Thai Dowry

[Rionoir]

When my wife and I got married 3 years ago in Udon, it was a very special time for us both, so we "went all out" for the wedding. I did pay for everything, but it was what I wanted. I bought mom and dad necklaces (1 baht each) and 4 baht of jewelry for my wife. I gave my in-laws 200,000 baht in which we all agreed they would give all back except for 40,000. My wife and I used the money we got back on our honeymoon.

Now there are many things a person must consider other than a dowry. Like I said before, we went all out for our wedding so we ROCKED the village. We paid for a concert at mom and dads. My idea. We bought so much food it was unbelievable. We have 2 bulls and 1 pig butchered. We went to the market to get vegetables and literally filled up the bed of a Toyota truck. We also bought 30 boxes of different beers and 24 half pints of whiskey. (As you can see, I wanted to have a good time) The concert was a sucess. We had about 300 people show up for the morning ceremony and about 500 for the evening ceremony/celebration. We all had a GREAT time. The wedding (concert, food, beer) cost us about $6,000.

Before my wife and I got married, I paid to have a well dug and pipes run throughout the house so that mom and dad didn't have to rely on rain for water. Before my wife moved to the US with me I paid the remaining mortage on their house, 100,000 baht. We send money if Mom and Dad need it, but I have made it clear that my wifes brothers and sisters are able to help also.

I will say that my wife is the youngest daughter so, as you may know, she was responsible for taking care of her parents who are in their 70's now and not in prime health. I have accepted her Mom and Dad as my own and ANYONE getting married should do the same. If you can't trust your in-laws, why get married?

This sounds like a good situation for everyone.  Some farang are so cheap... I understand not wanting to be ripped off, but many people over-compensate I think.  IF I get married (lol), I don't expect to be an ATM, but I will certainly help out like part of the family when I can.

To the OP though... $15,000 US = run away LoL  You don't want any part of a family with the nerve to ask for that kind of money.

[JetsetBkk]

To the OP: I suggest you think very hard before taking any advice from the posters on this forum. You have to ask yourself why are they posting? Is it to give genuinely helpful advice or simply to enhance their kudos on the forum by making a joke or sounding tough.

You'd be far better off searching some other sources than asking for advice here.

[Patsycat]

I heard your husband paid your dad even more to take you back

Shhhh!!

[senshusband]

When my wife and I got married 3 years ago in Udon, it was a very special time for us both, so we "went all out" for the wedding. I did pay for everything, but it was what I wanted. I bought mom and dad necklaces (1 baht each) and 4 baht of jewelry for my wife. I gave my in-laws 200,000 baht in which we all agreed they would give all back except for 40,000. My wife and I used the money we got back on our honeymoon.

Now there are many things a person must consider other than a dowry. Like I said before, we went all out for our wedding so we ROCKED the village. We paid for a concert at mom and dads. My idea. We bought so much food it was unbelievable. We have 2 bulls and 1 pig butchered. We went to the market to get vegetables and literally filled up the bed of a Toyota truck. We also bought 30 boxes of different beers and 24 half pints of whiskey. (As you can see, I wanted to have a good time) The concert was a sucess. We had about 300 people show up for the morning ceremony and about 500 for the evening ceremony/celebration. We all had a GREAT time. The wedding (concert, food, beer) cost us about $6,000.

Before my wife and I got married, I paid to have a well dug and pipes run throughout the house so that mom and dad didn't have to rely on rain for water. Before my wife moved to the US with me I paid the remaining mortage on their house, 100,000 baht. We send money if Mom and Dad need it, but I have made it clear that my wifes brothers and sisters are able to help also.

I will say that my wife is the youngest daughter so, as you may know, she was responsible for taking care of her parents who are in their 70's now and not in prime health. I have accepted her Mom and Dad as my own and ANYONE getting married should do the same. If you can't trust your in-laws, why get married?

This sounds like a good situation for everyone.  Some farang are so cheap... I understand not wanting to be ripped off, but many people over-compensate I think.  IF I get married (lol), I don't expect to be an ATM, but I will certainly help out like part of the family when I can.

To the OP though... $15,000 US = run away LoL  You don't want any part of a family with the nerve to ask for that kind of money.

