Am I An Old Granny?

[IanForbes]

The mother of the family I take care of is always throwing new wrinkles at me. I came down to Kanchanaburi to spend time with her children that I adore. The family lives in Luk Kae which is about 40 km away. There is no accommodation in Luk Kae for me, and the only hotel nearby is a sleezy place in Ban Pong that I dislike. If I'm not staying in Ban Pong I always stay in the VL guest house in the town of Kanchanaburi. I told the mother to bring the children and I would take them to the waterfalls, Erawan and Sai Yok on the weekend. I said I would rent a separate, big room for the children, and the oldest girl (14) could bring a friend. It didn't surprise me that the mother didn't follow my suggestion and bring the children on Friday, but just turned up by herself. What DID surprise me is the next day the eldest daughter brought a BOY FRIEND!

Now I DO understand something about biology. And, I hate condoning something I wouldn't do back home in Canada. I understand that what goes on in another country with people not related to me is no business of mine, but am I an old granny by not thinking this is proper? The two young ones (8 & 10) and the eldest girl and her boyfriend all want to share the same room together. I guess I'm just getting old.

[otherstuff1957]

My Thai wife, her sisters, cousins, friends and my Thai co-workers would ALL be appalled at the idea of a 14 year old girl spending the night with her boyfriend.

Having said that, in many Thai families, particularly country or lower class urban Thais, everyone sleeps in the same room, although they have individual sleeping mats. Is they boy really a boyfriend? Or is he a cousin or another family member. If he is a relative, sleeping in the same room wouldn't be that unusual. If he is just an unrelated boyfriend though, he just shouldn't be sleeping with her!

[wolf5370]

I'm younger than you Ian, and I must be a granny too. My niece has just turned 18 and became engaged (in the UK). My sister has a recreational holiday home in the UK, by the seaside and when my parents came over from Spain (where they live - family of expats!) and me from Thailand, we all went down this holiday home to stay. This was a couple of years ago, and my niece was just 16 (just turned). Her boyfriend (now fiancee) was only 15. I came down later than everyone else, the morning of the second day there. I'm sitting in their kichen having a coffee, when out walks the niece from a bedroom in her nightie. Good morings said etc. Ten minutes l;ater the boyfriend walks out wrapped in a tail. It was the talk of the holiday. My sister, her mother, was happy about it, my other sister and my parents (and I) were scandalised!

At sixteen I was hardly a virgin, but I was married before I spent the night under the same roof as my parents with a girl. I don't think I'm a prude, but IU think it shows a large amount of disrespect. My sister's attitude baffled me, especially as I know her very well, to allow her 16 y/o daughter to spend the night in her home with a 15 y/o boy - and apparantly it happens at his house too!

Here in LoS, my sister-in-law sleeps with her long time boyfriend and, in the Thai way, there are often otyher poeple sleeping in the same room as them - including their parents. However, they are in the late 20's, so a whole lot different than a 14 year old!

[wolf5370]

Im just thought of something else. When I was courting my wife, we went up to see her Grandmother. She lives in a traditional teak house with two stories of mainly one large room each plus na kitchen (and a concrete extension for the WC/shower). It was early May if I remember correctly and very hot and humid. During this time the upstairs room is just too hot to sleep in. So individual mats are put down with mossie nets and there we sleep. Even so, my sife slept on a large mat with her grandmother and I slept the other end of the hall (cupboards blocking any view).

Years later as husband and wife, we are given one of the out buildngs (that were done up especially) so we can be alone, when we visit. I agree with OS1957, most Thais would be scandalised IMO.

[robblok]

In Holland we were a lot more liberal, 14 can happen not often though. Its more that these kind of things happen when they are 16 or so. I was married in Holland to a Thai girl and she had 2 daughers one was 16 at a time and had a bf. They slept together in my home i did not make a big fuss out of it.

