Farang, When Right Or Wrong.

[Ajarn]

I just say pom mia falang

Really? I didn't get that impression earlier

[Boo]

Hubbys family have never been around westerners but have never once refered to me as farang whilst talking about/to or for me. I am always refered to by an abbriviation of my first name (that hubby uses & they picked up on) by older family members, the children refer to me as Aunt & hubby uses "my wife" if he is talking about me to someone who doesn't know me (shop asst or something) I would personally be quite p'd off if anyone of them referred to me as "farang" whilst discussing me in my presence, as they know my name & relationship to them. Personally I think it's rude for your wife to do this, but depends on how sensitive you are & how you view your relationship I suppose & the fact that your wife wont even listen to your feelings about it sets bells ringing in my head. She could a least accept that you don't like it & promise not to do it again, or else give you a resonable reason as to why she used the term in the first place.

[bkkmadness]

I think it's ###### rude for your wife to call you that in public. How would she like it if you started to refer to her as "the thai girl", perhaps you should try it a few times until she gets the point.

Alternatively, tell her if she does it again, the farang isn't taken her out for a meal again, cause of loss of face caused to you.

Alternatively, lean over the table and slap her off her chair while she's got a mouthfull of som tam! lol.

[StuartinBKK]

Farang, farang, farang.

I know, I know that we are farang and I accept this and for the most part would never take acception to this.

Yesterday however whilst dining in a noodle shop my wife said to the waiter "the farang would like to eat a dessert".

How on earth am I supposed to accept this? We had this problem 1 year ago when I took exception to her sister doing the same thing. "You know my name" I say, or why not "he"?

The problem you see is that according to her by not accepting this word I have a problem with her family and her. "I do not accept them!!!??". Is this (by the very use of the word) not a case of the other way round??

How about how we (westerners) feel? I don't mind being referred to as "farang" by people I don't know or as part of a collective community or race but to be called farang in the 3rd person when i'm sitting there BY MY WIFE!!! Is totally unacceptable.

So this has caused a serious argument which she expects me to back down from and say sorry thereby becoming a doormat (as far as i'm concerned).

Has anybody had this problem and how did they play it?

I'm not going to back down on this, I will calm down and not mention it again but if she thinks that I will somehow come to accept being called a farang (in this type of of situation) then she will be disappointed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Was she a bargirl when you met her?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Try posting in Barladies.com

A bit nosey seeing as you've only been posting here a few days don't you think?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What has barladies.com got to do with this guy feeling he is being degraded by his WIFE???

[konangrit]

Farang, farang, farang.

I know, I know that we are farang and I accept this and for the most part would never take acception to this.

Yesterday however whilst dining in a noodle shop my wife said to the waiter "the farang would like to eat a dessert".

How on earth am I supposed to accept this? We had this problem 1 year ago when I took exception to her sister doing the same thing. "You know my name" I say, or why not "he"?

The problem you see is that according to her by not accepting this word I have a problem with her family and her. "I do not accept them!!!??". Is this (by the very use of the word) not a case of the other way round??

How about how we (westerners) feel? I don't mind being referred to as "farang" by people I don't know or as part of a collective community or race but to be called farang in the 3rd person when i'm sitting there BY MY WIFE!!! Is totally unacceptable.

So this has caused a serious argument which she expects me to back down from and say sorry thereby becoming a doormat (as far as i'm concerned).

Has anybody had this problem and how did they play it?

I'm not going to back down on this, I will calm down and not mention it again but if she thinks that I will somehow come to accept being called a farang (in this type of of situation) then she will be disappointed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Was she a bargirl when you met her?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Try posting in Barladies.com

A bit nosey seeing as you've only been posting here a few days don't you think?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

and you ain't a moderator yet, so I guess thats none of your business either

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No intention of being a moderator, just bored of people bringing bargirls into every thread. Sure the original poster will prefer to be called a farang than his missus called a prostitute, anyway.

Also, seeing as your not a moderator it's hypocritical for you to say it's none of my business, then make it your business.

[konangrit]

Farang, farang, farang.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Was she a bargirl when you met her?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Try posting in Barladies.com

A bit nosey seeing as you've only been posting here a few days don't you think?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What has barladies.com got to do with this guy feeling he is being degraded by his WIFE???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That's the point, this thread has nothing to do with bargirls, so I suggested you post there if you want to bring the subject up.

[chonabot]

Alternatively, lean over the table and slap her off her chair while she's got a mouthfull of som tam! lol.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nice!

