Does Your Thai Wife/partner/gf Let You Cheat?

[IanForbes]

Actually, almost all psychologists and marriage counselor advise against telling your partner if you stray sometime. The corporate line here is that people confess so they feel better, so they don't feel guilty anymore, but the partner feels worse. If you cheat, you need to suffer any consequences, not your partner.

That is exactly the point that the psychologist, Dr Joy Brown, made. And I agree completely. The couples that I know that split up due to infidelity all happened after the guilty party confessed... without even being coaxed into it.

[jubby]

Actually, almost all psychologists and marriage counselor advise against telling your partner if you stray sometime. The corporate line here is that people confess so they feel better, so they don't feel guilty anymore, but the partner feels worse. If you cheat, you need to suffer any consequences, not your partner.

That is exactly the point that the psychologist, Dr Joy Brown, made. And I agree completely. The couples that I know that split up due to infidelity all happened after the guilty party confessed... without even being coaxed into it.

Wow,

I'll have to bow to the vast knowlegde of said professionals then ................. They didn't come to this conclusion by reading it in some 'Handbook of psychology or something did they I still don't feel I'd be too comfortable with some professional telling me to lie especially when the truth is already known Would said professionals Lie to me by any chance ? I think I'll try to avoid them

[IanForbes]

Wow,

I'll have to bow to the vast knowlegde of said professionals then ................. They didn't come to this conclusion by reading it in some 'Handbook of psychology or something did they I still don't feel I'd be too comfortable with some professional telling me to lie especially when the truth is already known Would said professionals Lie to me by any chance ? I think I'll try to avoid them

Obviously, if you are caught in bed with someone then lying makes no sense. If you can't have an affair discretely then don't have one at all. I never cheated on my wives and never cheated on a steady girl friend either. I have had many opportunities to make it with other men's wives, but I won't do that either. It's just not worth the risk and I wouldn't want it to happen to me. It's just another reason why I choose to stay single. Any lie I might tell is just to save someone's feelings. I've been asked by wives of friends if their husband is fooling around on them. I always answer in an obscure fashion that neither denies nor explains the situation. The gal might suspect, but at least she might have some doubt. It gives the man time to end his infidelity and make amends in some other way. If there is no continuation of the philadering then it might eventually be put to rest... but it will NEVER be forgotten. Women remember EVERYTHING and will bring it up 20 or 30 years later every time there is an argument.

[Crossy]

Wifey has recently bought geese (something about them having bigger beaks, ducks are too small ).

No way I'm going to cheat on her anyway

[Thongkorn]

Don't see the point in being married if you want to act like you are single

[bonobo]

Don't see the point in being married if you want to act like you are single

If you only equate "acting like you are single" with sex, then there are a myriad of reasons to get married and still seek sex outside the marriage bed. Having children, security, having a close friend, comfort, legal reasons, putting on a show (I had a gay friend in a "marriage" because at the time, he couldn't tell his family--his wife was fully aware of the situation and they remain great buddies today)--the list can go on and on.

There was a article making the rounds earlier this week where it claimed that between 15 and 30% of all marriages are sexless (sex less than once a week, although many are no sex at all.)  yet these people stay together for many other reasons.  Sex is great, but it is not the sole reason for being married.

[lennya12threh]

My Thai wife abhors cheaters and cheating as do I.

I will always be able to look at myself in the mirror and not see a f##cking deceitful cheater.

Its not deceitful if there is communication and an agreement. It is only deceitful if there is no communication of it, and all is it cheating is a belief system created by mammals for whatever reasons in the past.

Healthy sex is great and makes for a healthy and confident life. Alot of sex makes one happier, more confident, and capable of doing more things in this state of mind.

And who says this great mystical experience cannot be shared with many? Why limit the experience of life and love you can share with others, especially if you can make someone feel soooo nice.

One might say this is animalistic. Sex. But the possesiveness of mammals over their mates is just as much, if not more animalsitc than sex itself. Sex, and the pure experience and enlightenment that comes in the moment, and physical and mental release resulting in it, does not cause suffering. So many people are deprived of this, yet is a fundenmental part of a healthy life. Suffering a result of mental attachment and possesivness in the mammal.

