Pedophilia In The News……Again

[Tonto21]

When these pedophile incidents are brought to the front regardless of whether the alleged perpetrator is innocent or guilty of any wrong doing and understanding the pain of the families and people directly involved having to deal with it.

The ripples from even unproved allegations travel a long way; I have an 11 year old stepson (He is Thai, tall and very skinny for his age) with learning difficulties, mental age of 6 years old, although you wouldn’t always see it in his actions. When we are going out into Chiangmai, or anywhere there are crowds of people, he will cling to me for all he’s worth. I am, on some occasions aware of stares from Westerners, (and not the good stares) never seem to get any from Thais! This is only made worse when we are in a café or restaurant and my wife pops to a shop and go’s AWOL sometimes for up to an hour. The little monkey never wants to go with his Mum, only ever wants to stay with his Dad. His Mum honestly can’t see what my problem is. Anyone who feels like replying that I should just ignore them…….. Easier said than done!

My questions are this; should I care what people think? Would it bother you to be stared at, and be possibly thought of as a pedophile? Should I deny my adopted son the love and attention he seeks, all to save my possible over sensitivity on my part? Am I alone in (a small way) feeling a victim of these crimes?

[

[kopite]

i am never bothered by the stares i get, i do notice them however. if i hear a comment, which has only happened once regarding the children, then i let rip.

its the same when i hear a "comment" regarding myself and my wife, i dont mind people looking, but if you want to comment, then be sure not to let me hear you.

western women tend to be the culprits most of time in my experiences.

[Jingthing]

It definitely impacts me as a gay man. I won't even talk to males who appear under 18. In some ways it was worse in the US. I didn't even think of it so much but it hit home when I was in a department store with another gay male friend and witnessed a young boy run like mad towards the exit of the store (his parent was nowhere to be seen). My impulse was to run after the kid to make sure he could be reunited with his parent but knowing the hysteria over this issue, I couldn't do that. Instead had to report to the staff and by that time the kid had really traveled far.

In many ways this is a loss for societies. I remember as a kid teachers felt free to touch students in encouragement, a pat on the back, etc. but these days they can't even do that.

Edited June 18, 2010 by Jingthing

[sarahsbloke]

I take my step-daughter (age 12) to the swimming pool every week, she loves to hang on to me while I tow her around the pool.

Sometimes she tows me around, I never noticed a problem, but then I don't generally hang out in places where there are western women tourists.

I'm guessing it's western women with the problem.

[Tonto21]

i am never bothered by the stares i get, i do notice them however. if i hear a comment, which has only happened once regarding the children, then i let rip.

its the same when i hear a "comment" regarding myself and my wife, i dont mind people looking, but if you want to comment, then be sure not to let me hear you.

western women tend to be the culprits most of time in my experiences.

I'd aggree about the majority of the stare coming from western women, not all, but most, why I don’t know; Juicy story, gossip maybe strong maternal instincts on overdrive? Who knows? The thing about all this is that I’m not some delicate flower with self confidence issues, and very little gets under my skin. But this dose.

[WarpSpeed]

I thought once I had my own children I wouldn't have such concerns as I did when I was single for so many years fitting all of the media labeled stereotypes put out about being older, single, etc..

That was back home, now sadly I have the opposite concerns here in LOS. I don't let it hamper my relationship with my boys though as we are very openly close and anyone who sees that as anything else has their own problems to deal with so are just ignored..Can't say that I have experienced anything but looks of admiration and appreciation for taking my boys and spending time without Mom most times though..

[WarpSpeed]

i am never bothered by the stares i get, i do notice them however. if i hear a comment, which has only happened once regarding the children, then i let rip.

its the same when i hear a "comment" regarding myself and my wife, i dont mind people looking, but if you want to comment, then be sure not to let me hear you.

western women tend to be the culprits most of time in my experiences.

Juicy story, gossip maybe strong maternal instincts on overdrive?

More like media activated, hyperactive PC gene..

Tonto just thinking as I just noticed but maybe your AV has a bit to do with it eh?

