Soooooo Hard Being A Hertero Male In Bangkok

[canuckamuck]

initially i didnt want to reply to this thread. it sounds like a self deprecating attempt at trying to get other people to feel sorry for ones self but i have to think about my first trip to thailand and what it consisted of

a)trip to the islands, snorkeling, scuba diving, train ride, boat ride, hiking, rice paddy walks,

b)trip to the mekong river delta (is there any other place like it?)

c)trip into burma/lao bordering countries in the golden triangle

d)visit to the hall of opium/northern thailand villages on a motorbike

come on man there are loads of things to do in thailand, step outside yourself and the norms of your routine and see the beauty of the jewel of southeast asia.

6 weeks later and a slew of photos makes for one hel_l of a scrap book. if i was as lucky as you to have business in thailand to keep me there for a set amount of time i would probally buy a sport bike and tour the surrounding countries on motorbike.

edit: all of these things are things you can do very much alone and have a hel_l of a time by yourself along with the acquantances you make along the way

So you suggest going on a trip every time your bored. Not exactly a practical suggestion.

[canuckamuck]

Jaideeguy, (crappy handle)

Its not the not drinking but the 'my shit don't stink' attitude non drinkers seem to get especially here.

I find it funny when I see chaps belting off about 'Expats who spend all day in Bars' when thats probably what they did during their first five trips here and little else.

Drinking isn't an evil unless you're a Methodist dick like one finds in Lancashire. Yorkshire and many parts of the US.

It's just something people do.

For some, especially the English (and our offspring) the Germans and the Scandic nations it's a cultural activity.

By decrying our drinking, you are debasing our (and probably your own) culture.

Seriously, if you lack the imagination to live without alcohol then you guys have the problem, not we Band of Stumbly Brothers

Mr. Fart:

Clearly you are a fine example of the point I made of non drinkers making drinkers nervous.

[sharecropper]

Mr. Fart:

Clearly you are a fine example of the point I made of non drinkers making drinkers nervous.

....except that he IS a drinker if you re-read his post!

[ProfessorFart]

Then surely it is a case of him being a drinker, which makes him think I'm not a drinker, which makes me want to drink?

I'll add no punctuation to this because my Mentor is online!!!

Maybe not then!!!!

Edited February 26, 2010 by ProfessorFart

[MrRichard2009]

Your only a "loser" if you want to be doing things and you're not. What I find especially odd about your post is that it's all about the lame things other people do ending in the insinuation that that behavior is even the majority of what goes on. How you got to the point of believing that I don't know, but it's incorrect. There is plenty of it but in reality their are many more people that are not using drinking as a requirement for being social. When I go to dinner parties I am in the minority when I drink.

My main point is you should not even care or consider what those people are doing, and once it's out of your mind you won't even notice them anymore and you can move on with your life. It's a little unrealistic to expect people to invite you drinking if you don't drink in the same way if you don't golf people won't invite you golfing. It's simply wrong to think most people in Thailand found their wives or girlfriends at some place like nana plaza and if you don't your somehow different. The majority of wives are not ex bargirls lol.

As far a meeting people goes, go to places where people are already having fun, happy people are more receptive to conversation than bored people. go to places that drinking is not the main focus or not served at all. Swimming pools and Health places bigger than just a weightlifting gym come to mind. Going to watch Thai boxing or soccer games ect. Also don't try to meet just women, in fact meeting a lot of men will help just as much as everyone has friends. But just go do something fun, have fun and others will want to meet you, if you don't make any long term friends it's ok because you had fun. Going to the same places also helps, people gossip a LOT especially in Thailand, and if you have fun and are a nice person and someone asks about you if you have been their a bit they will have something to say, if it's your first day they won't.

Finally don't talk to people like in your post .... No one wants to hear all about the numerous lame things in the world, No one wants a conversation about all the bad things everyone else does, all they care about is positive things, are you interesting ? fun ? honest ? .... You get a lot more respect and what i'll call friendship points by saying you don't lie than saying you don't like liars, people are interested in what you do, what you like, and what you are, not what you don't like , who you don't like and what you don't do. Keep EVERYTHING as fun as possible and positive. Eventually even if your not a fun positive person now you will be. Become happy, fun and positive and the friends part will take care of itself.

[canuckamuck]

Mr. Fart:

Clearly you are a fine example of the point I made of non drinkers making drinkers nervous.

....except that he IS a drinker if you re-read his post!

I am saying his response is typical of someone who doesn't know how to respond to non drinkers, very defensive and mocking.

[ProfessorFart]

I wouldn't say mocking.

It's just the general timbre of non drinkers which gives me the hump!

'OOooh I don't drink because Tee Rak says I have to be in bed by 9pm for Buddha'

and that sort of titwash.

I'm a liberal chap but there is no need to 'High Horse' your preferences online.

