Two Irish Jokes

1.

A fella is walking through Belfast at the height of the trouble.

He is grabbed from behind and pulled into an alleyway

with a knife to his throat, and a voice asks,

"Are you Protestant or Catholic?"

He replies, "Well, I am neither, I am Jewish."

The voice says, "Allah u Akbar, I must be the happiest Arab in all of Ireland!!"

2.

An Irish standup comic has just finished his act when I man walks up to him and says,

"I lost two of my best friends over there."

The comic thinks, "what to I say to that?" and decides to say nothing.

After a pause the man goes on, "They were on patrol when a tree fell and crushed

their Landrover."

Another pause.

Then the comic replies with, "I suppose you are going to say the IRA planted it?"