Lessons Learned

[JSixpack]

Don't waste time arguing with idiots here in the forums.

[thequietman]

always be aware that on the thai family pecking order you are below the dog and just above a turd on the road. know your place and you will get along fine.

[happyrobert]

never try and get the wifes attention while the thai soap opera movie is on the t.v. between 8.30 p.m. and 10.30 p.m.. it will never happen!

and for gods sake dont even try explaining to the misses that they are all the same story, the actors are <deleted>, western movies are better and actually have a plot with a good story line, the fake blood isnt real, the person didnt really die, ask why does the person have to say the same thing about twenty times, why do they have to shout and scream so much, why cant the people that make these things condense 4 months of crap into 2 hours.

Because that would be considered a weapon of mass destruction.

[BuckarooBanzai]

Don't drink and ride the bike......its just not worth it (wear a helmet).

Live and let live

If a random starnger tells you numerous times he has been in the SAS or Mafia.....he is probably lying and living in cuckoo land

I agree with these three.

I'll add: Live far away from other "farangs".

A little bit racist towards all foreigners living in Thailand don't you think? If you hate them so much why join an expat forum you tool.

Yes - quite so, if you hate farangs so much why don't you go back where you came from!

[anton01972]

Never drive a rented jet ski

[Kilgore Trout]

#6 When you have the right to own land and vote in Thailand as an equal to a Thai citizen, then you have the right to voice your opinion on politics here, till then, your just a whinger.

I certainly hope you apply that sentiment equally across the globe; to do otherwise would be...well...hypocritical

On the newly elected prime minister you said

Can't even control her party out of office, imagine what a mess it would be when/if she was in office and the money starts to flow.... Perhaps this is the same militant faction that was uncontrollable in the riots as well...

Have you been naturalized as a Thai citizen or are you just whinging?

[aneliane]

Wave goodbye 2 inches from each other's face, looks stupid every where else but here !

[grin]

On Twitter feeds

Get world news leads.

On Thai Visa

Chiang Mai pizza.

BURMA SHAVE

[dean999]

No matter how a falang dies, it will be suicide.

Shot ten times by 5 different guns, hands tied behind their back and hanging upside down = suicide.

[ozsamurai]

#9 Learn that MAI BPEN RAI only applies BEFORE and AFTER the event, during it, everyone has a strong opinion.

[nocturn]

Before taking a <deleted> in a Thai toilet with no paper but a water gun for God's sake make sure the water gun is working.

been there

[Latindancer]

Never try and get the wife's attention while the Thai soap opera movie is on the t.v. between 8.30 p.m. and 10.30 p.m.. it will never happen!

And for gods sake don't even try explaining to the misses that they are all the same story, the actors are <deleted>, western movies are better and actually have a plot with a good story line, the fake blood isn't real, the person didn't really die, ask why does the person have to say the same thing about twenty times, why do they have to shout and scream so much, why cant the people that make these things condense 4 months of crap into 2 hours.

There are other ways around this !

My wife is educated and a Science teacher but still watches soaps. I rented a few Indiana Jones movies (which you must admit are very well made with good plots and great photography), and she sat up in bed and watched them avidly. When she sees something like that one night and a Thai soap the next night, the contrast between them eventually starts to shine through. The trick is to continue to contrast the two types by alternating them.

Edited August 18, 2011 by Latindancer

[David006]

things do materialize in Thailand ...people, motor bikes, kids, trucks, shopping carts...don't believe me? .......Look behind before reversing your vehicle...start to reverse...then look again...amazing!!.... happens every time..

and don't forget most Thai music is probably written by John Denver..it all sounds the same...lol

Edited August 18, 2011 by David006

[Thakkar]

Before taking a <deleted> in a Thai toilet with no paper but a water gun for God's sake make sure the water gun is working.

been there

Too much info.

[vpi78]

Never try and get the wife's attention while the Thai soap opera movie is on the t.v. between 8.30 p.m. and 10.30 p.m.. it will never happen!

And for gods sake don't even try explaining to the misses that they are all the same story, the actors are <deleted>, western movies are better and actually have a plot with a good story line, the fake blood isn't real, the person didn't really die, ask why does the person have to say the same thing about twenty times, why do they have to shout and scream so much, why cant the people that make these things condense 4 months of crap into 2 hours.

There are other ways around this !

My wife is educated and a Science teacher but still watches soaps. I rented a few Indiana Jones movies (which you must admit are very well made with good plots and great photography), and she sat up in bed and watched them avidly. When she sees something like that one night and a Thai soap the next night, the contrast between them eventually starts to shine through. The trick is to continue to contrast the two types by alternating them.

Yeah, I do that too but then those freaks at Disney and Pixar keep coming out with those 3D cartoons like Rio and Rapunzel.

There is no way to pry a Thai bird from those.

[KeyserSoze01]

Great thread. It seems that at least half of the posts are concerning human bodily functions and the evacuation of waste. A lesson I believe most of us have found out the hard way. I know I did on my very first sojourn in SEA. I now carry Imodium and a bog roll in my backpack, just in case the urge strikes me.

