My 4yr Old Daugher Asks, Why Teacher Hurt My Heart.

[ThaiBrat]

Collected my 4yrd old daughter from school today as normal ( she is a luk krung only one in the there ). As allways we say hello, I make a fuss of her;ie kiss her on the head, ask if she had a good day etc etc. Then I sign her out as every thai parent does. As she is putting her shoes on, she asks me, Daddy I have to come school tomorrow? I say no tomorrow is holiday SATURDAY and you stay with me and Mummy allday or maybe we go somewhere to see friends. OK was was my little girls reply.

When we get in the car she asks me again, Daddy I go to school tomorrow? again I replied no sweatheart. Daddy tell you already no school tomorrow.

(please note she is only 4 and I have to listen to her not only as a child but also as a non English speaking child)

Her. Daddy I have to go to school another tomorrow?

Me. Yes you have to go but you have two days holiday with me and mummy.

Her. Ok but I not want to go to school another tomorrow.

Me. But you have to go, school is good and they teach you many things.

Her. Daddy, I not want anymore teacher hurt my heart?

Me. What do you mean, teacher hurt you heart ( with major concern in my voice and heart )

Her. Teacher call me NA FALANG all the time and many children do same same. this hurt my heart, why

teacher do this to me?

Me. Teacher is playing, to show how beautiful you are, please not feel hurt in your heart, (big kiss) and understanding she

feels she is being bullied, not only by other kids, but her teacher.

Her. So I not go to school anymore ?

Me. When we get home, we will talk to mummy and you tell mummy in thai that teacher hurt your heart OK.

Her. OK, I tell mummy OK.

Me Ok.and then me and mummy talk we see what we so OK.

Her and her mum. talk for 5 min and I listen the best I can. Her mum walks away about 7 -10 metres and makes a phone call to the headmaster / teacher.

Result, if I can stop the bloodshed when we both go to the school on Monday.

So I ask, do any parents of Luk Krueng have any experiance of bullying of your kids at school, if so how did you cope with the situation, because as sure as eggs are eggs my Mrs is going for the throut at 8 am on Monday.

[Richb2004v2]

Hey, it's all cultural right. It may seem that the teacher is an ignorant dumb <deleted> to you and me but other TV members will just tell you it's all harmless Thai fun, or some such. I'm afraid I have no actual helpfull advice. My kids aren't of school age yet, but before thay are I plan I on leaving Thailand. Hopefully you can fix the situation with help from your wife. Good luck.

[eek]

I dont have experience or advice ThaiBrat, sorry. I just wanted to wish you all the best because your story touched me. Maybe the teacher just doesnt realise how this is affecting your daughter, i dont know, but she should know better than draw attention and segregate a child like that. Hope it can get sorted and your daughter feels comfortable and happy at school again. Good luck on Monday.

[IanForbes]

Some children are just naturally bullies, and there ARE ways of dealing with bullies. However, it is the teacher that needs to be either repremanded or dismissed. I would demand an explanation and a meeting between you, your wife, the teacher and the principle. If the issue was not resolved then I would be taking it to the papers.

I had to learn to deal with bullies as a child because I was small, slow growing and started school too early. I was a year younger than most other children and at that age (6) a year is a whole lot. I spent half my time fighting until I learned to be assertive instead of passive aggressive. Being assertive is stopping any bully behaviour in its tracks and explaining what the consequences will be if the bullying doesn't stop. And, you WILL have to back up the statement with the occasional bit of action to let the bullies know you mean business. By the time I had reached my 12th grade my growth had caught up and surpassed many of the former bullies. I was never bothered after that... and neither were my children when they were small.

[eurasianthai]

Hey, it's all cultural right. It may seem that the teacher is an ignorant dumb <deleted>

Unfortunately, quite common in Thai schools.

My son is at the French school, more expensive indeed, but I sure would pay whatever is required for me to be comfortable with what he learns.

And I'm not French.

And not Thai.

[JohnC]

My heart cries for this little girl, this needs to be dealt with immediately and strongly, totally unacceptable behaviour on the part of the teacher and being in Thailand as a mixed race child is no excuse. Give her some extra love and attention at 4 years old she is both vulnerable and impressionable.

