Aberdeen Humour

A young Aiberdein newlywed couple, Dod and Lottie, wanted to join the church. The minister told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners.

You must abstain from s e x for one whole month to show commitment to the Lord."

The couple agreed but after two and a half weeks returned to the Church. When the Minister ushers them into his office, Lottie is greetin' and Dod is hingin his heid. "You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the Minister inquired.

"Aye, we're ashamed tae admit bit we didnae manage tae stop haein s e x for the required month...." Dod replied sadly. The Minister asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was affa difficult.... bit wi managed tae abstain through sheer willpower. The second wik was worse, but wi' the use o' prayer, we managed to ignore the urge. However, the third wik was unbearable. We tried a'thing - cold showers, prayer, reading fae the Bible aloud.... onything to keep wir minds aff s e x.

"One afterneen, Lottie reached for a can of peas and dropped it. Fin she bint o'er to pick it up, I was overcome wi' lust and gave her eeen right there and then." admitted Dod, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," said the Minister.

"We ken at." said Dod shakin his heid, ..."An we're nae affa welcome at Asda, either."