Neighbours Simmering Unhappiness.

[centrico]

Apologies for the length of the post.

Though linked to the topic about the car parking incident but not as an actual part of it in the main so I would like to make a new topic.

For some background.

In the past the wife has said she is not happy with the way some of the neighbours look at her. As if she is dirty or a bar girl or whatever. Many will not talk to her. Some neighbours have asked where she met me and mention Pattaya. One or two people nearby do know her family and have no problem. I have always played down her talk about the neighbours as I believed much of it was her own sensitivity or that she was being self-conscious as some people simply look at her without any malice but she sees malice in it. We see the same thing in the market at times or when out in the supermarket. Often I put it down to some Thai people being curious and not particularly malicious or nasty in their looks. I put it down to this because in the past I have lived in places where I was often the only foreigner out on his own in the local market or supermarket and have received many a curious look. So I put it down to being part and parcel of being one white guy amongst so many Thai.

This afternoon the wife is furious. I have never seen her so mad before. In fact she has said she wants to go and sort some of the neighbours out and I think she means it.

Why?

Eventually she had to go to the police station over the parking incident with a friend of hers to stop the police insisting on taking and keeping my passport. Seems they wanted my visa number also. That was sorted. While she was there she was shown statements from neighbours that had been collected. She asked to see names but the police refused to let her see the names and addresses of the neighbours but allowed her to see the content of the statements themselves. She tells me there are ten statements. I was under the impression these statements were collected yesterday. Now I understand they were dated up to 3 weeks ago. No, nothing happened that I am aware of.

All the statements have said they are not happy that I live here.

* Some statements speak of my driving too fast down the narrow streets. The longest street is maybe 300 metres long. [Difficult to drive fast as the streets are narrow and have speed bumps every 50 metres or so and have cars parked on one side or the other.]

* Some statements talk of my going to the pub every night and coming back drunk.

* Some statements say that the wife and I are always fighting and that she leaves home every week for a couple of days and also for the odd day on top of that because of the fights. The neighbours talk they are not happy about this and want me out. [ ???? Wait a minute!! Yes the wife goes away every week for one or two nights and two days. 30 odd kilometres away she has rented 10 rai of land for growing rice. I bought her a few Rai of land also close to where she also has a couple of Rai of rice her grandmother left her and she now looks after another 3 Rai for family also left them by the grandmother. She goes to stay at her sister in laws house every week to supervise the rice planting, fertilization and other work that needs taking care of and is happy to sleep over. It gives her chance to see family and also an interest in life. Two people cannot live under each others feet every day of the week.] Naturally the wife is furious that people are talking that we fight and that is why she goes away.

Finally one of the statements has actually stated that they want me sent to jail.

All of the statements also say that I have no etiquette. Granted I do not talk to most of my neighbours because I cannot talk Thai very well and they speak little or no English. Yet I do not try to cause any problems either. Live and let live springs to mind.

I am shocked. I have little or no contact with most neighbours to justify this attitude. All I can think of is that there is some underlying resentment. Maybe because they have to go out to work every day? Because my wife does not have to work? Maybe they do not like a foreigner in their midst. I am at a loss right now to understand. I get the feeling too that the car parking incident might well be tied into this whole scenario.

Now I am under orders to move. The wife refuses to stay here any longer than needs be and I have to agree with her even though I have been in this house 2 years and 3 months in July. Yes, move house. One major problem is finding one locally. We do not have a Real Estate Agent here and have spent the rest of the afternoon driving around every street we could think of and have not seen one house for rent. No Shop Houses either. Sigh!

In the end it just goes to show that even though you can walk around thinking everything is OK. It is not always the case

[ukrules]

It seems to me you're hated by them all because you're a foreigner.

[jackdawson]

u mean , ur still there ?

don't u get it ? U damaged a thai's property and WORSE caused him to lose face . that's often a capital offense in the mango "republic"

Edited May 28, 2010 by jackdawson

[Penkoprod]

It took you this long, a 2000 Baht payment, and hassle after hassle to realise that "some" neighbours have not liked you living amongst them?

Its taken a parking dispute to bring all the hostility to the fore, and you never noticed before?