[toastwars]

I am not trying to be a moderator, this is a forum and whether you have 500 posts under your belt or just one you can post whatever you like as long as it conforms to forum rules, I took exception to your elitist attitude to a newish member. havig a lot of posts does not afford you any more status or lend weight to your arguments it just means you have too much time on your hands

Edited February 24, 2005 by toastwars

[konangrit]

I am not trying to be a moderator, this is a forum and whether you have 500 posts under your belt or just one you can post whatever you like as long as it conforms to forum rules, I took exception to your elitist attitude to a newish member. havig a lot of posts does not afford you any more status or lend weight to your arguments it just means you have too much time on your hands

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Fair comment, just that I think it would be extremely rude to ask someone you have only known for a few days if their over half is an ex-prostitute, the same applies on-line.

[Ajarn]

havig a lot of posts does not afford you any more status or lend weight to your arguments it just means you have too much time on your hands

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I prefer to see it as 'plenty of time on my hands', but you may be right

[StuartinBKK]

Farang, farang, farang.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Was she a bargirl when you met her?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Try posting in Barladies.com

A bit nosey seeing as you've only been posting here a few days don't you think?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What has barladies.com got to do with this guy feeling he is being degraded by his WIFE???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That's the point, this thread has nothing to do with bargirls, so I suggested you post there if you want to bring the subject up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

U dont own barladies.com come do you?

[Boo]

As a real moderator can I ask you two to take it else where & let this stay on topic. Thanks

[tuky]

As a real moderator can I ask you two to take it else where & let this stay on topic. Thanks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

55

snap em out of it Boo

[bkkmadness]

Look, I hope that Stuartinbkk was trying to get some info, so he could make a point at a later date.

I think the point may have been something along the lines of if she was a bargirl then it would be so normal to call every farang "farang" and not seem rude, so perhaps a little education in politeness would be better for the wife, instead of just thinking she's knows right from wrong and is just being plain rude.

I'm not sure if this was his point but I kinda felt he was going to lead up to something similar.

No need to jump down the guys throat for it, let the mods do that if necessary, no one else, his amount of postings makes no difference to what he's allowed to ask and say here within forum rules.

On the other hand Stuart, being new you have to know this can be a touchy group about the bar girl subject and somebody can easily take you the wrong way if you don't out your whole point across clearly, then it deteriates into a bar girl slagging match thread and ineveitably gets closed, so to preserve threads gotta be careful when chatting about bargirls here, like it or not, thats how the mods and admins play the rules.

Now back on the topic lads before Darknight steps in?

[konangrit]

Sorry guys, ended up taking this thread way off topic.

Back to topic, I think when Thais do this it's more to do with ignorance than any intended malice. They just don't realise you find it offensive. I think there are more important things to worry about in life to get too hooked up on it. Although where your partner's concerned, if you tell her you don't like it she should stop doing it. If she doesn't then maybe it's time to find someone who will.

[toastwars]

Sorry guys, ended up taking this thread way off topic.

Back to topic, I think when Thais do this it's more to do with ignorance than any intended malice. They just don't realise you find it offensive. I think there are more important things to worry about in life to get too hooked up on it. Although where your partner's concerned, if you tell her you don't like it she should stop doing it. If she doesn't then maybe it's time to find someone who will.

I agree but the problem is never adressed and although racism is unaceptable in the west it seems indemic all over asia. BTW I also agree that the BG question was very rude..........Ok boo all very topical and friendly

[StuartinBKK]

Bkk Madness has hit the nail on the head.

[bkkmadness]

I think the guys wife should know him well enough to know that he doesn't like being called farang that way in public, he's even told her about it and she still thinks she right. More drastic measures are needed.

If it was me, whenever I was out in public I would start calling her something equally as impersonal, she would be know as "thai girl" and never introduced as "my wife" again until she learned the error of her ways, if she is happy to make you lose face, then do the same to her.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

It don't bother me at all.   

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nor me John. These farang that see it differently are gonna get blooded knuckles banging the wall about it. It won't change, and mostly it does not mean disrespect

[toastwars]

Women are the same the world over, always right and it is always your fault when they do something that upsets you.

[meadish_sweetball]

As your wife she should accept your feelings even if she did not intend any harm in the first place. Whether the word "farang" is rude or not depends a lot on the context.

To venture a guess at why she seems so unreasonable, it is probably because you criticized her in front of others or raising your voice/scowling at her. This puts a lot of Thais in "defense mode" and they will not concentrate on listening, but instead focus on trying to attack you back.

I may be completely wrong about her reaction in your particular case of course, but just thought the advice might be helpful.

In the context you describe I don't think it is rude of her to say "farang" unless you have explained to her before that you don't like her to refer to you in this way.

