What Should/could I Tell My Kids

[MikeRay]

One day the question will come:

How did mom and you met.Was it love at first sight.etc. etc.

As I took, totally drunk without remembering or recognizing much, her working as a freelancer to my ex-girlfriends appartement.This is not really what I like to tell, as I still think this shouldn´t be the right way.

The only option I have is to lie and lying to my children sounds awful to me.

Even the story that I got to know her via Internet still sounds reasonable to most of the people I don´t feel confident with it.

Should just a :We met in Thailand during my holiday just be fine to them ?

[Rags]

"Met her in a pub" sounds like a true and reasonable response - not uncommon for this to happen....even in Britain...

This response should suffice, and I would not have thought it would carry any innuendo. Unless of course she is still wandering around in 6" high-heels, a mini-mini skirt, a sequinned boob tube, etc....

[PeaceBlondie]

This is not an American court of law, and you needn't tell "all the truth."

[Laulen]

Have you thought about discussing this with your wife? Perhaps that is the wisest approach. After all, what would happen if you said one story, and she remembered another??

Confusion is not the best way forward I think.

Laulen

[paulbkk]

well meeting people through the internet is taboo but everyone has done it at some point, just wont admit it, yeah id lie, what does it matter? they are none the wiser, i meet her in a bar blah blah, i think this question is just some basic knowledge for kids, im sure they care more for yr fmaily life now, more than the past, make it fit the truth as much as possible, but dont worry about it too much, cheers paul

[meadish_sweetball]

well meeting people through the internet is taboo but everyone has done it at some point, just wont admit it, yeah id lie, what does it matter? they are none the wiser, i meet her in a bar blah blah, i think this question is just some basic knowledge for kids, im sure they care more for yr fmaily life now, more than the past, make it fit the truth as much as possible, but dont worry about it too much, cheers paul

Meeting through the Internet is not taboo in my circle of friends. That affairs or friendships developed on the Internet often do not live up to expectations IRL is another thing. Only part of your personality shines through. For better, and for worse.

To stay with the OP topic, I think I would lie in that situation. Just make sure you get your story straight with your wife.

[elliss]

well meeting people through the internet is taboo but everyone has done it at some point, just wont admit it, yeah id lie, what does it matter? they are none the wiser, i meet her in a bar blah blah, i think this question is just some basic knowledge for kids, im sure they care more for yr fmaily life now, more than the past, make it fit the truth as much as possible, but dont worry about it too much, cheers paul

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Meeting through the Internet is not taboo in my circle of friends. That affairs or friendships developed on the Internet often do not live up to expectations IRL is another thing. Only part of your personality shines through. For better, and for worse.

To stay with the OP topic, I think I would lie in that situation. Just make sure you get your story straight with your wife.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[astral]

"Met her in a pub" sounds like a true and reasonable response - not uncommon for this to happen....even in Britain...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Important to stay as close to the truth as possible, then

you won't be caught out later!!

[elliss]

oop,s sorry for the above .

just have a simple story , about your first meeting .

sitting next to each other on a bus , train or park bench .

and you started talking about the weather etc .

and went out for a meal , and here we are .

i would not mention , bar trade or freelancing .

it may be used as ammo. if a family conflict occurrs.

[mrbojangles]

Not that i am an expert in getting out of close shaves, or a Master of Deception I suppose there's nothing wrong with telling them that you met in a bar. However, if one day they should go to Thailand when they are all grown up and go into a bar. They will see for themselves what working in a bar means, and the first question they will ask you when they get back will be......."Papa, how much was a bar fine in those good old days"

Many people hire Motorcycles in Thailand, why not just say you you always went to the same Hire shop and met there, theyr'e never going to quiz you about it.

El Problemo solvedo!!

mr BJ

[Dakhar]

Are you ashamed of what her occupation was.....?

[Boon Mee]

Should just a :We met in Thailand during my holiday just be fine to them ?

Absolutely!

There's an ad for Las Vegas going around in the states these days that goes "What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas"

Good philosophy there...

[MikeRay]

No I´m really not ashamed about my wife´s ex-profession and wether me nor her have a problem with it.But the society still has and to be honest which father would not have a problem with if their daughters were doing the trade.

She, in comparison what most european girls look like when they go to a disco, never looked like a hooker and neither she does now.

After a night of sleep I decided :"Met her in Thailand and started dating her" should just be fine;"no more questions can´t you see I´m busy"

[Boon Mee]

After a night of sleep I decided :"Met her in Thailand and started dating her" should just be fine;"no more questions can´t you see I´m busy"

Sounds like a good plan Mike.

[chuckacinco]

I've been lurking about tv and I enjoy reading some of the posts.

I'm also a parent. I didn't meet my son's mother through the best circumstances.

I want to say why the fixation with the brutal truth to a young child? Be truthful in the big things, like doing the things that you want your children to do. Not telling them to do things and you do something else.

Keep all of your promises no matter how small. If you say you are going to give them something or take them somewhere you have to do it. Period.

When my son asked me, I could have told a story similar to the OP.

Instead, I made up a tale that was pretty much like a cinderella tale. "Your mother was the most beautiful girl there...", "Our eyes met...".

