A Typical Conversation With My Wife

[mario299]

More recently, when I asked her the time:-

Me: What's the time darling?

Her: What, now?

Mine was almost exactly the same.

Me: "Honey, what time is it?"

She: "You mean today?"

Me; (somewhat sarcastically, before I understood there is no such thing as sarcasm) "No honey, I mean tomorrow

She: (With the look down the nose to let me know how really stupid I am) "You know I am native Thai Speaker?"

[Hawkman]

In a Private Class

Me: So what vocabulary do we associate with Business or Work?

Student: Marketing

Me: Yes, very good. Anything else?

Student: Enter P*nis

Me: Urrhhh, sorry, I may have misheard you, could you repeat it?

Student: Enter P£nis (bit louder)

Me: En-ter?

Student: P£NIS

Me: Can you spell it?

Student: E-N-T-R-E-P-R-E-N-E-U-R-S

[rideswings]

Ive learned that one letter can make a big difference in communications. A few years ago I was having a messenger chat session with a Thai girl and I wanted to tell her that she had a beautiful smile. So with the little Thai that I knew I wrote, "Jim suay." When she read it she started laughing, and then asked her roommates to come over and see what I wrote. I thought she was just impressed that I was so sweet, but what it turned out to be was that instead of telling her she had a lovely smile, I told her she had a lovely vagina. I should have written Yim suay, not Jim suay. Thats when I decided to not try to learn any more Thai and stick to English which I think I have a pretty good grasp of. True story!

Edited October 28, 2011 by rideswings

[enyaw]

another one that makes me laugh is when talking to someone and they say "I'm so boring", meaning to say I'm so bored Yes, dear, you are, goodbye!

Also I found out once: you're boring (whilst wavin' 2 fingers in your face)? can also mean: would you like to go ten pin bowling?

Edited October 28, 2011 by enyaw

[monty1412]

yep funny post from OP, some of the lost in translation situations are so hilarious. I remember once in Samui I passed by a laundrette sign "Drop your trousers here for best results", the funny thing is that the one up the street had also a "private room", should you have wanted some hanky panky, whilst your laundry got washed. One thing that I have noticed with Thais is that they're unable to pronounce or spell the word tired, invariably the say tried. Dunno why

Love all of these.....

Travelling with girlfriend recently in car back from Khao Sok

her... abooooout when we stop fetterol

Me.. what

Her.. I want to know

Me.. know what

Her ..., abooooout

Me.. yes got that..

Her..... when

Me.. when what

Her.... when we stop fetterol

Me... I dont know where Fetterol is... cant see it on map.

Her ... they not have on map ( statement)

Me.. so do you know where it is

her.. no

Her... Honeyyyy I need toilet

Me .. Ok we have to stop for petrol soon anyway.

Her.. why you not tell me that when I ask..

Me ( finally dawning).. Oh you were asking when we stop for petrol..... honey just call it benzene Ok it will be easier on all of us.

have to laugh and just makes me like her all the more.

Contrast that to previous life with farang wife.

Her.. your driving too fast

Me.. No im not

her.. well it feels it... I need to go toilet at next gas station

Me.. shit we just stopped 30 minutes ago can you wait till I need to fill up again

Her.. no I cant

Me ... well why didn't you go back there

Her.. cause I didn't need to

Me.. Ok Ill stop at next gas station and have a smoke

Her you smoke too much

Me... no i dont

Her .. well I think you do.

Me.. does it matter if a i have smoke while your having a pee

Her suppose not

Me Ok next station is probably up road some Ill stop there OK

Her.. ok thanks and your still driving too fast.

Its all good.....

[23423981]

I once asked a Korean woman what kind of a car her son was driving.

She replied, "Porno". She meant (Toyota) 4RUNNER.

[Pacificperson]

My wife asked if I wanted some "B ba" to drink. I asked what? She said "V-ba juice." I finally figured out that she was asking if I wanted some V-8 juice as ba is eight in Mandarin. It is still V-ba in our house.

