Getting To Know A Thai Man

[mssabai]

that thai sense of humour gets me every time. after i'd had my second baby we went back to hubby's place and the girls (shamefully i still struggle with their names) were commenting on how i hadn't lost the weight like i'd lost with my first. i said "look at yourselves! at least my boobs are still bigger than my belly!" to which they replied "yeah, but we were always fat. you're finally catching up to us..." score one for them. then when they were giving me the usual "when are you going to have another baby" routine, i finally got sick of hearing it and retorted "god, and have sex AGAIN??? isn't twice enough???" end of conversation. one for me.

5555 - awesome answers too true. I am at the stage now where I can understand most of what is being said to me, but am not clever enough to make funny retorts. Can you really say that your belly is bigger than your boobs without getting a slap? That is fantastic. Perhaps this humour thing isn't so bad, just have to get a bit quicker on the draw...even in English I will think of most of my witty reotorts 4 hours too late!

[Goinghomesoon]

My mum in law has been sat on her step making comments to and about all in sundry for the last 50 odd years! And her mother before her! I don't think the comments ever stop I am afraid. We get just what they do to each other.

Hahaha, my MIL chews betel and has few teeth so even her friends don't know what she is cackling about most of the time!

[lioness]

I am really pleased you have found a new place to live. Now just laugh off the comments, if you deign to reply thay have hooked you so just keep smiling and change the subject.

You know what you do, they are just putting 2 & 2 together and getting 5. i.e. she lives behind a Karoke bar she must be drunk every night type rubbish. You don't like to lie, well you don't have to you can just ignore anything that is said that is out of line.

Let us all know how things go.

[bina]

cackling old ladies (my husband's great aunties, drunk as skunks on our wedding, cackling away, mostly about me)

[too true]

that thai sense of humour gets me every time. after i'd had my second baby we went back to hubby's place and the girls (shamefully i still struggle with their names) were commenting on how i hadn't lost the weight like i'd lost with my first. i said "look at yourselves! at least my boobs are still bigger than my belly!" to which they replied "yeah, but we were always fat. you're finally catching up to us..." score one for them. then when they were giving me the usual "when are you going to have another baby" routine, i finally got sick of hearing it and retorted "god, and have sex AGAIN??? isn't twice enough???" end of conversation. one for me.

5555 - awesome answers too true. I am at the stage now where I can understand most of what is being said to me, but am not clever enough to make funny retorts. Can you really say that your belly is bigger than your boobs without getting a slap? That is fantastic. Perhaps this humour thing isn't so bad, just have to get a bit quicker on the draw...even in English I will think of most of my witty reotorts 4 hours too late!

No slaps yet! But it takes me an hour or so after we arrive at his village to get my thick skin on so that their comments don't hurt my feelings. Once it's on, I just go for it. And sometimes it makes things worse that I can understand everything they say. I was riding a bicycle to the shop one morning and this old old woman says to a woman walking past "who's that?" and points at me. Hello..... I've been coming here for more than 10 years now. The woman answers "You know her. It's ****'s wife and *****s mum." The old woman goes "Didn't think he was going to marry her. Thought she was just for fun." Fortunately my thick skin was well on by then and I just went along my merry way. Hubby laughed his ass off though, when I got back and told him what she'd said.

[sbk]

haha! I had something like that happen to me. one of our neighbors came by one day, this was after we'd been married, oh 8 years or so. We got to talking about my visa and I mentioned something about having a one year extension because I was married to a Thai man. And she said, "Oh, you're married!'

[too true]

haha! I had something like that happen to me. one of our neighbors came by one day, this was after we'd been married, oh 8 years or so. We got to talking about my visa and I mentioned something about having a one year extension because I was married to a Thai man. And she said, "Oh, you're married!'

Very confusing, isn't it? Just last night I had to run to the little veggie shop down the street and a thai woman i'd never seen before was there with her farang husband. All the ladies there are used to chatting with me in Thai so it's not exciting for them anymore. But this woman says "Oh, you have a Thai husband then? So you LIKE Thai men?" And I'm thinking, what corner is she backing me into here? I answered "I like ONE Thai man. MINE." She tried to get me to sing a northern Thai song for her, which I found horribly patronizing and childish, since I was there to buy vegetables, not to provide entertainment value. I just told her that I'm not a doll and don't have a string you can pull to play games with. In my own mind I knew I was being rude to her by my own standards of how we speak to people in public, but everyone at the table laughed and said I was spot on for telling her that.

