Why Get Married?

[withnail]

I just wanted to know why in this day and age with failed marriages being so common and living together out of wedlock being considered normal people seem to get married so quickly in this country.

I'm of course talking specifically about Thai/Farang marriages (but let's please not mention the BG word). Why is it that back home people generally have quite long engagements nowadays yet when people come to Thailand bearing in mind all the pitfalls inolved in mixed race relationships they seem to get married without even thinking about it.

I'm sure people are just going to reply "Because I knew she was the one" and "I know I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman" which is wonderful and I can understand. However what does the piece of paper or indeed the ceremony give a westerner who marries a Thai? It seems to be all very one sided to me.

[sonthaya]

I don't know what you have against the BG word, they are people like you and me, but let's leave them out, there is something called love, and if that's not the reason ?

It's makes it possible to get a one year visa with 400,000 in the bank rather than the 800,000 required for a single.

I still love the BG's

[bkkmadness]

People do seem to get married here extraordinarily quickly sometimes. Not me, been with my gf 4 yrs and no talks of it, and quite happy with the situation.

Ok, here's my reasons why people get married here so fast:

1. visa applications made easier.

2. pressure from gf about family needing them to get married coz cant live in sin.

3. girls not wanting to get left for another women as is very common here it seems so want to tie the knot and hold onto their man as soon as possible. Girls in the West seem to be a bit more confident that they won't lose their man to another woman so easily.

4. girls in the west happy to play the field still, and often busy with careers and whatever so marraige not the number one thing for them, whereas girls here seem to think getting the good husband is the first thing they should do especially as age creeps on.

I'd say a lot of it is girls pressure on the men though, rather than the other way round.

I suppose another thing that could be said is a lot of the guys over here are a bit older as well with marraiges in the west already behind them, so not too bothered if married or not as long as the gf happy because the whole sanctamony of marraige is already a thing that has dissapeared.

I had a mate who got pressured by his gf into marraige coz her family didnt want them to live in sin, he was never bothered about it coz "its just a piece of paper", anyway, over in the UK she dumped him for another guy.

you might think it cruel that i laughed at that, but i told him the girl was no good and he threatened me with their family, so kinda funny to hear about him dumped in the UK, I cant wait to see him over here and ask him 'hows the wife!'

[withnail]

Nothing against bargirls just don't want the thread to be closed, no offence intended sorry.

[bkkmadness]

I don't know what you have against the BG word, they are people like you and me, but let's leave them out, there is something called love, and if that's not the reason ?

It's makes it possible to get a one year visa with 400,000 in the bank rather than the 800,000 required for a single.

I still love the BG's

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I dont think he has anything against BGs, just doesn't want a good thread closed which is what will happen if people start talking about them.

ah, you got there before me withnail.

Edited April 20, 2005 by bkkmadness

[The Gentleman Scamp]

People do seem to get married here extraordinarily quickly sometimes.  Not me, been with my gf 4 yrs and no talks of it, and quite happy with the situation.

Ok, here's my reasons why people get married here so fast:

1. visa applications made easier.

2. pressure from gf about family needing them to get married coz cant live in sin.

3. girls not wanting to get left for another women as is very common here it seems so want to tie the knot and hold onto their man as soon as possible.  Girls in the West seem to be a bit more confident that they won't lose their man to another woman so easily.

4. girls in the west happy to play the field still, and often busy with careers and whatever so marraige not the number one thing for them, whereas girls here seem to think getting the good husband is the first thing they should do especially as age creeps on.

I'd say a lot of it is girls pressure on the men though, rather than the other way round.

I suppose another thing that could be said is a lot of the guys over here are a bit older as well with marraiges in the west already behind them, so not too bothered if married or not as long as the gf happy because the whole sanctamony of marraige is already a thing that has dissapeared.

I had a mate who got pressured by his gf into marraige coz her family didnt want them to live in sin, he was never bothered about it coz "its just a piece of paper", anyway, over in the UK she dumped him for another guy.

you might think it cruel that i laughed at that, but i told him the girl was no good and he threatened me with their family, so kinda funny to hear about him dumped in the UK, I cant wait to see him over here and ask him 'hows the wife!' 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

He's left me with nothing to say.

[bkkmadness]

People do seem to get married here extraordinarily quickly sometimes.  Not me, been with my gf 4 yrs and no talks of it, and quite happy with the situation.

Ok, here's my reasons why people get married here so fast:

1. visa applications made easier.

2. pressure from gf about family needing them to get married coz cant live in sin.

3. girls not wanting to get left for another women as is very common here it seems so want to tie the knot and hold onto their man as soon as possible.  Girls in the West seem to be a bit more confident that they won't lose their man to another woman so easily.

4. girls in the west happy to play the field still, and often busy with careers and whatever so marraige not the number one thing for them, whereas girls here seem to think getting the good husband is the first thing they should do especially as age creeps on.

I'd say a lot of it is girls pressure on the men though, rather than the other way round.

I suppose another thing that could be said is a lot of the guys over here are a bit older as well with marraiges in the west already behind them, so not too bothered if married or not as long as the gf happy because the whole sanctamony of marraige is already a thing that has dissapeared.

