Interracial Relationships

[leemac]

I've been wanting to raise this for a while, but didn't know who to raise it with. Most people I know wouldn't have experience enough to debate it or have any valuable input.

I see a lot of guys look down on women who prefer dark skinned guys, and I see a lot of women who look down on men who prefer Asian women. I even see guys who prefer Asian women, dislike any other type, and look down on white women who date black guys- and vice versa with women dating black guys looking down on white guys dating Asians.

I reckon that's pretty messed up personally, utter hypocrisy,but I thought I'd bring it out in the open here, because there's obviously a lot of white guys here who date Asian women.

So, guys, without being derogatory or making negative comments, do you prefer Asian girls?

If you do, how do you feel when you see a good looking white bird with a black guy? Or Idian? Or Hispanic?

And ladies- if you prefer your men to be of an ethnicity other than Caucasian, how do you feel seeing a white guy who's into Asian girls?

I have to admit that about 9 out of 10 women I have felt an attraction to have been Asian. I don't know why, and I don't TRY to only go for Asian girls- I dated a cute blondie last year- very sexy, great in many ways- just one of the dullest people I ever met- poor thing!

It's not that I 'prefer Asian' or anything- I go for the individual, not the race. One of the girls I've felt the strongest attraction to in my life was Indian, born and raised in my country with native English and a Kiwi accent.

When I see a white girl with a dude from another country, I don't even bat an eyelid- but some women I know will ONLY date black guys, or Lebanese, and it kind of makes me sick because I know that it's not so much for sexual preference but because of a state of mind that it's 'taboo' or rebellious. They are doing it because they want to piss people off, and are proud of it.

I see guys doing the same- dating only Asian girls and boasting about how much better they are than other races. It's a mental condition, not a sexual attraction to the individual, and that kind of creeps me out. They aren't into the girl, they're into the race. The girl just happened to be of that race.

Someone's bound to say something to get this thread closed, but try your best to keep it civil and follow the rules ok people?

And remember- this ISN'T an "Asian girls/black guys are better because..." thread... That would stir up too much emotion for people to remain civil!

[babuhavas]

hello leemac,welcome to thai visa forum,i am very impressed by your first post.

[eek]

and ladies- if you prefer your men to be of an ethnicity other than Caucasian, how do you feel seeing a white guy who's into Asian girls?

I dont have a preference. I would say the only preference i have is that ive generally leaned towards guys that were darker haired and not too neat and tidy looking. Im not really into the clean cut banker looking type. I dont view people in terms of their race, i guess i just wasnt really exposed to that growing up. Dont know if thats a good or bad thing. For me people are just people, but with some interesting differences in cultures and traditions. I would say that i have been physically attracted to all races at different times in my life, but ultimately its a persons personality that has drawn me more to them.

I dont blink an eye at mixed race couples. Its certainly common place around here to see white guys with Asian girls. The only thing that i did kind of find odd here is seeing MUCH older guys with MUCH younger girls. But i would feel the same way about that in any country. (As well as if i saw a MUCH younger guy with a MUCH older woman). But, to each their own really.

[leemac]

I dont blink an eye at mixed race couples. Its certainly common place around here to see white guys with Asian girls. The only thing that i did kind of find odd here is seeing MUCH older guys with MUCH younger girls. But i would feel the same way about that in any country. (As well as if i saw a MUCH younger guy with a MUCH older woman). But, to each their own really.

Yeah, each to their own and all that, but when I see a 20 year old girl with a 60 year old 120kg hairball of a guy, all I can think is "you poor poor thing- having to do what you do to get by". Then at the same time, I think "well done man- you must be living in heaven right now" because compared to the women he would have pulled back home in the past thirty or so years, this one will be a pure angel.

EDIT: Forgot to add- I find it weird to date girls with my own accent. I feel like I'm dating family, or a good friend. It's like my own people are off limits or something.

I've pretty much only dated/slept with blonde and Asian girls in the past 10 years. I did drunkenly feel up and kiss some VERY cute Kiwi-Indian girl who had shockingly bad posture, but was otherwise perfection in human form. I don't know why I have these preferences and I've tried to understand it, but the more I try, the more I realise that I don't WANT to prefer one type or another.

