Thailand Fever

[Chaimai]

I read my own brain, does that count to?

Not in your case Datsun

[sanmiguellight]

lol

you TELL your girlfriend to do stuff?

you PUT her on a plane if she wants or not?

that's not a gf, that's an employee.

We were at the airport about to board a flight to go to Samui to stay in a top end hotel for a week when i told her i needed some SPACE and a days FREEDOM, no real life changing moment involving me being a little Hitler, but you can make things up if it keeps you happy!

Is there a bit in the book to help me with cultural differences when the gf is asking for sex and i'm too tired, i usually just make grunting noises and murmer i'm sleeping before rolliing onto my side, did LL Chrissy P recommend this technique or just sending her to her brothers room for the night!

[sanmiguellight]

you TELL your girlfriend to do stuff?

If i'm in the mood for selfish sex you can be dam sure i do!

[sanook2me]

I read it a long time ago. In fact a western male gave it to me - I thought it was relevent no matter what relationship you are in. My Thai boyfriend at the time also read it and said it was worth reading to understand western attitude. yes, I got "my space" as well.

See this is what i'm getting at, i had a Thai gf who wasnt giving me enough space so i put her on a plane to Samui with a hotel booked and said i will come and see you tomorrow i need some time alone, its doing my head in being with you 24/7.

Now please dont tell me you need read a book to give you the balls to TELL your partner you need a bit of space, this is just the very basics of common sense.

Whats wrong with giving your partner some words to read in their own language and their second language to understand more about the differences between the two cultures?

Sending your partner away for one night is not giving you space thats just a mini break not the same at all and maybe if your partner knew how to give you space then you wouldn't have to pack her away for night.

You could try swallowing your pride and have a read of it then you may not have to force your g/f to go away on her own which is not normally a nice experience to be forced in travelling away from home by your partner...almost like been evicted or dumped..you are a very cruel man...

Reading back on this post it appears you may just be having fun with us as you said

its doing my head in being with you 24/7

and then lambast someone talking about gaining their personal space after they and their partner read the book and got their space.

So you are joking, right

[MrJohnson]

This is Chris Pirazzi, the author of Thailand Fever.

Now i can safely predict that by his somewhat librarian esq look he was never too successful with the women back in America, thus isnt in a position to give advice on women or relationships as i'd be willing to put money on that he never really had a whole lot to do with women before he got off the plane in BKK 10 yrs ago.

'Don't judge a book by its cover'

[OxfordWill]

Its quite clear we need a photo (current) of sanmiguellight in order for his comments to have any weight at all.

[IanForbes]

Is there a bit in the book to help me with cultural differences when the gf is asking for sex and i'm too tired, i usually just make grunting noises and murmer i'm sleeping before rolliing onto my side, did LL Chrissy P recommend this technique or just sending her to her brothers room for the night!

Did you never see the movie "Zorba the Greek"? There was a classic line where Zorba said... "There is no greater sin than when a woman asks a man to her bed and he does not go"

Men are EXPECTED to be UP for the occasion at all times.

[oldsparrow]

This is Chris Pirazzi, the author of Thailand Fever. Now i can safely predict that by his somewhat librarian esq look he was never too successful with the women back in America, thus isnt in a position to give advice on women or relationships as i'd be willing to put money on that he never really had a whole lot to do with women before he got off the plane in BKK 10 yrs ago.

'Don't judge a book by its cover'

True, However I think Thai girls will find this liberal nerd look reliable and gentle. The older ones may even think that he won't mind going to the temple with them

[kaosoi]

I read it a long time ago. In fact a western male gave it to me - I thought it was relevent no matter what relationship you are in. My Thai boyfriend at the time also read it and said it was worth reading to understand western attitude. yes, I got "my space" as well.

See this is what i'm getting at, i had a Thai gf who wasnt giving me enough space so i put her on a plane to Samui with a hotel booked and said i will come and see you tomorrow i need some time alone, its doing my head in being with you 24/7.

Now please dont tell me you need read a book to give you the balls to TELL your partner you need a bit of space, this is just the very basics of common sense.

One of the points this book makes (if you read it) as well as many other books on Sociology, Ethnography, Social Psychology etc is that you cannot subscribe to the "Common Sense" mentality. One person's common sense is another persons nonsense. Broadly speaking, whereas having your own space is important for many Westerners, for many Thais it is not so much the case because they like to share company more than be alone.....according to the book (not me, I do not know).

It has nothing to do with having the balls to tell your partner you need space...maybe has more to do with the balls to have the humility to realize that your (ie. me, you, everyone including our Thai partners) ideas are not the only ideas with some validity and, in this case, how your Thai partner thinks cannot be easily judged by your version of common sense. "Common sense" for her (again according to the book) is not to leave you alone.