Edited June 18, 2010 by WarpSpeed

[TAWP]

Some 'protect the children'-groups in Europe has launched major 'inform us if you see pedos on your vacation'-drives, with pics of a man in the 50ies holding the hand of a kid around 7...and I just know that there are literary thousands of men just like that here, that are NOT pedos and they are just walking their own or adopted kids.

But the scare-campaign in the west is going strong, often hand in hand with and moral and social fascist agenda on different topics.

[Patsycat]

I must admit, the first time I went to Thailand I was shocked to see the older men with much younger women. It just seemed so much in my face, a culture shock. Also, the western press doesn't help much in its description of what goes on "over there". But after a week or so, I didn't notice it as much. I was too busy getting a tan and people watching through my fake ray bans. Each to their own, all consenting adults etc. Some were amusing though!!

It never crossed my mind that a man walking with a child had any nasty thoughts going on his head. Maybe I blocked it out, or I just wasn't in areas where that sort of thing is prevalant.

And I am guilty too, and I know it's wrong - but I fell in love with the little kids selling roses. I must have spent a fortune!!! And i had my photo taken with a monkey (and no it did not bite me). But drew the line at the chameleon... Oh, and I got a kiss from a nellyfant...

But I do feel for you normal family men. It must be awful to be put in the perv box whenever you want to have a fun family day out. Just ignore them, if they choose to go to Thailand on holiday and then spend the whole time looking down their noses at others - they should stay at home and twitch the net curtains...

[Slip]

It could be worse. Imagine how non-pedo Catholic priests feel these days.

I'm sure they're both getting on reasonably well, all things considered.

[yabaaaa]

I love playing with kids, usually stick my tongue out to them or go cross eyed at them when they are out with their parents.

Am I a pervert? well I dont care what you think and until recently i was a single man aged 43.............now I MUST be a pervert!!

The "Western World's" gone mad in many respects.

[WarpSpeed]

Some 'protect the children'-groups in Europe has launched major 'inform us if you see pedos on your vacation'-drives, with pics of a man in the 50ies holding the hand of a kid around 7...and I just know that there are literary thousands of men just like that here, that are NOT pedos and they are just walking their own or adopted kids.

But the scare-campaign in the west is going strong, often hand in hand with and moral and social fascist agenda on different topics.

Guilty!! Have a 5 and 6 year old..

[kevozman1]

Harsh posts here. I do not think anybody would view a mature

man with a child in a public area as anything to do with pedophilia.

Maybe I am wrong but I would never think anything sick like that.

The thing that will get a look is western men in their 50's and 60's

dating women in their 20's. It is a little strange guys come on but

I think most people will not think about it too much as we mostly

concern ourselves with what we are doing not others.

[kevozman1]

()

Edited June 18, 2010 by kevozman1

[Tonto21]

I love playing with kids, usually stick my tongue out to them or go cross eyed at them when they are out with their parents.

Am I a pervert? well I dont care what you think and until recently i was a single man aged 43.............now I MUST be a pervert!!

The "Western World's" gone mad in many respects.

Yes, I agree with you, (not the bit about you being a perv, ha ha) The West I feel has in an effort to keep kids safe, yet again “thrown the baby out with the bath water” we in the western world isolate our kids to one degree or another from, mainly the elderly and villainies anyone who stops and watches kids that are not yours playing, God forbid you should try and say anything or smile at a child. The western world is defiantly the poorer for this way of dealing with the problem. Of course we have to protect all children from these pervs! It starts with the parents teaching how to stay safe, basically doing their job and being a parent!

Is this problem as big in Thailand as we keep getting told it is?? I don’t know, Or is it just a money spinner for the media.

[elkangorito]

Since you mention 'my problem' (your problem), I will address this. Of course, this is my opinion.

You have definitely highlighted how 'you feel' about this. It's obvious the other person involved does not concentrate too much upon what others think, even though the other person is handicapped.

Therefore, it is all about YOU & your thoughts. This is your problem...nothing else.