Edited December 19, 2009 by leemac

[villagefarang]

All I can say is the OP seems to have a lot of hangups and things that creep him out. Extremely judgmental about what he perceives to be the motivation of others.

I might suggest a nice long look in the mirror and a few questions about what it is about you that makes you want to get into everyone's personal life. Just worry about your own motivations and let others get on with their lives.

Unlike bubahavas I am not impressed with your first post. It seems a desperate attempt to be controversial.

[leemac]

All I can say is the OP seems to have a lot of hangups and things that creep him out. Extremely judgmental about what he perceives to be the motivation of others.

I might suggest a nice long look in the mirror and a few questions about what it is about you that makes you want to get into everyone's personal life. Just worry about your own motivations and let others get on with their lives.

Unlike bubahavas I am not impressed with your first post. It seems a desperate attempt to be controversial.

I seem to have pushed a few buttons here. That's a very obvious personal attack, and you seem to be making a lot of judgements about me.

I don't think I made myself appear to have a "a lot" of hangups and things that creep me out. I pointed out three things that I have an issue with, and three only, in the entire thread, two of which will no doubt have been in the minds of most members here. I have listed them all for you:

1- people dating the race, not the individual

2- dating people with a similar accent to myself

3- age gap

I'm sure #1 will have been raised here before, #2 is a personal observation related to the topic that I thought relevant and possibly interesting to some members, #3 has been debated here many times, and at the bottom of this page I found a thread on the subject. Plus, I didn't even bring up #3, and there will no doubt be a VERY large number of people who'll agree with me on that topic.

As for getting into other people's lives, this is a community forum for people to share thoughts, feelings, opinions, and other information. I'm curious as to whether others share my feelings. If you don't like that, perhaps you should leave the thread rather than go into a tirade about it?

Obviously this thread is a topic you aren't comfortable with, so for your own sake, I recommend not taking part in it.

[bonobo]

I like women.  Period.  It matters not the race.  In Thailand, it is no surprise that I mostly date Thai women as that is who is here. But I have also gone out with Iraqi, Swedish, American, Indian, Filipina, Japanese, Italian, Ukranian, Sri Lankan, Indonesian, Pakastani, Nigerian, Jordanian, Chinese, and Australian women here in Thailand (this over a period of more than seven years, though, so it is not like I am a dating machine ).  If a woman has a good personality, if she makes me smile, then I will happily go out with her.  Race or country-of-origin does not enter the equation.

Conversely, I see nothing wrong with women going out with anyone they should so choose.  For race, I never even really think about it.  Many years ago, while a lieutenant in Okinawa, I would go down to a place called Moon Beach, a Japanese resort where the junior enlisted men were not allowed to go (too many drinking-related incidents there).  I would wander around, trying to hook up with Japanese women, and several times, I met two women together, and during our conversation, they would shyly ask me if I knew any black men.  Well, my running mate in Oki was a good-looking black guy, but a guy too shy to come and try to walk around cold-call and try to meet women.  So on these four or so occasions, I would call him up and keep the women talking until he arrived.  By buddy was always the first choice of these women who were anxious to experience "jungle fever."  I never minded that he was the first choice because, well, I still got my liaison as well. Frankly, who cared that they preferred a darker fling than I could give them? Even as second choice, I still had a good time.

For age, when I see an older woman with a younger man, I smile and mentally applaud her for having the wherewithal to go for what she wants.

The bottom line is that who someone else dates or prefers has absolutely no relevance to me, so why should I get upset or look down on anyone else?  If I see a white woman walking down the street arm-and-arm with an Asian guy, if she suddenly didn't like Asians, does that mean she is going to jump into my arms?  Not hardly, so who cares?

In Thailand, yes, I date mostly Thais.  That is who is here, after all. And as I do want children, and as age is a factor for that bearing kids, it is easier for me to find a Thai (or Filipina) who can accept a larger age difference than were I to exclusively date women from my own race and nationality.

[mojaco]

Born white, middle class, pure Kansas boy some 67 years ago. Back then a white girl with a non-white (esp. black) man was taken as a near perversion. It has taken me most of my life to shake off that upbringing *for the most part* - but sometimes I see vestiges remaining deep in my physche. Perhaps younger generation is being raised without that hang-up.

