PTYstefan Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 i am still a young person, and i would need advises from the elder persons, that have more experience. about me a little: i am still aged between 20-30 years. hard working in a companie many years without having a longterm break. the biggest problem i am having is that i do not get along with the staff's that i am working with. when i am having a problem i am mostly sitting in the office concentration and not saying a word or i will stand infront of the door and smoke as many ciggarets that i can in a short time of period. we had a new comer and he just went with the reason that it is my fault that he could not be working with me. sometimes i am confused that i am rejected from work or any one dose not even like me. but why are they still keeping me. at the moment everyone knows that it is hard to find a job. i am confused in what i have to do to make my self better. many people say that i am acting like i am their boss. but still i am trying to explain that i am getting the same ammount of money, i am doing the same the same work as they do. and when i come late i get money cut off. life is missserable when dealing with these thinks on a daily basis.( going on for many years now.) what can i do to make this get better, or what can i do to improve my self. if there is any advise please tell. i will thank all for any advise. regards stefan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintofsilence Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 give up smoking to start with and your workmates might be more friendly towards you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anothertorres Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 (edited) are you working in Thailand? your post is comprehensible but slightly vague. anyway, my advice is to talk to your superior about this situation. things can only get better if you put down the smokes and talk to someone (posting on thai visa doesn't count). Edited June 6, 2009 by anothertorres Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raro Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 attitude springs to mind... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soutpeel Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 You can always find a new job...!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PTYstefan Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 thank you for the advise. i am working in thailand just, talking to the supervisor dose not help much. ( i have tried that all the time) also thank you anothertorres, i know that i am not supposed to do this. but i can not get a way out of this. that is why i am trying to find answers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michaelaway Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 "Practice random acts of kindness..." Chog Di mak mak, krap! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 1. quit smoking. 2. don't arrive late to work. ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joskydive Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 (edited) Why don't you look at what you have written. many people say that i am acting like i am their boss Do you act like their boss and are not their boss? If so, I suggest you take a look at what you are doing to make them want to alienate you. Make a list. i.e. Be civil Request don't demand Please and thankyou go a long way and is certainly better than a grunt Good morning and Good afternoon helps Get to know their names instead of using 'Oi' when you require something. A smile also helps instead of a perpetual frown. It would certainly make you more approachable. Just a thought!!! Edited June 6, 2009 by joskydive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintofsilence Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 with all that smoking you should go and see a dentist and have your teeth and gums cleaned,having bad breath wont help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Explorer Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 1) Smile always and greet co-workers when you meet them in the office. 2) When you need to some assistant or need some stuff to be done, ask nicely. Ask with a smile (always works for me) 3) Try to be interactive with the staff, like ask them to teach some thai (if you need some lessons) and use what they teach on a regular basis while comunicating with them. it will be a fun experience for both parties. 4) Once you got some positive response from the above, treat them for a simple thai dinner near the office after work. just a few ideas... Explorer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PTYstefan Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 thank you very much i have gotten many ideas on how to reack to the people that i am working with. i do not have a long term experience in long bussiness work, (still need to lern) " michaelaway, i think i have to work hard on that,(practice random act of kindness) "joskydive, thinking about this- i am making all the oppisite, i will try to change that. "explorer, i like all the advises, but the problem is number two: 2) When you need to some assistant or need some stuff to be done, ask nicely. Ask with a smile (always works for me) : this was the reson that i am commanding them. ( i will see how i can fix this.) thank you all, this is giving more on an image that i have to be in social living. i am always hiding from eveerything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 stefen, it might be your body language too. Maybe you are saying things in the right way, but your body language may be intimidating, particularly if you are tall. I do not recall reading if you are working with Thai staff or other westerners, but if Thai, then body language is usually even more important. Try not to 'loom' over anyone when asking something, better to crouch down/soften your pose. Keep your tone of voice relaxed too. Gentle, not booming. Also, watch your body space in proximity to theirs. Most people prefer to have bit of personal body space, so dont go too close in when talking (of course not so distant either!). I would say imagine you had an invisible person between you and the person you are talking to to approximately gauge the personal space needed. I dont know if this part is relevant, but if it is, then I hope these tips will help you also. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 i am always hiding from eveerything. ..i just noticed that. Might be then that you are giving the impression that you dont want to talk to anyone. So, they think you are unfriendly. Sadly a person who is shy or lacking in confidence can sometimes be perceived as being rude/impolite or unfriendly. When you try out some of the suggestions, try them out step by step. Im not really sure if its a good idea to suddenly change overnight, particularly if you do not feel comfortable. Its important that you feel comfortable and happy too, not just doing things to make your colleagues feel good. If you usually only talk to them about work-related topics, then, when you talk to them, maybe throw in a few things like "did you have a nice weekend?", etc. Not too many detailed personal questions, but a few to show that you dont just think of them just in terms of work. Also, not sure if relevant, but, maintain eye-contact (a hard one if you are a bit shy/self-conscious). Dont stare, just dont keep looking away when they talk to you. All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanLaew Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Of course, if you are working in the local real estate business, then all suggestions are irrelevant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patklang Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 If your language skills are as good as your