Osama Bed-linen

[udon]

From: Bin Laden, Osama

To: All Al Queda Fighters

Subject: The Cave

Internal Memo. Do Not Distribute Outside The Organisation.

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've

really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are

fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a

few concerns:

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles,

we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave.

We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) -

so we need to sweep the cave daily.

I've done my bit on the cleaning rota have you?

I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal toaster).

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm

trying to scare the sh*t out of most of the world's population, okay?

That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.

Third: Food.

I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on the front,

and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance

ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant

"Ossy, Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.

Five: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F**kS DONKEYS" on the group

toilet wall. It's a lie, the donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving

myself at the edge of the mountain.

Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse

that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge

of the mountain' will not be accepted in future.

(With donkeys, there is a grey area.)

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise

trying to infiltrate our ranks.

I want to set up patrols to look for them.

First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Love you lots,

Group Hug.

Os.

PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag.

Cut it out, it's not funny any more.

----------------------------

Nicked from a Pilots Forum

-----------------------------

[udon]

Reply: Smith, Dave

To: Bin Laden

Subject: Re: The Cave

Ozzy,

Just to clarify the patrol thingy, are we to go in pairs or by ourselves? I went out with Omar last night, and he has not returned? Could I be paired up with Akbar tonight?

Thanks,

Dave.

[ThaiPauly]

Brilliant ad lib Udon

[A. BOOZER]

From: Bin Laden, Osama

To: All Al Queda Fighters

Subject: The Cave

Internal Memo. Do Not Distribute Outside The Organisation.

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've

really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are

fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a

few concerns:

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles,

we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave.

We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) -

so we need to sweep the cave daily.

I've done my bit on the cleaning rota have you?

I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal toaster).

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm

trying to scare the sh*t out of most of the world's population, okay?

That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.

Third: Food.

I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on the front,

and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance

ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant

"Ossy, Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.

Five: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F**kS DONKEYS" on the group

toilet wall. It's a lie, the donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving

myself at the edge of the mountain.

Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse

that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge

of the mountain' will not be accepted in future.

(With donkeys, there is a grey area.)

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise

trying to infiltrate our ranks.

I want to set up patrols to look for them.

First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Love you lots,

Group Hug.

Os.

PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag.

Cut it out, it's not funny any more.

----------------------------

Nicked from a Pilots Forum

-----------------------------

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Love 'em Udon

[udon]

Next time I hear "ossie ossie ossie, oy oy oy" it won't be the same

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Next time I hear "ossie ossie ossie, oy oy oy" it won't be the same

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You won't hear that in your present location Udon. Very few true blue's thereabouts

[udon]

Yeah, it's Lebo, lebo, lebo here.......

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Yeah, it's Lebo, lebo, lebo here.......

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Maka]

From: Bin Laden, Osama

To: Dave

Subject: Patrols

Internal Memo. Do Not Distribute Outside The Organisation.

Davie

Do not worry about Omar, he will return in a few days Im sure. He is out harassing the naive Farsi live stock Im sure. We had this problem with him and cammels back home.

That is why cammels are often referd to as "Ships of the desert", more often than not they are filled with Arab seemen.

Pass that one around Dave, homor is good for morale.

As far as your new partner, Akbar wont work. He and Muhamed are quite attached to each other, and will remain together for the foreseable future. You will go out with Abdul tonight. You can learn many things from him. Do not be put off by his lavender tent, he is a fine terrorist.

Huggs

Os

[udon]

Good one

[dr_Pat_Pong]

From: Bin Laden, Osama

To: Dave

Subject: Patrols

Internal Memo. Do Not Distribute Outside The Organisation.

Davie

Do not worry about Omar, he will return in a few days Im sure. He is out harassing the naive Farsi live stock Im sure. We had this problem with him and cammels back home.

That is why cammels are often referd to as "Ships of the desert", more often than not they are filled with Arab seemen.

Pass that one around Dave, homor is good for morale.

As far as your new partner, Akbar wont work. He and Muhamed are quite attached to each other, and will remain together for the foreseable future. You will go out with Abdul tonight. You can learn many things from him. Do not be put off by his lavender tent, he is a fine terrorist.

Huggs

Os

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Humphrey Bear]

Yeah, there used to be a saying in the IDF

"you have nothing to fear from an army that holds hands"