I had a mate who got pressured by his gf into marraige coz her family didnt want them to live in sin, he was never bothered about it coz "its just a piece of paper", anyway, over in the UK she dumped him for another guy.

you might think it cruel that i laughed at that, but i told him the girl was no good and he threatened me with their family, so kinda funny to hear about him dumped in the UK, I cant wait to see him over here and ask him 'hows the wife!' 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

He's left me with nothing to say.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

shutting up the Scamp! so there is a use for me in this crazy world

[devildog683]

my wife and i were together for nearly 2 years before we got married

[mike100]

I married mine after about a year, but have got to admit that I would not have done this so soon if the British Embassy had been more forthcoming with a visitors or a fiancée visa.

Also after three trips in about six months I found it very hard to be separated for another few months.

Promised myself I would never get married again after the divorce of my UK wife in ’98.

Three years down the line and living back in Thailand, no regrets so far, and we are still very happy.

[ThaiPauly]

I married my wife because i love her, and I love her as much (if not more than I did when I married her) We have been tigether 2.5 years. Its all one sided though. You would not beleive whta she has to put up with from me, from the day we married I have been in and out of hospital, she would not dream of going home, just sleeps on a hard sofa (thats love). Yeah she is a lot younger than me (11 years) and will inherit all my Thai aquistions when I pass on (and before all you cynics say she is probably poisioning me) most of my problems are skelatal)so forget that. She waters the flowers every morning and evening, she cooks and cleans while I play TV or watch TV because I cant do so much. She has been to the UK and all my family LOVE her. It was the BEST decision I have ever made to marry her. But as we all know that is all in the TODAY. I no more than anyone can predict the future, and in one years time she may have had enough of me, who knows. But TODAY I am HAPPY

And I wish you all the same

[sua yai]

I'll hopefully be getting married in August. Been in Thailand for 7 years and with the gf for 1.5 years.

Agree a lot with bkkmadness' first post about the reasons for marriage.

In my instance, it's love and pressure from the family. We were living together until 6 weeks ago, when the gf moved in with her Mum at the temple. I see her most days, but in order for us to live together again, the mother requires us to get married.

Traditional values, but they must be respected.

[RamdomChances]

I addition to BKK madness'es post the "it's only a piece of paper" argument can be used both ways as if it is only a piece of paper then why not get married? and at least then if you do split up you at least have some protection under the law albeit limited.

[autonomous_unit]

Just to add to the "not everyone is in the same boat" sentiment... I started dating my wife about seven years ago in the US . We fell madly in love but did not get married for a long time. I guess that part could have happened as well if I'd fallen for another westerner.

I visited Thailand once to see her family about 5 years ago and announce our intentions to marry. We finally married in the US less than 2 years ago and moved to Thailand last year as my second visit. I am not all that well adapted, but she has been struggling too. She spent ages 18-30 in the US; we spent ages 24-30 together there, and I guess she's picked up more "west" from me than I did "east" from her.

I'm not religious and thought it was "just paper" when we did a civil ceremony to appease family and simplify visa issues, but now I have gotten used to it and quite like the symbol... it's a more public record of what we already knew.

[penelope]

I thought I'd get my wifes "na ayudhya" salutation..i was wrong.haha.

no , seriously..Love baby, Love was the reason

[cdnvic]

One day, after being together about 2.5 yrs I saw her morph from the sweet gentle thing I was used to, and lambaste this cop for giving me a BS ticket. She ripped into him like a tasmanian devil, calling his qualifications, eyesight, and manhood into question. It was like watching myself with thai subtitles, except that she's much much prettier.

An hour later and we had sat down on KSR for a beer, and to make fun of the backpackers, I informed her that maybe it's time we got married, which we did over the course of the next three days of paperwork and translations.

She knew I wasn't that keen on marriage, and had gone to great trouble to convince her parents that the way my culture was, it was quite normal not to have a formal marriage. That showed me alot.

I think you know you're ready to get married when even though you agree with all the cynics about how marriage is a trap, or the end of your freedom, or whatever, and you just don't care, you want to do it anyway.

I'm just thankful I know more than she does how special she is, otherwise she'd realize how much better she could have done.

[withnail]

One day, after being together about 2.5 yrs I saw her morph from the sweet gentle thing I was used to, and lambaste this cop for giving me a BS ticket. She ripped into him like a tasmanian devil, calling his qualifications, eyesight, and manhood into question. It was like watching myself with thai subtitles, except that she's much much prettier.

An hour later and we had sat down on KSR for a beer, and to make fun of the backpackers, I informed her that maybe it's time we got married, which we did over the course of the next three days of paperwork and translations.

She knew I wasn't that keen on marriage, and had gone to great trouble to convince her parents that the way my culture was, it was quite normal not to have a formal marriage. That showed me alot.

I think you know you're ready to get married when even though you agree with all the cynics about how marriage is a trap, or the end of your freedom, or whatever, and you just don't care, you want to do it anyway.

I'm just thankful I know more than she does how special she is, otherwise she'd realize how much better she could have done. tongue.gif

Good answer.

