Think Long Think Hard ! Be Warned !

[thaibeachlovers]

Another man that marries a hooker and then wants to warn us not to marry Thais... How bout we all JUST DONT MARRY HOOKERS?! Just a thought.

Rubbish. My western ex ( the <deleted> b_tch from he_l ) wasn't a hooker, but still took me for everything, and I had to start over at 35. She was a using b_tch almost from the start, but there's a lot of truth in the saying "love is blind".

My TGF, whom I wish to marry, in a year or so, worked in a bar when I met her a year ago, and is a lovely person.

There are no guarantees in life, but we can try and eliminate some of the risks of getting married to a woman ( of any nationality ) by not rushing off and getting married after 2 or 3 weeks, and giving them everything.

[tartempion]

If people would use their brains before committing to relationships many of these dramas would be avoidedff .

[Latindancer]

The correct title for this thread should be :

"Think Long Think Hard ! Be Warned !, before marrying an uneducated thai girl"

Having said that, I sympathise, mate. What does she say when you ask her why she is swearing at you ? Is she capable of being rational in regard to this ? You need to get her to be aware of her behaviour.........and whatever you do, don't react to it, otherwise you BECOME the bad man she is projecting.......

As another poster mentioned, it could be post-natal depression. But as it's now Winter in the UK, and she comes from Issan, my guess is that it is Seasonal Affective Disorder, or Winter Depression. I suffer from this myself, and when I get depressed during Winter, I also get irritable.

This is not just a vague guess............... I STRONGLY RECOMMEND YOU TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. This condition ruined my life for many years before I realized I was suffering from it. And more people do than you would think. Quite a few of my relationships went down the drain because of it. It is a light-related disorder but being cold just makes the person more miserable.

Think about it ..........seriously. A girl from Issan (where it's always sunny and warm) goes to the UK, where it's usually overcast and cold, except for a short Summer. Then she gets very irritable during Winter.

Edited March 20, 2010 by Latindancer

[Edmond]

The aligator is a not such a whiley beast, in fact its brain is tiny but what it does have is a survival instinct. SELF preservation. I think you wife has SELF preservation at heart too. And will snap at anything challenging her equilibrium.

Excellent.

Someone told me when I first arrived in Thailand "don't get married and don't have kids".

Make up with her, be nice, be smart, then get your finances sorted then get her out of your life and don't get married or ever have kids again and enjoy what's left of your life because we ain't here for long!

Good luck.

[Edmond]

Rubbish. My western ex ( the <deleted> b_tch from he_l ) wasn't a hooker, but still took me for everything, and I had to start over at 35. She was a using b_tch almost from the start, but there's a lot of truth in the saying "love is blind".

My TGF, whom I wish to marry, in a year or so, worked in a bar when I met her a year ago, and is a lovely person.

Been there done that, mine spent a grand a month on sunbeds, hair extensions, nails and clothes from Choice in Thurrock, a complete waster. Now I'm happy with someone wearing a pair of flip flops!

Glad your happy now but seriously think about marrying...do you really need to?

[a2396]

The correct title for this thread should be :

"Think Long Think Hard ! Be Warned !, before marrying an uneducated thai girl"

Having said that, I sympathise, mate. What does she say when you ask her why she is swearing at you ? Is she capable of being rational in regard to this ? You need to get her to be aware of her behaviour.........and whatever you do, don't react to it, otherwise you BECOME the bad man she is projecting.......

As another poster mentioned, it could be post-natal depression. But as it's now Winter in the UK, and she comes from Issan, my guess is that it is Seasonal Affective Disorder, or Winter Depression. I suffer from this myself, and when I get depressed during Winter, I also get irritable.

This is not just a vague guess............... I STRONGLY RECOMMEND YOU TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. This condition ruined my life for many years before I realized I was suffering from it. And more people do than you would think. Quite a few of my relationships went down the drain because of it. It is a light-related disorder but being cold just makes the person more miserable.

Think about it ..........seriously. A girl from Issan (where it's always sunny and warm) goes to the UK, where it's usually overcast and cold, except for a short Summer. Then she gets very irritable during Winter.