Unfortunately, many people dont even have sex for this reason and dont enjoy it. Women dont orgasm, or 80% of them.

Really, I understand. I have the possesiveness in me as well. The thought of another man touching my girlfriend makes me "grrr" too, and my girlfriend is the same. I have never had sex with another women during the period we have been together, and she would not permit it. I am never hungry, and she is quite special. I am not fond of hurting others, and consider myself a very kind and sensitive being... In Canada I would never think of cheating, but in Thailand the scenery is soo nice, sometimes I cannot control my thoughts. I do try to control them for my girlfriend, but sometimes a natural process starts to override a belief system that has been fed to everyone, and my consciousness begins to alter. With my last girlfriend I was not sexually satisfied and she didnt seem to interested in it, so I never felt full. Now I feel fuller than ever, but still think alot here in Thailand.

Right now I am full and would like to be with my girlfriend and not bring to life any pain, and am a very sensitive man, but am not limited to one belief system. I can see suffering and can see a different angle as well.

Edited September 16, 2009 by lennya12threh

[lennya12threh]

I would like to create awareness and loosen the the attachment and possesiveness over my girlfriend, and thus create more ease and happiness, and lower stress and worry within my mammal mind. Just experience this mystical thing called life without hurting others, remain open, and help my girlfriend out of her mental bondage as well.

I have no intentions to have sex with others, this is just a general self help process to loosen intensness and bondage.

If in the future a revelation occurs in both of us, and communication occurs, I`d probably be open to sharing.

[G54]

^^^ I wish you would not talk about bondage like that. You are getting me all excited

[mpetersen]

I really don't want this topic to get closed, since I'm genuinely interested in a sociological sense what average farang-Thai relationships are like in Thailand, so please, no lame, one-sentence quips trolls. I personally fall in the third category, but several people I know fall into the first and second categories. Please give your own serious observations, from Thailand or elsewhere in Asia.

A decent percentage of relationships are "open" to liaisons with other people. I think it's fair as long as it's a two-way street. Anyway, it's not really cheating then, if it's pre-approved and openly disclosed.

We spend way too much time apart, due to our work, to worry about what exactly happens when we meet other people. Most often nothing happens, and it appears, the more the relationship is open to such things, the less they happen....

Less stress, more time to concentrate on important things. Just try to stay healthy...

The biggest obstacle appears to be other people not believing that our relationship is open to it, and us having to pretend we are single in order to even have some fun...

[Lopburi99]

Its not deceitful if there is communication and an agreement. It is only deceitful if there is no communication of it...

No disagreement at all Lenny. My definition of deceit in this context is wittingly (and usually secretly) violating a partner's trust through an act of infidelity and betrayal.

Edited September 16, 2009 by Lopburi99

[imaneggspurt]

Another horse doctor.

I remember her,Where is she now ?

[imaneggspurt]

Is pretending you are a man when you are in fact a woman conseidered 'cheating?'

Opposite of a ladyboy like ? .....

[imaneggspurt]

Right now I have several young lovers who I share time with and it works for all of us.

Personally I have never been comfortable being a lover to more than one woman at a time, even when I was single. Was I tempted to do so at times? Of course. But would I actually do it? No. Call me old-fashioned. I've always been a one-woman man.

Don't get me wrong, you are very lucky to have created what appears to be the ideal existence for you. Keep up the excellent posts. You bring a lot to this forum.

Well said,

[Lopburi99]

Another horse doctor.

I remember her,Where is she now ?

Oh yes, Horse Doctor. Last I remember she was having a big fight with her neighbor, a chief of police who got so mad at her he came over and kicked her cat.

Something tells me she didn't take our advice to cool it with him, and she lost that battle big-time. Talk about having an attitude, she was something else!

[nisakiman]

From my experience many of the farangs with this attitude found Thailand late in life and well after their sell-by-date. If you start off young, are not unpleasant to look at, posses a roguish charm and a knack for mimicking the manners of those around you, then money is not a major factor. Money only comes into play when other salable attributes are lacking.

For an old farang, you will be like a gold mine for Thai girls, and that's it.

For a young farang, you will be like a new toy for Thai girls. They will show you around like a new toy, the same way that you show your new BMW to your neighbor, and that's it. Believe me.