My wife doesn't use the word directly about me herself (she is used to dealing with foreigners and know many of us are sensitive to this word) but she occasionally uses it as a referent when talking about a westerner not present, because "chaaw dtaang chaad" or "chaaw dtawan dtok" seem far to formal for everyday speech.

"Farang" is used in normal contexts like in "ahaan farang" (farang food), "baeb farang" (farang style [of eating, or whatever, toilet seats, anything that needs to be distinguished from Thai or Asian]). This is completely neutral usage.

One should be wary of bringing up "third person" arguments from English or another totally separate language into the picture, because that is somewhat akin to measuring distance with a halibut or trying to peel an orange with a snowmobile.

[Doctor John]

I told my Missus about this before, so...................She said to the street vendor

" Michael would like some dessert " and he came back with, " Who the &lt;deleted&gt; is Michael, the Farang sitting next to you " ?

Edited February 24, 2005 by Doctor John

[bkkmadness]

I don't mind being called farang by most Thais, no bother there at all, but your wife refering to you as that in a restaurant is not right.

[Pie Boy]

When I first met my in-laws I was refered to as Farang, after a few days I asked my wife if she could ask her family to refer to me by my christian name.The have done so ever since,its funny really because I have sometimes used the term farang and yet my wife never uses it here in England because she doesn't want our daughter to be influenced to use language of the nature which in essence is racist ,especially since she herself has suffered such abuse.i.e. chinky,slanty eyes etc.

I would agree with the comments regarding it's use is sometimes down to ignorance but again many people would say in a western perspective its use is racist.

The bottom line is if OP doesn't like it then his missus should respect this and not use it herself.However I would advise against givin' her slap over it! I'm sure in a few post time they will have made up and be enjoying a romatic noodle meal for two somewhere.

[Savage]

Thanks for the advise (for the best part). As it turns out I got home tonight and my wife has apologised and admitted she was wrong to say it and she does not know why she did. Anyway, on top of this her sister backed me which is encouraging.

To answer an earlier question. No my wife has never worked in the bar industry and is a succesful business woman, it was completely out of charector.

I believe it was due to a strange phenonemon that only happens (thank god) very irregularly.

The female menstration cycle starting on a full moon.

Just keep your mouth shut if this happens to you!!!

[tuky]

One should be wary of bringing up "third person" arguments from English or another totally separate language into the picture, because that is somewhat akin to measuring distance with a halibut or trying to peel an orange with a snowmobile.

[TizMe]

I think it's ###### rude for your wife to call you that in public.  How would she like it if you started to refer to her as "the thai girl", perhaps you should try it a few times until she gets the point.

Probably "The Asian" might have more effect.

[JacknDanny]

I completely agree with your feelings. I would consider it rude if my wife referred to me as 'the farang' instead of 'samii' or 'puuchai'

Family, too. Make it clear what you want to be called, if not 'farang', which is totally impersonal to say from a family member, unless they have just met you...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Totally agree with you Ajarn.

My previous partner would always refer to me as Samee when referring me to another person or when ordering food etc etc. She was not from a particularly priviledged background, in fact her family were rather poor, so I dont think that when you are in a serious relationship that referring to you as the farang is common practice anywhere in Thailand

[Neeranam]

I think you should be careful to jump to conclusions if you don't speak Thai well.

I have a few guys who went crazy when their wives said farang, but what they said was , for example, "farang always give tips', which was,in my opinion ok. Just saying that farang in general give tips.

Very disrespectful if she was using it in the third person. You should be upset.

My wife always uses khun before my name in public(and private), which I know is to make me feel good, but showing respect. Other family members call me pee or khun.

All my friends who are married to Thais are also referred to as khun. Any well brought up Thais do this, whether or not they are educated or not.

Actually the last few weeks, I have started being called 'Daddy' , which is fair enough too, although it makes me feel like an old man.

If she did in fact use the third person 'farang', I would sort it out quickly as when your thai wife has no respect for you then things are going to be very difficult in the future.

Good luck.

Edited February 24, 2005 by Neeranam

[bkkmadness]

Thanks for the advise (for the best part). As it turns out I got home tonight and my wife has apologised and admitted she was wrong to say it and she does not know why she did. Anyway, on top of this her sister backed me which is encouraging.

To answer an earlier question. No my wife has never worked in the bar industry and is a succesful business woman, it was completely out of charector.

I believe it was due to a strange phenonemon that only happens (thank god) very irregularly.

The female menstration cycle starting on a full moon.

Just keep your mouth shut if this happens to you!!! 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

There you go, even the Thai person involved has agreed it's wrong and rude, and all of you getting called farang in restaurants, sort your wives out! lol.

Alls well that ends well.