I think it multiplies the difficulties of a marriage when one takes these women out of their country and away from their families. Strange food, strange weather, many corrupt "diversions" to lead them off the rails. Whatever old rules or standards, family oversight go out the window. I was married to a Malaysian for 7 years in USA and watched her change and become "Americanized". Soon, she was doing things and thinking things that would have never happened in Malaysia. She eventually ditched me for a guy 10 years younger than SHE was. Unfortunately, unless the guy is ready to retire and has adequate income to live overseas, he has no choice but to take the lady to his country and marriage is usually a requirement to do this.

[thaibeachlovers]

Rubbish. My western ex ( the <deleted> b_tch from he_l ) wasn't a hooker, but still took me for everything, and I had to start over at 35. She was a using b_tch almost from the start, but there's a lot of truth in the saying "love is blind".

My TGF, whom I wish to marry, in a year or so, worked in a bar when I met her a year ago, and is a lovely person.

Been there done that, mine spent a grand a month on sunbeds, hair extensions, nails and clothes from Choice in Thurrock, a complete waster. Now I'm happy with someone wearing a pair of flip flops!

Glad your happy now but seriously think about marrying...do you really need to?

Only because I want to live in LOS with her, and can't be bothered with all the hassels I'd have to go through otherwise. Gotta love that year long permit to stay.

I have no illusions that being married is a guarantee of anything.

It's not as though I have any property etc for her to take away if it all goes pear shaped ( the ex got it all ).

[Samuian]

As so many others - before you - RUN and forget, get a life!

Or try, she has an emotional and attitude problem if you are willing

to work through it... may be there is light at the end of the tunnel.

It will take time and a good, good Doc, some medication, Hormone treatment,

and work on her attitude, it will be very difficult, but nevertheless it could be worth the effort.

Depends on a couple of factors, age difference, how is her attitude towards you,

if, for her, it was only a deal.... ah' well you might forget it asap! if not, and YOU feel

that there is more beside the disturbances.... go for it!

[lioness]

Dmax

My heart goes out to you, I think you are at the end of your tether. I doubt you have any love left for your wife, you are feeling trapped in the situation and wanting to do the right thing by your child.

Firstly you must think of yourself, only if you are stable can you sort out this problem and yes it does need to be sorted for your own sanity and the well being of your child.

Your woman is obviously not happy in herself either, would she return to Thailand and leave the child with you if she had that option.

A close family member of mine has just been in the exact same situation as you, he went and bought a one way ticket to Thailand and told her to pack her bags, he said she couldn't take the baby but he would make sure she saw him one or twice a year if she left, he told her that if she wanted to cause trouble she would never see the baby again. She has left, he is now a single father and juggling child care and working full time, the house is now happy, the baby is happy and the bloke although still going through some emotional turmoil is getting better each day, He said it was a living hel_l and he to was at the end of his tether, it was a hard move but one he realised he had to take, he will be fine and things can only get better.

A child is far better off in a happy home with one parent rather than in hel_l with 2.

I wish you all the best.

[bonobo]

Personal flames have been deleted.  Any more will result in warnings and/or suspensions.

[Edmond]

Only because I want to live in LOS with her, and can't be bothered with all the hassels I'd have to go through otherwise. Gotta love that year long permit to stay.

I have no illusions that being married is a guarantee of anything.

It's not as though I have any property etc for her to take away if it all goes pear shaped ( the ex got it all ).

Whatever you do i sincerely wish you all the best and hope your very happy together.

[mrtoad]

Another man that marries a hooker and then wants to warn us not to marry Thais... How bout we all JUST DONT MARRY HOOKERS?! Just a thought.

Are you able to do that? Judging by what you just posted it must be pretty difficult.

Have a bit of compassion.

Edited March 20, 2010 by mrtoad

[tijnebijn]

Well I feel a bit disturbed about the fact even with all those comments there is not really even one good advice

from any poster who from experience can say how things can turn other wise as well .

I think that in any relationship , not only farang-Thai , relationships are shaky in the first couple of years ,

both have to get adopted and be ready to change some ways so that a relastionship is possible .

In a Thai - farang relationship its double tough , because of hard communication , and the lack of understanding

how the other interpreted a given situation , something said or action , which could become another miscommunication/understanding fight .

That is very different I have learned , and the key to make a foreign relationship work is to give it time and try to look at youself as well , not everything from your little world who knows it all , you don't , experience does .