Marriage is overrated sex is perfectly normal from my point of view. I do find 14 also a bit young but 16 and if its serious.. no problems here. I dont mean that the girl has a new guy every week and sleeps with him i would not allow that but after a 3 moths of relationship why not.

Just my 2 cents everyone sees things different.

[William Osborne]

No, not normal, sounds like a family of misfits to me .... fast forward and another thai toddler offloaded to the in-laws once the initial novelity of being "grown up" wears off...

[tutsiwarrior]

in our bedroom most nights you can find me an' the wife, nieces 7 and 12 years and the grandson; the MiL and the 16 y.o. step daughter will also be present snorin' away depending on the circumstances...an' this is with the AC goin' and they don't usually like the AC...

everyone arranges themselves comfortably, on the floor with blankets, etc.; the 7 y.o. sleeps on the bed between me an' the wife where she has slept since she was an infant...

the step daughter and her boyfriend/husband also sleep in our room with the rest of us on occasion although they have their own room next door...all tangled up they are, but fully clothed as I noticed when goin' to the toilet...everyone sleeps fully clothed except for yers truly...

there's plenty of room and beds for them to sleep elsewhere in the house but they seem to prefer the ganged up arrangement...someone said in a previous thread that rural people are afraid of ghosts...also, traditional rural thai houses are usually one room and there's no choice an' one gets use to it...

I don't mind other than it puts a restraint on spontaneous activity with the wife at night; we got the room to ourselves in the morning when the kids go to school and everyone else is out an' about and the morning is my favorite time anyway...

[sbk]

I don't know any 14 year olds whose parents find it acceptable for their boyfriend to stay over.

[473geo]

Exactly what is likely to happen in a hotel room containing 4 young people - it will probably be a little adventure for them all.......and not the way most of the answers here suggest.

And what are you going to do Ian......follow them everywhere........

As my grandfather told my father.........they will do nothing here that they can't go somewhere else and do!!!!

[robblok]

Exactly what is likely to happen in a hotel room containing 4 young people - it will probably be a little adventure for them all.......and not the way most of the answers here suggest.

And what are you going to do Ian......follow them everywhere........

As my grandfather told my father.........they will do nothing here that they can't go somewhere else and do!!!!

Same point my mother made with me... you cant check them all the time if they want it they will do it. The best thing is to educate them how to do it safely.

[neverdie]

I don't know any 14 year olds whose parents find it acceptable for their boyfriend to stay over.

It wouldnt be happening in my household, thats for sure.

[wolf5370]

Sure educate them, but allowing it in the house is encouraging it. Mistakes happen, the more often the chance is taken the more mistakes will occur, the easier it is for them to 'find a place' the more it will happen...etc

I think its disrespectful for unrelated boys and girls to sleep together in their parent house (or under the same roof as their parents), and maybe I'm just in the minority, but I do. I didn't do it and my kids will not either.

As I said above and Tutsi covers well too, families (even extended families) here often share the same room. However, I would suggest its a lot less often that guests (non family members) - especially males - would be allowed to share a room with young (female) children. On the odd occation when there is no choice (one room house) then the visitor would be placed the otherside of all the other males in the room.

Note too that the ago of concent is 15 here, so technically its illegal too. Not sleeping in the same room, but "sleeping with each other"

Edited January 9, 2010 by wolf5370

[robblok]

@wolf

we see things not eye to eye.. i think from around 16 its ok especially if things are serious. But then again its up to the parent you set your rules i set my rules.

But its ok to see things differently it happens and is normal.

[473geo]

I can't help but wonder what some of you guys were getting up to at 14.......to be so fearsome of what might occur

[Jockstar]

When i used to live at home in Scotland. I was never allowed to have a girl stay over at 16. I was with the same girl from 17-21 but it wasnt until we had been together for a year or so before my mum would allow it.

[robblok]

When i was around 16-17 i had a regular gf and she slept over, we had sex safely. No problem .. i did not die.. she did not die.. no babies.. just natural things. Some people are scared of sex but if you do it safely there isnt much of a problem.

