Refused Again!

[Darknight]

I'm ashamed of all the generalisations about thais on this forum..all thais lie, visas are hard to get for all thais, all thais are out to scam farangs ..blah blah blah.

There are SO many different demographics of thais in a variety of different situations in thailand and around the world.I guess if you only have experience interacting with a "certain type" of thai then it might seem as if all thais are like this.But as you meet a wider and more socially diverse circle of thai folk you'll truly come to realise how narrow your generalisations are.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

"certain type"

certain type of what you bigot

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

easy there larry

[devildog683]

Interesting to note that "Private Dancer" came up again.....If you want advice read this.....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It seems to be the bible to dealing with Thai girls according to some people

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Perhaps, but I think the book "Thailand Fever" would be a more appropriate guide.

http://www.dcothai.com/product_info.php?pr...835163fa75c591a

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

while a book will never be the complete answer, i would definitely recommend Thailand Fever over a Private Dancer though, as it covers the full spectrum of Thai women, not just one group

[penelope]

I'm ashamed of all the generalisations about thais on this forum..all thais lie, visas are hard to get for all thais, all thais are out to scam farangs ..blah blah blah.

There are SO many different demographics of thais in a variety of different situations in thailand and around the world.I guess if you only have experience interacting with a "certain type" of thai then it might seem as if all thais are like this.But as you meet a wider and more socially diverse circle of thai folk you'll truly come to realise how narrow your generalisations are.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

"certain type"

certain type of what you bigot

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

the type that fit the generalisation, as opposed to the types that dont fit the generalisation.

[BIG SPUDS]

I dont think it is possible to that there is a book, that can explain how everyone or even a majority, acts in a certain country/area/religion. And i definatley do not think it there is a book that can explain thai girls,

Take for instance where you come from, i'm from england so could there be a book written on men from the UK that would be almost accurate for every male from the UK? of course not, i bet not even 5% would be accurate for most men.

All books are a generlization.

Everybody is different.

Only customs, traditions and general way of life can be a guide line,

.................but these are not always followed.

Am i making sense.............i dunno????

Edited March 31, 2005 by BIG SPUDS

[Doctor John]

Am i making sense.............i dunno????

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think you are saying books like ' Private Dancer ' are &lt;deleted&gt;.

[easyb]

I don’t at all disagree that any generalization is bound to be untrue at the individual level. However, with that caveat I found “Thailand Fever” a very useful read on male farang / female Thai relationships. There was a lot that rang true. Even if not every generalization is accurate in every relationship it did get me to take a big step back and think about the assumptions and conditioning my GF and I each bring to the table. As Marshall McLuhan said "We don't know who discovered water, but we know it wasn't the fish."

The fact that it is in Thai & English makes it a good way to share a dialog about these things. We have to discover for ourselves what it means and how it applies but I am looking forward to talking about some of this with my GF when I’m in Thailand next.

As for “Private Dance” I wasn’t impressed (both for writing quality and insight) at all but I suppose it’s a worst case outcome of two people who disregard what you might learn using ideas in something like “Thailand Fever” as a starting place for open and respectful dialog. Relationships without communication, without shared understanding, seem to me to be dysfunctional at best and doomed in most cases regardless of the cultural mix. The farang/Thai is just one variation with it’s own challenges but they are all hard work in my experience.

I read whatever I can, I talk to people, I read boards like this, etc. because as Buckminster Fuller said “You can’t learn less” (quotes are jumping into my head today). Then I can synthesize my own opinions and judgments from a better informed place. Abet a very Western intellectualized process…

Lastly reading “Jasmine Nights” as recommend on this board and am really enjoying it. Yet another take, anther perspective, on Thai culture and life, this time from a very magical perspective of a 12 year old boy. Highly recommended.

And good luck to Spuds - this is an tough saga and I wish you the best!

[Khun Larry]

I'm ashamed of all the generalisations about thais on this forum..all thais lie, visas are hard to get for all thais, all thais are out to scam farangs ..blah blah blah.

There are SO many different demographics of thais in a variety of different situations in thailand and around the world.I guess if you only have experience interacting with a "certain type" of thai then it might seem as if all thais are like this.But as you meet a wider and more socially diverse circle of thai folk you'll truly come to realise how narrow your generalisations are.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

"certain type"

certain type of what you bigot

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

the type that fit the generalisation, as opposed to the types that dont fit the generalisation.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes. I think I understand now. You're in favor of "good generalizations", you know the kind penelope has the wisdom to make. You are ashamed of "bad generalizations" which seem to be generalizations made by others.