[William Osborne]

.....like every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes so send her to a international or bi-lingual school where they will be a good mix of students so will be more open-minded.

[tigerfish]

i am so glad you brought this topic up!

i became a father for the very first time 7 months ago. my daughter couldnt look anymore like me if she tried. shes very fair skinned, blue eyes and blondish hair( her mother is thai) you can imagine my surprise when i saw her for the first time. one of the very first thoughts was how will she fit in to thai society. especially when she starts school. you have to rely on others within the boundaries of the school to look out for her.

having lived in thailand for over ten years on and off, i have become very thick skinned. learnt to accept and handle any of the crap that comes my way from people who show prejudice and arrogance towards me for just being a farang.

what worries me though, in more ways than one would be not being able to handle any such sort of behavior towards my daughter.

i am usually pretty laid back about most things, but rub me up the wrong way and ill let you have the kitchen sink(both barrels)

i grew up in a very multicultural part of london, and saw first hand how cruel and nasty both pupils and teachers could be when it came to difference in race, size, sexual preference, intelligent or not so intelligent, good at sport or not so good, whether you had to wear glasses, if you lived in a council house or not. you name it, it reared its ugly head. didnt like it then and i sure as hel_l dont want to see it repeated when my little girl starts school, just because her daddies a farang.

i wish you and your wife all the best for monday, let us know how you got on.

[Neeranam]

.....like every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes so send her to a international or bi-lingual school where they will be a good mix of students so will be more open-minded.

I agree with that - you get what you pay for, and also stop speaking Pidgin English to her. Never say things like

Daddy tell you

Say, "I told you already".

Do you want her speaking like a bar girl when she grows up?

Edited January 29, 2010 by Neeranam

[britmaveric]

Unfortunately whatever sticks out that is different than the majority will be picked on!

[richm7]

My daughter has farang features but is very dark skinned, much darker than her mother. When we go to the village (or even the folks we know in the local soi) call her "farang dam". Not a big deal, I don't think. You can pass your sensitivity on to your kids; if you treat it as nothing, which it surely is, they will too. No matter where you are in the world name calling will take place. Cast your mind back; who was the nominated poof in your school when you were about 13? I bet there was some unfortunate who got stuck with that or some other kind of label with no justification. Or "fatty" for example. I bet you all had a "Fatty <insert last name>" in your school. It's just life. Treat it for what it is. Nothing. Don't get sucked into the current fad for being politically correct over every darned thing. Be proud of what you are. Just get on with it. Most big deals are self generated.

Anyway, they call her "Na farang" because they're jealous. It's a compliment.

[Scully]

.....like every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes so send her to a international or bi-lingual school where they will be a good mix of students so will be more open-minded.

I agree with that - you get what you pay for, and also stop speaking Pidgin English to her. Never say things like

Daddy tell you

Say, "I told you already".

Do you want her speaking like a bar girl when she grows up?

I totally agree Neeranam , ops daughter is also saying "same same" which really annoys me.

If you speak to your children like your an idiot then they will copy you, and too will speak like idiots.

I am sorry but I don't believe anyone would speak to their children the way the op has quoted himself. I have met a few expats who talk to their wives in this manner but if I had to communicate with my girlfriend in this way it would send me crazy.

[473geo]

.....like every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes so send her to a international or bi-lingual school where they will be a good mix of students so will be more open-minded.

I agree with that - you get what you pay for, and also stop speaking Pidgin English to her. Never say things like

Daddy tell you

Say, "I told you already".

Do you want her speaking like a bar girl when she grows up?

I totally agree Neeranam , ops daughter is also saying "same same" which really annoys me.

If you speak to your children like your an idiot then they will copy you, and too will speak like idiots.

I am sorry but I don't believe anyone would speak to their children the way the op has quoted himself. I have met a few expats who talk to their wives in this manner but if I had to communicate with my girlfriend in this way it would send me crazy.

Know what, I think the short term welfare of his daughter might just take priority now........do you realise the damage that could be done to the child, her confidence in her parents to protect her, if this problem is not sorted out. His daughter is clearly distressed and in need of a great deal of reassurance.......difficult to get across to a four year old........I wish him well.....I feel he has done well to approach the teacher......because for the life of me I could not imagine forcing a child of mine to go to school if it were distressing........in fact my little boy has just had a few days off because he wants to stay and help his mama........guess what......she is going to have a word with the teacher too.....just in case there is a reason for him not wanting to go to school!!!!

