My Girlfriends New Tattoo

[SantiSuk]

It sounds like your expectations are different about what your relationship means. Don't listen to the people lecturing you about owning her. She dissed you. I don't feel a lot of love coming from your post either; that would be the only good reason to keep working on the relationship.

It is her body ok,she is free to do with it what she wants,she is an adult.....by the sounds of it she realises that and doesn't care for narrow minded people like him anyway.

You surprise me Jingthing i thought you was quite open minded and liberal in your thoughts,so if someone upsets you by doing what you don't want.....you would be angry?? this is weird! and controlling.

Yeah this whole red/yellow thing seems to have warped his mind! Perhaps he gave his avatar away or got swooped on by aliens.

[mark45y]

I know that they do lots of things with herbs in Thailand but a quart of chives does seem a bit odd. Especially if it knocked out a couple of red heads- Can i have the recepie?

I was so freaked out by the other thread about spelling mistakes that I spell checked my post and it changed Chivas to chives. Sorry about that. I am of course desperate to have all my words spelled correctly when I am writing to English teachers.

[Patsycat]

I know that you meant Chivas - but the chives thing just made me giggle!!!

[mark45y]

She is of course now getting an infection in her tattoo. It is read and slightly raised around the new ink. Should I tell her to use antibiotics? Ointment? Go to the clinic?

[britmaveric]

The tat artist should have given her antibiotic cream when she had it done. You supposed to keep lathering it on, until its all healed up.

Edited April 29, 2010 by britmaveric

[TigerWan]

If any women are reading this let me ask the question. If you were living with a man in a serious relationship for a couple of years and wanted a tattoo would you discuss it with him before you got it?

If you knew he didn't like tattoos and you got one anyway would you be trying to tell the man something. Something like f off?

You have your answer. She isn't going to be dictated to, and she is willing to risk the relationship to maintain her independence.

[myrealprofit]

If any women are reading this let me ask the question. If you were living with a man in a serious relationship for a couple of years and wanted a tattoo would you discuss it with him before you got it?

If you knew he didn't like tattoos and you got one anyway would you be trying to tell the man something. Something like f off?

You have your answer. She isn't going to be dictated to, and she is willing to risk the relationship to maintain her independence.

I am not saying that I am any kind of expert, but just based on what I have seen and observed is that what she did is a sign of things to come (doing what she wants, when she wants etc, regardless of what is Traditional Thai culture, regardless of what effect it will have on her life, regardless of what effect it will have on the relationship) it's not about the tattoo, but about going against being a traditional Thai girl!

Again, this is just my observation! I have yet to see a Thai lady that doesn't have any tattoos, doesn't change her hair color, doesn't have any piercings, lives with her family until she gets married turn into a mans nightmare. I have yet to see a Thai lady with any or any combination of the 4 main things that stays with the same guy, never cheat, never lies or schemes etc. It seems if they are not afraid of going against thousands of years or tradition, the ladies I have observed aren't going to worry about lying, sleeping around, clubbing, partying etc etc you know the drill.

The latest example is one of my good friends has been dating a 25 year old Thai girl for about a year, they got engaged, nice girl, blah, blah and he always told her how much he likes her silky black hair that Thai girls are so lucky to have. The girl has a few friends that work in hair salons, she came home one day with her hair died kind of a reddish brown, and within a few days it was all dried out and looked bad enough, and then a few days later she again showed up, with highlights that ended up turning gray. Seriously from behind she looked like an old lady. (yes me and my Thai girl got pulled in to the mix because they live near us) then she started going out 2-3 times a week with her friends to eat and to clubs, wouldnt answer her phone all the time, started wearing more sexy clothes. Anyway, a few weeks later he found a phone number of another foreign man on a piece of paper left on the dresser. He called the guy, sure enough, she had been sending love SMS's, she missed him and wanted to see him again, blah blah. So when she returned home and she hit the shower, he checked her phone, he confronted her, she denied it, and said it was a number for her friend, he said what about all the SMS's you have been sending (I guess her jaw dropped to the floor, she denied it all still) They had a big blowout fight, and her response is, "She is a free girl, not a prisoner, she can do what she wants blah, blah". It has turned into a nightmare, and this is just one of the many stories I could tell you that I have observed, but, like I say, I have yet to see any of this type of behavior from the type of girls I mentioned above!