[sbk]

rule number one: its not rude if everyone laughs

make a joke out of someone being an ass, and its score one to you!

[nakachalet]

sawatdeeyesitsme

if and when, you find things unbearable for any reason and you need a place to 'reconfigure', email me, you can stay with us for a while.... ok?

meanwhile, good luck and keep your eyes and ears open....

verify and validate.... before you decide to allow him into your new beach front hut.... many pair of eyes are watching.... and even more are ready to gossip and fabricate to the n^th power.... to make themselves feel important and needed.... lol

there are many other horror stories in reference to thai male.... and farang female....

just take it slowly.... and cautiously.... and verifying and validating every step of the way....

wishing you good luck.... and

an extraordinary merry christmas to you and every one....

Edited December 24, 2009 by nakachalet

[IanForbes]

Thanks for the entertaining read, gals. There were lots of good responses and funny replies. I think the so called war between the sexes, and the comments of attending family members are part of every culture. I ignore every comment if it is nasty. It's just a reflection on the person making it and of no concern to me. I think most of us would like to have that "good reply" to answer some funny, or not so funny comments, but I've only known a few people who could always come up with a good retort. Most of us think of the great reply about 4 hours later.

And, to the OP I wish her all the best with however the relationship turns out. Take it from this old fart and take everything in life as just a valuable learning experience. Even the bad things that happen are good experiences if you live through them. They always make for good stories later.

To all you ladies I hope you have a good Christmas and holiday season.

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

bina - that's a great photo! Could you understand what they were cackling about or was it just general drunkeness?!

sbk & too true - some of those comments are very funny but I guess it really is a case of put on a thick skin, laugh at it or just ignore it.

nakachalet - thanks for the offer of a place to stay and the advice. I definitely will be verifying and validating all the way. Things have been a bit weird generally for me in the past couple weeks and I'm not sure if I've been reading the signals right or not as he's gone a bit shy again. Saying that, I've hardly seen him as we've had so many different activities on at school recently.

However, a couple of the other teachers (female in their 30's and one is P***'s teaching "buddy") keep making comments like "P*** thinks that you're even more suay as you get slimmer" (I've lost a bit of weight since starting school), "if you want a Thai boyfriend you should go for (and then she'll point to him)" and I was on a school trip with one of them yesterday and she was like "I need a picture of you for P***". I'm not sure if they are trying to match make or just making mischief because they've cottoned on to the fact I like him. His "buddy" does encourage him to talk to me and if I'm sat talking with her he'll come and join us. It's just all very weird. Que sera sera I guess.

Plus, I don't think that there will be ANY men coming near my house, let alone the one I'm interested in, as it is situated just over the road from where some of the other teachers live. I went out about 9pm to go to the internet cafe the other night and got the Spanish inquisition about that the next day - lol! So I can't even begin to imagine what sort of reaction a "gentleman caller" would provoke!!!

Ian - thanks How I came to Thailand and ended up in this town is part of one of those bad things that has become a good experience.

Merry Christmas all and have a fantastic New Year

[pjy888]

Hi there Sawatdeeyesitsme,

I'm a new member in this post and would like to seek assistance from you.

I would like to enquire on how to go about teaching in a village. Teaching in a village in one of the Southeast Asian countries has always been my dream ambition because i like teaching and would love to experience doing so in a rural environment after having stayed in an urban setting for the last 24 years of my life.

From your posts, i understand that you are also a teacher in a village in Thailand.

Do you think i can seek help from you regarding this?

**email removed per forum rules**

Would be grateful if you can touch base with me as i really do require some advice and assistance from you.

I would be most appreciative if you can assist me with this.

Thanks much.