[PeaceBlondie]

When my twin girls were 15, they shared a master bedroom, down the hall from me. Unbeknownst to me, one girl had her boyfriend living in the closet! I discovered it when she came up PG. They're now happily married, 3 kids. Their eldest sister got PG in her BF's bedroom. Happily married, 3 kids. Not to be recommended, but I met two married sets of 14 year old Mayas.

I'll bet they don't have sex in that motel room.

We're not grannies, but I'm surprised I'm not a great-grandpa yet.

Added: Ian, it's no concern of yours.

[IanForbes]

Exactly what is likely to happen in a hotel room containing 4 young people - it will probably be a little adventure for them all.......and not the way most of the answers here suggest.

And what are you going to do Ian......follow them everywhere........

As my grandfather told my father.........they will do nothing here that they can't go somewhere else and do!!!!

I kind of agree with you, but I'm not exactly happy with the arrangement... and hence my question of am I an old granny. Of course, it ain't my family and the mother obviously trusts her daughter. I just thought it was a little strange. I doubt very much if the 14 yr old girl/woman is having sex yet. I can usually tell by the way they act together. And, I have known her since she was 9. She's a pretty sweet kid and not a little mover like some I've seen and wouldn't trust. Except in cases of rape, it is ALWAYS the female who makes the decision if sex is going to happen. However, once the two younger ones are asleep who knows what the teenagers will get up to.

[PoorSucker]

When my twin girls were 15, they shared a master bedroom, down the hall from me. Unbeknownst to me, one girl had her boyfriend living in the closet! I discovered it when she came up PG. They're now happily married, 3 kids. Their eldest sister got PG in her BF's bedroom. Happily married, 3 kids. Not to be recommended, but I met two married sets of 14 year old Mayas.

I'll bet they don't have sex in that motel room.

We're not grannies, but I'm surprised I'm not a great-grandpa yet.

Added: Ian, it's no concern of yours.

Has he come out from the closet yet.

[473geo]

Exactly what is likely to happen in a hotel room containing 4 young people - it will probably be a little adventure for them all.......and not the way most of the answers here suggest.

And what are you going to do Ian......follow them everywhere........

As my grandfather told my father.........they will do nothing here that they can't go somewhere else and do!!!!

I kind of agree with you, but I'm not exactly happy with the arrangement... and hence my question of am I an old granny. Of course, it ain't my family and the mother obviously trusts her daughter. I just thought it was a little strange. I doubt very much if the 14 yr old girl/woman is having sex yet. I can usually tell by the way they act together. And, I have known her since she was 9. She's a pretty sweet kid and not a little mover like some I've seen and wouldn't trust. Except in cases of rape, it is ALWAYS the female who makes the decision if sex is going to happen. However, once the two younger ones are asleep who knows what the teenagers will get up to.

I think they will probably end up watching TV all night!!!!.......probably the chart shows!!!!!........

[eek]

I see where everyone is coming from..but if they are going to be in a room with lots of other people and not sleeping side by side etc..i kind of wonder whats the problem. As im not a parent, its of course hard to put myself in their shoes, but i would like to think that if i had a teenage daughter, i would have instilled in her good values and about being careful etc, and give her my trust. Thats not to say i wouldnt be careful, and i wouldnt agree with her bf staying with her alone..but they arent going to be alone. Tbh..the thought about actually having sex with a boy when i was 14 wasnt even in my mindset at that time. If I had had a bf stay over, it would have been about fun in a non-sexual way(ok maybe some sneaked kiss or something..and im talking innocent kisses here, not like smooching), but maybe im just naive.