Sounds like Thai logic at work here.

[glassdude007]

hi spuds when you get to thailand.......if i were you id take the money for the dowery and go down the sois with your mates and do some bell ringing and some lady drinks i/e batchlor party.....then tell your honey while you were home.. that you were on the way to make a bank deposit/transfer on easter sunday and your mom called you and said that she fell off the double decker bus while going to get easter dinner and needed some money ...she'll pay us back telac...that will buy you some time untill you get this all sorted out...good luck

regards glassdude007

[penelope]

I'm ashamed of all the generalisations about thais on this forum..all thais lie, visas are hard to get for all thais, all thais are out to scam farangs ..blah blah blah.

There are SO many different demographics of thais in a variety of different situations in thailand and around the world.I guess if you only have experience interacting with a "certain type" of thai then it might seem as if all thais are like this.But as you meet a wider and more socially diverse circle of thai folk you'll truly come to realise how narrow your generalisations are.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

"certain type"

certain type of what you bigot

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

the type that fit the generalisation, as opposed to the types that dont fit the generalisation.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes. I think I understand now.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Excellent.

[mbkudu]

I'm ashamed of all the generalisations about thais on this forum..all thais lie, visas are hard to get for all thais, all thais are out to scam farangs ..blah blah blah.

There are SO many different demographics of thais in a variety of different situations in thailand and around the world.I guess if you only have experience interacting with a "certain type" of thai then it might seem as if all thais are like this.But as you meet a wider and more socially diverse circle of thai folk you'll truly come to realise how narrow your generalisations are.

"certain type"

certain type of what you bigot

Funny thing about generalisations. They seem to be formed from more than just a few people experiencing the same thing time after time after time.

[penelope]

I'm ashamed of all the generalisations about thais on this forum..all thais lie, visas are hard to get for all thais, all thais are out to scam farangs ..blah blah blah.

There are SO many different demographics of thais in a variety of different situations in thailand and around the world.I guess if you only have experience interacting with a "certain type" of thai then it might seem as if all thais are like this.But as you meet a wider and more socially diverse circle of thai folk you'll truly come to realise how narrow your generalisations are.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

"certain type"

certain type of what you bigot

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Funny thing about generalisations. They seem to be formed from more than just a few people experiencing the same thing time after time after time.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

those few people are also more than likely in relationships(business,personal etc..) with thais of a certain type.

[sonthaya]

Big Spuds

Go for it, give it a chance, I did and we have now been happily married for 12 years, it's a give and take situation, two very different cultures, but it's worth it.

[mbkudu]

Big Spuds, I know this might be a silly question, but are you certain that your girl

is not already married?

[BIG SPUDS]

yes certain.

[withnail]

Big Spuds, I know this might be a silly question, but are you certain that your girl

is not already married?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good point, would certainly explain not wanting to apply for a passport/visa as these things tend to show up. Another possible explanation is that she's really a man, I've heard of that happening before.

Don't worry BS, just joshing I'm sure you'd have noticed that by now.

[Nigelmartin]

GF was refused again!

The reason was he didnt think i have enough money to support her.

I have £2000 savings in my account how much more do i need.  So p$ssed off i cant explain.

GF thinks that if i go over again as quick as possible get married in thailand this will improve our chances?

what do you all think?

Should i reapply straight after that?

i just dont know what to do for the best!  

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I can give you some advice, having been though the procedure 4 times. In fact just been down on Tuesday and got a vistor's visa for my wife.

Nigel

Edited April 2, 2005 by Nigelmartin

[The_Eye_Of_Sauron]

But i dont want to rush things i want her to come to the uk on a 6 month settlement visa to see what she thinks of the UK then if she is sure she likes it and all is good then get married.

Don't tell the Embassy that if she likes it, she'll stay, and marry in UK (and subsequently try to change status). That is a definite refusal of 6 mth visa.

Changing status in the UK is frowned upon- no its worse, and they make it hard - intentionally.

...& If you tell them thats the plan, you'll get canned immediately.

You want to say at the Embassy, that if she likes it in UK, you will come back with her to Thailand, marry here, then apply at the Embassy for permanent settlement.

They want to see a definite plan for her coming back. (confirmed air ticket reservations both ways will suffice)

Lastly reading “Jasmine Nights” as recommend on this board and am really enjoying it. Yet another take, anther perspective, on Thai culture and life, this time from a very magical perspective of a 12 year old boy. Highly recommended.