Edited October 28, 2011 by Pacificperson

[glomp]

On the subject of fridges or freezers. From a previous post a "fish" is a fridge.

Is this from some thai/english semi translation or some such?

I was recently an idiot for not knowing what a "bock fish" was.

I don't know how fridge turns in to that. Must be some other word or close word they mean?

[maiphedmaiaroi]

My wife used to also say to me............."Do you think im speak doot" always during a argument.

Now i used to think it was some kind of mix between english and thai.

Speak (english of course) doot sounds like dtòot (thai for butt) So for some reason i used to think it was her saying "do you think i speak from me arse"

After about a year i found out she meant.......Do you think im STUPID

SPEAK DOOT = STUPID lol

Oh and dont get me on the Lestuland.

[klikster]

Mine was almost exactly the same.

Me: "Honey, what time is it?"

She: "You mean today?"

Me; (somewhat sarcastically, before I understood there is no such thing as sarcasm) "No honey, I mean tomorrow

She: (With the look down the nose to let me know how really stupid I am) "You know I am native Thai Speaker?"

Brilliant comeback!

[hedonist44]

thats what you call inter racial marriage. at least your wives try to speak your language!! Any chance you can put the paper and beer down and try to reciprocate in Thai - Nah no fcking chance lazy spoilt barsterads. Flame on I dont care the truth hurts

Your not worth flaming.

[ludditeman]

My gf was always hunting for her "bar clothes"

It took me months of wondering if she had a secret job, before I realised she was talking about her bra.

Don't say "bar clothes dear, not nice, it's BRA"

[onionluke]

When I stagger in on occasion my wife says " Oh not enough drink ! ".

[theblether]

thats what you call inter racial marriage. at least your wives try to speak your language!! Any chance you can put the paper and beer down and try to reciprocate in Thai - Nah no fcking chance lazy spoilt barsterads. Flame on I dont care the truth hurts

Your not worth flaming.

+1

[mccw]

^tie-red

[dimplejoe]

My wife speaks English well but we still have our moments.

One evening she rang to say she would be home in half an hour and did I need anything from 7/11 on the way.

Nearly out, I replied "just some cigarettes please".

She came home and presented me with a couple of Mars Bars, having heard "just some chocolate please".

On her first visit to the uk at a family dinner one evening, she was asked what she liked best about me.

There was a pause while she translated the question and answer in her head and with all eyes upon her she smiled and said "He very very horny".

This met with a bit of a communal gasp, disapproving looks and a stunned silence.

Realizing she had made some sort of gaff she quickly went on to say "He not talk lie - always horny"

[richard_smith237]

My Wife enjoys yoga....

One evening she came home highly amused after coming exceptionally close to embarrassing herself...

Apparently in Yoga there is something called the 'Camel Pose'...

When talking with the Western Teacher (if that's what the Yoga Guru is called) at the end of the class she explained how she was having difficulty with the 'Camel Pose', but instead came very close to telling the teacher how she was having problems with her 'camel toe'....

[richard_smith237]

While driving to a friends place in Khao Yai I was told to drive up the hill past the semen factory.......

[onionluke]

I liked this one - When visiting Glasgow we were at a house party with a rowdy dance floor and loud music( family tradition) so folks were speakin loud and I heard my wife bawling in this girls ear "ah know ah know , it must be hart for you too not speaking English " .

edit ; Relative .

Edited October 30, 2011 by onionluke

[onionluke]

Excuse my overindulgence ,

We just had a laugh about one misunderstanding we all had when my father stayed with us in Macau .

Father; Do you want anything from the shop Pu ?

Wife ; Ye thanks can I have some wai wai .

Father to son (who was quietly minding his own business with a book) What's wai wai ?

Son to father ; oh that's when you show respect to someone older wih a clasp of the hands (gesture).

Father ; Aye but can ye get it at the shops ?

Council; Father ; awright white wine . Certainly .

[Richard W]

On the subject of fridges or freezers. From a previous post a "fish" is a fridge.

I don't know how fridge turns in to that. Must be some other word or close word they mean?