Like I said, I am not making judgement, I am not being narrow minded or pointing fingers, it has just been my observation, that is all so I am giving observation not my opinion, so I guess you have 2 options, ride it out, or run!!! Either way, good luck!

[mark45y]

If any women are reading this let me ask the question. If you were living with a man in a serious relationship for a couple of years and wanted a tattoo would you discuss it with him before you got it?

If you knew he didn't like tattoos and you got one anyway would you be trying to tell the man something. Something like f off?

You have your answer. She isn't going to be dictated to, and she is willing to risk the relationship to maintain her independence.

I am not saying that I am any kind of expert, but just based on what I have seen and observed is that what she did is a sign of things to come (doing what she wants, when she wants etc, regardless of what is Traditional Thai culture, regardless of what effect it will have on her life, regardless of what effect it will have on the relationship) it's not about the tattoo, but about going against being a traditional Thai girl!

Again, this is just my observation! I have yet to see a Thai lady that doesn't have any tattoos, doesn't change her hair color, doesn't have any piercings, lives with her family until she gets married turn into a mans nightmare. I have yet to see a Thai lady with any or any combination of the 4 main things that stays with the same guy, never cheat, never lies or schemes etc. It seems if they are not afraid of going against thousands of years or tradition, the ladies I have observed aren't going to worry about lying, sleeping around, clubbing, partying etc etc you know the drill.

The latest example is one of my good friends has been dating a 25 year old Thai girl for about a year, they got engaged, nice girl, blah, blah and he always told her how much he likes her silky black hair that Thai girls are so lucky to have. The girl has a few friends that work in hair salons, she came home one day with her hair died kind of a reddish brown, and within a few days it was all dried out and looked bad enough, and then a few days later she again showed up, with highlights that ended up turning gray. Seriously from behind she looked like an old lady. (yes me and my Thai girl got pulled in to the mix because they live near us) then she started going out 2-3 times a week with her friends to eat and to clubs, wouldnt answer her phone all the time, started wearing more sexy clothes. Anyway, a few weeks later he found a phone number of another foreign man on a piece of paper left on the dresser. He called the guy, sure enough, she had been sending love SMS's, she missed him and wanted to see him again, blah blah. So when she returned home and she hit the shower, he checked her phone, he confronted her, she denied it, and said it was a number for her friend, he said what about all the SMS's you have been sending (I guess her jaw dropped to the floor, she denied it all still) They had a big blowout fight, and her response is, "She is a free girl, not a prisoner, she can do what she wants blah, blah". It has turned into a nightmare, and this is just one of the many stories I could tell you that I have observed, but, like I say, I have yet to see any of this type of behavior from the type of girls I mentioned above!

Like I said, I am not making judgement, I am not being narrow minded or pointing fingers, it has just been my observation, that is all so I am giving observation not my opinion, so I guess you have 2 options, ride it out, or run!!! Either way, good luck!

Life would be easy if you were correct. However after reading Thai visa for a few years and living in Thailand for a while I have met too many women who have violated your four rules and have made exemplary wives and mothers.

I have also met some women who have not violated your categories who have turned into shrews.

[sarahsbloke]

It seems if they are not afraid of going against thousands of years or tradition,

I think you have this wrong, on the surface they don't, but the real tradition for thousands of years is that they all did.

Do you imagine, mia nois, mia chows, and all the variations that the Thais have special names for happened in the last ten years.

Nope, they always shagged around and lied and cheated.

The trick to finding a good Thai wife IMHO, is to get one who has decided she is too old to keep shagging around, mid 30s and upwards.

Any younger than that and you are asking for a world of trouble.

Edited April 30, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[orchidlady]

Mark45: The tramp got stamped--call it what it is...face it she was testing you, seeing how far she could push you, how much you will put up with. As far as I can see from my work colleagues, Thai girls appear to be a dime a dozen for any farang with a modicum of money so dump the tramp and find one who is more visually pleasing to you.

I'm a woman. i don't like tattoos. I admire the artwork but not on a body. I think people (men and women) that have them need to have attention drawn to them as "attention whores" so to speak. I have many friends that got them in college-some on their butts others exposed elsewhere. They are not pretty as another poster mentioned when on someone who is older and has gained weight, maybe had a couple of kids-depending where it was placed. I keep wondering what it will look like in 40, 50 years with all these old people with their hanging skin/tattoo covered arms, necks and body piercings.

