Is Age Difference A Problem?

[Boatman37210]

I am considering marriage to my GF who is much younger than I. I emphasize the word "considering". No decision made for sure.

She has no job and no assets. Lives with her family. High school education. 1 year old baby.

I want to bring her to the states on a K-1. The baby would remain in her country with her family until we could get married. Then we would bring her baby to the states.

What are my chances of getting a K-1? Will the age difference be a large factor? Will they look at the age difference and say this guy is nuts. We need to save him from himself.

Thanks in advance.

[Thongkorn]

By rule of thum, Thai thum that is , A Girl should be no younger than Half your age plus ten. I know mine is.

[pagallim]

You don't state your respective ages, so how can anyone possibly give objective comment? Are you serious or merely bored?

[cognos]

You don't state your respective ages, so how can anyone possibly give objective comment? Are you serious or merely bored?

good point..are you like, 30 years older? In my case, I am 53 and my Thai wife is 38..(she looks much younger and doesn't smoke, drink and has a good diet). I also do not drink or smoke, and keep fit, always did..but now its even more important with the age difference ( 15 years in my case). If say, for example, the guy is 25 or 30 years older, smokes and drinks and has a large stomach, then perhaps that is somewhat unfair for his young wife, would you not agree?? Maybe guys like that do not generally care, as they will get what they need until they kick off, but again it seems VERY unfair for the lady in my humble view.

[Thongkorn]

You don't state your respective ages, so how can anyone possibly give objective comment? Are you serious or merely bored?

This is an Objective Comment , its a fact Half a mans age plus ten, If you are 54, then your ideal age of your wife or girl is about 37 , and so on,

[pagallim]

You don't state your respective ages, so how can anyone possibly give objective comment? Are you serious or merely bored?

This is an Objective Comment , its a fact Half a mans age plus ten, If you are 54, then your ideal age of your wife or girl is about 37 , and so on,

Am happy if it works for you, but what is the basis for this formula? Is it scientifically based or purely opinion (of which I'm sure there are multitudes!). As the average male reaches his sexual peak at late teens/early twenties, and the average female reaches her's early/mid thirties, what does this prove in relation to your theory? Sexual compatability is often the source of mutually fulfilling relationships, so maybe all of us older expats need to be looking for even older Thai ladies?

[cognos]

age difference doesn't seem to matter.. for the FARANG..maybe you are SOMEWHAT worried what your relatives/ friends associates/etc.. in the US will think or perceive..because their PERCEPTION will be their REALITY..perhaps thats why its generally easier and more "hassle free" to be 30 years older (and more) than her as a LOS expat, and why so many do it.. no one can observe them, hence no STIGMA

[Boatman37210]

I've checked my post several times and I can't find where I ask for anyone's opinion on whether we should get married or not. As far as is it fair to the girl, why don't you let her decide. It's her decision.

Maybe I have my question posted in the wrong section or for that matter on the wrong forum. I've been in forums like this where there are some members who prefer passing moral judgement rather than helping with the question.

If no one wants to help, I will be glad to go elsewhere.

[Thongkorn]

I've checked my post several times and I can't find where I ask for anyone's opinion on whether we should get married or not. As far as is it fair to the girl, why don't you let her decide. It's her decision.

Maybe I have my question posted in the wrong section or for that matter on the wrong forum. I've been in forums like this where there are some members who prefer passing moral judgement rather than helping with the question.

If no one wants to help, I will be glad to go elsewhere.

Sorry Boatman , i posted a tong in cheek reply and now its got all serious,

[FarmerJoe]

Thongkorn, your reply was fine. Although a bit off topic. It's some of the other idiots who have nothing else to do but give sarcastic answers that are the problem. My advice. Go to Teak Door. Less morons. Just for giggles. I'm 52. But in great shape(Ultra marathoner) and look very young for my age. Married to a 32 year old. Never even had an argument all these years. We're both very laid back People. Getting a K-1 should not be a problem my friend in the embassy says. (He's also my running partner) Good luck to you both.

[Boatman37210]

No problem Thongkorn. Your post wasn't the one that got me a little riled. I've heard that rule of thumb before and I knew you were being a little humorous.

I'm not here to debate the moral and practical implications. As far as the girl is concerned, I bring to the table both pluses and minuses. Not just minuses. She has to decide if the pluses out weigh the minuses.

