Little Drama Exploded Today... Need Advice

[spolsky]

Every time we have a serious argument she resorts to make divorce threats. It's like the 10th time... no kidding. Each time I had to somehow take part of the blame even If imho I had done nothing wrong. It takes me like a couple of hours of trying to calm her down and what not. I just don't know if I want to do it this time... I'm tired of this immature bullshit.

It's common practice out here, means nothing, apart from they are annoyed with you.

You are doing something wrong, by causing confrontation, you make her lose face.

Example of correct way to do things.

She: my brother needs laptop

You: OK, I will buy one for him

She: (1 month later): When you buy the laptop

You: Soon (as in never but I'm not going to tell you that)

Get the idea, agree with everything (never say NO), but only ever get round to doing what you want. This is the Thai way.

That's a very interesting take on it all... thanks

[spolsky]

Threats of Divorce should be taken with a large dose of salt,call her bluff!

I did once... Ended up driving to the Amphur office and I turned around while I was in the parking lot. Went back home and spent half of the day trying to reason with her that "we" were overacting to the events.

[spud1]

If you hadn't already stated that your wife has threatened you with divorce on other occasions I,d have said that 9/10 times when they make their minds up reasoning doesn't enter the equation.You can't help

those that don't want helping.

[MAJIC]

Threats of Divorce should be taken with a large dose of salt,call her bluff!

I did once... Ended up driving to the Amphur office and I turned around while I was in the parking lot. Went back home and spent half of the day trying to reason with her that "we" were overacting to the events.

It seems She knows you too well.

[sarahsbloke]

Threats of Divorce should be taken with a large dose of salt,call her bluff!

I did once... Ended up driving to the Amphur office and I turned around while I was in the parking lot. Went back home and spent half of the day trying to reason with her that "we" were overacting to the events.

Majic is right, you need to lighten up.

She knows she can be replaced in 10 minutes, you need to know that as well. BUT again driving to the Amphur office was forcing conrontation and you need to learn how to avoid that.

She: I want divorce

You: OK

She: We go Amphur office now

You: Yes, just got to finish this ...... sorry office closesd now, we go tomorrow (but tomorrow never comes)

Edited September 14, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[PattayaParent]

Sack her from your company and hire someone else.

[canuckamuck]

Sell the laptop and never speak of it again.

[bkkexplorer]

Doesn't sound like you got children in the equation. Much easier to break ties that way. Take this as a lesson and move on.

[Kilgore Trout]

Pretty dam_n rude of the OP forcing an unwanted monthly bill onto the poor old mom.

Oh, so in addition to buying a new computer he should have to foot the internet bill forever???

[welsh1]

Sack her from your company and hire someone else.

sounds a good idea..but if he does not go through with a divorce may i suggest the OP sleeps with one eye open for the foreseeable future

[dave111223]

Seems like a pretty weird setup you've got going on over there? "You" own a company and your wife works for your company on a salary??

I wonder what would happen if i suggested that my wife start taking a 10,000 baht salary from our business and i keep all the profits (to spend as i see fit).... i can imagine the scene that would follow may involve a frying pan and my head.

[canuckamuck]

Seems like a pretty weird setup you've got going on over there? "You" own a company and your wife works for your company on a salary??

I wonder what would happen if i suggested that my wife start taking a 10,000 baht salary from our business and i keep all the profits (to spend as i see fit).... i can imagine the scene that would follow may involve a frying pan and my head.

I like the OP's setup better than the one you indicate

[dave111223]

Seems like a pretty weird setup you've got going on over there? "You" own a company and your wife works for your company on a salary??

I wonder what would happen if i suggested that my wife start taking a 10,000 baht salary from our business and i keep all the profits (to spend as i see fit).... i can imagine the scene that would follow may involve a frying pan and my head.

I like the OP's setup better than the one you indicate

Yes so would I

[spolsky]

Seems like a pretty weird setup you've got going on over there? "You" own a company and your wife works for your company on a salary??

I wonder what would happen if i suggested that my wife start taking a 10,000 baht salary from our business and i keep all the profits (to spend as i see fit).... i can imagine the scene that would follow may involve a frying pan and my head.

I don't run a shop, but a business - it's different. I'm trying to imagine raising a few million dollars with VC and being asked why my wife who has no skills or is not a founder has equity. Or trying to explain to my co founders who've invested large sums of money why my wife has free equity. I don't know any business ran that way.

Edited September 14, 2010 by spolsky

[nocturn]

Golly, that's quite the little conundrum you have there especially coming to us with 2 posts to your name and all.

My wife and friends knows my handle here. Just trying to keep some privacy using this account... :/

Well you wouldnt be the only member here using two accounts (or more) but you do realise that its against the forum rules:-

26) Not to create multiple accounts. Any member found to have more than one account on the ThaiVisa Forum will be suspended. Suspended or banned members found creating additional accounts will be banned immediately.

anyway kudos to you for being honest, unlike others

anything in those rules about wannabe moderators?

[nocturn]

Threats of Divorce should be taken with a large dose of salt,call her bluff!

I did once... Ended up driving to the Amphur office and I turned around while I was in the parking lot. Went back home and spent half of the day trying to reason with her that "we" were overacting to the events.

sounds like you should just lose her. if it has gone that far it aint getting better.