I would ask a partner I truly cared about for his opinion before I did some major body changing procedure. If there was a valid medical reason and he was still against it(for example, I had a breast reduction-I had terrible neck and back aches)-I would still go ahead with it. I did and it caused the breakup of a 8 year relationship. If my big breasts meant more to him than my well being, screw him--different then getting a tattoo though. I would be more willing to respect a partner's view or at least cover up.

I come from working in the conservative financial industry so I know how people view appearance. I also lived in West Los Angeles, CA. so I was regularly exposed to entertainment industry people and their over the top free expression of dress, hair and body decorations. They would never be acceptable in my former industry. When I first started teaching in Northern Thailand, I was asked if I could button my shirt one more button when teaching -someone apparently thought I was exposing too much of my upper chest-No cleavage (not breasts by any means (go figure-I said sure even though it meant it would be very hot. I was not showing any cleavage by any means. I am used to dressing conservative I thought but Thailand is even more conservative than back home for teachers.

[mark45y]

It seems if they are not afraid of going against thousands of years or tradition,

I think you have this wrong, on the surface they don't, but the real tradition for thousands of years is that they all did.

Do you imagine, mia nois, mia chows, and all the variations that the Thais have special names for happened in the last ten years.

Nope, they always shagged around and lied and cheated.

The trick to finding a good Thai wife IMHO, is to get one who has decided she is too old to keep shagging around, mid 30s and upwards.

Any younger than that and you are asking for a world of trouble.

Thank god the Thai society in its infinite wisdom figured out an answer to this age old problem, that is young women are beautiful but silly. Marry an old girl and have a mia noi. It has worked for thousands of years in Thailand. That way your home life remains sane and livable and the silliness is confined to a small one room condo next to the university.

[mark45y]

Mark45: The tramp got stamped--call it what it is...face it she was testing you, seeing how far she could push you, how much you will put up with. As far as I can see from my work colleagues, Thai girls appear to be a dime a dozen for any farang with a modicum of money so dump the tramp and find one who is more visually pleasing to you.

I'm a woman. i don't like tattoos. I admire the artwork but not on a body. I think people (men and women) that have them need to have attention drawn to them as "attention whores" so to speak. I have many friends that got them in college-some on their butts others exposed elsewhere. They are not pretty as another poster mentioned when on someone who is older and has gained weight, maybe had a couple of kids-depending where it was placed. I keep wondering what it will look like in 40, 50 years with all these old people with their hanging skin/tattoo covered arms, necks and body piercings.

I would ask a partner I truly cared about for his opinion before I did some major body changing procedure. If there was a valid medical reason and he was still against it(for example, I had a breast reduction-I had terrible neck and back aches)-I would still go ahead with it. I did and it caused the breakup of a 8 year relationship. If my big breasts meant more to him than my well being, screw him--different then getting a tattoo though. I would be more willing to respect a partner's view or at least cover up.

I come from working in the conservative financial industry so I know how people view appearance. I also lived in West Los Angeles, CA. so I was regularly exposed to entertainment industry people and their over the top free expression of dress, hair and body decorations. They would never be acceptable in my former industry. When I first started teaching in Northern Thailand, I was asked if I could button my shirt one more button when teaching -someone apparently thought I was exposing too much of my upper chest-No cleavage (not breasts by any means (go figure-I said sure even though it meant it would be very hot. I was not showing any cleavage by any means. I am used to dressing conservative I thought but Thailand is even more conservative than back home for teachers.

Thank you for the serious and well thought out post. I have a tendency to agree with you.

I have put a lot of myself on display here. Sometimes I think it is worth it to save other people problems I have experienced.

You touched on tattooed people needing attention and another poster mentioned something about cutting.

I am not saying tattooed people are mentally off but I think it may be the sign of something deeper wrong or some other meaning as in the case of religious tattoos.

I think it is rarely as simple as decoration despite the insistence of some that that is the case.

She may have been testing me or trying to condition me. In either case it is a problem.

[SomTumTiger]

Unclench and let it go dude. You'll live longer.

Edited April 30, 2010 by SomTumTiger

[mark45y]

Unclench and let it go dude. You'll live longer.

Have you ever left a Thai women? Letting go is hardly an appropriate word. People have escaped from prison with less effort.

[britmaveric]

TATS are nice in moderation, and well accepted part of life in thailand as in the west. Now can a person with tats from head to toe be accepted as much as the next, probably not. One or two isn't going to give anyone an issue especially if they are coverable areas.