Jy

_____________________

bina - that's a great photo! Could you understand what they were cackling about or was it just general drunkeness?!

sbk & too true - some of those comments are very funny but I guess it really is a case of put on a thick skin, laugh at it or just ignore it.

nakachalet - thanks for the offer of a place to stay and the advice. I definitely will be verifying and validating all the way. Things have been a bit weird generally for me in the past couple weeks and I'm not sure if I've been reading the signals right or not as he's gone a bit shy again. Saying that, I've hardly seen him as we've had so many different activities on at school recently.

However, a couple of the other teachers (female in their 30's and one is P***'s teaching "buddy") keep making comments like "P*** thinks that you're even more suay as you get slimmer" (I've lost a bit of weight since starting school), "if you want a Thai boyfriend you should go for (and then she'll point to him)" and I was on a school trip with one of them yesterday and she was like "I need a picture of you for P***". I'm not sure if they are trying to match make or just making mischief because they've cottoned on to the fact I like him. His "buddy" does encourage him to talk to me and if I'm sat talking with her he'll come and join us. It's just all very weird. Que sera sera I guess.

Plus, I don't think that there will be ANY men coming near my house, let alone the one I'm interested in, as it is situated just over the road from where some of the other teachers live. I went out about 9pm to go to the internet cafe the other night and got the Spanish inquisition about that the next day - lol! So I can't even begin to imagine what sort of reaction a "gentleman caller" would provoke!!!

Ian - thanks How I came to Thailand and ended up in this town is part of one of those bad things that has become a good experience.

Merry Christmas all and have a fantastic New Year

Edited January 6, 2010 by sbk
email removed please PM poster--SBK

[pjy888]

Hi Ms Sawatdeeyesitsme,

Jy here again. Was wondering whether you received the earlier email i sent (as seen below).

I hope to hear from you soon regarding your experience in going about applying for village teaching in Thailand.

Understand that the forum does not allow us to leaving email addresses but if you could just reply to me through this forum, we may find another way to touch base.

Appreciate your help.

Tc meanwhile and hope to hear from you soon!

Cheers, Jy

Hi there Sawatdeeyesitsme,

I'm a new member in this post and would like to seek assistance from you.

I would like to enquire on how to go about teaching in a village. Teaching in a village in one of the Southeast Asian countries has always been my dream ambition because i like teaching and would love to experience doing so in a rural environment after having stayed in an urban setting for the last 24 years of my life.

From your posts, i understand that you are also a teacher in a village in Thailand.

Do you think i can seek help from you regarding this?

**email removed per forum rules**

Would be grateful if you can touch base with me as i really do require some advice and assistance from you.

I would be most appreciative if you can assist me with this.

Thanks much.

Jy

_____________________

bina - that's a great photo! Could you understand what they were cackling about or was it just general drunkeness?!

sbk & too true - some of those comments are very funny but I guess it really is a case of put on a thick skin, laugh at it or just ignore it.

nakachalet - thanks for the offer of a place to stay and the advice. I definitely will be verifying and validating all the way. Things have been a bit weird generally for me in the past couple weeks and I'm not sure if I've been reading the signals right or not as he's gone a bit shy again. Saying that, I've hardly seen him as we've had so many different activities on at school recently.

However, a couple of the other teachers (female in their 30's and one is P***'s teaching "buddy") keep making comments like "P*** thinks that you're even more suay as you get slimmer" (I've lost a bit of weight since starting school), "if you want a Thai boyfriend you should go for (and then she'll point to him)" and I was on a school trip with one of them yesterday and she was like "I need a picture of you for P***". I'm not sure if they are trying to match make or just making mischief because they've cottoned on to the fact I like him. His "buddy" does encourage him to talk to me and if I'm sat talking with her he'll come and join us. It's just all very weird. Que sera sera I guess.

Plus, I don't think that there will be ANY men coming near my house, let alone the one I'm interested in, as it is situated just over the road from where some of the other teachers live. I went out about 9pm to go to the internet cafe the other night and got the Spanish inquisition about that the next day - lol! So I can't even begin to imagine what sort of reaction a "gentleman caller" would provoke!!!

Ian - thanks How I came to Thailand and ended up in this town is part of one of those bad things that has become a good experience.