But it takes two to tango , the OP's wife has issues , as you do yourself , in my opinion , to slap somebody who you supposed to love , is only throwing oil on the fire at your own demise , but anyway its all emotional reaction .

And the emotional control is the part which can make things turn around in your or any relationship , but especially with Thai .

The best advise is , is to IGNORE her in anything an at anything at all times when she is unreasonable , believe me it works .

In that way you can test her , if she has got any feeling for you and your daughter she wil try to approach you and you can speak out , and perhaps have a new chance , cause you will have some emotional blackmail to remind her that she is awful again . Although it might be the OP's is a nucklehead and hardone , I would not underestimate her aswell .

I hope some of my experience of being in Thailand for eleven years , married for eight , and having a son of seven ,

is enough for some of you to think otherwise , and mine was a stubborn one too , things changed because silence made her think , and me as well , we havent had an argument for at least 3 years .....We never really had big arguments but in the beginning all is hard I guess .

If you took the energy to take her all the way to your home country , it should be worth to give it another try as well , for GOD sake , to it for your daughter , at least when she leaves while staying unreasnable , you will never feel guilty to yourself and to your daughter you did't try anything .

The Op should take his responsiblity , and my advise would be to take your own expectations away for a while , perhaps your wife just needs more appreciation and attention from you , like I said your took her there and you should do more ,

not the material things , the communication thing .

If you don;t understand what I mean , there will be no chance from the start .

[DragonQuest]

After living here for 6 years I have come to the conclusion that all thai women are after one thing, your money! and the more beautiful they are the mopre money theyll take.

[MiG16]

sorry I only just got to this thread

have now put in paragraphs in the OP. apology if they may not be at the best place (I couldnt read the text either ) but simply put in a few breaks here and there. hope it doesnt disrupt the flow of sentence.....and hope it makes things easier for everyone

OP, all the best....hope things work out for you, as best as it can.

by the way, just saw the post above mine, and here is something for you to consider:

I've had both a farang guy and a farang woman cheat me of a fair bit of money

Ive had farang guys cheat in our relationship, and had another do some really stupid things in ending another one.

but what does that say? I still wont go round saying all farangs are bad. they are all individuals.

[a2396]

Well I feel a bit disturbed about the fact even with all those comments there is not really even one good advice

from any poster who from experience can say how things can turn other wise as well .

I think that in any relationship , not only farang-Thai , relationships are shaky in the first couple of years ,

both have to get adopted and be ready to change some ways so that a relastionship is possible .

In a Thai - farang relationship its double tough , because of hard communication , and the lack of understanding

how the other interpreted a given situation , something said or action , which could become another miscommunication/understanding fight .

That is very different I have learned , and the key to make a foreign relationship work is to give it time and try to look at youself as well , not everything from your little world who knows it all , you don't , experience does .

But it takes two to tango , the OP's wife has issues , as you do yourself , in my opinion , to slap somebody who you supposed to love , is only throwing oil on the fire at your own demise , but anyway its all emotional reaction .

And the emotional control is the part which can make things turn around in your or any relationship , but especially with Thai .

The best advise is , is to IGNORE her in anything an at anything at all times when she is unreasonable , believe me it works .

In that way you can test her , if she has got any feeling for you and your daughter she wil try to approach you and you can speak out , and perhaps have a new chance , cause you will have some emotional blackmail to remind her that she is awful again . Although it might be the OP's is a nucklehead and hardone , I would not underestimate her aswell .

I hope some of my experience of being in Thailand for eleven years , married for eight , and having a son of seven ,

is enough for some of you to think otherwise , and mine was a stubborn one too , things changed because silence made her think , and me as well , we havent had an argument for at least 3 years .....We never really had big arguments but in the beginning all is hard I guess .

If you took the energy to take her all the way to your home country , it should be worth to give it another try as well , for GOD sake , to it for your daughter , at least when she leaves while staying unreasnable , you will never feel guilty to yourself and to your daughter you did't try anything .

The Op should take his responsiblity , and my advise would be to take your own expectations away for a while , perhaps your wife just needs more appreciation and attention from you , like I said your took her there and you should do more ,

not the material things , the communication thing .

If you don;t understand what I mean , there will be no chance from the start .