I actually learned more about Greek philosophy and mythology than Thai culture from it ! I think Somtow was trying to show us what a Classical education he received. Nice book.

Edited April 2, 2005 by The_Eye_Of_Sauron

[chonabot]

Penelope - don't forget the classic - Thai's don't know how to budget

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That is absolute Crap ,we used to run a meeting house for Isaan couples living in the hampshire and surrey area, lots of cases not of wives screwing around ornot being able to budget!! but being mistreated and literally worked to death, One particular case, husband brings wifes children from isaan ,had her working 3 jobsto pay his mortgage and his hobby rallycar driving, he lost his own business and never went back to work , he could not find a job as managing director anywhere and he would not ,accept a lesser position, his thai wife went to the bailffs and took on all her husbands debts the house was re registered in her name. sadly as she had most of the debts cleared she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, while she lay dying in a hospice , loving farang husband, remortgages the house and with proceeds purchases a new Lotus sportscar, and starts to look for a new thai wife, in the 12 weeks from diagnosis to death , loving husband had spent the childrens inheritence and has scarpered with the cash, The gentleman concerned is in Pattaya at the moment !! But watch out Mate we are coming to get YOU!! Nignoy

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What an absolute shit , give me a shout if you want a hand in kicking his head in.

I'm not far from Hamshire at all.

[chonabot]

But i dont want to rush things i want her to come to the uk on a 6 month settlement visa to see what she thinks of the UK then if she is sure she likes it and all is good then get married.

Don't tell the Embassy that if she likes it, she'll stay, and marry in UK (and subsequently try to change status). That is a definite refusal of 6 mth visa.

Changing status in the UK is frowned upon- no its worse, and they make it hard - intentionally.

...& If you tell them thats the plan, you'll get canned immediately.

You want to say at the Embassy, that if she likes it in UK, you will come back with her to Thailand, marry here, then apply at the Embassy for permanent settlement.

They want to see a definite plan for her coming back. (confirmed air ticket reservations both ways will suffice)

Lastly reading “Jasmine Nights” as recommend on this board and am really enjoying it. Yet another take, anther perspective, on Thai culture and life, this time from a very magical perspective of a 12 year old boy. Highly recommended.

I actually learned more about Greek philosophy and mythology than Thai culture from it ! I think Somtow was trying to show us what a Classical education he received. Nice book.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The Embassy require no proof of return for 6 month Settlement visa , Tourist Visa ,yes. When you marry on a 6month Settlement Visa, which you must do within 6 months, send the proof of marriage with an application for indefinite leave to remain.

Yes Jasmine Knights , I believe I may have recommended that one.

Great little book , about the Teenage years of angst that are universal whatever your creed.

Edited April 2, 2005 by chonabot

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Big Spuds, I know this might be a silly question, but are you certain that your girl

is not already married?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good point, would certainly explain not wanting to apply for a passport/visa as these things tend to show up. Another possible explanation is that she's really a man, I've heard of that happening before.

Don't worry BS, just joshing I'm sure you'd have noticed that by now.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

He drinks you know

[The_Eye_Of_Sauron]

When you marry on a 6month Settlement Visa,

Is Spudwelike really going to marry her in order to secure the Visa? - gosh. He has balls of granite.

As you point out, if they do wed, then yes, a visa would be forthcoming.

[Nignoy]

Penelope - don't forget the classic - Thai's don't know how to budget

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That is absolute Crap ,we used to run a meeting house for Isaan couples living in the hampshire and surrey area, lots of cases not of wives screwing around ornot being able to budget!! but being mistreated and literally worked to death, One particular case, husband brings wifes children from isaan ,had her working 3 jobsto pay his mortgage and his hobby rallycar driving, he lost his own business and never went back to work , he could not find a job as managing director anywhere and he would not ,accept a lesser position, his thai wife went to the bailffs and took on all her husbands debts the house was re registered in her name. sadly as she had most of the debts cleared she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, while she lay dying in a hospice , loving farang husband, remortgages the house and with proceeds purchases a new Lotus sportscar, and starts to look for a new thai wife, in the 12 weeks from diagnosis to death , loving husband had spent the childrens inheritence and has scarpered with the cash, The gentleman concerned is in Pattaya at the moment !! But watch out Mate we are coming to get YOU!! Nignoy

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What an absolute shit , give me a shout if you want a hand in kicking his head in.

