Tg Trying To Take Me To The Cleaners Help!

[silentnine]

I have problems and need fast action .

I am living in a house i had built on land i got 2 years ago. thai ltd. Company name, me as director, shareholders are staff at my accountants, with me as a 39% shareholder i think, no shares in girlfreinds name.

tg had a baby boy with me 1 year ago, i am named on the birth certificate, however it was very odd when the birth was registgered as i had to sign nothing and the birth was registerd by her farther (back in the Uk the farther has to sign also to affirn paternity i think)

she also has a 5 year old son from a thai ex boyfreind who lives with granny up country

Household comprises , Myself, and my 2 english children

TG, our 1 year old son .. and a live in nanny(freind of her family) who arrived 1 month ago and gets paid 6000 baht per month.

Over the last few months our relationship has been problematic..

relationship has hit rock bottom.

She has stated tonight that she wants to leave as its over but WILL NOT unless i pay her a large sum of money to take care of our son.

We are not married , however we did a budha ceremony a month ago and i paid 200,000 sinsot and 100,000 was returned (spent an extra 50k on drinks for the party as well)

So i need action as far as getting her out of my house ASAP. As this is detramental to my english children who are here now

Also what rights does she have ? i am on a limited income and have to take care of my 2 english children who are here so i cannot entertain a huge payoff to get rid of her and massive monthly support payments.

i'm not trying to avoid helping out as far as the baby goes , but money only goes so far.. and the demands for huge non existant bulk sums just cannot be met

How do i do this. Quickly !!

I suspect she is seeking legal advice also as she is saying unless i pay up she is going to court.

Edited June 19, 2009 by silentnine

[g00dgirl]

Whatever you do, don't pay a large lump son to support your baby, soon she will say the money is used up and requesting more.

Do monthly payments to her account, that's what a court would require you to do as well. For example until your baby turns 3, pay 4000 Baht per month, then until he turns 6, 7000 Baht per month and after that 11,000 Baht per month. (The figures come from a recent deal done in court in Surat Thani so they are as realistic as I can think of now.)

If you separate from her its definitely her right to get some support for your baby.

If you did not sign the birth certificate then you are not officially the father, so if she wanted to go through courts to get the money from you then she would have to first request that you register your paternity.

But if its your baby its only fair that you pay some support.

Hopefully you can still work everything out so that she does not want to leave, thinking about your little son who would like to be with his mom and with his dad.

[harrry]

As you did not marry her at the amphur or register the marriage you are NOT married. Hence she has no rights. You do have joint custody of the child if you are named on the birth certificate.

[Mario2008]

g00dgirl is right that you are not considered the legal father right now. However, to make things clear, she can file for a paternity suit and have the court determine you are the father and should pay child support, which is only fair.

I would definately not pay a lump sum, but monthly payments. That is in the best interest of your child.

You will be able to negotiate with her, as a court proceding will take time and costs money for her too. Remember, the money is for the child, not for her.

[Mario2008]

You do have joint custody of the child if you are named on the birth certificate.

That is incorrect. When not marreid you don't need to be only named as the father on the birth certificate, but also be the person who registered the birth (to confirm that you are the father). As he didn't sign anything he is not the father and doesn't have costudy.

The OP can still legalise the child, but for that he would have to go to court. The judge can them have him registered as the legal father. But that would establish family relationship, not costudy. That would be a seperate issue.

[zorro1]

She wants to leave but not without a lump sum of cash. Technically she is attempting black mail as what she is really saying is give me lots of money or i will make your life miserable. What next? what would you do in the west? same thing here, go see a lawyer and expect to be miserable for the next few months while you sort it out. In the past I have always moved out immediately its simply not worth the mental damage to stay although having 2 kids and limited funds will make this more difficult still it would only be for a month or so until you sort it out. Agree on a weekly payment for your child for now and explain under no circumstances will there ever be a lump sum involved unless of course you both have assets

Edited June 20, 2009 by zorro1

[silentnine]

She wants to leave but not without a lump sum of cash. Technically she is attempting black mail as what she is really saying is give me lots of money or i will make your life miserable. What next? what would you do in the west? same thing here, go see a lawyer and expect to be miserable for the next few months while you sort it out. In the past I have always moved out immediately its simply not worth the mental damage to stay although having 2 kids and limited funds will make this more difficult still it would only be for a month or so until you sort it out. Agree on a weekly payment for your child for now and explain under no circumstances will there ever be a lump sum involved unless of course you both have assets

would not leaving her in the house and moving out myself make it more difficult to get her out ?

she would i think be in quite a strong position to claim it as her home for herself was i not there also?