Merry Christmas all and have a fantastic New Year

[NADTATIDA1]

I enjoyed reading about your experiences teaching in the village,and hope that you are settling in nicely now.

Good luck with your future there!

[dmax]

edited by bina

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

PJY888 - I've sent you a PM regarding how I got my job. I would suggest posting on the Teaching in Thailand forum as well, as others maybe of some help.

NADTATIDA1 - Glad that you have enjoyed reading about my experiences!

Things before xmas were very weird for me, especially with the gossiping. My head of department spoke to me about things just before New Years and said that I should just be myself and act how I would at home. He said if that means having a drink, then do so but not to go out drinking by myself or with just men (i.e. just with the teachers). He said not to worry about the gossip, as that's the Thai way. That helped a lot and I feel less worried about things now.

At New Year's we had a big party at school and I did end up drinking and letting my hair down for the first time since I got here. I was really worried about the reaction that I would have from the other teachers (I don't know why I was worried considering most of them got mao) but it seems to really have broken the ice as I was singing, dancing and having fun. We've had a couple of parties/festivals since, where I've had a drink or two. Most of the teachers say it's ok because we have a reason to celebrate.

I feel a lot more settled here now and I've really noticed a difference in all my colleagues and students since the last 2 or 3 weeks. More of my students are confident with talking with me (even the ones I don't teach), which has really lifted me. The other teachers as well have been far more comfortable with me, even the ones that speak very limited English. I'm terrible with speaking Thai (it's the tones) but I've been making a real effort with them. I've been getting more invites out from them as well because I guess they just feel more comfortable with me.

As for the Thai man situation... he went very cool on me before Christmas so I'm not sure if it was just that the novelty had worn off or he was worried about the gossip that was going around school. So I was a bit "mmm" about that. However since New Year he's been better and the past week he's been a lot warmer again and back to being friendly and teasing each other. We had a few drinks at school the other night and he was a lot more relaxed and chatty but a few days later asked me why I drank?! I just said "because I can" which he seemed to like. However, he's still a bit funny about sitting next to me with certain people around.

One of my social group did say something interesting but did not go on to clarify it. He said that my Thai man was "cruel". As this is my social group that perpetuated the gossip about me drinking at the karaoke bar, I'm going to take it with a pinch of salt but it does make me feel very cautious.

I do like him a lot but I really don't want to sit around mooning over him until he decides he does like/wants to be friends/can put up with gossip etc etc. Essentially all I wanted was to get to know him and be friends if anything else happened then all the better. The funny thing is that his best friend at school, who was not interested in talking English with me at all, is now a lot more relaxed with me and we are getting on in much friendlier terms. But with my Thai man it seems to be this strange blowing hot and cold situation! *pfft*

[nakachalet]

thx much for your updating....

....We had a few drinks at school the other night....

but, you definitely were not serious about this, were you?

drinking on elementary, middle or high school ground?

were your principal aware of this drinking stuff in his school?

better watch out girl....

ABOUT HIM.... i am certain by now you must have come across many many OTHER PROFESSIONAL THAI men.... right?

i can defintely tell you that the OTHER PROFESSIONAL THAI MEN do have different characters and outlooks in life.... and therefore do behave differently than the thai male teacher in your story....

when you have time.... do venture out of the village or town ON YOUR OWN or with only one or two YOUNG female friends and look around, enjoy yourself and take in some new experience and new culture....

why limit your self just to your immediately surrounding....

thailand and many other parts and provinces of thailand surely do have plenty of many other things and stuffs.... to offer.... including good quality unmarried men.... who are also looking for the same quality individuals like yourself.... LOL

give them a chance, won't you.... LOL

whatever you do, do not take that person with you on your trip.... he is as yet very noncomittal in the thai way....

you'll only ruin your reputation.... if he were to say something personal about you to others, and it does not matter whether what he says or implies is factual or nonsensical....

go out and enrich yourself and have a blast.... safely of course. wishing you the very best....