I'm not far from Hamshire at all.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

only just noticed your comment, thanks for the offer of help ,but we have got it all under control, his card is marked , from news we got yesterday one of the childrenhas customised his Lotus for him!! nignoy

[fiveyears]

Have you ever considered buying a Golden Retriever? Your savings would be sufficient... or a goldfish in a bowl?

Why would someone marry you with your background? No pun intended but if you are not able to live a decent live in the UK it won't become better when you import a bride.

flame me!

[chonabot]

Have you ever considered buying a Golden Retriever? Your savings would be sufficient... or a goldfish in a bowl?

Why would someone marry you with your background? No pun intended but if you are not able to live a decent live in the UK it won't become better when you import a bride.

flame me!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A post that was intended to receive some flames is best left ignored.

[chonabot]

When you marry on a 6month Settlement Visa,

Is Spudwelike really going to marry her in order to secure the Visa? - gosh. He has balls of granite.

As you point out, if they do wed, then yes, a visa would be forthcoming.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hi Sauron , the 6 month Settlement visa that Spud speaks of, has certain conditions. Once the visa is granted and your fiance has entered terra firma in dear old Blighty, you must marry within that 6 month window. The visa is already granted, the extension is dependant on whether or not you honour the agreement by plighting your trothe. Obviously if you both decide that you have zero in common , you ex fiance must leave within that same window , or door.

But yes Balls of Granite I once had, it's a gamble that seems absurd to those in , perhaps, more ideal situations. Unfortunately we are not all dealt the same cards in life. I for one wish Spud luck and believe he has more guts than many of the casters of aspersions on this thread.

[BIG SPUDS]

The plan is for her to come to the UK see if she likes it and spend a lot more serious time with me. After about 4 months if everything is fine we will marry in the UK. After applying for her to stay with me for good, without her returning to LOS (if she likes it and all is ok) We then plan to go back to thailand the following year to have the celebrations in thailand with her family. Dowry etc.

We have no intention of telling the embassy, maybe she wont like it and we will not marry. The reason we are giving why she wants to come to the UK is to get married and live with me.

As for the comment that i cant live a good life myself without importing a bride and struggling more...............i know i shouldn't reply to the troll, but not everywhere in the UK is expensive to live like london. I can support my GF and myself no problem. £1250 is more than enough to live on when i dont have any outgoings!!!!!

[frankthetank]

good luck bs, i truly wish you and your lady the happiest of futures together.

[udon]

Spuds, is that your lass in your avatar?

[GU22]

The plan is for her to come to the UK see if she likes it and spend a lot more serious time with me. After about 4 months if everything is fine we will marry in the UK.

I'm sorry to say this, BS, but as this woman has lied to you at least twice about having a visa interview, has told you she was refused only to confess when pressed that she had not even applied and has spent the money you sent for the fee on other things, are you sure that this is her plan also?

[Boatabike]

BS there is not a single forang living in Thailand who has a partner that does not lie to them,

&lt;deleted&gt;. Not ever farang marrys/partners with the type of woman that needs to lie. Which demographic groups is your scientific statistic based upon ?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

U chose one line out of a post!

I am sorry but Lying is a part of Thai culture it is pretty much the norm. Land of the smile hide what you feel, this is a form of hiding the truth about what they feel. The Lie is just an extension of the smile. Thai people lying to me doesn't get to me like a forrang lying to me does (& many do) because it is a cultural difference. This has been confirmed to me by many Thais when i have spoken to them about cultural differences. And no not bar girls, i know Thai people from all walks of life from the local bottle collector to police, teachers, office workers and politicians. All Thai at times will lie without feeling it is wrong. For their culture it is a part of everyday life. I have seen this after 15 yrs here, and know a lot of Thai people who agree, the ones who refuse to admit to it are normally the ones who will lie more frequently in my experience. If your married to a Thai lady and she has never lied to you then your living a lie to yourself. I dont mean this in a slagging of Thai women way or disrespect to your wife at all, or Thais in general. I suggest you learn a little more about Thai culture, i have lived off and on with Thais from all areas of Thai society, not as an expat in expat bars, not picking up bar girls. I live in a small town where i interact with Thai people daily on there level. The Thai people i know have often commented on my awareness of there culture, and i stand by what i say and most honest Thai who are not afraid to acknowledge all is not perfect in LOS would i believe agree with that. When u take one line from a post out of context you can make it sound as u wish, but i was pointing out Cultural differences not calling all Thais a bunch of lyers. The post was aimed at big spuds to give him a possitive answer amongst so many negative ones not your wife lol.