You are lucky. In my ripe old age, I don't think I have ever seen anyone change their basic behavior, Thai or western. It is a rare and bountiful relationship, when you can get discussion, give & take, understanding and successful compromise. I think such is next to impossible, with the language deficiencies that abound in Thai/Farang relationships. It is difficult enough when you both speak the same language.

[tigerfish]

Another man that marries a hooker and then wants to warn us not to marry Thais... How bout we all JUST DONT MARRY HOOKERS?! Just a thought.

how about you get a life!

theres an old saying dont ya know,

"people in glass houses shouldnt throw stones"

that goes for the rest of you aswell that seem to think its funny, or clever to add sarcastic remarks. moaning about spelling, punctuation and the non use of paragraphs.

give the guy a break!

[anon345535]

i had a similar situation as OP. i stayed with her for my daughters sake even though if i am honest i probably hated her more than i have ever hated anyone. she wasn't violent but over the course of 5 years she turned into a useless sofa monster. we never married but there wasn't an hour that passed that i didn't think about leaving and htf i could live the next 10-15 years of my life in the same fashion. in the end she ran off with my daughter who i now haven't seen for 7 weeks. she will get what she deserves... i just need to be patient.

all the advice i can offer is for you dmax to set the wheels in motion and prepare for the inevitable. you seriously think you can live the same way until your child is a teenager? your wife will always be a c***!

[jimmybhenderson]

Hey All, I have just arrived in BKK and I must say reading all that happens here, did I make the wrong move?

[bina]

dmax, maybe do a read thru or pm needforspeed as he is in the middle of similar situation... he seems to be coping better now but he also works on/off and has kids and a 'ballistic' wife... he's been posting pretty regularly but try pming him as he started to officially sort stuff out (letters, pics whatever).... talking to someone else in the same same might help sort also...(sort of a mini support group thing ; he took forthat's advice , calmed down, and did as sbk said: created a plan of action and a drawer plan)

bina

israel

[F1fanatic]

Its obvious that the OP's wife is either suffering from post-natal depression (although she's aggressive rather than depressed) or SAD syndrome.

He's in a v difficult position, as he's got a child to worry about and its clear that his wife's behaviour is detrimental to the child - if not now whilst the child is so young and doesn't understand. It will become a real problem in the future.

Have to agree with a previous poster, Western men wouldn't DREAM of dating, let alone marrying a prostitute back home, but for some reason they come here and think its OK cos the bargirl pretends she "loves them too much", rather than making it clear that its a business transaction for money.

Ayway, the OP clearly cares about his child and doesn't need us telling him he made a serious mistake and was asking for trouble - he knows this now.

Only the OP can find a way out of this nightmare - he's received lots of good advice and now its up to him to either take it or, pretend things are going to improve.

Edited March 20, 2010 by F1fanatic

[dmax]

^ I got the impression dmax is based in the UK?

He has recently posted regarding visa issues, so I believe he is too, he also references his wife working as a cleaner and has 10k sterling in the bank, so it would suggest so.

yes , we have been back here in the uk for 2 months now.

[neverdie]

^ I got the impression dmax is based in the UK?

He has recently posted regarding visa issues, so I believe he is too, he also references his wife working as a cleaner and has 10k sterling in the bank, so it would suggest so.

yes , we have been back here in the uk for 2 months now.

dmax,

Just a thought. ive seen a few people go through problems when they take their wife out of thailand (fish out of water type situation).

I have the opposite problem my lady prefers Australia and I like being in Los, sometimes .

I wish you all the best old mate, I hope it all works out for you.

[dmax]

Another man that marries a hooker and then wants to warn us not to marry Thais... How bout we all JUST DONT MARRY HOOKERS?! Just a thought.

Are you able to do that? Judging by what you just posted it must be pretty difficult.

Have a bit of compassion.

the reason i say "thai woman " is as i have stated before they have very fiery tempers,they explode at the least thing, i have seen it happen many many times with different thai woman far more so then western woman.i have seen them belittle and slap farang men in public many many times i can tell you both here in uk with my friends and in thailand ,its the truth and i stand by what i say. i have rarely seen thai men lose their tempers even when provoked.

[dmax]

Its obvious that the OP's wife is either suffering from post-natal depression (although she's aggressive rather than depressed) or SAD syndrome.