I'm pretty confident that your gf never discussed this with you simply because she knew what you would say. She wanted a TAT and well your opinion didnt even register.

[nidge]

Unclench and let it go dude. You'll live longer.

Have you ever left a Thai women? Letting go is hardly an appropriate word. People have escaped from prison with less effort.

That's so funny and so true. I've left 2. One tried to stab me and the other took my house and all my money. Don't leave a Thai woman until you are well defended.

[Ulysses G.]

She wanted a TAT and well your opinion didnt even register.

Brit hits the nail on the head once again.

[sarahsbloke]

Have you ever left a Thai women? Letting go is hardly an appropriate word. People have escaped from prison with less effort.

My last escape took me two weeks of careful planning, but well worth the effort.

[Thakkar]

<snip> If she wants to tattoo a W on each bum cheek so it spells ‘WoW’ when she bends over then fine... <snip>

OK, now THAT I could never accept, because if I occasioned to see it the other way around, it would spell "MoM" and I could never again get biblical with Mrs T after seeing that.

Call me a prude if you must!

[Jingthing]

She wanted a TAT and well your opinion didnt even register.

Brit hits the nail on the head once again.

That's pretty much what I said and you called me names for that. Double standard!

[bjoe97]

I am old fashioned

tattoos really are a sign of the lower classes

especially in women

have you really seen a lady of good breeding/class wearing a tattoo?

They shouldn't be blamed however, they know no better,they are just following a modern faux paux

a friend of mine is extremely handsome, but flatly refuses to date any lady with a tattoo

I think that's a little extreme , no need to get in such a fuss about it

its only misguided attempts to do what most do anyway- that is , to look better

but 'ladys, listen up- real gentlemen, really do not like them and I'm afraid to say , will look down upon you for wearing them

[Brocher]

She is of course now getting an infection in her tattoo. It is read and slightly raised around the new ink. Should I tell her to use antibiotics? Ointment? Go to the clinic?

How about "go away and have a few more done if you like em so much... and don't bother coming back."

[Beardog]

Mark,

Same girl in the 50 ways post?

Tell her asta la vista baby & don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Sounds like this wench is rubbing salt in the already open wounds. Not just the tats you don't like it is the whole package.And it sounds like a wise investment of the 9000 baht you give her a month. She obviously could care less about you knowing you don't care for tats.But then again it sounds like the whole package needs to be surgically removed from your life.

[Hawk]

She is of course now getting an infection in her tattoo. It is read and slightly raised around the new ink. Should I tell her to use antibiotics? Ointment? Go to the clinic?

I suppose you meant "red" and slightly raised? Redness does not indicate an infection but rather a wound, like when one cuts a finger, the skin is simply renewing itself.

This is absolutely normal, no need for antibiotics, just apply some olive oil everyday for a week. Avoid soaping the tattoo as some soaps are harsh to the skin.

The skin around the tattoo is healing, and in a week the old skin will start to flake off and the redness will disappear on its own accord.

Edited May 2, 2010 by Hawk

[IanForbes]

A woman with a tatoo in the modern western society doesn't mean tiddly-squat, but it COULD mean something entirely different in the Thai society. My lady friend has a big tatoo on her shoulder and nobody gives a hoot. It wouldn't affect her getting a job or mixing with the elite social circles. However, if a Thai girl from Issan got a similar tatoo it MIGHT have some affect on her getting employment in the elite Thai society.

[Arkady]

1. The needles that are used are ALWAYS sterile and you are always shown them being taken out of a new air tight packet.

2. What has having a tattoo got to do with working in a bar??........... There are alot of girls, even hi -so girls with tattoos, its called being individual and not following the flock.

If i was her I would be kicking you out for being so petty and small minded about tattooed girls.

Regards

VM

A friend's daughter from the UK came to stay with me a couple of years ago before travelling around Thailand. She was travelling with a group of 18 and 19 year olds all on a gap year before going to university. After returning home 5 of the kids turned out to be HIV positive within a year. None had had more than a couple of partners and none were intravenous drug users. UK social workers tasked with tracing their contacts determined that the most likely source of their infection was a tattoo parlour in Chiang Mai where all 5 got tattooed in the same day. Two others were also tattooed there at the same time but remain healthy. Luckily my friend's daughter declined to get tattooed and also remains healthy. None of those who got tattooed understood at the time there was a danger of infection from tattoo needles. Some bastard was happy to make an extra 100 baht profit out of destroying those kids' lives.