[slapout]

You plan, build, pay for a plot of land and a house on it. The wife/girlfriend dips a paint brush and splatters watered down paint on it and it becomes her house.

Wife/girlfriend washes the transport it is her vehicle. She dings it up and it is yours to repair.

Good socket/wrench sets have multiple uses, pry bar, hammer, shim under BBQ, errant missiles at unwanted critters and the final boiling point , weights on a seine for fish.

[Geekfreaklover]

1. Thais are not a different species.

2. Immigration do not issue visas.

3. Calmness and politeness works wonders in all situations.

4. A fool and his money are easily parted.

5. If it seems too good to be true. It is.

:jap:

[zzaa09]

don't bother using sarcasm to make a point with asians, they don't get it

Oh, how wonderfully wise in the ways of The Asians you are.

Yes, only if he was wise in the ways.

[StreetCowboy]

Be wary when asking thais for directions,rather than say they don't know,they will point you in any direction so as not to lose face.

Does my head in that one.

PST.

So why do you ask directions?

Sorry - my apologies, you are obviously of the fairer sex - I can't imagine a man admitting to asking directions.

A real man would wander all the way to the South Pole, tell his mates "I'm just going outside, I may be some time" rather than admit he couldn't find his way to the tobacconist

SC

[maxme]

Don´t drink coffee after you eat Som Tam

[tink2mutt]

For the farang tourist - Don't think with small head all the time!!

For farang retiree: Don't tink too mutt!! Accept reality as it is.

For Thai people: Always smear powder all over everyone's face after showering;

For playing Thai music: Always play at ear splitting volume.

[JurgenG]

Good socket/wrench sets have multiple uses, pry bar, hammer, shim under BBQ, errant missiles at unwanted critters and the final boiling point , weights on a seine for fish.

After reaching enlightenment, the wise man realizes his two most precious possessions are his dog and his wrench box.

My gf never understood it was not ok to let workers using my tools. So now I've two toolbox, mine under lock, and a cheap one for the workers we hire

[Latindancer]

Never try and get the wife's attention while the Thai soap opera movie is on the t.v. between 8.30 p.m. and 10.30 p.m.. it will never happen!

And for gods sake don't even try explaining to the misses that they are all the same story, the actors are <deleted>, western movies are better and actually have a plot with a good story line, the fake blood isn't real, the person didn't really die, ask why does the person have to say the same thing about twenty times, why do they have to shout and scream so much, why cant the people that make these things condense 4 months of crap into 2 hours.

There are other ways around this !

My wife is educated and a Science teacher but still watches soaps. I rented a few Indiana Jones movies (which you must admit are very well made with good plots and great photography), and she sat up in bed and watched them avidly. When she sees something like that one night and a Thai soap the next night, the contrast between them eventually starts to shine through. The trick is to continue to contrast the two types by alternating them.

Yeah, I do that too but then those freaks at Disney and Pixar keep coming out with those 3D cartoons like Rio and Rapunzel.

There is no way to pry a Thai bird from those.

Yeah...but at least Disney animations don't have "boing" noises ad nauseum, canned laughter, and poor acting from the "catty sister-in-law", the "evil mother-in-law / stepmother", etc etc !

If you haven't seen them, get her the "Ice Age" animated series and fast foward it to only the scenes with "Scrat", the strange rodent/squirrel-like creature who's obsessed with acorns. You must admit, he is very funny. And best in #3 when he meets a female.......

[kerryk]

Be wary when asking thais for directions,rather than say they don't know,they will point you in any direction so as not to lose face.

Does my head in that one.

PST.

So why do you ask directions?

Sorry - my apologies, you are obviously of the fairer sex - I can't imagine a man admitting to asking directions.

A real man would wander all the way to the South Pole, tell his mates "I'm just going outside, I may be some time" rather than admit he couldn't find his way to the tobacconist

SC

I was just going out the store for some barriga de freira, and I ended up in Thailand. Never left.

[ozsamurai]

#10 Hiring a handyman with a job title that indicates they can do a certain thing is a falacy, you will only know if they're truly a "carpenter" or not after they have finished the job.

[travelmann]

Trust no one but yourself and even then double check???

[travelmann]

No matter how a falang dies, it will be suicide.

Shot ten times by 5 different guns, hands tied behind their back and hanging upside down = suicide.

After they were found at the bottom of the condo block, surely only this could then be deemed suicide?

[baboon]

Check online the properties/ side effects and strength of the cocktail of drugs you have been sent away with.

Don`t take hiis/ her word for it just because of the white coat.

[phuket Mike]

When walking through a Thai market on a hot day breath through your mouth.

Always knock on a toilet door before trying it, just because it has a lock doesn't mean people use it (that picture of my mother-in-law squatting is one I will take to my grave).

If your in a toilet in a bar or restaurant just because the button is pushed in doesn't mean the door won't open, if possible keep your foot against it or something else (that restaurant full of people in Patong probably didn't want that image of me sat on the toilet burned into their memory)

If you live near your wife's family expect them to share your clothes, tools, motorbike, car

If you buy a new washing machine everyone else's clothes will be washed in it except yours.

Take people as you find them, if your honest and keep your word you will always find others that do the same.