[TerraPosse]

I've read it in one sitting last year after me and the missus were getting serious and then gave it to her for reading (and she certainly didn't throw the book at me for doing so but appreciated it too).  

As some of the posters before, who actually manage to read a book as opposed to those that barely manage the Sunday Sport, have commented, this is not some 'How-to' or 'Bargirls for Dummies' style book which contains the secrets of how make anyone's relationship work.  I found it to be a valuable guide in avoiding some of the pitfalls in an intercultural relationship.  There sure are sections in the book that don't apply to our situation and others will feel the same with regard to their relationship but the potential for misunderstandings are manifold and I certainly had a few aha-moments when reading it (and so did she).  The whole difference in the value systems with our independence versusThai's interdependence makes understanding of a number of pecularities for either of us a whole lot easier.

It surely isn't a hefty volume and as such lacks in depth but I think it is only ment as an introduction / eye-opener to those of us who care enough in our relationships as to make an effort in understanding other cultures rather than to just dismiss the notion (for strangely enough such thing does exists and the empire is long gone too  )

[Datsun240Z]

This is Chris Pirazzi, the author of Thailand Fever.

Now i can safely predict that by his somewhat librarian esq look he was never too successful with the women back in America, thus isnt in a position to give advice on women or relationships as i'd be willing to put money on that he never really had a whole lot to do with women before he got off the plane in BKK 10 yrs ago.

'Don't judge a book by its cover'

Well, I think he is right here. Looking at that picture, no girl on earth in the U.S of A want's to date that guy.

[chiangmaibruce]

Read it, found it interesting and useful and have recommended it to others.

I can see the authors' challenge with the book and the basis for some of the comments here ... it's simply not possible to write a book like this that is all things to all people. I am sure they tried to keep a handle on length too, so as not to put off people who would find something chunkier a turn-off.

On the Thai readership side you have different education levels, social classes, ages, differing amounts of exposure to westerners, etc. The same again on the farang side, but also potentially many different cultural backgrounds. And such a broad topic too. How to write a book that will closely meet the needs of all readers? Impossible. So I imagine the authors aimed it at where they perceived the greatest potential market - explaining the perceived bias towards Thai females from Isan from perhaps poorer backgrounds.

As others have already stated however it is a great starting point for raising awareness that there are differences ... and there are a heap of more serious books on farang/Thai differences that people can move onto if they become so inspired.

I haven't picked this issue up in posts thus far, but in my experience Thais have not been nearly as interested in reading the book as have westerners. Perhaps due in part to not sharing the interest/inclination of many farang to analyse things/people, and perhaps not wanting the recognise that there are fundamental differences (as this might reflect badly on them, comparatively speaking?). Perhaps even in some cases, not wanting to be understood? What do others think?

Edited August 21, 2009 by chiangmaibruce

[kaosoi]

Read it, found it interesting and useful and have recommended it to others.

I can see the authors' challenge with the book and the basis for some of the comments here ... it's simply not possible to write a book like this that is all things to all people. I am sure they tried to keep a handle on length too, so as not to put off people who would find something chunkier a turn-off.

On the Thai readership side you have different education levels, social classes, ages, differing amounts of exposure to westerners, etc. The same again on the farang side, but also potentially many different cultural backgrounds. And such a broad topic too. How to write a book that will closely meet the needs of all readers? Impossible. So I imagine the authors aimed it at where they perceived the greatest potential market - explaining the perceived bias towards Thai females from Isan from perhaps poorer backgrounds.

As others have already stated however it is a great starting point for raising awareness that there are differences ... and there are a heap of more serious books on farang/Thai differences that people can move onto if they become so inspired.

I haven't picked this issue up in posts thus far, but in my experience Thais have not been nearly as interested in reading the book as have westerners. Perhaps due in part to not sharing the interest/inclination of many farang to analyse things/people, and perhaps not wanting the recognise that there are fundamental differences (as this might reflect badly on them, comparatively speaking?). Perhaps even in some cases, not wanting to be understood? What do others think?

Hello Bruce.......interesting comments....do you mind recommending some of the other books you mention? Thanks.

[yabaaaa]

So Mr PC/Liberal thinks he's a bit of a comedian by having a cheap shot about homosexuals ...... i'm sure this book is better in the hands of people who found their partner off the internet, people such as yourself.

Oh dear now you are falling into the same trap as him...............I met my wife on the internet, so what? Married 3 years now.