To answer the question on the age difference, it is 40 years. The fact that you ask that question must mean that age will play a factor with immigration. Is that kind of difference an automatic no to a K-1?

Like I said earlier I've not decided to marry her. If the age difference will mean an automatic no on the K-1, then I do not have to worry about making a decision on marriage. Immigration will have made it for me.

That's the purpose of my question.

Thanks.

[ericthai]

You don't state your respective ages, so how can anyone possibly give objective comment? Are you serious or merely bored?

This is an Objective Comment , its a fact Half a mans age plus ten, If you are 54, then your ideal age of your wife or girl is about 37 , and so on,

Where did you get this fact from? My GF is 27 and Im 43, I applied for a K1 for her and it was approved, no problems at all.

[patong]

so how old are you? and how old is she?

[cognos]

I don't know what a K1 is, as i'm Canadian and brought my Thai wife to Canada through their laws. If you don't want people on this forum to speculate vis a vis the ramifications of marrying someone much younger, don't ask. In general, if she has no job, assets, and she is much younger, who am I to speculate what others may conclude? My wife's visitor visa was rejected prior to our marriage, and she had lots of assets/ a university degree/ good steady job..who am i to guess what your outcome will be? the last post who runs with a guy in the K1 dept. would be the one to contact, I would suspect. That is your prerogative not to tell how much younger she is..thats YOUR BUSINESS.. but if you state on this form that she is much younger, it is human nature to speculate... if she is 25 years younger for example, you MAY have to have an interview in LOS before she comes to the US..at least thats what happened to a Canadian i know whose wife was WAY younger..but the US and Canada is like comparing apples and oranges. Good luck in you quest to CONSIDER marrying her and concomitanty getting her and the child to the US ASAP

[ALFREDO]

If you decide to marry, so try it at your Embassy and do so.

With your age, you should be retired or short before retireing.

So you should be free to decide where you live,

Or do you have to live in your homecountry?

Anyway, go for it if yoi and she likes and do not think so, (to) much.

[ericthai]

Boatmen.

I'm adding another post as forgot to add this in my last post. My one friend lived in Thailand for 6 years married a Thai and got a K1 for her, she was 23, he was 67, however they did have 3 kids together so Im sure that played a big part. Another friend of mine got a K1 for his Vietnamese GF no problem, he was 68 she was 39. So I age might be some consideration, but I think what you really need to do is prove the relationship is real. So providing allot of pictures, showing you have been to Thailand at lest once, show continue communication etc. When I applied for the K1 for my now wife the application in the USA took less than 1 month. However I copied my complete passport that was now no longer valid and my new passport showing I was living in Thailand for 10 years, the house she owns in Thailand, all my company info for my Thai company and then explain the reason why I was returning to the USA, which was because my mom could no longer take care of herself. There is 16 years difference between us and I got the K1 no problem. Now if a relationship will work that is a different question and that would depend on if and how much you love her and visa versa. I have had no issues with age difference, my other two friends well the one is now dead and his wife returned to Thailand, but they we good together my other friend with the Vietnamese wife they dated for 8 years before getting married and now have been married for 3 years they seem to be doing good. I hope this helps with the K1 visa question. Maybe ask one of law offices in Thailand. I used a lawyer in the USA and they told me there might be an issue the our age difference, but we had no problems.

Whatever you decide I do hope you make the right decision, good luck to you!!!!

[cognos]

ABC believe it or not i am trying to be helpful..if you are say 60 and she is 20, A. MOVE TO THAILAND if this is practical.. you will therefore be an expat and renew your marriage visa yearly B. If A is not practical..apply for a K1 SIMPLE.. A or B if you try B first and you are not successful do A if you can't do B....then ..C Move on

[Capealava]

I also am considering marriage to a younger girl. I am 62 she is 25. She is a Bangkok girl has a university degree and is employed. She does not ask me for money. She is self-reliant. I was and am a but perplexed why she would want such a older man (although I am in good health and look good). She says is it "Vasana", which mean fate destiny. It t is obvious she cares about me. Her parents have accepted me

Of course this would never work the USA. We would be looked upon as very odd. So any thing is possible it seems. Even in Thailand the age difference is extreme, but what the hel_l. Should not one enjoy the life he or she has. If things arise in front of you go for it I say. How many years do i have left-who knows--live them. But then i plan on staying in Thailand with her and not taking her overseas. I like it here-I will make a home here. Much easier for this situation in Thailand-at home -very problematic.