35 years ago I fell in love with a Japanese girl and am still very much in love with her. Why attracted me to an oriental unstead of a *Kansas girl"? Perhaps those Cleopatra movies? Black hair and oriental eyes I suspect. But NOT because wanting a subservient wife - mine is definitely not! I actually greatly dislike a subservient spirit.

FWIW

[sbk]

Unlike eek, I do like the clean cut banker type So, I generally went for that type, not exclusively because attraction is more than just a cookie cutter appearance. I didn't come to Asia looking to hook up with an Asian, it just happened. Is he clean cut, yes. But I've also found non-clean cut looking guys attractive (and dated a few pre-marriage as well). What attracts me is more than just a look or skin color.

I think that people who limit themselves based on one criteria alone are probably very shallow people who can only see the surface and probably don't really care what lies deeper than that. And that those who judge others based on the race of the person they choose to date are, well, racist. But, thats my opinion and I am sure there are others who think differently.

[leemac]

Some good answers here, thanks guys/gals!

I know of two guys in particular- both white, both with a fetish for Japanese girls, and very anti to Western women. Both are closet racists towards black people, and both look down on SE Asians.

I've known them for about 10 years, both have at times been close friends until I got to know their true personalities. The way I see it, if the girls theya re with had EXACTLY the same personalities, looks, fashion sense, and everything else- but were white- these guys would not take them.

I understand people wanting to experiment, and in Bonobo's case, fair enough- the girls want to try a black guy- good on them for trying it out. But if they liked him BECAUSE he was a black guy, I'd think it's a little funny.

Again, each to their own, I just wanted to throw this topic out there and see what people think

[473geo]

I think what first attracts a person to another is initial the responsiveness of another...........regardless of colour race or creed........before any relationship can start on any level there will be some sort of contact/exchange.........the content of this exchange will no doubt be the catalyst for moving forward into a friendship/relationship........

So look around at the way certain parts of the world are rather insular - others remain outgoing and friendly.......given the current ease of travel between continents, where would be the obvious arena for relationships to blossom?........my opinion is, that in the more gregarious parts of the world, you are more likely to see mixed race/young and old relationships........because of the opportunity to experiment/explore.....

For my preference......well it usually starts with a smile......from whoever......

edit - it's too early

Edited December 19, 2009 by 473geo

[WitawatWatawit]

A fair enough post, Leemac. I fully agree with your rationale about opening topics up for debate, whether some people like them or not.

For my 2 cents worth, I despise racists to the very depths of my soul. I simply can't understand where they are coming from. I know some people are sensitive about marrying outside their culture/race, but as one anthropological study indicated recently, part of that might be to do with an in-built desire to preserve their culture rather than being racist.

As a final point, I should say that like many other posters I have met and befriended people from a broad spectrum of life, and each one has enriched my life in some way. And for that I thank them. I wouldn't want to be stuck in a narrowly-defined circle of people of my own ilk because that would likely starve me of the ability to satisfy my curiosity about the world at large. There are too many things to learn and enjoy. Give me diversity or give me death -- LOL.

Wit

PS: Arrogance and ignorance are main things that I have an issue with.

[PoorSucker]

I have a ladyboy friend that dates a Swedish man.

I have never even reflected on that.

Probably wouldn't work in Sweden, but TIT.

[Ruperts]

but as one anthropological study indicated recently, part of that might be to do with an in-built desire to preserve their culture rather than being racist.

I must have the complete opposite of this, as I feel a strong inbuilt desire to breed with any race other than my own. I don't know why, what caused it, whether it is temporary or permanent, but I do no it is there and has been there for some time. I have nothing against white women, I just somehow don't feel as though it would be 'worth it' to produce children with them, when I can produce children with another race.

[leemac]

but as one anthropological study indicated recently, part of that might be to do with an in-built desire to preserve their culture rather than being racist.

