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Posted

I am mystified why posters line up to send their condolences to people that they don't know, and in some cases wouldn't want to know, when a somebody curls up his/her toes. Why is it wrong to point out somebody's failings just because they are no longer breathing? Apart from it being a waste of breath of course. Did anybody send their condolences to Hitler's relatives and cronies and commiserate with them? What insanity prevailed amongst the people of the East End of London to send so many flowers and line the streets for the funeral of one of the Krays?

It is noticeable that when somebody has been killed in an accident or a victim of crime, the world and his wife rushes to say how the deceased should be measured alongside Mother Teresa or had the capability to walk on water. In stead of getting a grip on themselves and the situation, they are overcome with grief and go OTT. My reality is that they are being emotionally indulgent and feeling sorry, not for the deceased, but themselves.

From his mid sixties onwards my father was practically confined to his armchair through rheumatoid arthritis in both hips. A succession of duodenal ulcers didn't cheer him up much either. He died when he was 78 so that his last years were not a whole lot of fun. When a heart attack took him, my only thoughts were for my mother; the rest of the family wrapped themselves in their self pity and misery. As the eldest son, and on account of the incapacity through self indulgency of the rest of the family, I singlehandedly organised a death certificate, permission for cremation, claimed social security benefits, tidied up his affairs, informed all relatives, arranged for an undertaker and the catering for the reception after the cremation.

At the reception my mother asked me to say a few words about my father. What I said left them in a state of shock for a while. I recounted how hard life had been on him leaving school at the age of 12 as one did in those days, how miserable his experience had been in the trenches on the Somme and at Mons and being taken prisoner by the Huns during the Great War, how he had struggled through the Great Depression, endured the misery of the demise of his first wife and his teenage children leaving home because he remarried, how he bravely cycled the ten miles to work every evening during the London Blitz and the assault by the V weapons and the worry of leaving his wife and us children alone facing God only knows what, the struggle through the early postwar years when everything was in short supply and we endured two wicked winters. I recounted how he had always put his family first and the only time that he took a drink was at an annual reunion with his WW1 mates, that he abhorred violence of any description but still instilled discipline, good manners and a sense of fair play into his offspring.

All that taken into consideration though I said that I am glad that he has died. He now has release from his afflictions, he is no longer in pain. If there is an after life then he is sitting up there on his cloud, or out beyond the boundaries of our universe or imaginations, joyfully playing his harp with a plentiful supply of manna or ambrosia. If there is no afterlife at least his agonies are over. This is an opportunity to be glad for him and this reception should be a celebration of his life. He enriched us all by his presence and the influence he had over us. I berated them for their self indulgence when they should have busied themselves consoling our mother and assisting her. They were glass half empty people rather than the glass half full. The Irish and many other societies enjoy a good funeral. I put myself in their camp.

The ultimate ion stoicism is reflected here.

Charlie and his three mates always played golf on a Wednesday. When walking down the fairway it was noticed that a funeral procession was passing by on the adjacent road. Three of them continued walking to where their balls lay and noticing Charlie's absence looked back towards the tee. Charlie stood in the middle of the fairway, cap in hand, and head bowed, facing the procession. When the procession has passed Charlie hurried to rejoin his companions.

"That was a very decent and respectful act, Charlie," said one. "Here we are enjoying ourselves and you took the time to pay your respects to some poor soul off to meet their Maker."

"Yeah," said Charlie. "She wasn't a bad wife."

Posted

Good post Bagwan. I don't know if there is an answer. Perhaps the saying 'Don't speak ill if the dead' rings true. After my father died, one of my sisters said to me that our father was an ars@hole. I replied that he did have his failings (don't we all) but he wasn't the worst dad in the world, and always provided well for the family. On reflection I now feel better that I tried to bring to mind the positives rather than the negatives. I could still bring to mind the negatives but that wouldn't be fruitful or beneficial.

BTW I'm an Irishman from a family of 13, we did have a few beers in his memory. :)

ps good joke too...

Posted

I hear what you're saying Bagwan. My grandmother died at the ripe old age of 98 last year. She was bedridden, deaf and nearly blind. During the last years of her life my mum and dad (who are no spring chickens themselves) were at her beck and call. Speaking frankly she wasn't a particularly nice person. All her life she had an acid tongue (usually directed at my mum) and was an extreme ingrate to boot.

The week after her funeral my mum and dad booked a flight to come and see me. Of course they didn't want my nan dead but it was a blessed release for all involved. Needless to say the village gossip back home was "How can she possibly think of a holiday with her mother only buried the week before?"

I fully understand my parents.

Like Samak. Reading all the stuff in the press etc about "Grumpy uncle", "Stood by his views" or "Thailand has lost a real character" all I can think is "There passes a man who was a part instigator and apologist for the murder of innocent students and it's a sad indication of the mindset of a number of Thais that such as man was voted in as BKK governor."

If I were a member of the family of the massacred I'd hope he was rotting in hel_l.

Posted

I always wonder about that as well. Now that I've reached 70 I keep getting these "old folks" stories and jokes in my e-mail box. None of us get out of this world alive. We just hope to go with a bit of dignity attached, and not create a burden on our children. I am totally cold when it comes to death for the elderly. I just think it's a blessing when they go quickly without too much pain and suffering. All I share is a memory of the good times we had together. My only sadness is when children or young parents are killed or die too early. Even then it is just a process of life that we all have to accept. No need for weeping and wailing. I certainly don't want anyone crying at my funeral. I've lived the life I chose.

Posted (edited)

MCA hit the nail on the head. Just because someone dies, it does not make them a hero. The recent outpourings for Michael Jackson, and Samak (I know, quite different, but the first 2 that popped into my head) had me shaking my head but keeping my mouth shut. Although I'm sure both of them did some good for someone in their lives (I hope), death doesn't remove issues of pedophilia or massacre (respectively), from their lives.

If they left people behind that feel a loss because of their deaths, then I feel sympathy for those people, but I feel no need to post anything that glosses over the reality of their lives. Because I have nothing good to say about them in those posts, I prefer to say nothing at all.

Edited by Meridian007

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