[Neeranam]

I'm surprised that no-one has mentioned kids.

The main reason we got married was because we both wanted to have kids. Wouldn't want them to be barstards!

Of course I wanted them to have British nationality and passports.

Being married makes this so much easier.

[DJ Pat]

Don't get married. Please. Don't spoil a relationship.

I've been married and divorced already.

DON'T DO IT PLEASE.

[Jockstar]

I got married on the 14th FEb( iknow tacky but she wanted to) We done it for visa reasons. The longer we are married then next year when we go to Oz it looks better. We will have the party wedding in October. I dont really feel married now. But after October i know i will. Shes great and cant ask for better. If she can put up with me then she muct be special.

[bkk_mike]

I actually met my wife in London, and knew her for a bit over a year before we came to Thailand for a holiday.

Problem was - her visa to go back to the UK got refused. So rather than carry on seeing each other in the UK for years (like I could have done with a British girlfriend), it basically became UK immigration saying - get married, or lose your girlfriend (or quit my job in the UK - but I have a very good job, which now lets me telecommute, but that option wasn't there until 4½ years ago.)

I'm not saying we'd never have got married if her visa to go back to the UK had come through. But it being refused forced the matter... That was 6½ years ago, and it all worked out OK in the end.

[Thomas_Merton]

Our reasons for getting married were perhaps a little different from most – or rather most as admitted here on TV.

My wife was in a “not-good situation” in LOS (you may interpret this as badly as you wish). If I married her I could get her out of this situation. On my side I would get a companion, someone to help with the housework and someone to sleep with.

The deal was clear on all sides: from me, from her and from her family. It was a business deal aligned to an extended bar fee. S*x was part of the arrangement, but not love.

As time has gone on we have experienced many problems: Immigration authorities in two European countries; the birth of our son; heart operations; finding accommodation and new jobs twice; moving country three times; learning two new languages; educating our son; generally establishing ourselves and making new friends from scratch.

Battling with all of these crises, and cemented with the Thai tradition of permanence in relationships, has enabled a love to grow up between us that cannot be measured.

So, so long as you are not too ruled by the little man in your pants and you keep a cool head about the financial commitments of a marriage, remembering to be completely honest to yourself and not expecting more than a business deal, IMHO the benefits of marriage are of such value they far outweigh any so-called negative costs

[DJ Pat]

Funny thing was, I'd just got my Burmese kitten a month before she moved in before we married.

Looking back, the truth was that I loved the cat more than her throughout the whole marriage.

[devildog683]

Funny thing was, I'd just got my Burmese kitten a month before she moved in before we married.

Looking back, the truth was that I loved the cat more than her throughout the whole marriage.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

not to be offensive, but maybe thats why it didnt last?

[cdnvic]

Funny thing was, I'd just got my Burmese kitten a month before she moved in before we married.

Looking back, the truth was that I loved the cat more than her throughout the whole marriage.

Once again a little pussy on the side ruins a marriage.

cv

[Shola]

Funny thing was, I'd just got my Burmese kitten a month before she moved in before we married.

Looking back, the truth was that I loved the cat more than her throughout the whole marriage.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Once again a little pussy on the side ruins a marriage.

cv

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[theviking]

Dj Pat wrote:

Don't get married. Please. Don't spoil a relationship.

What's the difference?

A few papers and a ring?

I am bored to get in and out of LOS , so i am doing the paperwork done pretty soon.

[ThaiPauly]

Our reasons for getting married were perhaps a little different from most – or rather most as admitted here on TV.

My wife was in a “not-good situation” in LOS (you may interpret this as badly as you wish). If I married her I could get her out of this situation. On my side I would get a companion, someone to help with the housework and someone to sleep with.

The deal was clear on all sides: from me, from her and from her family. It was a business deal aligned to an extended bar fee. S*x was part of the arrangement, but not love.

As time has gone on we have experienced many problems: Immigration authorities in two European countries; the birth of our son; heart operations; finding accommodation and new jobs twice; moving country three times; learning two new languages; educating our son; generally establishing ourselves and making new friends from scratch.

Battling with all of these crises, and cemented with the Thai tradition of permanence in relationships, has enabled a love to grow up between us that cannot be measured.

So, so long as you are not too ruled by the little man in your pants and you keep a cool head about the financial commitments of a marriage, remembering to be completely honest to yourself and not expecting more than a business deal, IMHO the benefits of marriage are of such value they far outweigh any so-called negative costs

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I take my hat off to you TM. I must admit I have not always been a fan of your posts but this one puts you in a different light completely, I admire you for your COMPLETE honesty, you set yourself up to be shot down, but what a compasionate person with a heart could do such a thing.

Thomas take heart, your marriage will probably outlast everyone else's. I wish you nothing but GOOD FORTUNE for you and your lady wife

Chock dee na!

TP

[Sunderland]

I married my wife for discounted airfares on Emirates. She married me for ... I'll get back to you on that!

[gburns57au]

I would get married because.....

I want too and hopefully she will too.....

[peder.klockmann]

Magic, it was magic I tell you; and her fortune teller lady that planted it in her head that someone would come along soon!

She knew what was going on way before I did.