If you are willing to allow the feelings of others to control you, you will therefore be under their control. Is this what you want? You know the truth & that is all that is important.

In actual fact, your topic has little to do with paedophilia & much more to do with guilt, ego & fear, & how destructive they are.

EDIT: BTW, one human cannot 'own' another human...but I understand what you are trying to say.

Edited June 18, 2010 by elkangorito

[IMA_FARANG]

As you say it's one of the reasons that when I'm in Thailand with my Thai family that I don't go out of my way to be friendly with other farangs. Perhaps that's a bit harsh, but it is a fact. My Thai G/F is 60 years old now, so no one will acuse me of being a "dirty old man" with a younger Thai girlfriend anymore. (She still could pass for 45 however even at age 60). Her youngest son is 27 now, and she has a grand daughter who is 13...so if someone wanted to make assumptions and saw me with the grand daughter...well they could make stupid assumptions I guess. (I'm 64 and overwieght so they could if they were so inclined to do it)

Anyhow long ago I learned this:

Never explain yourself. Your friends don't need it, and your enimies won't believe it anyhow.

So I never do.

Edited June 18, 2010 by IMA_FARANG

[greytown]

I'd aggree about the majority of the stare coming from western women, not all, but most, why I don't know; Juicy story, gossip maybe strong maternal instincts on overdrive? Who knows? The thing about all this is that I'm not some delicate flower with self confidence issues, and very little gets under my skin. But this dose.

I don't see how anyone could be happy to be presumed a pedo so certainly it is more than understandable to be offended by such assumptions.

[greytown]

The western world is defiantly the poorer for this way of dealing with the problem. Of course we have to protect all children from these pervs! It starts with the parents teaching how to stay safe, basically doing their job and being a parent!

Is this problem as big in Thailand as we keep getting told it is?? I don't know, Or is it just a money spinner for the media.

I believe the RELENTLESS global campaign of pedo related coverage in the media is one of fear mongering for the purpose of furthering an agenda of taking greater control of peoples lives, through fear. Hysteria over terrorism serves to further the same agenda.

[greytown]

i am never bothered by the stares i get, i do notice them however. if i hear a comment, which has only happened once regarding the children, then i let rip.

its the same when i hear a "comment" regarding myself and my wife, i dont mind people looking, but if you want to comment, then be sure not to let me hear you.

western women tend to be the culprits most of time in my experiences.

If I was a father and I got those kinds of stares I'm not sure if I wouldn't feel compelled to confront those who so wrongly misjudged me and maybe ask if they have a problem with a man walking in the street with his child. Perhaps that might help those brainwashed idiots to think a little before making disgusting assumptions...

Edited June 18, 2010 by greytown

[greytown]

edit

Edited June 18, 2010 by greytown

[IanForbes]

This is not the topic I expected and it's a very good one. Thank you for bringing it up, Tonto21. I really feel your hurt and I sympathize with you. It is tough being misjudged by over reacting people with good intentions but no understanding. I like kids and they like me, but I have to be very careful in my time with them. I try never to be alone with children for no other reason than what other people might think. I believe that Thailand gets painted with a misconception that it is a country for paedophiles just because things are more open here. The same slimey stuff happens in other countries but it is kept hidden... like the Catholic priests who preyed on children until they were finally found out. Now, the whole Catholic church is paying the price for what happened by a few.

[Spee]

I get some odds looks now and then, from Thai and non-Thai alike, when I am out alone with my partner's daughter, who is now a very cute and adorable twelve. It seems to happen the most when we are out shopping for clothes. But the looks all change completely in character when the people see her smile at me and call me "Papa."

PS.

Some of the stuff in the states is completely over the top and over-reacting. But it happens because the stuff is still out there. One of my parents' close friends for many years was one of their parish priests. Time went by and eventually it came out that he was on the lam from another state for this sort of thing.

