Celebrating 6 Years Marriage

[Thomas_Merton]

In celebrating our 6 year wedding anniversary, I am reminded of two incidents in my life that have had a profound effect on the relationship I have with my Thai wife

The first was overhearing a remark made by an (farang) anthropologist when asked to outline the differences between farang and Thai people. He said, “The main difference is the farang by nature is logical, whereas the Thai by nature is intuitive”.

Thinking about this made me realize that the fascination I have for the Thai people and the love I have for my wife is based on the equally natural attraction of these two opposites.

In all relationships there will be ups and downs, often compounded and intensified by these ways of thinking. Our solutions, when we have our problems, are based upon our efforts to explore how much of our differing conclusions have their causes in these thought patterns. You do not need to be an intellectual to treat your relationship in this way. Just love your wife and work with her to reduce her fears and relate her expectations to your fears and expectations, remembering always the impermanency in all things.

The other incident goes back many years when I first read “Zorba the Greek” by Katzanzakis. The narrator in the book is a European educated intellectual who hires a primitive but intuitive labourer to help him work his mine on Crete. There is a passage in the book where they are both sitting on the beach watching the sun go down. The narrator is writing a complicated explanation of the end of the day with references to intellectual writers including The Lord Buddha. Suddenly Zorba stands up and begins to dance. The writer is amazed. He notes that in those few short minuets of dance Zorba has communicated feelings of far greater depth about the sunset then he could ever achieve in pages of his writings.

This is what I see and love in my wife. If a farang does not see this intuitive potential in his GF then I am afraid to say in my opinion the relationship is doomed.

[chonabot]

Lovely Post sir ! I'm nearing my 8th Marriage to my lovely wife Jum , and agree totally with your synopisis. I had never thought of it in this way , but in the future I will hopefully reflect on this , in those times of misunderstanding.

[Boon Mee]

“The main difference is the farang by nature is logical, whereas the Thai by nature is intuitive”.

Spot on, Thomas. The operative terms here are intuition and pragmatism.

My Thai wife & I will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary this coming December and one of the reason it's worked thus far can be attributed to the above.

Good post!

[surin]

Lovely Post sir ! I'm nearing my 8th Marriage to my lovely wife Jum , and agree totally with your synopisis. I had never thought of it in this way , but in the future I will hopefully reflect on this , in those times of misunderstanding.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why do you marry her so much???

[chonabot]

Lovely Post sir ! I'm nearing my 8th Marriage to my lovely wife Jum , and agree totally with your synopisis. I had never thought of it in this way , but in the future I will hopefully reflect on this , in those times of misunderstanding.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why do you marry her so much???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Lol , I enjoy the making up after a messy Divorce....

[Harmonica]

In celebrating our 6 year wedding anniversary, I am reminded of two incidents in my life that have had a profound effect on the relationship I have with my Thai wife

The first was overhearing a remark made by an (farang) anthropologist when asked to outline the differences between farang and Thai people. He said, “The main difference is the farang by nature is logical, whereas the Thai by nature is intuitive”.

Thinking about this made me realize that the fascination I have for the Thai people and the love I have for my wife is based on the equally natural attraction of these two opposites.

In all relationships there will be ups and downs, often compounded and intensified by these ways of thinking. Our solutions, when we have our problems, are based upon our efforts to explore how much of our differing conclusions have their causes in these thought patterns. You do not need to be an intellectual to treat your relationship in this way. Just love your wife and work with her to reduce her fears and relate her expectations to your fears and expectations, remembering always the impermanency in all things.

The other incident goes back many years when I first read “Zorba the Greek” by Katzanzakis. The narrator in the book is a European educated intellectual who hires a primitive but intuitive labourer to help him work his mine on Crete. There is a passage in the book where they are both sitting on the beach watching the sun go down. The narrator is writing a complicated explanation of the end of the day with references to intellectual writers including The Lord Buddha. Suddenly Zorba stands up and begins to dance. The writer is amazed. He notes that in those few short minuets of dance Zorba has communicated feelings of far greater depth about the sunset then he could ever achieve in pages of his writings.

This is what I see and love in my wife. If a farang does not see this intuitive potential in his GF then I am afraid to say in my opinion the relationship is doomed.

Amen! Going on 5 years (the best of the best!) -- generosity, compassion, kindness, devotion , patience and commitment -- she has these; in spades. Some of the best conversations I've ever had -- the floodgates have opened; I don't deserve any of this, but I'll accept it, hehehe.

[Jai Dee]

Congratulations to all you guys who have posted on this, and my particular thanks to the OP for penning those words.

I will be marrying my Thai fiance very shortly, and I will be sure to keep your sound advice close.

[p_brownstone]

Psycho-babble finally makes inroads into Thai Visa.

Never read so much rubbish in my life.

The “Anthropologist” should stick to observing animals in a Zoo – are all Farangs “logical”? complete nonsense, are all Thais’ “intuitive”? ditto.

Don't overthink - make allowances for individual personalities and attitudes, it's the same in any marriage, Farang / Farang or Farang / Thai.

Coming up on 30 years of happy marriage to a Thai – without ever mentioning, let alone thinking, was she being “intuitive” or “logical”.

Patrick

[Thomas_Merton]

make allowances for individual personalities and attitudes, it's the same in any marriage, Farang / Farang or Farang / Thai.

Patrick

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Just as you are demonstrating in this thread, eh, Patrick?

Edited March 18, 2005 by Thomas_Merton

[p_brownstone]

make allowances for individual personalities and attitudes, it's the same in any marriage, Farang / Farang or Farang / Thai.

Patrick

Just as you are demonstrating in this thread, eh, Patrick?

Don’t quite get the inference there Thomas old chap.

My point is that any marriage where partner “a” adopts the condescending and pompous attitude that he / she has some racially intrinsic nous and is therefore able to “work with (partner “b”) to reduce her fears” etc. etc. is more doomed to failure than any other.

Patrick

[Harmonica]

Congratulations to all you guys who have posted on this, and my particular thanks to the OP for penning those words.

I will be marrying my Thai fiance very shortly, and I will be sure to keep your sound advice close.

Best of luck to you Jai Dee.

[Jai Dee]

Congratulations to all you guys who have posted on this, and my particular thanks to the OP for penning those words.

I will be marrying my Thai fiance very shortly, and I will be sure to keep your sound advice close.

Best of luck to you Jai Dee.

Thanks Harmonica.

I know I'm marrying the most wonderful woman in the world.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Lovely Post sir ! I'm nearing my 8th Marriage to my lovely wife Jum , and agree totally with your synopisis. I had never thought of it in this way , but in the future I will hopefully reflect on this , in those times of misunderstanding.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why do you marry her so much???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Lol , I enjoy the making up after a messy Divorce....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

And he drinks a lot