So if you cannot offer any constructive advice regarding the situation.....cut the critical crap about the English!!!

Edited January 29, 2010 by 473geo

[richm7]

.....like every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes so send her to a international or bi-lingual school where they will be a good mix of students so will be more open-minded.

I agree with that - you get what you pay for, and also stop speaking Pidgin English to her. Never say things like

Daddy tell you

Say, "I told you already".

Do you want her speaking like a bar girl when she grows up?

I totally agree Neeranam , ops daughter is also saying "same same" which really annoys me.

If you speak to your children like your an idiot then they will copy you, and too will speak like idiots.

I am sorry but I don't believe anyone would speak to their children the way the op has quoted himself. I have met a few expats who talk to their wives in this manner but if I had to communicate with my girlfriend in this way it would send me crazy.

Spot on! Is there anything more annoying? I know a bloke who has been married for TEN years and he still talks to his wife in pidgin English. I don't get it. How can they ever improve if you don't help them. My wife always corrects my Thai. Sadly for me, it doesn't help me too much, because it is still crap!

[toasted]

Your story touched me.

I'm a teacher in England, but I lived in Thailand for a long time, have a Thai wife and two lovely (luk krung) children. If I said to a child I teach what that teacher said to your daughter, I'd be disciplined, probably sacked.

Unfortunately, rascism is still pervasive in Thai society and if anyone tells you that it's 'just fun' or 'just a joke' then they are simply an apologist. It's possible that complaining may achieve a positive outcome, but it could simply draw more attention to your daughter if that kind of attitude is endemic within the school. That does not mean you should not complain - it means you should kick up an almighty stink, but be prepared to move your daughter immediately to another school if the matter is not resolved to your satisfaction.

I had a similar(ish) experience with an international school in Bangkok and withdrew my son immediately. We'll be returning to Thailand before too long - please keep us posted on how it pans out. I'd like to think that things are progressing in Thailand.

[tigerfish]

My daughter has farang features but is very dark skinned, much darker than her mother. When we go to the village (or even the folks we know in the local soi) call her "farang dam". Not a big deal, I don't think. You can pass your sensitivity on to your kids; if you treat it as nothing, which it surely is, they will too. No matter where you are in the world name calling will take place. Cast your mind back; who was the nominated poof in your school when you were about 13? I bet there was some unfortunate who got stuck with that or some other kind of label with no justification. Or "fatty" for example. I bet you all had a "Fatty <insert last name>" in your school. It's just life. Treat it for what it is. Nothing. Don't get sucked into the current fad for being politically correct over every darned thing. Be proud of what you are. Just get on with it. Most big deals are self generated.

Anyway, they call her "Na farang" because they're jealous. It's a compliment.

maybe so in an ideal world, but we all know that the world we live in is far from ideal.

just suppose in the posters case, the little girl comes home and tells mummy and daddy this going on, and they choose to handle it in the way that you suggest. the little girl goes back to school on monday and the problem escalates and becomes worse. the small child is then stuck in two minds and gets confused and upset. cant go to mummy and daddy because they dont understand, cant go to the teacher because she the one instigating this behavior in the first place, cant go to the head because she probably is of the same mind set as my teacher and i defineatly cant cry in the corner because all the other children will make fun of me.

luckily she is of such an age that hopefully this can be nipped in the butt. the offenders will get a good ticking off and it wont happen again.

but just think of some of the things that happened to children of an older age in the same kind of situations at school. self abbuse, drug addiction, eating disorders and so on.

words, actions, views, affect different people in different ways.

just ask the kid at school who used to be called fatty.