The OP posted because he wanted to highlight the fact that he couldn't - in the words of Derek and Clive - 'pull a facking biird' while sober but were he full of what Wodehouse so beautifully called 'The Sauce' his bottom would be;- in the words of the majestic Jasper Carrott - 'Like a bloomin' sewin' machine'.

Advice was given to him to try some of said 'Sauce' and then he could pull the aforementioned 'facking bird' - and in my limited experience of such matters, several moments later his bottom would probably indeed be like a 'bloomin' sewin' machine'

I could be wrong but it all looks like if that weren't writ by a holy bloke then we're all doomed.

Now....

Silence Class...where was I before Thai Visa so interuppted me....

Matthew Verse 16 Chapter 4 children...

'And did them feet....

[fiddlehead]

To Laughing Man:

Your original post on this thread is very negative.

There must be something that you DO like ???

Go and do whatever that something is and you're bound to meet someone who also has the same interests.

There's a lot of people in this world: all of them different.

I quit drinking about a year ago and admittingly, it isn't as much fun as drinking (although the mornings go much better), but I found others who feel the same as me and we now get together and do different things: play music, hike, barbecue at each other's house, go along with each other's families on trips, and yes, even go to a bar once in a while, mostly to talk, sometimes to gawk, but to get out and socialize.

You'll get over some of your shyness when you get desperate enough, i imagine.

[Slaps]

You Need a Tiger mate....

super_PUB_de_Bi_re.wmv

[aureate]

Drink or not drink - doesnt really matter too much to me. If you are fun person it will not matter much and you will have no issue within a normal social circle. Get out and LIVE!

Totally agree. Non alcoholic activities aside, there is SO much to do in Bangkok and so many groups of people that go round doing it. Visiting the detention center for example. There are lots of families there that don't get to see each other due to the separation between males and females. Groups of volunteers, both foreign and local generally get names from different organizations and 'visit' these people so they can reunite families, even if it's just for an hour. There are also lots of people who come from all over to work at Habitat For Humanity. You can just do a walk in.

You could teach English at one of the refugee centers - lots of interesting people there. Or get into a sport. Lots of serious athletes aren't serious boozers.

If you meet people who shared your not-so-digging-the-bar-scene outlook, you'd be surprised at what you find. People who are genuinely interested in other people, and genuinely care - those are the people who make the best friends in my book. Bangkok isn't all about the party seen. It's actually pretty... meh... I think. After awhile it's the same people doing the same things not realizing that one day they're going to look back and realize they were too drunk to remember a huge chunk of their lives.

I say go and find people who think more along the lines you do. They're definitely out there!

[Donnyboy]

You Need a Tiger mate....

those bloody beer googles

[t.s]

I think your problem has less to do with your non-drinking than your general attitude. If you need to work so hard in a social situation it is no wonder others do not readily invite you along.

The mix of superiority and self pity I get from your post disinclines me from liking you much as well.

[villagefarang]

Consider yourself lucky that you don't have to spend too much time with a bunch of drunken fools. Focus on finding people you like, instead of trying to get people you have nothing in common with, to like you. Be happy they don't invite you to do things you don't enjoy. But stop whining about it, too. Nobody likes a crybaby.

If you could get past the shy thing you would find yourself with plenty of female friends. The kind of guy friends you are talking about are highly overrated. Go out on your own, have a coke and brush up on your flirting skills.

[bunta71]

Rule #1...never allow someone else to determine whether you are happy or not. Then come to the realization of the power you have within you. Drop the shy crap. The girls you seem to desire that want romance and possibilities already consider you a great find. These particular women ( and there are literally millions in Thailand) are looking for someone who doesn't drink or smoke. You are way ahead of the field already. Realize this fact and use it! I would and have seek sales girls. Many of these won't hop into bed immediately and you can do your romancing to scope them out a little as they scope you out. Life is what you make of it and you are in a place that has endless possibilities...enjoy!

[ProfessorFart]

You don't have to be Jesus Christ (sorry Lord) to be a non drinker! All that Blasphemy in #40 would make Baphomet blush!

Try going to the bars anyway: just like 'T bag Tommy' as he is known in Soi Buakhao in the Garden Parish of Pattaya. Drinks nowt but Tea but shags like a good 'un....

[Neeranam]

I cry that you find you have to come to a country of happy alkies!!!!

You must see a different bunch of alkies than I see. last week I went to Pattaya and went for a walk around the bar area at midnight - what sad sad alkies. Prof Fart, you sound like you have a drinking problem. I used to drink two large bottles of 'saeng som' and half a dozen bottles of 'chang' every day and it certainly isn't fun being an alkie.

My wife married me because I don't drink - the first thing she used to say when introducing me to people was the fact I don't drink.