Or did you kinda guess bit hoped it was all going to blow over. Lethargy is a terrible ailment )

Man, i would have been outta there WEEKS ago, had my wife made it known that she wasnt happy there, given what she said to you about her problems with the neighbours. Its Thai mentality on your neighbours part....keep it bottled up, and when they get a chance, let go collectively with the bile and venom. The old "mob mentality"

Like i and others have (and will say) said........move

Penkoprod

[TheWalkingMan]

I think that the OP's post shows the pettiness of some Thai people. They just do not like Falang.

Once I had a chick tell me that her 7 year-old daughter did not like falang. <deleted>? How could a 7 year-old kid, living in Issan, dislike people who she had no contact with. I think that a percentage of Thai children are raised around people who speak disparagingly about non-Thai people. The kids hear these things for years and years. Once the kid grows up, it is almost impossible for the adult/kid to look at a non-Thai person without preset ideas of how terrible the falang is.

This "brain-washing" is horrendous and can put the Thai person in a position of having to deal with non-Thai people who may be good/kind, but this goodness/kindness does not reconcile with what they have been taught or heard for the last 15-20 years. So not having the tools to analyze the situation, the Thai person lashes out either though official channels (police) or informal (stabbing/beating/shooting).

TheWalkingMan

[hawthorne]

It seems you are moving and that is great. Why live or work any place that you are not well liked or appreciated? makes life a bit hellish. Be thankfull you did not own the apartment and it is only the inconvenience of moving. You are doing right by moving but what in the world are you doing in a small town that you could not do in another small town?

[onnut]

Wow, this is shocking. Move out fast, because these feckers are not going to stop now.

Now I'm wondering what my neigbours are thinking of us! Only one of em talks to us, and the rest are rude feckers when it comes to leaving there <deleted> including cars in the middle of the soi.

I really feel like a pakkie sometimes, I come from Slough so know how they are treated!

That's it! We are packies! Get used to it. Fark, <deleted>, what a life!!!!!

[moe666]

Yeah, I have a neighbor here in the states that sound like yours. This bit--h calls the police on me a few times a month for my parking, mind you doesn't interfer with her. She also called zoning and got my little building project red tagged but that has been sorted out and tag removed.

Some people are just angry at the world and everyone in it. My neighbor will be getting a visit from zoning in the future for her illigal rental action does have consequence but there is no hurry as I am a patience man and all things come to those who wait.

Moving is your best bet and maybe a real nasty bugger will move in to the house and the neighbors will wish you were back.

Edited May 28, 2010 by moe666

[tigerfish]

well if your going to move and it looks as if thats an odds on bet, at the moment.

i suggest you go out in style and with a bang.

dont do anything stupid mind, but enough to put you neighbours noses out of joint and give them enough food for thought, to make them realize and understand what a pathetic bunch of bigots they really are.

how about a massive going away house party.invite all your friends(farang and thai) and family.

loads of smelly farang styled food on the bbq. the finest assortment of blue vained cheeses left out to fill the air. most thais, not all, hate the sight and smell of cheese. get them back for all that som-tam boo blah they eat. fancy dress, either vicars and strippers or something along the lines of the rocky horror show. after all they already think that your a sex tourist and that you picked you wife up in pattaya. a great selection of eighties music on the sound system, maybe even "god save the queen" by the sex pistols.that should go down a treat! anythings got to be better than carabao. a piss bucket outside, for all the male guests to use. after all they would only be doing the same thing that you see as a regular occurance on the streets of thailand, when its male citizens fancy taking a leak. a live televised world cup game on a brand new plazma t.v. screen. you could sing songs about how <deleted> thailands national side is and the fact that they arent even taking part in this years world cup. why spoil their illusion of the fact that they think that all farangs have too much money and are a bunch of football hooligans anyway. maybe a couple of bouncers on the door, dressed as coppers. excepting an entrance fee/bribe of around 200 baht to get in.

i could go on, but i think you get the picture.

Edited May 28, 2010 by tigerfish

[Richb2004v2]

The wonders of Thailand.

The few Thai neighbors we talk to spout such utter bull**it and nonsense it is remarkable. They elaborate stories about one another and especially about any foreigners that move into the Soi. It's really not worth talking to them.