typing then maybe that is the reason people look down on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanForbes Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 (edited) If your language skills are as good as your typing then maybe that is the reason people look down on you. My guess is English is not his first language. With a name like Stephan he is likely Scandinavian. If he is different physically, as eek suggested, then that could be intimidating to the other workers. Eek, by far, gave the best replies... as she usually does. I would suggest picking out a supervisor who is the most friendly and explain the problem to him. It ALWAYS helps if you ASK someone a question rather than TELL someone an answer. For example... "Is it better to do it this way? Or this way?" Even if you know the right way the other person has a chance to show THEIR position of authority. Even if you don't NEED help to complete a project it doesn't hurt to ask others for advice. Again, that gives them a feeling of being needed. It is human nature not to be friendly to people who are different. I clearly remember that years ago when working in logging camps where most of the workers were uneducated and I had just come out of university. Being educated was some sort of stigma for a newcommer like myself. Don't be overly pushy and ask too many questions at the start, but just start slowly changing your own personality. It can be done because I've done it myself. Edited June 6, 2009 by IanForbes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beardog Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I would definitely ditch the cigs at least at work- I used to smoke many packs a day when I was a teen & quit. Many people are turned off to a heavy smoker immediately. I myself would stay far away someone that puffs up a lot of butts + not only is it unsightly , but it makes you reek a stench of death when chain smoking. I know I was that dude many years back. Try being sincerely cordial with your co-workers. Being humble is an amazing attribute that will draw people in - instead of blowing them out. I have been the boss for many years & found even as a boss not knowing everything & listening to what others had to say( especially underlings) It gathers a lot of respect & people will view you as a stand up kinda guy! Always try to be as neutral as you can. The perception that others will have will usually be viewed in a better light. and when you are writing remember spell check is a wonderful thing! All bosses tend to look at good writing skills as a person with a higher level of esteem. I still to this day find sand bagging & understating what I know in any field of topic I am engaged in not only makes me a good listener & garnishes more Kudos & by doing that I am also receptive to learning some new & useful later! And be yourself if you act insecure it will show & that in itself tends to draw a negative air about you. Good Luck anything can change if your attitude is right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulh1978 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 smoke around the corner and look for a new job ps there loads out there if you look Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cognos Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 1. quit smoking.2. don't arrive late to work. ever. yes,and also ..3.keep your eyes open for other jobs or opportunities that may arise, but NEVER quit a job until you have found a new one first...don't quit and then look for a new one! 4. Read the book HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE..it is an old book,re written for our times...sold over 15 million copies...read it asap .. and work hard , and smile !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rayong09 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Hey stefan this guy is not flavour of the month at his office, I doubt your as bad as this, so don't worry, f-them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanmiguellight Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Youre giving him ideas Rayong! Dont worry about being quiet it takes all sorts of people to make a world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jungian Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 There is a big difference between ages 20 and 30 that 10 year gap covers a lot of life experience, so if you are 28 or 29 and sulking you are mostly likely to get the sack just because it annoys people, if you are 21 to 23 people will take more pity on you and try to comfort you. As far as the smoking thing goes that just annoys the crap out of me, not smoking in general as I smoked for 27 years and in comparison to that frame of time you might as well say I recently quit but when you stand in opened view and chain smoke it shows weakness and insecurity imagine someone popping a pill every time the situation got uncomfortable. If you smoke and don't plan on quitting do it privately or with other people who smoke out of sight of those who don't. I worked at a hospital in the USA and it was 4 years before anyone in my department even knew I smoked and it was only because someone saw cigarettes in my brief case, granted I smoked a much higher quality of tobacco than can be found in most parts of Asia and it didn't have the nasty smell. But above all let the boss think he/she is superior, sometimes you have to kiss a little tail if you want your life to be easy that goes for marriage as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PTYstefan Posted June 7, 2009 Author Share Posted June 7, 2009 it is a big different from working alone and working in a team. a smile on the faces changes the whole sittuation that you are in. if making funny bad faces all day long no one will look at you good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anothertorres Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 with all that smoking you should go and see a dentist and have your teeth and gums cleaned,having bad breath wont help "good manners and bad breath will get you nowhere" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimothy Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 Unfortunatly, you cant get on with everyone, no matter how much you try. You said that people say you act like the boss, this is not a good sutuation my friend. When people have a common enemy, i.e. you, (enemy may be a bit strong but common dislike) they/your workmates will become closer, alienating you even further. Try making this your main aim, to reverse this feeling towards you. I would reccomend trying very hard to be nice and courteous, people may see you efforts in a negative light and call you fake but are these they type of people you want as friends? Others will see and appreciate your politeness, in turn hopefully changing their opinions of you. All in all it seems that you are not a happy person in the situation you find yourself in, will it harm you to apply for other positions in your company or other companies? I hope you resolve this Stefan beacause as rayong09 delicatly showed us, everybody has a braking point, maybe we dont act it out in the same way but who knows what a man does when he is at his limit. I hope that you can take a piece of advice from all respondees and get over this issue, i wish you all the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohio Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 Of course, if you are working in the local real estate business, then all suggestions are irrelevant. So True Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basil B Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Need Help, Personal Thought by the Thread title it was another one asking about STD clinics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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