[mssabai]

To be honest, if it were me, I wouldn't ever choose to drink in front of school staff (particularly older female staff) unless they were drinking too. And I wouldn't drink with men if I was the only one. Don't get me wrong, as anyone who knows me will know, I LOVE a drink, but I will only drink (and smoke) with my farang friends. I will drink in front of my bf's Thai friends, and in front of his family, but not huge amounts and I will keep a clear line with my colleagues and students. Thai female teachers are often regarded with a great amount of respect and are often considered to be virtuous and good role models and they are really the last people who should be drinking and smoking.

I have seen some younger teachers have the odd Spy when older teachers have given the nod, but this would literally be two and that was it. If you are a farang in Thailand, especially a girl, I think it serves well to make sure that you have a life outside and inside school. You are not Thai and therefore you should not have to repress a certian side of you, but at the same time you cannot expect people who have been brought up in such a radically different way to accept the differences.

I for instance will not be friends with any students or Thai staff on facebook. Honestly if they KNEW what I get up to on my holidays, they would have a fit! Downing shots, dancing on podiums etc. I understand that you may not have a choice with who you socialise with if you are in a very small place, but just be careful.

You seem pretty sensitive to cultural issues and I am sure you aware of all this, but just be a bit cautious. If someone offers you a drink, it doesn't mean that it is OK for you to take it. Just because someone says it is OK, may not mean it is. This is Thailand after all!

Also about the 'cruel' comment....be very very wary! Not a nice way to describe someone I feel!

[bina]

yes, i agree. when i am with my husband among all the thai guys, i dont drink. when i am at home, or with the thai guys from the group on the kibbutz, i will sip at a beer. double standards but thats life. and also, that comment about cruel... what words in thai were used? as said above, sounds not good.. but it could also be village gossip.

and thirdly, remember, people that are marginal in their own society seek those outside of the group like foreigners first. those that u meet later, might be more 'in' and/or less problematic (not saying that all of us marginals are problematic, jus tthat they might be seen as problmematic by their own social groups, therefore seeking out outsiders. and sometimes the reason they are out of their own social groups are that they really are problematic no matter how u look at it. so it might be that the first guy is the marginal, and the second guy (his friend) is actually a better bet to get to know. not sure if i succeded in explaining this properly but it is something that we see on kibbutz often when new people arrive, and whom they attract first. oh, and i am a marginal (but apparently a positive one) on my kibbutz ) and of course i dared to marry a thai man!!

bina

israel

how fun to be involved in someone elses gossip and not in kibbutz gossip for a change.... )

[nakachalet]

shalom bina

a wise lady is like a ruby indeed....

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

Ahh so much food for thought again! Thanks for all your thoughts ladies.

Firstly, drinking at school. Obviously I have been quite cautious not to drink (the problems with the karaoke bar etc) and I don't really want to be in the midst of that sort of gossip again. As for the drinking at school, it was a small celebration, which I think is viewed as being acceptable. There is a bit of a drinking culture at this school and there are the male/female teachers that drink for any occasion and then there are the ones that will drink only at a special occasion (and those that never drink). During the other night, female teachers who only drink at special occasions, were drinking so I *think* it was ok - but then again you never know so I'll be more cautious in future. As for drinking with men alone, I agree it's not right, but that one is a bit obvious!

Mssabai - I have tried to make a life outside of school but the town is really small. One friend (gay male) that I did make was frowned upon by some of the other teachers. It's kind of hard to keep that seperate as someone will always sees us, so I've had to distance myself a bit. The other options are getting out and going to the nearest big city.

Nakachalet - I totally agree, I need to get out and about. My ex, who is a teacher in Isaan as well, keeps urging me to do this but for the past few weeks my weekends have been taken up with some event or another.

Bina - about the cruel comment, the teacher (gay male) that said it speaks very good English, so he said it in English. I did question him about it a couple times but he said "no, I can't explain" but did say that he doesn't have many friends. There could be a whole host of reasons, as there maybe be politics at play that I don't even know about, so I'm not going to even begin to second guess.

As for the "marginal" comment - it makes perfect sense! That could tie in with the comment about him not having many friends. He is a very aloof character and although he explains it as being "ai mak" it could be seen as just being very rude by others. It seems quite un-Thai like behaviour in my observation as the outsider. His friend is very liked by everyone and is just very easy going, although he was reserved with me for a while. Even when he has many ladyboys giving him attention, he is very good humoured or just laughs it off.