[Neeranam]

The mix of superiority and self pity I get from your post disinclines me from liking you much as well.

Classic alcoholic traits - get yourself to AA and meet like-minded people.

OP sounds a bit like I was - an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.

Edited February 26, 2010 by Neeranam

[Bedrockguesthouse]

Are u sure your not from New Zealand? Do you like sheep? Kidding

At then end of the day you have to work it out yourself. You make the decisions for your life not anyone else.

Rgds Mark (aussie)

[ProfessorFart]

Well thank God I never married your wife old chap!

I'm contented, I like a drink, I dislike preachy fools who try and tell me what to do because I'm 'letting the side down.'

It's worse that you allowed your cock to rule your life.

You should be the ashamed one not I.

[Neeranam]

It's worse that you allowed your cock to rule your life.

You should be the ashamed one not I.

Are you talking to me?

[MiG16]

ok, lets not turn this into a war between drinkers and non drinkers

I gathered from the OP that he is looking for ideas of things to do, ways to meet people wihtout involving drinking alcohol. quite a few have been provided.

by the way OP, when I was at uni Id go to the pub with friends on a regular basis for a year. never drank any alcohol, and we still managed to remain friends.

[ProfessorFart]

Yes.

[Neeranam]

Do non-drinkers really have a problem with not drinking? Seems strange to me.

[geriatrickid]

I think your problem has less to do with your non-drinking than your general attitude. If you need to work so hard in a social situation it is no wonder others do not readily invite you along.

The mix of superiority and self pity I get from your post disinclines me from liking you much as well.

Indeed. I can see how anyone hanging out with the OP might feel the need to be drunk just to get thrugh the ordeal.

OP, take a tip from my buddy Nugget. He doesn't drink. He doesn't smoke and he doesn't cheat. He does however have a very lively and happy personality. A very popular guy too.

You have articulated in 7 paragraphs How Soon is Now by The Smiths.

Ewwww. Seriously, Morrissey? Before people wanted to punch the munchkin Thom Yorke, there were those that wanted to slap Morrissey.

Really, that's just like you have stepped in dog poo and come home and people are going ewww, what's that smell?

[ProfessorFart]

They do if they are reformed alkies Neera.

They get the 'zeal' like reformed smokers and all you hear is blah, blah, blah, blah!!

Fine!

You (whomever - I'm not being personal here) couldn't control your drinking, smoking, coke, heroin whatever...I can!

Leave me be! I'm a good expat and I pay my taxes and my women.....

[TenDreams]

If it hasn't been suggested already, i would say come and join a class at the boxer rebellion gym on soi 13!

Good place to blow off steam/meet new people/get in shape/not be surrounded by booze or slappers (until u leave the building)...works for me anyway!

[Curt1591]

I gave up drinking in 1975. I quit smoking about a decade later.

I couldn't give a flying backflip whether anyone else drinks or smokes. I simply avoid drunks (hate hearing people repeat themselves, loudly) and smokers (stinks).

If you do hang out in nightclubs, you actually have an advantage. You'll will, most likely, be one of the most coherent males in the joint! In my youth, this came in quite handy!

[Forethat]

I have to admit I fail to understand the problem. There are plenty of expats in BKK who hang out in bars on a daily basis without drinking anything but nam som or Pepsi.

I say get rid of your so called "friends", if they cant accept that you dont drink alcohol they weren't "friends" in the first place.

My 0.02 THB...

[jdinasia]

OK,

I read through the entire thread and THEN went back and read the OP again.

OP --- self-pity isn't attractive in anyone. So you don't drink. LOTS of people don't drink. LOTS of people have never drank. Not drinking honestly is a BIG plus for many Thais when it comes to dating a farang. You seem to be unable to connect with anyone and I think it likely that you connected with very few people before you decided to come to Thailand. A few close friends maybe? Being introverted and withdrawn from life around you can be awful, but it is up to you to get out and do something about it. I suggest making a plan a week in advance and keeping to it. Thailand has a burgeoning 'coffee society' many of whom are totally non-drinkers. Get out there and move around amongst them.

PF --- I fail to see in the OP what raised your ire. It can only be some sort of intense sensitivity. The OP didn't say "people who drink are bad" or even "drinking is bad" -- or "people shouldn't drink"; the OP said (paraphrased) "I don't drink and have a hard time connecting with people to be friends because of this". When his insecurity met your insecurity the flames were fueled!

[LuckyLew]

If you so not drink and do not like Soi Cowboy

Simple - do not go

I do not drink - so I do not go to bars

I am married so I do not go to soi cowboy

You need to find other ways to meet people

Take day trips out of city

River Quai - Ayathuya (sp)

Learn to speak conversation Thai, Thai people

might laugh and gigle when you try speak it, but

they appreciate effort

Enroll on courses to meet like minded people