[richm7]

My daughter has farang features but is very dark skinned, much darker than her mother. When we go to the village (or even the folks we know in the local soi) call her "farang dam". Not a big deal, I don't think. You can pass your sensitivity on to your kids; if you treat it as nothing, which it surely is, they will too. No matter where you are in the world name calling will take place. Cast your mind back; who was the nominated poof in your school when you were about 13? I bet there was some unfortunate who got stuck with that or some other kind of label with no justification. Or "fatty" for example. I bet you all had a "Fatty <insert last name>" in your school. It's just life. Treat it for what it is. Nothing. Don't get sucked into the current fad for being politically correct over every darned thing. Be proud of what you are. Just get on with it. Most big deals are self generated.

Anyway, they call her "Na farang" because they're jealous. It's a compliment.

maybe so in an ideal world, but we all know that the world we live in is far from ideal.

just suppose in the posters case, the little girl comes home and tells mummy and daddy this going on, and they choose to handle it in the way that you suggest. the little girl goes back to school on monday and the problem escalates and becomes worse. the small child is then stuck in two minds and gets confused and upset. cant go to mummy and daddy because they dont understand, cant go to the teacher because she the one instigating this behavior in the first place, cant go to the head because she probably is of the same mind set as my teacher and i defineatly cant cry in the corner because all the other children will make fun of me.

luckily she is of such an age that hopefully this can be nipped in the butt. the offenders will get a good ticking off and it wont happen again.

but just think of some of the things that happened to children of an older age in the same kind of situations at school. self abbuse, drug addiction, eating disorders and so on.

words, actions, views, affect different people in different ways.

just ask the kid at school who used to be called fatty.

Sorry got to run. A considered response will follow.

[needforspeed]

I dont have experience or advice ThaiBrat, sorry. I just wanted to wish you all the best because your story touched me. Maybe the teacher just doesnt realise how this is affecting your daughter, i dont know, but she should know better than draw attention and segregate a child like that. Hope it can get sorted and your daughter feels comfortable and happy at school again. Good luck on Monday.

You are wright "the teacher doesn't realise how this is affecting your daughter" not a good proffesional teacher i gues, as he need to know that when he repeat the same comment and even other children start making comments it is going to hurt your daughter and she will dislike school and end up with bad performance.

And yes, a good word at school with the teacher by your wife will help for sure, good luck.

And keep monitor your daughter very well.

[phetaroi]

.....like every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes so send her to a international or bi-lingual school where they will be a good mix of students so will be more open-minded.

What rubbish. Let's see...in the States I was principal of a PUBLIC school where we ambassadorial families, the children of several United States senators and members of the House of Representatives, one Vice President, a couple of international sports stars...other rich kids...and yes, middle class and some poor kids. We catered to all the kids who lived within our boundaries just outside Washington, D.C.

Get over yourself.

[brahmburgers]

My heart cries for this little girl, this needs to be dealt with immediately and strongly, totally unacceptable behaviour on the part of the teacher and being in Thailand as a mixed race child is no excuse. Give her some extra love and attention at 4 years old she is both vulnerable and impressionable.

agree 100%. The teacher should be disciplined sternly.

.....like every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes so send her to a international or bi-lingual school where they will be a good mix of students so will be more open-minded.

What rubbish. Let's see...in the States I was principal of a PUBLIC school where we ambassadorial families, the children of several United States senators and members of the House of Representatives, one Vice President, a couple of international sports stars...other rich kids...and yes, middle class and some poor kids. We catered to all the kids who lived within our boundaries just outside Washington, D.C.

Get over yourself.

Was that in Bethesda? I went to Walt Whitman h.s. there, and had all the VIP sorts you mention above. We were also the #2 high school in the whole country for drug abuse (#1 was in Malibu). I didn't graduate because my English teacher didn't like me (thought I was a smart alec) - I got A's on all the tests, but didn't do homework. Since then I've written 7 books including an idioms dictionary.

[ThailandTommy]

Unfortunately bullying is part of growing up and can always be overcome/dealt with but from the teacher!! I have never heard of anything like it!!!

The kid is 4 and this ignorant Thai pig that professes to be a teacher picks on her because she is of mixed race, sorry mate but I would have been straight back in to the school and F%$! the consequences I would have kicked the living crap out of him.

Obviously not the way forward and certainly not the best advise I hope you and your wife find a solution, good luck on Monday.

