Why Can't People Accept The Truth?

[Scully]

I live in Isaan and realise there is much gossip which I can deal with.

However if I had told my girlfriend something I knew as fact and she refused to belive me then I definately would have a problem.

I am sorry to say but it sounds like the family are a bunch of children, if my girlfriend and the out laws were like that I would have a serious think about the relationship.

[sarahsbloke]

My wife comes from a small village (not in Issan) and had previously worked in Bangkok.

When I met her, she knew about 20 English words and had no understanding of the language.

After we were married we went to her village, and I rarely speak Thai in public (shy)

When my wife was out of earshot, the other villagers referred to her as 'the whore from Bangkok'

During my stay about ten ladies from the village (of all ages) asked me if I could introduce them to a white man.

I resisted the urge to ask if that would make them 'whores from the village'.

Anyways, a week or so later my wife tried to persuade me to move to her village, I asked her if she knew what they called her and she admitted she did. My reply was I would never live anywhere where I would be known as 'the falang who married the whore from Bangkok'.

[hhgz]

"I'll be bringing a camera next time i feel like a coffee there!! "

I think butting your nose in someone else's business is always a great thing to do.

[Sisaketmike]

Suk. soi 7/1 !?!

Don't you think that they're whispering about you too. But pretty much more impolite. And I guess you've met your wife in a coffee shop, right? Your story is really fantastic, ask the nation if they are interested. Bla, bla, bla, /................

Edited May 9, 2010 by Sisaketmike

[Sisaketmike]

Lets all be honest here, some of you are as bad as those in the village, why the need for private detective work? What this girl does in her life is none of anbody's bloody business. Let her get on with her life, she seems nice let her be. Most of the young girls at Uni in Bangkok earn 30k per month as hookers at night. What she does is up to her you will never stop the elders in the village having a good gossip.

Thanks Tigg for your honest post. Most of the elders haven't even seen their own capitol Bangkok. And indeed there's no need for such a GOSSIP what the girl is doing. The OP's post was about GOSSIP in an Isan village, but many foreigners are not better, even worse. <deleted> cares what the lady is doing in the evening?

[Lovedog100]

jpolten, I amazed at some that have replied with the exact same attitude that the village gossips have. I know of a similar story. I live in Pattaya. I have coffee at Starbucks several mornings a week. One of the girls there had the same rumors floating around her village. "Nan went to Pattaya to work in a bar as a prostitute". One of mama's neighbors was the big village gossip, spreading the rumors. Nan actually had to take pictures of herself at work behind the counter, wearing her Starbucks shirt then send them to mama. Of course, no one believed the pictures, they thought the pictures were just staged. So, one day, mama and poppa rent a van and fill it with people from the village, including the big gossip. They drove to Pattaya and straight to Starbucks where Nan was behind the counter working. They all sat down, no one ordered anything, but called over the manager who had to confirm that Nan actually worked there, and had been working there for the last year. Then the whole group got back in the van and headed back home. When they got home, mama went with the gossip house to house on the Soi and made the gossip tell everyone that Nan worked at Starbucks, not a bar.

It's amazing that some people will decide something, with out any evidence, then repeat it as fact. The Thai villagers, as well as some of the members here.

[Sisaketmike]

I am starting to feel very uncomfortable with the way this thread is going. The girl in question has every right to her privacy and should not be being 'checked out' by anybody. You won't stop the villagers gossiping, so forget it. God knows how many pervs that frequent this site are going to be stalking around the coffee shops in question trying to track this girl down, you are crossing the boundries and the Mods should wipe this thread. The gossiping is the subject of the thread, not conducting private investigations in to an innocent persons life.

Let them gossip. I have been married and lived here for five years. I have never been to my wifes village, Saraburi. What should I do there? They can go around up there and do what they like for me.

They are not allowed to visit me either. "I never visit you. You never visit me, OK?" I told them.

If they visit me, I divorce, and then my wife will not get my life insurance money or her widow pension when I die. If that's what they want, just come!

I've read your post and I'm shocked. The fact that you've never made the way to your wife's village makes you to a fool. What you could see there for example is where and how your wife grew up. To see her relatives and so on......

You want a divorce, should they come to see their daughter? I hope she can read your post to understand how you really are, but I guess she's already suffering a lot. In fact she should leave you to find somebody who really loves her. F.....(forget) your life insurance and pension when you die.

Thais are also reading posts here and that's another reason to hate foreigners like you. Shame on you.

[Sisaketmike]

Sorry,i've just seen another of you posts where you claim to have an MBA and a Phd.....and you still have to ask a question like that

That's correct, I have an MBA from Monash Uni, and a PhD form Australian National University. I work in senior management

here for a multi-national on a full expat package. Any other questions you have?

I've got a question for you professor. Do you really believe what you're posting?????

[longstebe]

No wonder the wife don't like to mix with the neighbours.

I do remember being on my land giving away some of my fruit to a neighbour and she had the cheek to comment

on my wife coming back late one night from university.

Brilliant!

I probably would have done the same as th OP.

[bonobo]

Posts have been deleted in this little flame-fest.  Keep off from going into the personal attack mode or this thread will be closed and posters warned/suspended.

Thanks.

[gregb]

the question is whether a girl is a prostitute or not.

AND IT REACHES 4 PAGES ON A TOPIC THATS NOT ALLOWED......................THERE REALLY SHOULD BE A BARGIRL SECTION!

The bargirl theme is incidental to the topic being discussed, although I can understand how some people are so fixated on that topic they fail to grasp the larger issue.