[wolf5370]

Maybe I'm like this because I had a kid at 15 with a girl the same age (she was 16 at the birth). I know exactly what I was like at that age, I had a good up bringing and was taught right from wrong, but hormones are hormones and peer group pressure (for boys) and bragging rights is a much stronger force at that age. The kids was adopted at birth, and the mother and I went our separate ways, but it did cause us both a lot of issues at the time and for a while afterwards. I'm sure she still has regrets too - after all she carried the boy for 9 months and her parents forced her to have the baby adoptred (I had no say either unless I trued to sue for custody). I would not want someones life to be screwed up because I allowed them to get carried away with their hormones - and I certainly wouldn't want to encourage it

[heykki]

Welcome to the modern world. This is everyday life in Scandinavia.

[robblok]

Maybe I'm like this because I had a kid at 15 with a girl the same age (she was 16 at the birth). I know exactly what I was like at that age, I had a good up bringing and was taught right from wrong, but hormones are hormones and peer group pressure (for boys) and bragging rights is a much stronger force at that age. The kids was adopted at birth, and the mother and I went our separate ways, but it did cause us both a lot of issues at the time and for a while afterwards. I'm sure she still has regrets too - after all she carried the boy for 9 months and her parents forced her to have the baby adoptred (I had no say either unless I trued to sue for custody). I would not want someones life to be screwed up because I allowed them to get carried away with their hormones - and I certainly wouldn't want to encourage it

When i was that age i did know what safe sex was, and i was affraid to get a girl pregnant. Did you not have sex ed or ? I mean not so hard to get a morning after pill and stuff. (not in Holland anyway)

But i do understand your worries now.

[t.s]

When my twin girls were 15, they shared a master bedroom, down the hall from me. Unbeknownst to me, one girl had her boyfriend living in the closet! I discovered it when she came up PG. They're now happily married, 3 kids. Their eldest sister got PG in her BF's bedroom. Happily married, 3 kids. Not to be recommended, but I met two married sets of 14 year old Mayas.

I'll bet they don't have sex in that motel room.

We're not grannies, but I'm surprised I'm not a great-grandpa yet.

Added: Ian, it's no concern of yours.

you cant deny you had something in common with the lad, can you?

[IanForbes]

We'll get a better idea in the morning when I haul them out of bed at 7AM for our trip to Mt Erawan waterfalls. Lovers always have that smoochy look in their eyes. After watching them together today it doesn't look like they are lovers... just good friends.

[MrHammer]

Welcome to the modern world. This is everyday life in Scandinavia.

No it isn't. 15-16 maybe, not 14. The average age of first sexual experience is around 16.5 years pretty much all over the world.

And if had a daughter she sure as hel_l wouldn't be spending the night with her boyfriend as long as she lived in my house. It's no secret that girls that age fall in love if you just smile and say a few nice words and the guys who have figured this out are not always the best company.

Of all the girls I knew growing up in the 90's, those that had a lot of boyfriends at age 14-16 are now mostly single moms on welfare.

[mahtin]

You can be prosecuted in your own country for offences involving minors in other countries.

[mahtin]

Welcome to the modern world. This is everyday life in Scandinavia.

Sad comment.

The Nanny State has robbed us of parental authority.

[geriatrickid]

Nothing to worry about. The 2 youngest were going to share the room with the girl and her friend right? We all know that Thais are shy when it comes to body parts. I doubt there would be fornication in front of the siblings. Even hillbilly inbreds don't do that. No I am not naive, but bargirls don't flash their boobies like in the west do they? Sometimes my friend crashes at my place. He sleeps in his clothes (clean ones at least) and he doesn't walk around with exposed body parts. What he did do the other night when his professor came over with another student to review some work was that he grabbed a pair of my boxers to put over his underwear and greeted them at the door. The professor's husband came up to the condo with the prof to make sure everything was kosher before leaving her. I didn't stick around as I wasn't going to add anything to the 3 brain cells clicking away. My point is that in our western eyes, some things look frisky when they really are quite innocent. I wouldn't worry if I were you.

Edited January 9, 2010 by geriatrickid