No, it's a consequence of Thai syllable structure. Thai doesn't have initial "fr" - "fr" normally simplifies to "f" in words borrowed from English. Secondly, they have a limited choice of final consonants, so the closest Thai has to these words is "fit" or, as a recent result of many English loans, "fis". The next step in getting to the complexities of English is to be able to say "fish" or "fitch".

[kerryk]

On the subject of fridges or freezers. From a previous post a "fish" is a fridge.

I don't know how fridge turns in to that. Must be some other word or close word they mean?

No, it's a consequence of Thai syllable structure. Thai doesn't have initial "fr" - "fr" normally simplifies to "f" in words borrowed from English. Secondly, they have a limited choice of final consonants, so the closest Thai has to these words is "fit" or, as a recent result of many English loans, "fis". The next step in getting to the complexities of English is to be able to say "fish" or "fitch".

Try feather!

[Litlos]

And to make things really interesting try doing it by telephone. As I work offshore 50% of the time there are a lot of conversations with no visual clues, add in a bit of industrial deafness, poor quality phone lines and bureaucrats doings something unusual and we have this from last month:

Me: Have you got visa yet?

TGF: Yes, but wrong.

Me: What is wrong?

TGF: Date wrong.

Me: Why date wrong?

TGF: Finish 25 November

Me: Are you sure?

TGF; Finish 25 November.

Me: Can you scan and send to me?

TGF: I no scam you.

Me: No, scan and send to me.

TGF: I NO SCAM YOU!!!!

Me: Mai Pen Rai, I see when I get home, OK?

TGF: I no scam you, can you give me song pan Baht for pessle.

Me: Thinking I am not going down the scam path again, OK. Turns out pessle was for my birthday present.

The visa was OK, I asked for 3 months single entry commencing 1st of November, came back as 12 months multi entry with a maximum of 3 months per entry, valid from the 25th of August, hence she thought it finished on 25th of November. I thougt I am pretty good at working the interpretations and looking at all angles after lots of practice, but that one threw me with the embassy giving more than requested.

At the end of the day she speaks and writes Thai, Lao, Isaan dialect and English. I speak English (well Australian) and some Thai, Isaan and Lao. She is far better than me in languages. Now if I can just get her to teach me some more and let me know which language it is she is teaching me I should get better. I have found people from Southern and Bangkok areas do not always understand Isaan dialect and Lao. Oh well the deer in the headlights look again.

[prefabs]

I thought my tgf's English to be pretty good, but this morning she stumped me. I have been suffering flu for a few days and she went to market and came back with some stuff, from which she made a soup. Good for you mysabai, she said. I tried a little of it and said it was OK, she then said I had to wait for the crocodile and left the bedoom. I asked what the crocodile was for and she got fustrated cos she said I listened too quick. Again, she said I had to wait for the crocodile. At this point, I got up and she slowly explained that I had to wait till she "cooka the lice"

[drdaveperry]

I hope when we do have a conversation with our wives or girlfriends we speak to them as we would speak to any native speaker. It is impossible for them to learn the language if we continue to speak "Broken Pigeon English". Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.

[msg362]

thats what you call inter racial marriage. at least your wives try to speak your language!! Any chance you can put the paper and beer down and try to reciprocate in Thai - Nah no fcking chance lazy spoilt barsterads. Flame on I dont care the truth hurts

Jai yen yen, Khun mii Jai dam, Khun mai mii kwam suuk

Enough Thai for you?

Edited October 31, 2011 by msg362

[Cobalt60]

She, Darling, no say urrr

Me, Oh why not?

She, No sound so good

Me, What do you mean, no sound so good? you mean like Loso ?

She, Urrr

Edited October 31, 2011 by Cobalt60

[drdaveperry]

While shopping in Makro today.......

Wife: I want to buy a cheap new digital camera?

Me: I saw one on sale for 1990. Do you want to go look at it?

Wife: Do you mean the year 1990?

Me: Yes dear. I built us a time machine and we are back in 1990.

Wife: Oh, you mean the price

Me: You are so lovely sometimes..............