I must have the complete opposite of this, as I feel a strong inbuilt desire to breed with any race other than my own. I don't know why, what caused it, whether it is temporary or permanent, but I do no it is there and has been there for some time. I have nothing against white women, I just somehow don't feel as though it would be 'worth it' to produce children with them, when I can produce children with another race.

I read somewhere that we're naturally attracted to people who's immune systems are different from our own, as the offspring will have the immune system from both parents, leading to stronger and healthier lives. I have a feeling that may have something to do with it.

A desire to preserve your culture and race is good. I agree with this line of reasoning. I always felt that I would like my children to look like me, so procreating with a European woman would be the way to do that. However I don't meet that many European women I'm attracted to, and even less who feel the same way about me. Maybe I need to go to Europe!

[mstribling]

Now this is an interesting post. I have often thought people who date someone BECAUSE of his/her race is a form of racism. I think a persons ethnic makeup is critical to their character. It is what defines someone is their culture. It is simple perpetuation of the species to be attracted to someone who is similar in all aspects. ie skin color, religion, regions.

That being said. I do have a preference for ethnic women. I was raised in S. Texas and have a weakness for Mexican women. Always have, just a preference to what I am familiar with.

I have traveled to all corners of this world and find people interesting. I just tend to sample the local flavor of wherever I wind up.

[WitawatWatawit]

Quote: I read somewhere that we're naturally attracted to people who's immune systems are different from our own, as the offspring will have the immune system from both parents, leading to stronger and healthier lives. I have a feeling that may have something to do with it."

Natural selection has over millions of years lead to the survival of the fittest. So in today's world I don't think it is has much to do with immune systems - especially as we're not wearing animal skins and foraging or fighting for food. Yet modern humans still choose mates that we think can produce offspring whom we can rear to a higher standard. We're not hunters and gatherers anymore (at least not in the concept of pre-historic times).

After more than 2 decades of observing farang behaviour in Thailand, I think the idea of looking for a mate from another culture has more to do with some kind of sense of security, rather than a "survival of the fittest" theory. Older Westerners come to Thailand because the idiosyncracies of their own modern-day cultures leave them isolated -- a lonely (divorced/widowed-etc) old man often doesn't have too many choices in life back in farangland.

So, many come here not because they're looking for mates, but rather for companionship and a kind of "life support" system, if you know what I mean. I think, in a rather peripheral sort of way, that might come some way to answering Leemac's original thoughts.

As for younger Westerners with high mate potential - that's a complete, open book and another story.

Wit

[PhilHarries]

I haven't read all the replies because i don't need to, nor want to. I am a caucasian guy with an Asian lady (Vietnamese) and we are together because we love each other's company. I don't give a flying duck what others think nor say but if anyone has an issue with that PM me and we'll meet, top of Thu Thiem bridge high noon.

Seriously, I don't care whether white guys date black chicks, black guys date white chicks or 60 year old guys hang out with 20 something year old girls as long as they live their life in peace and harmony and leave me to do the same.

There is too much judgement in this world mostly coming from those who are least qualified to do the judging.

[sokal]

All I can say is the OP seems to have a lot of hangups and things that creep him out. Extremely judgmental about what he perceives to be the motivation of others.

I might suggest a nice long look in the mirror and a few questions about what it is about you that makes you want to get into everyone's personal life. Just worry about your own motivations and let others get on with their lives.

Unlike bubahavas I am not impressed with your first post. It seems a desperate attempt to be controversial.

I seem to have pushed a few buttons here. That's a very obvious personal attack, and you seem to be making a lot of judgements about me.

I don't think I made myself appear to have a "a lot" of hangups and things that creep me out. I pointed out three things that I have an issue with, and three only, in the entire thread, two of which will no doubt have been in the minds of most members here. I have listed them all for you:

1- people dating the race, not the individual

2- dating people with a similar accent to myself

3- age gap

I'm sure #1 will have been raised here before, #2 is a personal observation related to the topic that I thought relevant and possibly interesting to some members, #3 has been debated here many times, and at the bottom of this page I found a thread on the subject. Plus, I didn't even bring up #3, and there will no doubt be a VERY large number of people who'll agree with me on that topic.

As for getting into other people's lives, this is a community forum for people to share thoughts, feelings, opinions, and other information. I'm curious as to whether others share my feelings. If you don't like that, perhaps you should leave the thread rather than go into a tirade about it?