[zorro1]

sorry somehow I missed the bit that you built it. Disregard my advice

[g00dgirl]

So you want her out more than she wants out herself? Won't you miss your little baby, not being able to see him grow up?

How about you rent her a cheap place not far from your home, so you can still see your baby. Maybe the added distance helps to get some peace back into your relationship.

[neverdie]

So you want her out more than she wants out herself? Won't you miss your little baby, not being able to see him grow up?

How about you rent her a cheap place not far from your home, so you can still see your baby. Maybe the added distance helps to get some peace back into your relationship.

No doubt that will be one of her next steps when she doesnt get paid her massive lumpsum fortune she has in her mind.

She will use the baby as a bargining chip next, as all good parents do

Good luck Silentnine.

Edited June 20, 2009 by neverdie

[patklang]

Do what a thai guy would do.NOT PAY NOTHING.

Seriously if you are not married then she has no rights and how can she claim a monthlly allowance for the kid as this doesnt happen with thai men.You should look after your kid but dont let her blackmail you for a lump sum,agree with a monthly payment else she will gamble it away.

[silentnine]

So you want her out more than she wants out herself? Won't you miss your little baby, not being able to see him grow up?

How about you rent her a cheap place not far from your home, so you can still see your baby. Maybe the added distance helps to get some peace back into your relationship.

mm .. typed a long reply to this .. but scrubbed it all as its getting to personal.

i will miss baby, but there is nothing i can do at this stage. who knows where the future leads. i know she will let me visit him at her parents house.

i am trying to do immediate damage limitiation. issues like that can be dealt with after.

my aim is to acomodate her wish to go. the last thing i want is to live with a TG who is like an enemy in the camp.

to have her stay would be like saying i know you don''t love me tilak but i don't care i'm such a sad individual that i'd prefer to have you here regardless.

i cannot imagine fixing this as i will never know if the motive for remaining is to dig in more or not.

the trust is gone if you like, and without that , what is there left.

i cannot however meet her demands for the lump sum , and she will not belive that the farang does not have hidden assets.

so how do i take the matter into my own hands and get her out.

Edited June 20, 2009 by silentnine

[silentnine]

one more thing that is not really relavent to this topic. but interesting

she does not even really know what this forum is .

however she does use hotmail .

and i have noticed that she gets email and so do a huge number of other people as the sender does include all the addres'ss in cc ..

the email being the condensed mail newsletter that is sent out by these forums to members.

some guy whom is fairly well known as a blogger i think in the thai community recieves it and sends its out to 1000's of thai people.

good promotion for the forums .. however i hope she does not get this thread into her mailbox

[neverdie]

^^

Mate, if you are worried about that, just pm one of the mods and ask them to delete the topic, you are the creator, so it wont be a problem. Have seen this happen many times before.

Edited June 20, 2009 by neverdie

[torrenova]

Well she's already dumped one kid so she'll probably dump this one as well. Maybe get her to sign over sole custody for cash or tell her you'll pay for the baby only. If you subsidise her lifestyle, she'll suck you dry forever.

[473geo]

Are you comfortable and friendly with the new nanny?...is the 6000 a month (spending money as I assume she lives in) you give her more than the wife is seeing?

I wonder why you are trying to drag that sort of trash into this topic.

groan. theres always one is'nt there.

i'm not even going to reply other than saying. NO.

Ok get out of the slime fellas.......