He's in a v difficult position, as he's got a child to worry about and its clear that his wife's behaviour is detrimental to the child - if not now whilst the child is so young and doesn't understand. It will become a real problem in the future.

Have to agree with a previous poster, Western men wouldn't DREAM of dating, let alone marrying a prostitute back home, but for some reason they come here and think its OK cos the bargirl pretends she "loves them too much", rather than making it clear that its a business transaction for money.

Ayway, the OP clearly cares about his child and doesn't need us telling him he made a serious mistake and was asking for trouble - he knows this now.

Only the OP can find a way out of this nightmare - he's received lots of good advice and now its up to him to either take it or, pretend things are going to improve.

yeah was thinking myself maybe its s.a.d . marrying prostitutes ? well let me just say that when i first went to thailand many years ago i didnt care weather these girls where prostitutes , i dont judge people, if the shoe was on the other foot i would be doing the same, so would many of their western counterparts, it doesnt and never did bother me that my wife had 100- 1000 guys before me , i took her for what she was then, turned out bad i know but at the start it was good. i should have read all the warning signs regarding her fiery temper but she had and still has her very good points.

we had been with eachother 2 years before coming to uk and i seen it numerous times, once in phuket i went in for a massage whilst my wife got her hair cleaned in the downstairs salon, i was lying relaxing on the bed when the curtain flew open my wife started yelling in thai to the girl that if she touched me she would " boxing her face " well at the time i thought " aww how sweet she really does love me"

[dmax]

dmax, maybe do a read thru or pm needforspeed as he is in the middle of similar situation... he seems to be coping better now but he also works on/off and has kids and a 'ballistic' wife... he's been posting pretty regularly but try pming him as he started to officially sort stuff out (letters, pics whatever).... talking to someone else in the same same might help sort also...(sort of a mini support group thing ; he took forthat's advice , calmed down, and did as sbk said: created a plan of action and a drawer plan)

bina

israel

thanks bina i will do, the pity party is over now, i am going to play the long game now ,im staying in for the long rough ride , for my childs sake only. keep my funds in my bank account, skim more money from housekeeping etc , plan ahead. keep building a stable solid relationship with my daughter, try not to let her temper get me down and stay jai yen, tough work though

[dmax]

After living here for 6 years I have come to the conclusion that all thai women are after one thing, your money! and the more beautiful they are the mopre money theyll take.

i understand what you are saying mate but i dont agree, one thing i can say about my wife is that she never asked me for money, she would give you her last and isn,t stingy in any way. she has a good heart and anytime she would see an old woman or man begging she would allways stop and give them money. she has allways went out of her way to help her thai friends ,one of them ended up stealing all her gold / clothes from her room even though my wife helped her when she didnt have any money for a room or anything, so she does have a good heart but she still a crazy b***h sometimes

it was the greedy farang ex misses who took me for the money!!

[F1fanatic]

Sorry Dmax, in reality she was saying "he's mine - don't dare try to take him from me" - she knows Thai women.

Not all Thai women have a fiery temper, but they all know that others will pursue the farang if the g/f is not there to make it clear they won't stand for it....

The long game is unlikely to be good for your child if the wife is already behaving so badly.

Incidentally, how many prostitutes did you date in the UK? Don't mean to be rude, but the reality is that men don't normally 'date' them back in the UK.

[dmax]

I couldn't read it either, but what a load of b*llocks anyway. There is nothing in any of these stories that is really about Thai girls, it's all just about girls or women full stop. You get the same sh*t if not worse from marrying any other nationality. Thai girls can be hard nosed but that's only because they have had harder lives sometimes than us, but <deleted>, it's not because they're Thai is it?

not a load of boll_ox to many of us who have witnessed first hand a thai womans temper, how long have you been in thailand or in a relationship with a thai woman ? as i said before i have never seen a woman blow up as much as a thai woman, i know many of them have had hard lives and i dont dispute that it is an issue. also cultural differences as well .

[473geo]

Perhaps being in the Uk for two months only, she is at the moment a little stressed, and with the child and very frightened of the situation she finds herself in......people react in different ways to a situation where they feel insecure......maybe her current anger is rooted in this insecurity? life changes a great deal when you do not have friends and family close to confide in and use for moral support.