Obviously this thread is a topic you aren't comfortable with, so for your own sake, I recommend not taking part in it.

My 2 cents worth...

I will admit that I tend to choose race and then let the chips fall from there and I will tell you why. White women have more leverage then there Asian counterparts and it is acted out on a daily basis. This all evolved naturally so I don't actually hate white women, I just don't get involved with them anymore.

Geographically white women have been more centered in the wealthy parts of the world.

The top Hollywood actors are- white women

Top models around the world are- white women

Most fashion advertisements all over the world(even in Asia) feature- white women

Most spouses of rich and famous people like Tiger Woods are- white women

White women basically have a monopoly going here and in order for the other races of women to get in on the action they have to provide other incentives. This is why some white women don't like Asian women, its because they see that Asian women are in competition with them. Some people are going to think I am crazy for writing this but it so obvious by the number of single men then come to SE Asia and find wives.

Edited December 20, 2009 by sokal

[TruthWillOut]

I think the idea of white being jealous of Asian only exists sin the head of a particular type of white men who come to places like Thailand for Asian women.

I'm with PhillHarris.

[sokal]

I think the idea of white being jealous of Asian only exists sin the head of a particular type of white men who come to places like Thailand for Asian women.

I'm with PhillHarris.

I don't think white women are jealous of Asian women in any way. White women and Asian women compete for men. From my personal experience, I prefer what an Asian woman has to offer compared to a white one, as does a growing number of men.

[sbk]

All women compete for men, sokal. Sounds to me a bit like you think white guys are so fantastic that you must all be at the top of the heap when it comes to attracting women. Well, some may, others are not. You've been listening to "you handsome man' too long, I think.

[bonobo]

I think that people who limit themselves based on one criteria alone are probably very shallow people who can only see the surface ...

And I would add, they are arbitrarily removing the bulk of the population from consideration as a potential partner.  If a person limits himself or herself to Japanese women or Italian men, for example, then about 99% of the population is being excluded.  And I rather think it is easier to find a good match when you consider all people instead of limiting yourself to only 1%.

Add the fact that often, in my opinion, the reasons people limit themselves to any one culture/race are not really valid.  I have known several American white and black men who only wanted to date Chinese women because they felt Chinese women were essentially subservient, taking a back-seat to the man of the house.  But while there are always individuals who fit any personality type, people who understand Han-Chinese culture know that from a cultural perspective, women should take charge of the home and essentially advise/goad/push the man into success. So the very reason these men were seeking a Chinese bride was at odds with the cultural norm of the targeted group.  I have also spoken with numerous Russian women who found an American husband because of the stated belief that Americans make better fathers and do not stray from monogamy like Russian men do.  And so they are devastated when they marry, come to the US, and a few years later find out that their American husband has strayed just like a Russian one might have done.

[sokal]

All women compete for men, sokal. Sounds to me a bit like you think white guys are so fantastic that you must all be at the top of the heap when it comes to attracting women. Well, some may, others are not. You've been listening to "you handsome man' too long, I think.

You missed my point completely, the mans race has nothing to do with it because he is a man. Men and women are totally different.

[bonobo]

All women compete for men, sokal. Sounds to me a bit like you think white guys are so fantastic that you must all be at the top of the heap when it comes to attracting women. Well, some may, others are not. You've been listening to "you handsome man' too long, I think.

You missed my point completely, the mans race has nothing to do with it because he is a man. Men and women are totally different.

You don't think men compete for women?

Most men in the gym, myself included, work out at least in part to attract women.  And the same can be said for getting dressed up before going out, flashing symbols of success such as Piaget watches and fast cars, and proper grooming.

[sokal]

All women compete for men, sokal. Sounds to me a bit like you think white guys are so fantastic that you must all be at the top of the heap when it comes to attracting women. Well, some may, others are not. You've been listening to "you handsome man' too long, I think.

You missed my point completely, the mans race has nothing to do with it because he is a man. Men and women are totally different.

You don't think men compete for women?