I read the book and found it very useful, sure it doesnt apply to everyone but it helps especially being half written in Thai.

Edited August 21, 2009 by yabaaaa

[sanmiguellight]

So Mr PC/Liberal thinks he's a bit of a comedian by having a cheap shot about homosexuals ...... i'm sure this book is better in the hands of people who found their partner off the internet, people such as yourself.

Oh dear now you are falling into the same trap as him...............I met my wife on the internet, so what? Married 3 years now.

I read the book and found it very useful, sure it doesnt apply to everyone but it helps especially being half written in Thai.

Good luck to you and your wife i hope you have a fun life, if thats how people meet then thats how people meet, but when one is countering a cheap shot on the TV forum he has to stoop low to gain the upper hand!

[venturalaw]

So Mr PC/Liberal thinks he's a bit of a comedian by having a cheap shot about homosexuals ...... i'm sure this book is better in the hands of people who found their partner off the internet, people such as yourself.

Oh dear now you are falling into the same trap as him...............I met my wife on the internet, so what? Married 3 years now.

I read the book and found it very useful, sure it doesnt apply to everyone but it helps especially being half written in Thai.

Good luck to you and your wife i hope you have a fun life, if thats how people meet then thats how people meet, but when one is countering a cheap shot on the TV forum he has to stoop low to gain the upper hand!

Are you serious?

[chiangmaibruce]

Hello Bruce.......interesting comments....do you mind recommending some of the other books you mention?

Here's a few to get you started:

Culture Shock! Thailand: A Survival Guide to Customs and Etiquette, Robert and Nanthapa Cooper, Graphic Arts Centre Publishing Company, 2003 (a new edition is to be released shortly).

Inside Thai Society: Religion, Everyday Life, Change, Neils Mulder, Silkworm Books, 2001.

Passport Thailand: Your Pocket Guide to Thai Business, Customs and Etiquette, Naomi Wise, World Trade Press, 1997.

Reflections on Thai Culture, William J. Klausner, Siam Society, 2000.

Thais Mean Business: The Expat’s Guide to Doing Business in Thailand (Revised), Robert Cooper, Marshall Cavendish, 2004.

Working with the Thais: A Guide to Managing in Thailand, Henry Holmes and Suchada Tangtongtavy, Bangkok Books, 1995.

Perhaps see also: http://www.dcothai.com/index.php?cPath=22

[Yaaklenmai]

A novel that I think is well worth reading is "Private Dancer" by Stephen Leather as it highlights differing, often diametrically opposed, interpretations of the same chain of events by a recently arrived ferang, an established ex-pat bar owner, Thai g/f, Thai family etc.

[Felt 35]

Read it a couple of years ago. IMO its to superficial.

[Canada]

Read the book a couple of years ago. Our realtionship improved some, but is still a relationship with difficulties based on differences in culture, age, language, education, goals in life. She is not a poor isan girl, but is a poor girl. I found the book informative to the extent that it confirmed a lot of the things that she was telling me; which I think (as well as some other posters), come from a lower class perspective.

I also tend to agree with whoever it was that posted #1 Thai value as ....cash. But...are we really that different? Easy to say it isn't important if you've got it.

Haven't looked at the book since I read it the one time. I think I may have given it to someone...or sold it back to the book store where I bought it for half price....

...and yes, I made her read it too

[MrJohnson]

This is Chris Pirazzi, the author of Thailand Fever. Now i can safely predict that by his somewhat librarian esq look he was never too successful with the women back in America, thus isnt in a position to give advice on women or relationships as i'd be willing to put money on that he never really had a whole lot to do with women before he got off the plane in BKK 10 yrs ago.

'Don't judge a book by its cover'

True, However I think Thai girls will find this liberal nerd look reliable and gentle. The older ones may even think that he won't mind going to the temple with them

'liberal nerd look' - what exactly is a liberal nerd look? is that like a computer geek who likes swinging parties or a guy who votes Democrat and likes toy trains?

[villagefarang]

When I started out here, they didn't have all these silly books. I have never understood people's need to read about life, rather than experiencing it. If you have half a brain, you will do at least as well as all these so-called experts, trying to make a buck selling you what you should already know anyway.

[chiangmaibruce]

When I started out here, they didn't have all these silly books. I have never understood people's need to read about life, rather than experiencing it. If you have half a brain, you will do at least as well as all these so-called experts, trying to make a buck selling you what you should already know anyway.

I'm so glad that the authorities responsible for licensing airline pilots and brain surgeons don't subscribe to the same school of thought.