And if they don't want you to cheat, it means they don't want to loose a new toy which can be transformed into a gold mine in the future.

A good Thai girls will never marry a farang, you know it?

When you walk with a Thai girl on the street or in the mall, people will look at you like a clown walking with a hooker.

Sorry if I am too straight.

Not only are you too straight, you are also too wrong.

A good Thai girl will never marry a farang? What utter <deleted>. There must be thousands of "good" Thai girls who have married farang. And as for the stereotype of the old farang and the much younger girl marrying him only for his money, yes, of course it happens, but it's not always the case.

I'm an "old farang", and I have a wife 22 years my junior. However, I'm a carpenter just about making a living in Greece, and with no capital left since my divorce several years ago. My (Thai) wife however is a fully qualified accountant, and in BKK was working as an accounts manager, earning (in Thai terms) very good money. We married a few years ago, and she moved to Greece with me, where we have since been living in (somewhat broke) marital bliss. And no, she's not ugly, the very opposite in fact!

But to get back on topic, Firstly, I have no desire to stray, as I have all I need from the relationship I have, and secondly, if I did have an outside affair which my wife found out about, I think she would cut my balls off!

So, no, my wife would not tolerate my having another woman in any way, shape or form.

[bonobo]

Another horse doctor.

I remember her,Where is she now ?

Oh yes, Horse Doctor. Last I remember she was having a big fight with her neighbor, a chief of police who got so mad at her he came over and kicked her cat.

Something tells me she didn't take our advice to cool it with him, and she lost that battle big-time. Talk about having an attitude, she was something else!

Yes, but it was her objection to men using the word "girls" in posts to describe women that made me re-think my posting style, and I don't think I have used "girls" since.

[IanForbes]

Yes, but it was her objection to men using the word "girls" in posts to describe women that made me re-think my posting style, and I don't think I have used "girls" since.

Yah, I remember that post, bonobo. I had to laugh at it. Women in their 50s use the term "girls" all the time... as in "Lets go girls". They don't mean they ARE girls, just as my grown children (in their 30s) are not children, even if I call them "kids".

[Lopburi99]

Right now I have several young lovers who I share time with and it works for all of us.

You seem like a guy who has his head screwed on pretty well Ian, so please allow me to pose the following question:

If you had a daughter, whom you of course loved dearly, and you discovered she had multiple concurrent lovers, perhaps both young Thai men and older farang men, either in Thailand or back home, how would you feel?

As her father, would this "work" for you? How would you feel?

Personally I would have a major problem with that scenario.

Edited September 19, 2009 by Lopburi99

[jubby]

Right now I have several young lovers who I share time with and it works for all of us.

You seem like a guy who has his head screwed on pretty well Ian, so please allow me to pose the following question:

If you had a daughter, whom you of course loved dearly, and you discovered she had multiple concurrent lovers, perhaps both young Thai men and older farang men, either in Thailand or back home, how would you feel?

As her father, would this "work" for you? How would you feel?

Personally I would have a major problem with that scenario.

As Nice a Guy as Ian undoubtedly is. Id be very surprised if any of Ians Young Lovers are Canadians . Its just not likely to happen, neither is the scenario of his daughter (if he has any) in Canada having Multiple concurrent Lovers, young and Old, unless she's from the french part

[Lopburi99]

Right now I have several young lovers who I share time with and it works for all of us.

You seem like a guy who has his head screwed on pretty well Ian, so please allow me to pose the following question:

If you had a daughter, whom you of course loved dearly, and you discovered she had multiple concurrent lovers, perhaps both young Thai men and older farang men, either in Thailand or back home, how would you feel?

As her father, would this "work" for you? How would you feel?

Personally I would have a major problem with that scenario.

As Nice a Guy as Ian undoubtedly is. Id be very surprised if any of Ians Young Lovers are Canadians . Its just not likely to happen, neither is the scenario of his daughter (if he has any) in Canada having Multiple concurrent Lovers, young and Old, unless she's from the french part

I appreciate Ian. I believe his views often reflect personal experience, wisdom and openness of thought. I wanted to introduce the issue of ethnocentrism (with respect to value systems) into the scenario to encourage reflection on that aspect in his response.