Yes, $15,000 is A LOT of money, but at the same time, I cannot say it is too much for the fact that I don't know her family's income, status, etc. The OP did say that she worked in a bank and that is something. Like I said before, I did help my in-laws out, but it was always with things that I felt necessery. My loving Thai family does not treat me like I own a gold mine so I really don't see anything wrong with helping them...when I can. I grew up poor in Arkansas so I know what its like to have it rough and when I married my wife, that was a huge loss of support for mom and dad. To each his own, but follow your heart and do what you need to do. If you really feel like you are being taken advantage of, maybe you are. Be skeptical but not paranoid.

[DonJuanDemarco]

I was offered marriage to a few Thai ladies for this much or that much , I told them I had married off 3 daughters and paid all the costs , if her parents were prepared to do the same I could maybe think they may even feel something for me , they did better burnouts than a drag racer . Moved to Cambodia , met a younger lady with chinese heritage , no husband or boyfriend , cost me $500.00 for a village wedding and that was 4 years ago , incidentaly , she chose a $40.00 ring for her wedding gift . SIN-SOT is for suckers .

Thank God for third world countries, right?

[beekaykay]

Hey all i have not been on in some time but wanted to ask? My gf and I want to get married sounds nice huh however for a Dowry her family ask for $15,000 USD .... hmmm I dont want to pay this will take a lifetime to get and she has not even finished school!!! Well she droped out really. so Im asking what is too much and what is right? what would you give out.....?

I paid on the day 200k and requested that 100k be given back which it was, don't bow down to this BS dowry culture or no culture its BS!

Thai families here are really taking the piss....

[JetsetBkk]

Hey all i have not been on in some time but wanted to ask? My gf and I want to get married sounds nice huh however for a Dowry her family ask for $15,000 USD .... hmmm I dont want to pay this will take a lifetime to get and she has not even finished school!!! Well she droped out really. so Im asking what is too much and what is right? what would you give out.....?

I paid on the day 200k and requested that 100k be given back which it was, don't bow down to this BS dowry culture or no culture its BS!

Thai families here are really taking the piss....

And if some farang has one tenth of what you have, he'd say you "bowed down to this BS dowry culture" for paying 100,000.

[MrHammer]

I would question a girls motives if she just matter of factly presented you with 'my parents want $15,000'. I'd like to think that a girl I was about to marry (and supposedly loved me), would realize that amount was obscene and would affect her too as there would be less money for the future life together. But I'm a newb in Thailand compared to most guys on here. I just dont find the idea of buying a girl very appealing (can I resell her if unsatisfied?).

Edited September 20, 2009 by MrHammer

[MiG16]

seeing that this topic keeps popping up every 2 days or so

and as someone rightly pointed out, there isnt much to go on in the pinned thread, Ive taken the liberty of moving 4 posts from this thread to the pinned thread. (and may move more from other recent threads on the topic)

I hope the posters of those comments do not object, but if you do please PM me and I will rectify the situation.

cheers

[JetsetBkk]

seeing that this topic keeps popping up every 2 days or so

and as someone rightly pointed out, there isnt much to go on in the pinned thread, Ive taken the liberty of moving 4 posts from this thread to the pinned thread. (and may move more from other recent threads on the topic)

I hope the posters of those comments do not object, but if you do please PM me and I will rectify the situation.

cheers

Good idea - and please keep moving the more "informed" posts ( ) into that pinned thread, as now it is so much more useful than the original two contradictory posts.

[asiaquakedb-tester]

Sin sod so that is what it's called. And I was asked to pay 500,000 Baht for a Thai girl I met out of Thailand and who works and lives in the same country as I do. The interesting bit is that her roots are from the North East of Thailand, specifically from Surin and I was told that the 500,000 baht would be just for her mom (bearing in mind that her parents are divorced) and I would have to make about 1 - 2 million baht for us (she and I).

Well the bottom line is around 1.5 million baht that I could make within a year to a year and a half, and worst fear is getting married for financial gain, it is then not a marriage in my eyes. I am willing to help her family and she as well financially after marriage, but i think these sin sods are risky...and..

I was wondering whether members on here could advice me on how to explain to the girl ways around getting the family to understand that I don't do dowries but would help them however I could. I wonder whether that would make the girl and her family run away...

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Iamsam's capital letter offering has been trashed.

[ozzieovaseas]

Ahhhh..another sin-sod thread...just gives you a warm fuzzy feeling doesnt it

Mate,first things first,you seem young, to young for marriage in your own country, so definately to young to be marrying here.