[cognos]

ABC believe it or not i am trying to be helpful..if you are say 60 and she is 20, A. MOVE TO THAILAND if this is practical.. you will therefore be an expat and renew your marriage visa yearly B. If A is not practical..apply for a K1 SIMPLE.. A or B if you try B first and you are not successful do A if you can't do B....then ..C Move on

sorry..hard to read A.. move to LOS or B..apply for K1 if A is not in the cards and B doesn't pan out then C Move on

[Boatman37210]

Thanks FarmerJoe. You answered my question.

I'm out of here before the blood letting over the 40 year age difference starts.

Everyone have a good day.

Thanks.

[davidthai]

The age difference between me and my wife is 34 years , we have a very loving family , i am also accepted as the father to her 2 children age 7 and 10 , age is just a number as far as we are concerned , i did have some concern this year when i took them to UK to meet my family as she is younger than my own children , but there was nothing said and she was accepted by all my family , even my sister who is 65 and very conservative , so dont make it an issue just enjoy what you have together as long as you both are comfortable with it ,it does not matter what others think.

We also have a good sex life and i am 65+

Dave

[Thongkorn]

I am 55 years old never been married , never going to get married. Until I found a Lady by accident , that is, I was not looking for anything or anyone. But now i am married and we both live in the UK, she has given me a new lease of Life , I am teaching her English , and she is teaching me Thai, i have never been happier, she is 36years old , By coincident half my age plus 10. approx I was a little unshore about her age . I asked many Thais about the age difference, they seem not to bother about age , its not a big thing to them, but i was told many times about half your age plus ten , thats how i came about posting my first reply.

Edited November 10, 2009 by Thongkorn

[Capealava]

The age difference between me and my wife is 34 years , we have a very loving family , i am also accepted as the father to her 2 children age 7 and 10 , age is just a number as far as we are concerned , i did have some concern this year when i took them to UK to meet my family as she is younger than my own children , but there was nothing said and she was accepted by all my family , even my sister who is 65 and very conservative , so dont make it an issue just enjoy what you have together as long as you both are comfortable with it ,it does not matter what others think.

We also have a good sex life and i am 65+

Dave

Thanks for the affirmative Post Dave

[venturalaw]

You mentioned a one year old child. Is the child yours? If so, for me there would be no question whether or not to marry. Regarding leaving the baby behind, that's not a good idea for the baby.

Re: the K-1 visa - the age difference is not an issue. What is an issue is establishing that there is in fact a committed personal relationship and that this is not merely a marriage for convenience to enable her to travel to the US. This is done by way of showing evidence of your history with her - photographs, hotel receipts if you traveled together, communications when apart. Bottom line - an American has an absolute right to bring anyone of his or her choosing to the US for the purpose of marriage as long as the foreign national has no history that demonstrates that he or she is a possible threat to the US. I have been involved is several K-1 visa cases. They are fairly straight forward.

Edited November 11, 2009 by venturalaw

[newtronbom]

You don't state your respective ages, so how can anyone possibly give objective comment? Are you serious or merely bored?

good point..are you like, 30 years older? In my case, I am 53 and my Thai wife is 38..(she looks much younger and doesn't smoke, drink and has a good diet). I also do not drink or smoke, and keep fit, always did..but now its even more important with the age difference ( 15 years in my case). If say, for example, the guy is 25 or 30 years older, smokes and drinks and has a large stomach, then perhaps that is somewhat unfair for his young wife, would you not agree?? Maybe guys like that do not generally care, as they will get what they need until they kick off, but again it seems VERY unfair for the lady in my humble view.