Most men in the gym, myself included, work out at least in part to attract women.  And the same can be said for getting dressed up before going out, flashing symbols of success such as Piaget watches and fast cars, and proper grooming.

Race of the man still has less to do with it. Looks wise in society, the ideal prototype woman is white, not Asian. So in order for Asian women to gain their share of wealthier western men, they have to be more accommodating and desirable by men.

[eek]

Er..im sorry sokal...but what on earth are you talking about? Are you on a completely different page to the rest of the planet or what?

[sokal]

Er..im sorry sokal...but what on earth are you talking about? Are you on a completely different page to the rest of the planet or what?

I know its hard to identify the bubble when your in it but what don't you understand ?

[eek]

Er..im sorry sokal...but what on earth are you talking about? Are you on a completely different page to the rest of the planet or what?

I know its hard to identify the bubble when your in it but what don't you understand ?

Ok, let me throw some things out there then:

"This is why some white women don't like Asian women, its because they see that Asian women are in competition with them."

As others have pointed out, everyone is basically in competition with each other for the opposite sex. What has race specifically got to do with it?

"Some people are going to think I am crazy for writing this but it so obvious by the number of single men then come to SE Asia and find wives."

Hmm...are you talking about the number of divorced/single retired men? Or, are you saying that some vast number of young attractive regular guys are flocking to Asia for Asian wives? Also are those single men coming here initially looking for wives? What is the number, do you have any real idea?

I prefer what an Asian woman has to offer compared to a white one, as does a growing number of men. Hmm..a growing number of men prefer Asian women? You could easily insert a number of nationalities ie: "Argentinian women" "Scandinavian women" into that same sentence in place of "Asian" as men have been saying this kind of stuff forever because it relates to their own preference. "Asian" women, is very broad, and also could mean Asian women from the west or Cambodia or Hmong tribe or whatever. You are basically saying you prefer one race, for race sake, over another race. Which is fine for you, and of course your choice, but seems rather shallow.

White women have more leverage then there Asian counterparts and it is acted out on a daily basis "Leverage" in regards to what? Having rights? In that case, maybe over time the younger Asian female generation will start having more "leverage" too.

You missed my point completely, the mans race has nothing to do with it because he is a man. Men and women are totally different. A mans race had nothing to do with it because he is a man? Can you clarify? (and thanks for the tip about men and women being totally different...)

"Race of the man still has less to do with it. Looks wise in society, the ideal prototype woman is white, not Asian. So in order for Asian women to gain their share of wealthier western men, they have to be more accommodating and desirable by men"

This last one was the one that really had me going " " though. You really believe a mans race has no bearing in society? As for Asian women, what part of the world are you talking about? What social class are you talking about? Im sorry, but you come out with this stuff that seems so generalised its a chasm, and other stuff that doesnt come over as anything but a personal opinion that you believe most share. Then again, im guess i must just living in a bubble with no real understanding of how any of this stuff works.

[bonobo]

All women compete for men, sokal. Sounds to me a bit like you think white guys are so fantastic that you must all be at the top of the heap when it comes to attracting women. Well, some may, others are not. You've been listening to "you handsome man' too long, I think.

You missed my point completely, the mans race has nothing to do with it because he is a man. Men and women are totally different.

You don't think men compete for women?

Most men in the gym, myself included, work out at least in part to attract women.  And the same can be said for getting dressed up before going out, flashing symbols of success such as Piaget watches and fast cars, and proper grooming.

Race of the man still has less to do with it. Looks wise in society, the ideal prototype woman is white, not Asian. So in order for Asian women to gain their share of wealthier western men, they have to be more accommodating and desirable by men.

 Eek so ably addressed many of your comments, but this one has be rather confused as well.  First, do you really think that "wealthier western men" (and do you mean white men here?) are really in high demand in Japan, Nigeria, Columbia, Jordan, etc?  Western men, wealthy or not, are desirable by some women, but this is certainly not the absolute you seem to make it.

Second, you say this has nothing to do with race for men, but let's assume you are right in that the ideal prototype for women is white (not that I agree with that, but just assume it for argument's sake.)  What about men?  Are Asian men the ideal prototype?  Do they have to work harder to compete with Western men, be they white, black, or whatever?