Thanks again everyone. I'll keep you posted!

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

Its never a good idea to get into a relationship with someone you work with. If things go wrong, you still have to work with him.

I wanted to echo sbk's advice. Before I met my (Thai) husband I was infatuated with a Thai PE teacher at my work. I was in a rather vulnerable state of mind, he was handsome and flirtatious, I was lonely and ready for a relationship (I was your age, 31). But he spoke almost no English, and I spoke even less Thai. He led me on every day, dazzling me, but I was hurt that he would never ask me out when the work day was through. We did go out twice. Turns out he had a girlfriend the entire time!

The remaining months at that particular school was a nightmare to say the least. When this teacher later sent out wedding invitations I felt betrayed by any teacher who decided to go - it was a horrible feeling. I could not come into work on his wedding day! Needless to say I did not stay at that school, I finished the term and was out of there. Gosh this happened seven years ago and the memories are still vivid about this guy and how badly he hurt me.

I'm sure the gossip around my school was ripe fruit for the picking, and this is in Bangkok, so the gossip probably stayed around the school environment. In your situation, satwatdee, the gossip could easily extend throughout the entire town. Get to know this guy slowly to make sure your communication is clear. Thais are VERY clever at showing one side and living another side.

Glad you have you on board with Thaivisa.

Sorry to resurrect this thread, but Amy's story always stuck in my mind for some reason and yesterday it came back to me.

Things with my Thai teacher (at the beginning of this thread) went really well last semester (as friends), even when I was having trouble at school and everyone was ignoring me, he only seemed to become friendlier. When we first met he was adamant that he had no gf. Then I later found out that he did and I actually socialised with them on occasion. They then split up and during that semester and we started getting a lot closer again. We did actually socialise outside of school as well that semester when another NES was at school.

We ended up going out for a few drinks during a festival at the end of the semester and because I didn't think I was coming back (for various reasons I discussed in another thread and I guess I was in a "I'll show them farang behaviour" frame of mind) one thing led to another.... I know, you don't have to say anything about that because I've been living with my shame and guilt about that for quite a few months. And we live in such a small town and I know that nothing is ever a secret, ever! Well, such is sod's law I got my contract renewal through the next day.

When I returned this semester, he was initially very happy but then suddenly started ignoring me. I don't know why and I've speculated all the different permutations in my mind for the last few months. All I know is something upset him because he was very angry with me for a long time and pointedly walked out of a room that I was in making his disapproval known to everyone. I was very reserved with him when I came back. Partly because I didn't want to chase him (which is lucky because I think it is now common knowledge that something did happen) but also because I felt very ashamed of what happened. It then became apparent that he was having a relationship with one of the female Thai teachers, Ajarn P, so I kept my distance also because of that. She was extremely angry at my presence and has been very bitchy about me, to the point other people were pulling her up on her behaviour if she made a comment or ignored me trying to wai her.

Anyway, yesterday I was in school to teach some students, when a teacher asked me if I was going to "the" wedding. I asked who was getting married and they said my Thai teacher's name. My god, my stomach turned to ice but I tried not to look upset and just smiled. "You did not know, he did not tell you?" the Thai teacher said smiling. I shook my head. "Oh, I think that he is being greng jai towards your feelings.' I was slightly confused as I had seen his GF that day, so asked "who is he marrying?" Turns out he was marrying his old GF!

I have no idea how Ajarn P fits into all this, whether she even knew he was getting married either. She's been quite happy to rub my nose in it about her and my teacher. I know that there are a young male and female teacher at school who are "together", although he is planning his wedding to his childhood sweetheart in his home town. Maybe that is just standard practice?

I was very broken hearted about losing his friendship for a long time and that was through my own stupidity. Hearing that he got married brought a lot of those feelings back. But today I was thinking, what if nothing had happened between us and we'd carried on like we had last semester? I would have been 10x more heart broken being friends with him and then him going off to marry the absent gf.

So yes, never have a relationship with someone you work with. Plus lesson learnt about Thai's showing one side and living another.

