I had to pay this silly dowry for marriage 3 years ago. My wifes family have given me much more money than I have ever offered. They're not rich. They have paid everything for my wife, give her money monthly to share the rent cost and food. They gave us (her) about 6 rai of rubber plantation land, as long as we paid a small amount for the trees to populate it.

When I visit them down south they don't let me pay for anything... not even 100baht to the market for the chicken that I will eat alone.

This was very different to my previous Thai GF from Isaan area; I had to pay for absolutely everything. Put a business in her name with 30000 baht profit monthly, and she still had her hand out..... hmmm. She then asked for 6000 baht so she could go to Pattaya with her new bi-sexual wealthy Thai boyfriend. I'm glad she did