Edited June 19, 2010 by Spee

[robblok]

I have had those looks with the daughters of my ex wife. Soon one of them will visit me again and we will do some fun things she is now 13 and the other is 20. I had had some stares and a few remarks but when they start talking Dutch and call me pappa Rob then those remarks are quickly retracted. Anyway i don't care i know im not doing anything bad. I am looking forward to seeing them they live in Holland and i live here. But i still contact them because i raised them for 4 years.

[t.s]

No it does not affect my interaction with my child. why should it? i am doing nothing wrong. quite the opposite in fact?

i cannot even speculate why doing something as natural as being a father to my own child would cause me discomfort or to have misgivings of any sort.

[billd766]

I had a lot of stares and comments that I couldn't quite hear years ago when I was walking down Sukhumvit road in BKK near Washington Square with my friends daughter.

I was about 50 and she was 4 I think, and I was holding her hand and speaking English and she was chattering away in Thai.

I know the people were farangs but I have no idea if it was a woman or man talking about us.

I just assumed that they were pig ignorant as they had no possible idea of the relationship between the two of us.

Now she is grown up and has a daughter of her own who also calls me Dada and is just coming up for 3 years old.

I get similar looks now and again when I am out with my 6 year old son and to be honest my tongue hurts as I am tempted to ask them very loudly if THEY have a problem and embarrass them.

Funnily enough Thais don't seem to say anything.

[Moonrakers]

I really don't think that many people would think like that.

If it did become evident that people were staring at my daughter and I with those thought's in their mind then they wouldn't be staring for long, it will be difficult for them to do so even after I have removed my fingers from their eyes.

[steelepulse]

Thailand is a great society for interacting with children. If you act and behave appropriately, then you should never see any disapproving looks, nor should you deserve them.

[IanForbes]

Thailand is a great society for interacting with children. If you act and behave appropriately, then you should never see any disapproving looks, nor should you deserve them.

Yes, the Thai people are fine. It is the European and North American tourists that have preconceived notions of what goes on in Thailand. Those are the people that believe that every farang male with children or young women is autmatically having sex with them.

There was a time in one of the Pattaya shopping areas that I frequented, that children of the shop keepers were always running around. By North American standards that would be a dangerous situation, and a potential for a pedopile to grab a child. However, I learned something about the relatively "free" Thai society. There was always someone watching from somewhere... even if you didn't notice them.

A few of the kids approached me when I was eating and I would make funny faces at them and they would laugh. I took photos of the friendlier kids and later brought the prints back to the same cafe. All I had to do was ask which kid belonged to which shop and I was instantly taken to the parents of the kids. The parents always appreciated the photos because they work on such a small profit margin that there is no left over for frivolities such as pictures of the children. As it turned out, I got better deals from some of the shop keepers when I wanted to buy shirts or jeans. 14 years later, the owners of the cafe, and a few of the shop owners, still call me by name, and some of the kids I played with are now young adults.

[Tonto21]

Thailand is a great society for interacting with children. If you act and behave appropriately, then you should never see any disapproving looks, nor should you deserve them.

Yes, the Thai people are fine. It is the European and North American tourists that have preconceived notions of what goes on in Thailand. Those are the people that believe that every farang male with children or young women is autmatically having sex with them.

There was a time in one of the Pattaya shopping areas that I frequented, that children of the shop keepers were always running around. By North American standards that would be a dangerous situation, and a potential for a pedopile to grab a child. However, I learned something about the relatively "free" Thai society. There was always someone watching from somewhere... even if you didn't notice them.

A few of the kids approached me when I was eating and I would make funny faces at them and they would laugh. I took photos of the friendlier kids and later brought the prints back to the same cafe. All I had to do was ask which kid belonged to which shop and I was instantly taken to the parents of the kids. The parents always appreciated the photos because they work on such a small profit margin that there is no left over for frivolities such as pictures of the children. As it turned out, I got better deals from some of the shop keepers when I wanted to buy shirts or jeans. 14 years later, the owners of the cafe, and a few of the shop owners, still call me by name, and some of the kids I played with are now young adults.

Hi Ian, Nice story..........Cool.