Even if things did not go the way I hoped, I did certainly learn how to get to know a Thai man and although we are no longer friends, his friendship is actually one of the most important that I have made while being here. So thank you ladies for all your information, help and advice, it was invaluable when I first arrived in my little village

Edited March 31, 2011 by sawatdeeyesitsme

[Goinghomesoon]

Well, sounds as though you should consider yourself lucky you didn't end up with him. He seems to flit back and forth from one woman to another....not a good sign.

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

Well, sounds as though you should consider yourself lucky you didn't end up with him. He seems to flit back and forth from one woman to another....not a good sign.

Well, I think his behaviour alone over the last few months was enough to make me realise that I was lucky not to end up with him It's just the fact that he is /still/ ignoring me, even when other teachers are trying to show him the right behaviour around me. He's made such an issue out of it that most people know that there is a problem, but I think that he thinks he's put himself in a position that he can't get out of now. This will be interesting next semester when I am meant to be team teaching with his department!

Today I went into school and he and his wife came in to see everyone. Again he ignored me I gave his wife a huge smile and said congratulations. She was great actually, because I was the first person she came up to. She grabbed my hand and put her arm around me. Whether she was saving face or not, who knows. We chatted about the wedding and then she said "I did not see you at the wedding but I think that X did not know how to invite you." Which was a bit weird, but glad that I got it out of the way.

[bina]

....ah..kibbutz life in a nutshell.......... been there done that (ex works in our kibbutz store. my hubby sees him in the store, turns around adn heads back out without buying anything. any activites that involve my ex having to be attending (our mutual daughter's plays, gradutaion, army stuff) mean that my husband boycotts or we do a 'seperation/re location' tactic.

things will blend out with time. keep smiling with the new wife. dont talk directly with the guy apart from simple polite stuff, even at work. try to team teach using the thai style of 'third party' intervention, as much as neccessary... stop thinking too much about it. pretend he doesnt exist, when u build your social circle, and let them see, on their own, that he is behaving like an idiot... my ex here often treats me rather not nicely in the store, and mostly, the people here know 'with whom they are dealing with..' so tend to rally around me,by ignoring him and turning to speak with me...

small closed villages are like this. keep up the elephant skin, the smile, dont get sucked in to his 'thing'. gradually things will phase out and feel more natural. a polite nod and keep moving on with your face looking at the next person u have to speak to; dont expect him to speak with you. its the male way (not neccessarily thai, since my ex refuses to even look at my new husband, although i get along with his new wife). dont expect to be friendly with him or u will have problems with his wife as well, as she may wonder at times what her man is up too, especially if he had an other on the side as well. keep on good terms with her. not close. but good, proper and polite.

and what the new wife siad isnt wierd. eastern/oriental(translating from the hebrew here) pride , whether its israeli/morroccan or thai, is the same. honour wins out. men cannot 'just be friends'. its all or nothing, even if they are the ones that screwed up and everyone knows it.

expect some flac, btw, if u get a new boyfriend, and remember, rumours u have to fight with juicier rumours. come here and ill give u a course in small village survival )

bina

israel

[sawatdeeyesitsme]

Awwww Bina... you're absolutely awesome I really hope that one day you will write a book on your kibbutz life.

The village gossip is nothing in comparison to the school gossip! I find the school politics extremely hard to navigate at times, slowly getting there.

I really hope that it blends out with time. The hardest thing has been him ignoring me so pointedly and it has made it hard not to think about it so much, especially dealing with "what might have been" because I never said how I really felt and losing his friendship. It has been the most hurtful part, especially when I've not chased him, mentioned it or made a scene about it, but I suppose that is the what it is intended to do.

The wife was just very classy about the whole thing (and I would suspect that she knows the gossip). She had always respected the fact that her husband and I were friends in the past. I'm glad that he made the right choice and hope that he manages to be "good boy" for her (not so sure about that because he tends to go with the older male teachers to brothels). I was dreading the thought of him marrying Ajarn P, who is quite a spiteful character..

Expect some flack from which direction if I get a new boyfriend?!

[bina]

flack from the old boyfriend. it will be his ego not his heart speaking of course.

bina:))