[WeeGB]

For me, I'd change the child's school, if that's possible, because once this excuse for a teacher has had a dressing down, and lost face, it seems to that your daughters future education at this establishment will see her card marked. Thais (and especially teachers ), do not like to lose face. Personally, I'd confront this moron (for that is what the teacher undoubtably is), in front of the whole class, as your child was hurt and embarrassed in a similar fashion, and see how they like it.

I'd also suggest that you teach your daughter English, starting as soon as possible, children of this age are easily capable of learning & speaking two languages. Give her a real chance in life.

Good luck on Monday, I'd love to be a fly on the wall!

[PeaceBlondie]

phetaroj, we need to translate you statement for our British readers. You weren't a headmaster at a 'public school,' which would be posh, elite, private. You administered a 'state' school.

If the teacher and administration are that unprofessional and ignorant, go elsewhere, next week.

[kurnell]

Slap the teacher until she stops using that word

[sk1max]

My daughter who is now 7 went thru a similar situation, being call 'Farang' but it died down as time passed and she became more 'Thai'. Now she is fluent in Thai and just one of the gang, if anything she is a little more popular as she speaks English well. So my advice is go ahead and speak to the teachers but as painful as it is now I feel that it will get much better as time passes by. Good luck and speak English to your daughter everyday.

[thunder30101]

A simple answer to this is home schooling your child. I dont have kids but if I did there is no way in hel_l I would send them to any school here, gov, bi-lingual or international. You may think you are not qualified to teach but do you think any of them teaching your child now are ?

[Lancelot]

Maybe the teacher just doesnt realise how this is affecting your daughter, i dont know, but she should know better than draw attention and segregate a child like that.

My hunch is that the teacher does not realize how her remarks are offending your daughter. On the other hand, I seriously doubt that the teacher would change her behaviour if she did in fact know.

You probably don't want to hear this, but have you considered moving your family to the west so that your daughter may be educated there?

In any case, good luck to you and your family.

[Hawk]

Children will always call each other nasty names that's perfectly normal.

But a teacher purposely making your daughter to be the odd one out in class is not the right thing to do at all.

A teacher should be completely neutral in her feelings, all the children should be treated equally the same.

I have encountered Thais who basically hate foreigners, and are very quick to show it as well. Some of you may want to brush the insults aside, or just laugh but some Thais really do hate and despise you. Therefore, it is not a joking matter at all.

[givenall]

Hey, it's all cultural right. It may seem that the teacher is an ignorant dumb &lt;deleted&gt; to you and me but other TV members will just tell you it's all harmless Thai fun, or some such. I'm afraid I have no actual helpfull advice. My kids aren't of school age yet, but before thay are I plan I on leaving Thailand. Hopefully you can fix the situation with help from your wife. Good luck.

The point is that the teacher needs to be sensitive to all student and is she is ignorant to do anything cultural and hurt the situation then he/she should not be in that position. After all he/she teaches the student to be smart or ignorant

[dsprtliving]

.....like every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes so send her to a international or bi-lingual school where they will be a good mix of students so will be more open-minded.

What rubbish. Let's see...in the States I was principal of a PUBLIC school where we ambassadorial families, the children of several United States senators and members of the House of Representatives, one Vice President, a couple of international sports stars...other rich kids...and yes, middle class and some poor kids. We catered to all the kids who lived within our boundaries just outside Washington, D.C.

Get over yourself.

I disagree with your response and I've had the opportunity to work in Thai schools, bilingual, and now International schools in Thailand. The ENORMOUS differences between public schools in Thailand and western countries could fill entire books, so please don't respond negatively without the actual experience to offer a positive solution. Also, to the OP....You might want to have a serious heart to heart with the misses about the idea of marching down to the school and immediately going for the throat. This could lead to some drawn out negative feelings/actions towards your daughter from the teacher. If the teacher is in fact a 'good' teacher making a bad choice, then consider appealing to her good nature. Calmly explain that comments 'na farang' are hurting your daughter's feelings, and she is starting to become shy of coming to school. However, if the teacher still remains to be a problem then you might want to think about upgrading the quality of your daughter's education a bit here. International schools in Thailand, almost exclusively, offer the same level of education as a "public" school back in the west. In my opinion, the lack of resources, training, and quality in Thai schools is at the heart of a lot of problems the country currently suffers.