If you push the wife out and you are seen to be treating her worse than the hired help.....maybe she would have grounds to go find a nice pad at 10k baht a month and stick you for the bill

The second point in question is that if your nanny is live in and is paid 6000k a month you have set the childcare level

The trust is gone...you say......so until this is all sorted out......if I was in her shoes..... I would ask for 120k for rent in advance for one year....50k to set up the new pad.......96k for child food and clothing for the year.......72k for childcare......

So all taken care of for the first year..........then I would settle on 20k a month until the child is 18....

Now did you see any sexual inferance in there?

[ArranP]

So you want her out more than she wants out herself? Won't you miss your little baby, not being able to see him grow up?

How about you rent her a cheap place not far from your home, so you can still see your baby. Maybe the added distance helps to get some peace back into your relationship.

mm .. typed a long reply to this .. but scrubbed it all as its getting to personal.

i will miss baby, but there is nothing i can do at this stage. who knows where the future leads. i know she will let me visit him at her parents house.

i am trying to do immediate damage limitiation. issues like that can be dealt with after.

my aim is to acomodate her wish to go. the last thing i want is to live with a TG who is like an enemy in the camp.

to have her stay would be like saying i know you don''t love me tilak but i don't care i'm such a sad individual that i'd prefer to have you here regardless.

i cannot imagine fixing this as i will never know if the motive for remaining is to dig in more or not.

the trust is gone if you like, and without that , what is there left.

i cannot however meet her demands for the lump sum , and she will not belive that the farang does not have hidden assets.

so how do i take the matter into my own hands and get her out.

Wether she loves you or not, she is still going to want money as she has to take care of herself and her child. this is not something against you, or I think something you can rely on as an indicator of her love for you. love alone is not going to feed you.

She is asking for a lump sum, maybe because she is doing this and knows that you cannot pay it because she actually wants to stay ...???

Maybe she is just trying/struggling to "save face", she has principles too!! In my relationship, its been my experience that the thai partner will argue, even un-reasonably so and detrimental to herself, just to "save face"!!

Be nice to her for a couple of weeks, that means no arguing even if she does initiate the argument and even if you do feel it is unfair, keep your voice low ( always ) and an even tone. Just nodd and say yes or sorry, let things pass you by, don't react, you will probably notice a change in her attitude to you improve.

Have your 2 english children arrived recently to thailand to your home here? if so then there has been a recent shift in the cultural setup of your (and her) home environment in favour of farrang culture, maybe she (and you) is/are struggling with this.

food for thought.

Edited June 21, 2009 by ArranP

[sbk]

inflammatory posts have been deleted. Lets keep it on topic.

And patklang, you are incorrect, I know of more than a few Thai men who pay child support. One gives his wife half his monthly salary. So, lets also drop the usual racist anti-Thai male (and anti-Thai female) posts as well.

[Artabus]

Well, what a situation to be in.

Many things could be said, but let's look at the bigger picture - your latest child.

What do you want in that regard? To be an absent parent? How do you want to act in that regard? What life do you want that person to have? And how will you ensure that? What do you think of the gf's attitude to her first child? Come on, you have two other children, you must know your feelings... methinks this is a more important issue than getting the gf out and short term funding issues relating to that. Perhaps... Not judging anyone in this situation, not you not the mother.

I see you have your two other children with you - does that mean you have "won" a child custody battle before? And what provision are you making for them and their futures? How do your plans tie in to their needs?

Take a step back, take a deep breath.

BTW you're in Thailand. Accept the difference. And act accordingly.

I'm not unsympathetic, really I'm not, it's a hard place you're in. Sorry if I sound harsh. Good luck to all five of you (that's excluding the paid help).

[torrenova]

inflammatory posts have been deleted. Lets keep it on topic.

And patklang, you are incorrect, I know of more than a few Thai men who pay child support. One gives his wife half his monthly salary. So, lets also drop the usual racist anti-Thai male (and anti-Thai female) posts as well.

Fine, but let us not gloss over the fact that many Thai women want to be elevated to a higher plane financially and they use the their kids to achieve that. Someone living on say 6k a month suddenly needs way way more than 6k a month for herself as well as extortionate claims for baby costs. Just why is that ? Even if the guy covered all the bills, most would not be comfortable on 6k (in this example). In addition, I don't see many actually using the money they get for the baby exclusively for the baby. It gets lumped with their money and the baby is catered for with what is left after their enjoyment and "sanuk" has been catered for.

