Should I Adopt My Stepdaugher?

[Eggmeng]

I suppose "foster daughter" would really be a more accurate term, as her Thai mother and I haven't been together as a couple for years, though we remain partners in a business we founded in 1999, and jointly own its assets. I have been living and working in a nearby country for the past year and half, returning to Thailand almost monthly to see the baby. I always stay with them both, and when I move back to Thailand in two weeks will again be living with them, where I have my own room.

Our little girl is 2 ½ years old, the result of a brief affair my ex had with a Thai man. The less said about him the better, suffice to say he will never be anything but what I call the sperm donor. The mother is determined that he should never have any contact with our little girl as she is convinced any interest he has in her is likely to be opportunistic. She gave him the boot when the baby was just 3 months, having finally accepted the reality that he had another family, about which he had lied from the start. But she had been wanting a child for several years. She asked me to give her one but I declined. Thanks to her fling, she got her wish, and she now lives for this child, as do I.

She is 39 and I am 49. I have never married and have no children of my own. Several years ago before the baby was born, my partner and I put our painful break up behind us for the sake of our business. On the day the baby came I held her, and despite the fact that her biological father was sitting in the same room, I somehow knew she was going to be my daughter. Since then I have spent as much time with her as I've been able. Though she calls me "loong"(old uncle), when asked who her father is, she names me.

Our business is modestly successful, but with recent events in Thailand and mindful of our daughter's future educational needs, sometimes we think about relocating, maybe even to another country. We both have marketable skills, especially my partner who is a highly qualified chef with an excellent and international reputation.

The biological father's name is on the birth certificate, but my partner says she took steps to ensure he could claim no custodial rights. It's not clear to me how she did this. She refuses to take his occasional calls and will under no circumstances allow him to see the child.

We've discussed my adopting our little girl so she can get an American passport. I have no idea what is involved in this and whether the fact that we are not married to one another will be a disadvantage. The chief advantage as I see it, is that we could choose to try to educate her in the States when she is of school age. My partner has a 10 year multiple entry visa for the US which she got about 8 years ago. We have no reason to believe it won't be renewed.

I'm now trying weigh the likelihood and advantages and disadvantages of my adoption. Any help would be appreciated.

[Mario2008]

As I understand your story, you are not married and don't live together with the mother. Also the father is mentioned on the BC. I'm not ure if the father also legitimised the child, as they were not married. The father has to legalise the child by registering the birth himslef at the amphur.

Under these cicumstances I will doubt very much if you will ever be able to adopt the girl under Thai law, let alone under US law. You are seking to adopt someone who will not even be living with you.

[patklang]

Unless you are maried i think that there is little chance.Also i understand that thai law will not allow your daughter some thai rights based on being step daughter to you.

This is only what i have read and you realy need to get somebody professional as this could be a bag of worms.The thai father must have some rights too so check that.

GOOD LUCK MATE

[Eggmeng]

Actually I do live them, when I'm in Thailand. And I would consider marrying my ex for the sake of the child, but only if I felt it was the only way to achieve our dreams for her.

[Mario2008]

Moved to family and children section.

[Mario2008]

The fact that you sometimes live with the cild will help, but not being married will not. There are several other topics on adopting in Thailand.

Have a look here:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Adopting-Tha...er-t170994.html

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Adoption-Thailand-t239619.html

You can use the forum search function to find other topics.

[Livinginexile]

You say her father occasionally calls.

I would try to meet him if possible, maybe he wants to be a father but your g/f is blocking him for fear her daughter will not get a US passport.

Please don't take another mans daughter if you don't know his side of the story.

[patklang]

You say her father occasionally calls.

I would try to meet him if possible, maybe he wants to be a father but your g/f is blocking him for fear her daughter will not get a US passport.

Please don't take another mans daughter if you don't know his side of the story.

Very good point,sounds a pla to me

[Eggmeng]

Patklang, I don't think you read the original post. She is not my g/f. We have not been a couple for years. She is my ex and still business partner. Our relationship is based on loyalty to one another, a need to sustain our business, and our aspirations for our little girl.

Um, I did meet the father. Many times, before the baby was born and after, when he lived with my ex off and on for several months. I'm now told he has at least one family and multiple wives/girlfriends about whom he lied to my partner from the start of their relationship. He has never held a job in his life. When the baby was three months old my ex decided he was a gigolo who perceived her as being rich, and she kicked him out, having given him a chance to prove his sincerity. She even took him to meet her parents at one point, and they strongly disapproved of him.

He has not seen the baby since he was asked to leave, as her mother will not allow it. After he left I made it a point to see her as often as I could, and everyone including the mother, seemed to approve of this.

BTW, for the cynics out there, there is little for my ex to gain financially from my playing the role of the father's child. I do not have any financial resources and my only contribution to her welfare will be the role I continue to play in keeping our business profitable, and whatever I choose to contribute from my earnings as a working person who does not have a high paying job.

In any case the choice is not mine. I was from the start careful not to predjudice my ex against this man because I did not know him, despite the fact that everyone else in her family was despairing about her involvement with him. Finally she decided that he was a potentially dangerous person, and she now worries that if he is permitted to establish a relationship with the little girl, he may try to take her one day in hope of realizing some financial gain from that.

I know only a fraction of what my ex and her family say they have been able to find out about him. I simply stepped it to fill the void, albeit with self interest.

If you are right and my ex is blocking him because she wants a US passport for the baby, when I tell her the only way that is going to happen is if we marry, her reaction should be illuminating.

[Jungian]

I don't think it is even legal to adopt her unless her mother puts her up for adoption at which point you have to go through the process to adopt her and may not qualify.

[Jimjim]

Should you? From all I've read, the answer is no as you aren't even married to the mother.