I strongly recommend not getting anything like this done in Thailand, if you have to get it done at all. Even henna tattoos that don't pierce the skin are dangerous here. There is no regulation of this in Thailand and they mix the henna with a large proportion of toxic industrial dyes that are easier to work with and dry much quicker than pure henna which takes a long time to dry. Unfortunately some people are highly allergic to these chemicals and can end up with festering wounds and ugly scars as well as a life long hypersensitivity to certain chemicals which can mean no more black clothing or hair dye.

Edited June 5, 2011 by Arkady

[slapout]

<snip> If she wants to tattoo a W on each bum cheek so it spells ‘WoW’ when she bends over then fine... <snip>

OK, now THAT I could never accept, because if I occasioned to see it the other way around, it would spell "MoM" and I could never again get biblical with Mrs T after seeing that.

Call me a prude if you must!

I would, at first glance, call you a contortionist.

[Arkady]

Sounds like you are with the wrong girl(or more realistically, she is with the wrong guy). If you can't lighten up a little your relationship is doomed. Your behavior is ultra-controlling and I suspect your girl already doesn't think too much of you. I have tattoos and if anybody I am with insists I cover them up or constantly rags on me about them, then they can take a flying leap as far as I concerned....life is too short to spend time time with uptight control freaks.

Mark, I think this probably sums up your girlfriend's attitude. She obviously likes tattoos and doesn't care that you don't like them. Some hi-so Thai girls do indeed have tattoos, as some have pointed out, but they are usually rather small discrete ones and, apart from the fact that most are ethnic Chinese, it is usually pretty obvious to Thais who is hi-so and who isn't within a few seconds from the way they talk, dress and generally comport themselves. It is true that people in your small town probably thinks she's a whore anyway even without the tattoos but wearing large, tastless tattoos is like shouting out loud that she's a mia farang and proud of it. If you keep her on, she will probably go and get more in due course. Those who like tattoos are of course entitled to their opinion and can cover their whole bodies in them, if they like. By the same token, those who don't like them are also entitled to their opinion too. If you don't like them, I suggest you let her go and find some one like YaiJung who does. Then all will end up happier.

[canuckamuck]

A woman with a tatoo in the modern western society doesn't mean tiddly-squat, but it COULD mean something entirely different in the Thai society. My lady friend has a big tatoo on her shoulder and nobody gives a hoot. It wouldn't affect her getting a job or mixing with the elite social circles. However, if a Thai girl from Issan got a similar tatoo it MIGHT have some affect on her getting employment in the elite Thai society.

I know this is an old thread back from the dead, but yikes Ian, that is a hideous tattoo on that once pretty girl. She will be having that removed in under 10 years guaranteed.

[ozzieovaseas]

Got to agree with the above. What makes you think you own her ? Who the hel_l are you to say what she can and can't do ? The main person who thinks she now looks like a bar girl is you. For me she needs to sling you out not the other way round. Maybe you want to control a girl you would be better off finding a bar girl without the tattoos and tell her just what she can and can't do.

I suppose th trouble is that he knows if she's a tart or not, and he's worried others will know now too. Though to be fair, when she's in his company, people can make their own minds up without a tattoo.

SC

I'm really surprised at him posting this on the forum; he must have known the response he would get. Still, worth a laugh, I suppose.

Im not suprised. He knows what to expect and he loves it.

All his threads seem to go on forever as he picks dodgey subjects which end up in 12 pages of people calling him a wanke_r...but daamm good entertainment so good on ya mark, it may be an old thread but you've done it again

As for me, i start a thread up asking for tips on how to go about training my Thai GF in embracing my (western) thinking, and it lasts 5 minutes

I have to agree with Mark on this one tho....hope he did give her the flick, shes no good if she had total disregard for your fatherly advice..after all the years of life experience and advice you can offer her, she would choose not to listen? and who wants someone like that?

I would never go out with a thai girl that had a tatt unless it was an unseen one.

As for the others who say their tatts are "making a statement"...the only i statement i can see is that the tattos owner is a self obsessed, insecure, attention seeking egomaniac who is gonna look stupid when they hit the age of 60-70

Edited June 5, 2011 by ozzieovaseas