[Thongkorn]

Just have a Falang only party , loud music wife swapping and plenty of beer , that should do it

[BLUEEYEDTHAI]

The wonders of Thailand.

The few Thai neighbors we talk to spout such utter bull**it and nonsense it is remarkable. They elaborate stories about one another and especially about any foreigners that move into the Soi. It's really not worth talking to them.

99% of my neighbors are really wonderful people.We bring each other food and,party together.We go to the wat together etc. Am I just the odd falang out?

[moe666]

Sounds like you are lucky

[shadiadi]

Just curious what city or town are you in?

Sounds nice and friendly just like the place I had in Phuket lived there 3.5 years never knew any of my neighbours.

[haybilly]

Just curious what city or town are you in?

Sounds nice and friendly just like the place I had in Phuket lived there 3.5 years never knew any of my neighbours.

Ditto---where are you living??

I am in a part of C.Mai about 12 Km from city centre and, generally, get on fine with all the neighbours--to my face, that is; behind one's back--who knows?

[cpofc]

Well all I can say is that I must be one lucky farang. But then I believe, for the most part, you make your own luck. I am quite severely hung over as I write this, because I was out drinking with my neighbours last night. I only went to the shop to get a couple of bottles of beer to drink watching the football. I never made it home to watch the football, I got hijacked! I know what the dirty minds will be thinking, but NO I did not put my hand in my pocket all night, and I even finished up at the end of the night giving away the beer I had bought, before I unsteadily made my way home. Missed the football too!

Without knowing you, or your neighbours, it is difficult to draw any real conclusions. Neighbourhood disputes are common everywhere, in Australia, they will even shoot one another.

Lacking etiquette. Mmmmmmmmmmm. Could have a bit to do with it.

Might pay to brush up on your interpersonal skills before you move to your new location.

[barrybankruad]

The wonders of Thailand.

The few Thai neighbors we talk to spout such utter bull**it and nonsense it is remarkable. They elaborate stories about one another and especially about any foreigners that move into the Soi. It's really not worth talking to them.

99% of my neighbors are really wonderful people.We bring each other food and,party together.We go to the wat together etc. Am I just the odd falang out?

No you are NOT the odd man out. I get on very well with my neighbours, and so do all the farangs I know as well, as far as I know. Once had a dispute with a neighbour about her making charcoal and smoking out my house 24 hours a day, but that's illegal and was quickly sorted out.

[Tejas]

There are several things that are probably happening:

1) Xenophobia (this has increased dramatically in Thailand over the past ten years, largely due to the actions of a certain person who is now wanted for terrorism)

2) Perceived personal behavior (only you know what you may have actually done to provoke them...........maybe nothing..........maybe something more than you are stating)

3) Economic frustration (the entire global economy is in a tailspin........Thailand's situation is worse than many others.......this is causing massive levels of frustration.......people look for scapegoats..........IT IS THE FARANGS!)

4) You may be living in a Red zone.........many hate farangs.........and you may have given them the impression you do not like the Reds.

All I can say is that we are living in "new Thailand." I prefer the "old Thailand."

[tartempion]

Yep, something similar happened to my wife when we lived near Chumpon, she's from Isaan and was not "liked" down South.

One day she had words with a ''lady" neighbour and her husband came to run after her with a knife: "I will kill you" he shouted dramatically, whilst his family was withholding him.

I'll spare you the details what happened the next 48h, but we moved out after 48hrs

We don't have any problems with neighbours now, but then she is "home"

[SomTumTiger]

I am sure this is an important story - but the large spaces between paragraphs make reading continuity difficult, and my eyes are tired - Good Luck

[Heng]

Sounds like you're the unhappy one, OP.

It seems your neighbors are one big happy family.

[Mosha]

Maybe being in the sticks is different, but we get on well with our neighbours. Having said that we aren't closeby to them, but we get plenty of invites to various parties. Weddings, house warmings, etc. We throw a party at Christmas/Newyear which everyone enjoys. I don't have a lot of Thai, but we have a laugh at trying to make ourselves understood. Maybe it's down to attitude?

[soundman]

Maybe bashing the top of the neighbour's car in had something to do with it?

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Local-Disput...ng-t369877.html

[sarahsbloke]

Thais seem to dislike everyone ..... but mostly each other, they don't appear to have lasting friendships.

