Worst Joke Ever

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

"Diane, I just don't understand?! I don't have a boyfriend or a husband, I can never get a date and guys just don't seem interested in me. I don't know what's wrong with me."
 "You know what", her friend replied, "I know a Chinese doctor that can help you".
 So, her friend gave her the doctor's address and the next day she went to see him.
 She tells the doctor what her problem was and he proceeded to give her instructions.
 "Take off your crows", the doctor repeated, motioning for her to take off her clothes.
 "Craw to da winow" he said as he got down on all fours to show her what he meant.
 So she crawled to the window.
 "Now craw back to me" he says motioning her to come back.
 "Ah-ha!", he says, "I know what you probem is".
 "Well, doctor, what is it?" she says anxiously.
 "You ave Zachary disease".
 "Zachary disease, what's that?" she asks.

 

 "Well, your face looks Zachary like your butt". 
 

[scottiejohn]

[CantSpell]

[CantSpell]

[CantSpell]

[CantSpell]

[fasteddie]

[CantSpell]

[CantSpell]

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[scottiejohn]

7 hours ago, riceyummm said:

Am I being green but will the driver get "charged" for parking there illegally?

[tifino]

 

My cousin just called and asked if I would loan her $300 to help pay her rent?
Those who know me, know that I'm always willing to help, I told her to let me think about it and I would call her back.
Before I called her back, my aunt rang and told me that my cousin was lying and not to give her the money.
She goes on to say that the real reason my cousin wanted the $300 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she could be under the same roof as him for his birthday.
I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the $300 because we all need help at times.
So, I called my cousin and told her to come and get the money.

A couple of hours later, I get a call from the prison.
It was my cousin crying, screaming and asking why I gave her counterfeit money?
My response...so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday!

 

[Esso49]

[Esso49]

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called 'rodeo'.
 His friend said, "No what is it?"

 "Well, you mount your wife from the back, reach around her and cup her breasts with both hands.

Then you say, 'Boy these are almost as nice as your sister's.

 

 Then see if you can hang on for eight seconds." 
 

[scottiejohn]

[CantSpell]

[tifino]

 

a mate checked out the weekly Trading Post.

 

Found this magically described .63 Merc

Nice cream duco, bright red leather seating

Injected Auto... top notch ride!

Reading on, it says it's for sale at $150

 

hmmm, must check!

so he rings, and a lady answers... (she is in Toorak)

Asked(quizzed) her about the price? as in was it missing a zero, or two?

 

"Oh No!" she replied... "the price is correct!"

 

 

"okay okay why so cheap?" he asks

 

"Well, my husband went off with a girlfriend, leaving me" 

 

"and...?"

 

 

"well, he had called me up and said to sell the car, and give him half"

"so, I am giving him half ($75) "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

p.s. this joke is soooo bad - that it's actually a true story

....; you couldn't make this one up!

Edited September 20, 2018 by tifino

[superal]

37 minutes ago, tifino said:

 

a mate checked out the weekly Trading Post.

 

Found this magically described .63 Merc

Nice cream duco, bright red leather seating

Injected Auto... top notch ride!

Reading on, it says it's for sale at $150

 

hmmm, must check!

so he rings, and a lady answers... (she is in Toorak)

Asked(quizzed) her about the price? as in was it missing a zero, or two?

 

"Oh No!" she replied... "the price is correct!"

 

 

"okay okay why so cheap?" he asks

 

"Well, my husband went off with a girlfriend, leaving me"

 

"and...?"

 

 

"well, he had called me up and said to sell the car, and give him half"

"so, I am giving him half ($75) "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

p.s. this joke is soooo bad - that it's actually a true story

....; you couldn't make this one up!

Did your friend buy it ?  my mouth is aghast with envy .

[tifino]

3 minutes ago, superal said:

Did your friend buy it ?  my mouth is aghast with envy .

yes he did, and he never regretted the joke played on her husband 

 

 

or, technically; 'the joke was on him'

Edited September 20, 2018 by tifino

[billd766]

5 hours ago, tifino said:

 

a mate checked out the weekly Trading Post.

 

Found this magically described .63 Merc

Nice cream duco, bright red leather seating

Injected Auto... top notch ride!

Reading on, it says it's for sale at $150

 

hmmm, must check!

so he rings, and a lady answers... (she is in Toorak)

Asked(quizzed) her about the price? as in was it missing a zero, or two?

 

"Oh No!" she replied... "the price is correct!"

 

 

"okay okay why so cheap?" he asks

 

"Well, my husband went off with a girlfriend, leaving me" 

 

"and...?"

 

 

"well, he had called me up and said to sell the car, and give him half"

"so, I am giving him half ($75) "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

p.s. this joke is soooo bad - that it's actually a true story

....; you couldn't make this one up!

But what a beautiful car.

[CantSpell]

[CantSpell]

[CantSpell]

[scottiejohn]

3 minutes ago, CantSpell said:

But if he had "put it up himself" would he have made a pretty angel on the top of the tree?

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

A convicted con man who was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which the judge remarked,

 

"I should have suspected he wasn't a lawyer. He was always so punctual, seemed to know his subject matter in detail and ever so polite."