(My apologies to Ian if this is getting too heavy or theoretical. Please feel free not to reply or even to PM me and I'll ask a mod to remove my post. IN NO WAY did I intend offense! Lop)

[senshusband]

I never asked my wife this question because she once made the statement to me: "If you have sex with another girl, you will NEVER be ABLE to have sex again." I really believe her too, because I have seen the way she cuts vegetables and dice meat with that cleaver. She is very good with a knife and I will not let her try her hand at amputation. Seriously though, my wife and I made a commitment to each other til death do us part. We even got matching tatoos on our back that read, in Chinese, "Remain Faithful Until Death". Also, I wouldn't want another girl because my wife gives me the best sex I've ever had so anything else would just be disappointing

Edited September 19, 2009 by senshusband

[vreemd13]

Twist, are you men sure, who often reply "my wife not let me, thus I don't, because it has severe repercussion", the thai wife/girlfriend never cheat? You are probable more forgiving in that case

[bonobo]

Yes, but it was her objection to men using the word "girls" in posts to describe women that made me re-think my posting style, and I don't think I have used "girls" since.

Yah, I remember that post, bonobo. I had to laugh at it. Women in their 50s use the term "girls" all the time... as in "Lets go girls". They don't mean they ARE girls, just as my grown children (in their 30s) are not children, even if I call them "kids".

I agree with you myself, but if there is someone who objects to it, especially a female in this case, well, I think I need to be considerate of that even if I don't think I mean anything derogatory if I use the term.

[bonobo]

Its not deceitful if there is communication and an agreement. It is only deceitful if there is no communication of it, and all is it cheating is a belief system created by mammals for whatever reasons in the past.

 

I totally agree this.  However, the title of this thread is "Does your Thai Wife/Partner Let You Cheat?" For me, the title makes no sense.  If she "lets' you, then it is not cheating.

An better title might be "Does Your Thai Wife/Partner Let You Stray?," or "...Let You Have Extra-Marital/Relationship Sex?"

[elliworld]

So you are asking mainly male farang in Asia not female farang.

Men who acted untruthful in their homelands, will act here in Thailand most probably not different, but with the hope a bad outgoing will be cheaper than a western style divorce.

This idea can be probably very wrong.........my house, my family, my blame, my killer.

I will never understand why people marry and start cheating. ( Again?)

You marry--> you promise

You cheat--> you break a promise --> you pay best with your testicles or more

Kind Regards

A Farang Woman living since 7 years in Thailand

[KhunG]

I played in Thailand from 21 to 43, when I finally met my wife. If you are 24 I wouldn't worry about it too much. That is way too young, in my book, to settle down. Just try to do as little damage as possible along the way and don't get married until you are absolutely certain.

Change that to "from 23 to 43" and I could have written this post. Cheers!

[mca]

I never asked my wife this question because she once made the statement to me: "If you have sex with another girl, you will NEVER be ABLE to have sex again."

To which you replied "Bloody hel_l it's going to be that good is it?"

[eggomaniac]

I am in an open relationship that means i can have girls on the side but she can do the same.

can she only have girls or boys too? [yes, Im kidding] [i'll be there in January]

There is a 5th phenomenum which is prevelent in many ethnicities but more acceptable, in my opinion, with Asians and caucasians of wealth and power.

#5 SHE is okay with flings so long as she does not know about it. [no loss of 'face']

one small example --- a happily married Viet Namese woman I know, great kids, they run a family shop in Canada, packs condoms when her husband goes on business trips. She does not ask if used them!

hmmmm

-----------------

just noticed the first option says 'implictly or explicity'. If that means 'secretly or openly'?, I guess you covered that scenario, after all; though they are two very different movie plots.

Edited September 19, 2009 by eggomaniac

[Lopburi99]

...

one small example --- a happily married Viet Namese woman I know, great kids, they run a family shop in Canada, packs condoms when her husband goes on business trips...

Man I must be hopelessly conservative. I just don't understand this kind of a marriage. A wife even assists in helping her husband pork some other woman. That's being happily married? So if he porks two women, is she happier yet? To each their own, but I don't get it and probably never will.

Edited September 20, 2009 by Lopburi99