(Yes a wild generalisation, all I can say is from what I have seen)

I pretty much keep to myself and let them make up any stories they like.

My two nearest neighbours are white males with ex-bar girl Issan ladies, the lades are clearly former sex workers, the men claim different.

The ladies lie all the time about everything, whenever I listen to them, it is to listen to a lie.

The American guys wife is having an affair (or Thai husband), she goes outside to take phone calls from the lover .... doesn't think I can understand.

(she also beats her 2 year old son with a stick in the garden, <deleted> is wrong with these people)

My wife refuses to speak to the other women (for some reason)

Last year I lived way out in the wilds, only 2 other houses within earshot (100 percent Thai).

1 house had loud karaoke playing all night on a regular basis.

1 house the guy would beat the living daylights out of his wife/gf, she would scream for hours as if being tortured to death.

(I did suggest to my gf that she call the police ...... "not my father mother" was the reply ... or in English "not my business")

I always find my best neighbours to be those who totally ignore me.

Don't move, the next place will be just the same.

Don't worry about police reports, Thais love to make police complaints, the police write it down and file it.

Edited May 29, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[robblok]

I have absolutely no problems with my neighbours and they dont have problems iwth me. I must be lucky, i do expect some parking troubles later when we get a new car. But nothing major, there are idots everywhere farang and thai.

[sanook2me]

Wow, this is shocking. Move out fast, because these feckers are not going to stop now.

Now I'm wondering what my neigbours are thinking of us! Only one of em talks to us, and the rest are rude feckers when it comes to leaving there <deleted> including cars in the middle of the soi.

I really feel like a pakkie sometimes, I come from Slough so know how they are treated!

That's it! We are packies! Get used to it. Fark, <deleted>, what a life!!!!!

best quote ever

I really feel like a pakkie sometimes, I come from Slough so know how they are treated!

Just spat me leo out...

[YaiJung]

What a nightmare...don't know what to say other than I can relate to the OP and especially to sarahsbloke. I have found that living in foreign owned and managed apartment complexes to be the only way I can have a somewhat peaceful life in Thailand. It's a shame really, as I'd love to live in a nice little house with a yard etc. Don't think it's gonna happen in Thailand though.

One time I was describing some local neighbor drama to my folks back home and their reaction was, "jeez...sounds like u are living in a ghetto". That was kind of a wake up call to me. It was indeed like living in some ghetto or maybe a trailer park in Appalachia...and I was living in a highish(for thailand) rent townhouse in Phuket.

I cringe when I think about living in some mooban with dozens of petty-minded locals. Face it, if you are a foreigner living with a Thai woman u will become the scapegoat for a certain percentage of the population. It will happen everywhere you go, but they can be just as nasty to one another so don't let it get you down too much. If you must live in Thailand try to minimize your exposure to such BS. Start by moving out of the mooban and stay as far away from these places as possible. Maybe try an upper floor in a condo building that already has lots of foreigners.

[sarahsbloke]

What a nightmare...don't know what to say other than I can relate to the OP and especially to sarahsbloke. I have found that living in foreign owned and managed apartment complexes to be the only way I can have a somewhat peaceful life in Thailand. It's a shame really, as I'd love to live in a nice little house with a yard etc. Don't think it's gonna happen in Thailand though.

You are right, this has never happened to me when living in a condo, always in a house.

[Theyreallrubbish]

Everyone seems to think this is due to anti-foreigner feelings.

I'm not so sure.

In my neighborhood I'm the only foreigner and I don't talk to the neighbors much, but when I do they're all happy to tell me stories about all the other people that are similar to the stories they've told the police about you.

Basically just petty bitching and gossiping and when the guy with the car gave them an opportunity to say it anonymously, oh my how they must have loved the ability to gossip to a policeman who would write it down!

[doggie888888]

I think there are many responses here where farangs get along well enough with their Thai neighbours, as is my own experience. Perhaps this case with the OP is one of personality differences with each side refusing to compromise. In any neighbourhood, there is usually the "village witch"...I am not suggesting the OP is one, but why do some posters like to turn a case of a common neighbourhood spat into a "foreigner vs Thai" issue?