Seriously, this view just doesn't do it for me. Who wants to waste the time and energy of trying to learn cultural differences by trial and error, when you can get a primer provided by someone who has been before? Isn't that idea the whole point of Thaivisa?

And harking back to an earlier post by 'roadman', which Thai lady (other than one who has lived years in the west) could possibly explain what they do & why & how it's different from WE do and why etc ... in most cases it would be like trying to get a blind man to describe the colour 'green' to you

[Neeranam]

That book is crap - full of wrong facts.

[OxfordWill]

Neeranam your opinion is crap, full of wrong facts.

[IanForbes]

When I started out here, they didn't have all these silly books. I have never understood people's need to read about life, rather than experiencing it. If you have half a brain, you will do at least as well as all these so-called experts, trying to make a buck selling you what you should already know anyway.

So what you are basically saying is knowledge learned in school from books is useless?

Any bit of knowledge learned from any source can be useful in the right circumstance. People tend to repeat their mistakes on a regular basis if they don't find out what is causing the problems in the first place. A good example of that is people who have multiple marriages and continue to have failures. There ARE cultural differences between westerners and Thai nationals. Learning a few of them beforehand just might solve serious issues before they evolve into a major problem. If you are smart enough to learn those issues on your own then more power to you, but it doesn't hurt to speed up the learning curve.

[ozzieovaseas]

When I started out here, they didn't have all these silly books. I have never understood people's need to read about life, rather than experiencing it. If you have half a brain, you will do at least as well as all these so-called experts, trying to make a buck selling you what you should already know anyway.

I'm so glad that the authorities responsible for licensing airline pilots and brain surgeons don't subscribe to the same school of thought.

Seriously, this view just doesn't do it for me. Who wants to waste the time and energy of trying to learn cultural differences by trial and error, when you can get a primer provided by someone who has been before? Isn't that idea the whole point of Thaivisa?

And harking back to an earlier post by 'roadman', which Thai lady (other than one who has lived years in the west) could possibly explain what they do & why & how it's different from WE do and why etc ... in most cases it would be like trying to get a blind man to describe the colour 'green' to you

I can appreciate both viewpoints mentioned here.

I havent read any books on any subjects thai, but i have learnt a lot from websites lke TV...good info and free!

On the odd occasion i see a thread about the more controversial issues (sinsod ect), so i will ask thai friends for their opinion or comment

Is funny how the few different thais i know come up with similiar ideas.

Incidentally 90% of my thai mates agree that 90% of the opinions from the more "extreme" posters is 90% B.S

the mods are usually always spot on though

[loveissan]

so much anger and bitterness.

you do post a lot for someone who isn't interested in this topic/book.

There is no anger or bitterness here, I am merely replying to people who have commented on what i wrote.

Why do you think he looks like a bit of a lady's man?

Banglar has it right, little man?

[villagefarang]

I obviously wasn't intending to start a debate on the educational system and how little we retain from our years in school. Or even how little we learn from our mistakes which are repeated methodically throughout our lives, regardless of what we read or are told.

Perhaps I'm just not so quick to believe that others have better insights than I do. I never had a problem understanding Thais and there were no books even if I did. There is a modern day epidemic of self-help books of dubious value and an endless supply of lazy, gullible people willing to make the authors rich. I can't be the only one for whom life and human nature is not a mystery. Are all these self-help authors really all that much smarter than anyone else?

And no I am not talking about learning highly technical skills or memorizing data pertinent to a task. The problem for most does not lie with understanding Thais but with not understanding themselves and their own motivations. You're not going to get that from a book.

[venturalaw]

I obviously wasn't intending to start a debate on the educational system and how little we retain from our years in school. Or even how little we learn from our mistakes which are repeated methodically throughout our lives, regardless of what we read or are told.

Perhaps I'm just not so quick to believe that others have better insights than I do. I never had a problem understanding Thais and there were no books even if I did. There is a modern day epidemic of self-help books of dubious value and an endless supply of lazy, gullible people willing to make the authors rich. I can't be the only one for whom life and human nature is not a mystery. Are all these self-help authors really all that much smarter than anyone else?

And no I am not talking about learning highly technical skills or memorizing data pertinent to a task. The problem for most does not lie with understanding Thais but with not understanding themselves and their own motivations. You're not going to get that from a book.

You speak about reading self-help books as though it would be to the exclusion of life experience as oppose to the purpose of the books - to enhance and/or provide a different point of view. For most there is no harm in learning - no matter what the source - via a friend, family member, acquaintance, a book, etc. Why talk in absolutes; "I have never understood people's need to read about life, rather than experiencing it" For you it has to be one or the other - experience life or read about it?

That makes no sense.