IMO there are to many questions and to many unknown variables..for my biccies these all equate to a huge risk factor..

Where are you gonna live?

Will you AND her both be happy wherever you decide to live?

Can you REALLY trust her?

How long will she hang around if things get tough and you cant throw the dosh around like you do here?

How much will this all cost in the long run?

Will you end up supporting her family as well?

and thats just a FEW things, without getting into culture differances.

Look at it this way:

US$15000= 505,048.60 BAHT

Consider spending 1000baht on female entertainment per night,

If you were not a naughty boy and content to do this once a week, by my rough calculations you would have around 10 years of trouble free entertainment

And how many marriages last 10 years?

PS. Have had a few botts of ARCHA so my calculations are not to be trusted

[Geekfreaklover]

It's surprising how when you put someone in a position where they have to make a choice regarding money and you are the one with money and they are without how the choice they make is to both parties benefit.

Thai women are notiriously difficult to seperate from. If a Thai woman actually seperates from you because she is not getting the correct amount of money then it is better that she does seperate from you in my opinion. Money is more difficult to find than a woman. In ten years time you will look on the break-up and whistle the theme tune from 'escape to victory'. Sin Sod is just opening a can of worms. The larger the sin sod the larger the can of worms. Period.

I have heard about this technique where the sin sod is presented and put on show and then the money is given back to whoever fronted it. Or given to the husband and wife. Usually the wife to help with the new homestead. Whilst this idea does seem to soften the blow the act of displaying money in exchange for a human being is an archaic barter that will hopefully one day be phased out. However, this handing back of the money I have never seen in practice of going to many weddings in rural Isaan for ten years. Thai Thai. Farang Thai. The money has always gone to the family of the bride.

How much?

For a woman that has already married, divorced and/or has a child. Nothing.

For a woman that is of family of reasonable wealth and works in a middle level job. 100,00 - 1,000,000.

For a woman from an influentail family that has been to university abroad and has an expectant high salery job 1M +

GFL.

Edited September 28, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[manjara]

If her family really needs something, then it would be ok to help out, but sin sod just as a payment to the parents who already have everything they need is just ridiculous. Many Thai parents will actually give the money back to their children though, but you might not get it all back.

I never paid sin sod, but I provide whatever is needed in the family and extended/rebuilt the parents house, which cost more than 100k.

Basically, when the family of the person you love is living on less than $200/month, it's pretty much an obligation to share something! Otherwise you would have a hard time qualifying as a member of the human race!

Some of the families are, granted, not worthy of the charity, however they are your family (or your wifes). Every now and then they will surprise you (one of our nephews has really excelled at secondary school, an opportunity he probably would not have had but for our - minimal - funding).

I still pay about 20 quid a month into Plan International. Why should I not contribute to my own family, which will not have the overhead of charity workers sitting in expensive London offices.

[nidhogg]

To the OP though... $15,000 US = run away LoL You don't want any part of a family with the nerve to ask for that kind of money.

Just to point out that a high sin sod can be a very polite way of saying - we would rather you did not marry our daughter.

[dachippe]

well I wanted to put my 2 cents in after just being thru the negotiations about my gfs sin sod.We aggred on 1m thb and 49 bath in gold but everything went back to me after the "showing" of money it was all to save face. But i still got stuck with the bill for the party (cant get everything in life)

[Mossfinn]

Just to point out that a high sin sod can be a very polite way of saying - we would rather you did not marry our daughter.

after just being thru the negotiations about my gfs sin sod.We aggred on 1m thb and 49 bath in gold

The Germans could have done with you as head negotiator for the Versaille Treaty

[britmaveric]

For a woman that has already married, divorced and/or has a child. Nothing. - True

For a woman that is of family of reasonable wealth and works in a middle level job. 100,00 - 1,000,000. False - nothing

For a woman from an influentail family that has been to university abroad and has an expectant high salery job 1M + False - nothing

[queenbill]

well I wanted to put my 2 cents in after just being thru the negotiations about my gfs sin sod.We aggred on 1m thb and 49 bath in gold but everything went back to me after the "showing" of money it was all to save face. But i still got stuck with the bill for the party (cant get everything in life)

If you marrying the typical issan girl, you got out negotiated. What if there is a robbery , or someone loses it! And you still have to pay for party.

Or worse, you have shown that you have money, so when they ask for it later for "emergencies" you cannot say you dont have it!

Edited October 4, 2009 by queenbill