What people are failing to grasp about this incident, and about Thai culture in general, is that in any society, people are defined by their relative social standing with respect to others. In the West, we are taught from a very young age that the way to improve your relative rank is by working hard to improve yourself. This gives us a constructive outlet for our feelings of inadequacy. It is one of the few truly good things about Western culture, and something that desperately needs to be imported to Asia.

Over here on the other hand, where people are taught to simply repeat and memorize without independent thought, the only way to improve your relative standing in society is by denigrating others so that they fall below you. As Westerners, we view this behaviour as deplorable, but the Thais do not see the same thing. They can not be happy for another if they are bested, as they do not feel this is based on personal achievement but simply on luck and "boon". (They are correct to some degree as well, at least in regards to luck.)

To be honest, I can see how this particular cultural trait is very useful in a patronage society. It keeps peasants fighting other peasants and keeps them in their place.

You can not change the attitudes of people who have been raised this way, but you can try and do something to change the attitudes of the children. If I can ever reach the stage where I have enough money to retire, this will be my project. To take one small village and instil in the children a sense that personal achievement is something to be embraced, and that relative social standing can be enhanced through hard work as well as luck. From my travels throughout Thailand, this is a concept that is missing in the villages, or, at least, extremely under valued.

[thaibeachlovers]

To be honest 99% for some reason is jealousy, and certainly the fact that the gossip of an elder in the village will be believed over that of a younger person.

When my TW passed her driving test all the village elders would not accept that she did not 'buy it'.

Over the years the more I have got to know the people the more I dislike them, you do not often see them give a fellow countryman a 'leg up' unless of course there is an ulterior motive.

If a Thai woman has a foreign boyfriend/husband it is not uncommon for a so called friends of the woman to attempt (many times successfully) to break up the relationship! The reason is apparently 'She has something I do not/cant have so nobody will have it'

I have witnessed many incidents that can only be described as spiteful!

It difficult to make 'good' in Thailand it really is a shame that these decent hard working people have to suffer the unfounded malicious gossip spread by people who have got nothing better to do!

I'm experiencing just such now. Really heartbreaking to see the effect it is having, but not able to do anything.

[GarryP]

If a Thai woman has a foreign boyfriend/husband it is not uncommon for a so called friends of the woman to attempt (many times successfully) to break up the relationship! The reason is apparently 'She has something I do not/cant have so nobody will have it'

I'm experiencing just such now. Really heartbreaking to see the effect it is having, but not able to do anything.

Out of morbid interest, how do they go about doing that? I have been married over 20 years to a Thai and not come across this. I do not mean to belittle anyone, but isn't this more likely to be directly linked to the certain socio-economic group the young lady comes from.

[thaibeachlovers]

If a Thai woman has a foreign boyfriend/husband it is not uncommon for a so called friends of the woman to attempt (many times successfully) to break up the relationship! The reason is apparently 'She has something I do not/cant have so nobody will have it'

I'm experiencing just such now. Really heartbreaking to see the effect it is having, but not able to do anything.

Out of morbid interest, how do they go about doing that? I have been married over 20 years to a Thai and not come across this. I do not mean to belittle anyone, but isn't this more likely to be directly linked to the certain socio-economic group the young lady comes from.

In my case, my GF ( waitress, not BG ) has a "friend" who constantly tells her that I can't be trusted to be faithful, and lies that she saw me with "sexy" girls around town. Then I get the third degree when she comes home, and phone calls trying to catch me where I shouldn't be. I have no idea what to do about it, but I don't want to leave my GF.

I don't know about the "certain socio economic group" but my GF is middle class, and has her own house.

[Loz]

Crabs in a bucket springs to mind...

[somtampet]

Lets all be honest here, some of you are as bad as those in the village, why the need for private detective work? What this girl does in her life is none of anbody's bloody business. Let her get on with her life, she seems nice let her be. Most of the young girls at Uni in Bangkok earn 30k per month as hookers at night. What she does is up to her you will never stop the elders in the village having a good gossip.

Well said that man,and they are bad too,very bad

[somtampet]

If a Thai woman has a foreign boyfriend/husband it is not uncommon for a so called friends of the woman to attempt (many times successfully) to break up the relationship! The reason is apparently 'She has something I do not/cant have so nobody will have it'

I'm experiencing just such now. Really heartbreaking to see the effect it is having, but not able to do anything.

Out of morbid interest, how do they go about doing that? I have been married over 20 years to a Thai and not come across this. I do not mean to belittle anyone, but isn't this more likely to be directly linked to the certain socio-economic group the young lady comes from.

In my case, my GF ( waitress, not BG ) has a "friend" who constantly tells her that I can't be trusted to be faithful, and lies that she saw me with "sexy" girls around town. Then I get the third degree when she comes home, and phone calls trying to catch me where I shouldn't be. I have no idea what to do about it, but I don't want to leave my GF.

I don't know about the "certain socio economic group" but my GF is middle class, and has her own house.

plenty of waitreses charge too

[kevozman1]

There's two main problems in this part of the world (Isaan).

1. Lau Kao and the dysfunctional chaos it causes.

2. Divide and rule. They love to keep each other down and hate to see anyone break free and make even a moderate success of their lives.

Well, it's my experience of it anyway.

Sadly, climbing the ladder {in some circles} is certainly not acceptable.

Well said.

Isaan is full of wasters who will bad mouth others to make themselves

feel better. I am sorry OP but your GF sounds like one aswell.

[eggomaniac]

Truth goes through 3 stages.

First, it's ridiculed.

Then, it's violently opposed.

Finally, the opponents claim it was theirs all along.