You make a very good and valid point here. My case I am 53, wife 42, not smoke, drink and like yours, good diet. I am still in good shape, thanks to wife cooking good diet (found her in family run restaurant) and regular excrcse, but unlike you I both drink and smoke( but not near family - in office or out side - stinks anyway) as you, my wife looks a lot younger than me(she still after 7 yrs says I am handsome - liar) but we can communicate on an even level. My point being, that a guy our age, going for a wife or girlfriend in her 20s to 30s, will in most cases but not all, as there are exceptions, be thinking of the money and when will he die, or if not thinking that way, will be disadvantaged in many ways - ie. our energy levels not what they used to be, not into the young peoples scene etc. etc.....What you say is correct I believe, that maybe those guys are getting what they want - so W T F if their girlfreind/wife is happy it's OK, but in may cases, they just don't give a toss. Have been here over 8 yrs now and have seen many sad cases where some guys treat their wife like a servant or badly, but the wife/girlfriend seems resigned to her situation. I think this poster here should look at all the angles before he makes any moves, for all of the above reasons, along with the good points you have correctly pointed out. Hey. I am not anybody to say what some one else should do. This is just the way I personally feel about this post. Good luck to the guy!

Edited November 11, 2009 by newtronbom

[newtronbom]

The age difference between me and my wife is 34 years , we have a very loving family , i am also accepted as the father to her 2 children age 7 and 10 , age is just a number as far as we are concerned , i did have some concern this year when i took them to UK to meet my family as she is younger than my own children , but there was nothing said and she was accepted by all my family , even my sister who is 65 and very conservative , so dont make it an issue just enjoy what you have together as long as you both are comfortable with it ,it does not matter what others think.

We also have a good sex life and i am 65+

Dave

Thanks for the affirmative Post Dave

Good post. You are a lucky guy. But I think you are one of those exceptions, rather than the norm. You are also lucky to have good family - on both sides. I know what would happen if I went home with a wife younger than my own son! But you have made a good post and your end comment is right - doesn't matter what others think, as long as you are both happy and comfortable with your relationship:)

[hhgz]

"I am considering marriage to my GF who is much younger than I...She has no job and no assets. Lives with her family. High school education. 1 year old baby."

She sounds like she's all that, and a bag of chips. Where do I sign up for that gravy train? Dang I wanted to marry her! I don't have enough people trying to take my money now, and I need a lot more leeches hanging onto me.

[Bladefire]

If it helps, i am 53 and my thai girlfriend of 4 years is with me in the UK now, she is 25, dont worry, as long as you are both happy.

[rgs2001uk]

age difference doesn't seem to matter.. for the FARANG..maybe you are SOMEWHAT worried what your relatives/ friends associates/etc.. in the US will think or perceive..because their PERCEPTION will be their REALITY..perhaps thats why its generally easier and more "hassle free" to be 30 years older (and more) than her as a LOS expat, and why so many do it.. no one can observe them, hence no STIGMA

Yeah, no stigma for the farang expat, who for the most part is ignorant, what about the stigma attached to his wife here in Thailand, the snide comments and remarks made by the locals.

I know of no repeat no marriages between locals with an age gap of 30+ years, in fact most are within 5 years of each other.

For the record neither my wife or I live in Issan, you can kid some of the people etc etc etc.

Dream on.

[ericthai]

age difference doesn't seem to matter.. for the FARANG..maybe you are SOMEWHAT worried what your relatives/ friends associates/etc.. in the US will think or perceive..because their PERCEPTION will be their REALITY..perhaps thats why its generally easier and more "hassle free" to be 30 years older (and more) than her as a LOS expat, and why so many do it.. no one can observe them, hence no STIGMA

Yeah, no stigma for the farang expat, who for the most part is ignorant, what about the stigma attached to his wife here in Thailand, the snide comments and remarks made by the locals.

I know of no repeat no marriages between locals with an age gap of 30+ years, in fact most are within 5 years of each other.

For the record neither my wife or I live in Issan, you can kid some of the people etc etc etc.

Dream on.

I agree with your on the stigma for the girl. Your comment of thai's not being more than 5yrs difference, well maybe this is true for the 1st wife but the second wife I have seen 15+ years difference. My wife's sister is a second wife, the whole family told her not to do this, but love is love and she did. He is 48 and she is 29, which again he is Thai and this is his second wife. He owns his own company and make good money, but just like most second families he gives her just enough money to live and she has no time to work because of raising their son. So dont kid yourself into thinking that it's only falang with young girls. It's thai guys too....

What does living in or not living in Isaan have to do with anything, so you think you are better than everyone else that is living in Issan? I have a house in Isaan a condo in BKK and a house in the USA, so what does that mean? Nothing it still comes down to the relationship!!! Age and where you live has nothing to do with it.