And you tell the tale this way because your child in their egocentric view of the world are getting all the positive associations with their mom which as a husband, you will never understand. To you, your wife is well, your wife. To your children, their mother is much much more.

Just like being a father. Whether you like it or not, you are their hero. When they are old enough to figure our that you are a flawed mortal, they'll know enough already.

I had to leave my son's mother because she tried to cut me because I didn't give her the money she wanted. I took my son and raised him myself.

He was 3 then, he's 10 now.

He sees his mom every 3 or 4 months if she feels like it.

I couldn't explain in a fairy tale why I had to leave. I just said we didn't love each other anymore but we were still "friends." I don't volunteer information because there is alot more to talk about to your child than this stuff.

He's older now and I haven't asked him his opinion of his mother. I don't volunteer mine.

Just my two baht. I felt like participating.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

I've been lurking about tv and I enjoy reading some of the posts.

I'm also a parent. I didn't meet my son's mother through the best circumstances.

I want to say why the fixation with the brutal truth to a young child? Be truthful in the big things, like doing the things that you want your children to do. Not telling them to do things and you do something else.

Keep all of your promises no matter how small. If you say you are going to give them something or take them somewhere you have to do it. Period.

When my son asked me, I could have told a story similar to the OP.

Instead, I made up a tale that was pretty much like a cinderella tale. "Your mother was the most beautiful girl there...", "Our eyes met...".

And you tell the tale this way because your child in their egocentric view of the world are getting all the positive associations with their mom which as a husband, you will never understand. To you, your wife is well, your wife. To your children, their mother is much much more.

Just like being a father. Whether you like it or not, you are their hero. When they are old enough to figure our that you are a flawed mortal, they'll know enough already.

I had to leave my son's mother because she tried to cut me because I didn't give her the money she wanted. I took my son and raised him myself.

He was 3 then, he's 10 now.

He sees his mom every 3 or 4 months if she feels like it.

I couldn't explain in a fairy tale why I had to leave. I just said we didn't love each other anymore but we were still "friends." I don't volunteer information because there is alot more to talk about to  your child than this stuff.

He's older now and I haven't asked him his opinion of his mother. I don't volunteer mine.

Just my two baht. I felt like participating.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for that.

[meadish_sweetball]

I've been lurking about tv and I enjoy reading some of the posts.

I'm also a parent. I didn't meet my son's mother through the best circumstances.

I want to say why the fixation with the brutal truth to a young child? Be truthful in the big things, like doing the things that you want your children to do. Not telling them to do things and you do something else.

Keep all of your promises no matter how small. If you say you are going to give them something or take them somewhere you have to do it. Period.

When my son asked me, I could have told a story similar to the OP.

Instead, I made up a tale that was pretty much like a cinderella tale. "Your mother was the most beautiful girl there...", "Our eyes met...".

And you tell the tale this way because your child in their egocentric view of the world are getting all the positive associations with their mom which as a husband, you will never understand. To you, your wife is well, your wife. To your children, their mother is much much more.

Just like being a father. Whether you like it or not, you are their hero. When they are old enough to figure our that you are a flawed mortal, they'll know enough already.

I had to leave my son's mother because she tried to cut me because I didn't give her the money she wanted. I took my son and raised him myself.

He was 3 then, he's 10 now.

He sees his mom every 3 or 4 months if she feels like it.

I couldn't explain in a fairy tale why I had to leave. I just said we didn't love each other anymore but we were still "friends." I don't volunteer information because there is alot more to talk about to  your child than this stuff.

He's older now and I haven't asked him his opinion of his mother. I don't volunteer mine.

Just my two baht. I felt like participating.

Quality contribution. Thanks for sharing and hope you'll stick around.

[CrossBones]

I have a Filipino friend in the UK. She was born in the Philies but moved to the UK with when she was 8 years old with her stepfather. As far as I can figure out her mother was a mamasan from a bar in Manilla where she met her husban an English guy, they got married and went to live in the UK.

My friend discovered recently her real father was a foriegner who paid her mother for sex.

Having mainly grown up in the UK she has a lot of problems with this. She is under-confident and has a lot of hang-ups.

I rekon you should either be totally honest with the kids from an early age, or lie through the back of your teeth and don't tell them mum used to be a hooker.

Or ask a shrink.

[Davey]

I would tell them enough to to end their curiosity, don't be too vague though, as children are naturally inquisitive and saying something like, we met whilst I was on holiday would probably lead to a few more specific questions, whereas another story with a bit more depth may satisfy their curiosty... I personally would not mention anything about meeting in a bar in Thailand if you want to hold the 'real' truth from them as kids aren't stupid and sooner or later they will find out what bars in Thailand are like, and may come back with more questions. Also kids are extremely stereotypical and many may have the perception of Thai girls all being prostitutes just because they hear a myth about one, which might not even be true. I think as they grow up, they will more or less construct a scenario on how you's met through perceptions of their own and of their peers who will undoubtedly have an influence... I think it is probably best to come clean, in the cleanest fashion possible, children aren't as naive as you may think and sooner or later they will realise how it really happend.

Best of luck, this is a really sensitive topic and I might even recommend visiting a child psychologist.