This is not supposition nor make believe but empirical evidence. Perhaps not higher up the income levels but at those levels there would be no need for the woman to go making demands as per the OP's statement.

[piet pompies]

Get a DNA test at Police Hospital in BKK. About 14K Baht, then rethink.( She has to go with you as well as the child)

[apiwan]

bro 6,000 a month aint a lot of money for a kid, id say 10,000 ish, dont give her a lump sum , have a trial seperation and remember its the kid you gotta think about ,

try to keep a level head aswell

[Nobukat]

bro 6,000 a month aint a lot of money for a kid, id say 10,000 ish, dont give her a lump sum , have a trial seperation and remember its the kid you gotta think about ,

try to keep a level head aswell

1. Just to be safe, get the DNA test done. (I know ALL about that issue, believe me)

2. Offer reasonable monthly assistance for the child's living expenses (I don't know what you can afford). Part can be in cash, and part in Tesco Lotus vouchers...

3. If you really want to get her out, you might want to also include enough for her to rent a room...You have been supporting her and child for, I presume 1 year and 9 months at least, so there is a set precident. And how will she leave if no money or no place to go?

4. Possibly provide a health insurance policy for the child - cost about 20K per year or so, depending on coverage and company. If you are indeed the biological father, you could be on the hook for such support, as well as morally...

5. Keep cool with her as previous poster suggested - in case of possible court, you should be seen as being responsible and realistic

Or...get a lawyer and go to court. I would consult a lawyer initially anyway to confirm where you stand.

I was taken to cleaners for A LOT more than I'd like to admit, and after 3 years of supporting his mom & 2 years for my 'son' (love/time/money), found out he wasn't mine. I'd have helped after, but his mom saved so much of what I gave her that she has a nice bank roll to transition herself while she finds a new sucker. Plus, she treated me like sh+t for 3 years, using the kid as blackmail so I put up with it. DO NOT let that happen to you. Worst experience of my entire life.

And good luck. Men tend to underestimate how ruthless women can be until they have us by the short hairs. (Men can deserve it - or not - but I'm just saying...)

[Mario2008]

1 unhelpful comment deleted.

[getgoin]

1 unhelpful comment deleted.

Sometimes unhelpful is just what we need.

I will try to be a little more gentle.

It is obvious that the girlfriend does not want the kid. You love the kid. She will just park the kid with the folks in the village and head off to Bangkok or wherever and try again.

You want to get her out and you want to provide for the kid. You can't leave him with the girlfriend/family.

Your only option, if you want to be a nice guy, don't ask me why you would want to be only you know that, is a lump payment, something you can afford to the girlfriend and in the deal you get the kid to live with you. Have her sign off on parental rights and move on.

Don't worry about the girlfriend seeing this thread, trust me, she will not understand it. Make up your mind to do what is right for you and your family.

That being said, sometimes it is better understood with fewer words.

Edited August 20, 2009 by getgoin

[getgoin]

If you did not sign the birth certificate then you are not officially the father,

Two of my boys were born in Thailand and have Thai birth certificates and my name is on them but my signature is not.

[getgoin]

You do have joint custody of the child if you are named on the birth certificate.

That is incorrect. When not marreid you don't need to be only named as the father on the birth certificate, but also be the person who registered the birth (to confirm that you are the father). As he didn't sign anything he is not the father and doesn't have costudy.

The OP can still legalise the child, but for that he would have to go to court. The judge can them have him registered as the legal father. But that would establish family relationship, not costudy. That would be a seperate issue.

Again, this is wrong information. There is no signature on the government document. My wife signed the document from the hospital which was taken by her father with his house paper to the local amphur to register the birth. I am listed as the father.

My suggestion is to get a copy of the amphur birth certificate to see if you are listed on it. My second suggestion is to get the advice of an attorney.

Edited August 21, 2009 by getgoin