[sarahsbloke]

Look on the bright side,

At least you aren't giving her 100k a month to be your wife and bought her a 15Mbht house (like in the other thread)

[welsh1]

Threats of Divorce should be taken with a large dose of salt,call her bluff!

I did once... Ended up driving to the Amphur office and I turned around while I was in the parking lot. Went back home and spent half of the day trying to reason with her that "we" were overacting to the events.

It seems She knows you too well.

Absolutely.

I know farangs in the same boat and just cannot see it, shame really but they just sit back and hope for the best, WHICH will not happen.

see the same things also....its all about growing your self a pare of balls and cutting your losses..which seems to be lacking with a lot of farangs in the LOS

[BngkkB]

I feel for your frustration, but maybe you should look at it another way? You asked for her Mother to get a internet connection set up in the house? Maybe Mother has absolutly no clue to what she is suppose to do? Maybe Mother has no computer experience at all and has no idea what any of the terms mean, DSL, Download Speed? So if Mother has no clue on what to do even though she agreed to do it as it is easier to say "Yes I will" then it is to say "Please explain to me step by step on what and how to do this?"

So when your wife ask her Mother why she has not done it, Mother give excuses. Your wife is protecting her Mother by relaying the messeges instead of confronting her. So your wife would rather argue with you than admit her Mother hasn't a clue?

Just a thought.

[ttthailand]

My advise for what it is worth ( not the best at handling my own relationships)...If you love her try to work it out again. It is very difficult when you loose someone you care for deeply. Having the " I want to leave you" come up ever time you fight is however not good. You really need to fix this..don't know how it is done but it has to be fixed. She will have no faith in the relationship nor will you...it can not last this way. Maybe just never say yourself and if she speaks just tell her you love her and walk quietly away. If you don't love her with all your heart finish it and find someone who will take care of you and love you deeply. Not easy to find but she is out there if you take your time looking. Just keep in mind that you maybe the problem not her.

[gburns57au]

Golly, that's quite the little conundrum you have there especially coming to us with 2 posts to your name and all.

My wife and friends knows my handle here. Just trying to keep some privacy using this account... :/

Well you wouldnt be the only member here using two accounts (or more) but you do realise that its against the forum rules:-

26) Not to create multiple accounts. Any member found to have more than one account on the ThaiVisa Forum will be suspended. Suspended or banned members found creating additional accounts will be banned immediately.

anyway kudos to you for being honest, unlike others

Especially an account set up in April to protect privacy today

[flowerman134]

why not date an educated thai woman who makes 100k+/month like I do?

Edited September 14, 2010 by flowerman134

[scorecard]

Don't discount that your wife may agree with you but her mother is the problem.

Family loyalty is big in Thailand as it is in many societies.

Maybe mother thinks your a cheapskate for not paying (in her eyes)just 590Baht a month for the internet service. Does mother-in-law really understand your financial situation?

Don't forget 99% of Thais believe that all farang are rich.

Above all else do you want to risk:

- Losing your wife just because of 590Baht a month?

- Deny the youngster some IT knowledge just because of 590Baht a month?

[neverdie]

Golly, that's quite the little conundrum you have there especially coming to us with 2 posts to your name and all.

My wife and friends knows my handle here. Just trying to keep some privacy using this account... :/

Well you wouldnt be the only member here using two accounts (or more) but you do realise that its against the forum rules:-

26) Not to create multiple accounts. Any member found to have more than one account on the ThaiVisa Forum will be suspended. Suspended or banned members found creating additional accounts will be banned immediately.

anyway kudos to you for being honest, unlike others

Especially an account set up in April to protect privacy today

Amazing, isnt it.

[scorecard]

Reason with her...I'd be opening the door for such a Harpy!

"harpy" that's a big assumption your making from the OP's post!

Edited September 14, 2010 by scorecard

[spolsky]

I feel for your frustration, but maybe you should look at it another way? You asked for her Mother to get a internet connection set up in the house? Maybe Mother has absolutly no clue to what she is suppose to do? Maybe Mother has no computer experience at all and has no idea what any of the terms mean, DSL, Download Speed? So if Mother has no clue on what to do even though she agreed to do it as it is easier to say "Yes I will" then it is to say "Please explain to me step by step on what and how to do this?"

So when your wife ask her Mother why she has not done it, Mother give excuses. Your wife is protecting her Mother by relaying the messeges instead of confronting her. So your wife would rather argue with you than admit her Mother hasn't a clue?

Just a thought.

This is exactly what happened the first week. Then my wife and I took charge of explaining things in details and getting the TOT guys to her house because they had to check the distance to the exchange. Anyways, they came to her house and did the evaluation and they said they could get it installed. Now is the time where she has to get to the TOT office to sign the contract... and she's been delaying this for a good 6-7 weeks.

My guess is that she doesn't want to pay for it. Then it falls on my wife to pay for it and she probably doesn't want to. They're trying to avoid discussing about it and just want the computer and hope that I would just forget about the Internet. It's silly because I especially picked a laptop with a integrated webcam so I could do video Skype call with his brother and help him out with the screen sharing to install apps and show him cool stuff on the computer (they live 5 hours away).

For me it was important to see them also make an effort to help my young brother-in-law. My idea was to "responsibize" (how can I be so naive) the mom into doing something good for her kid instead of spending the money on her own self. Without going into too much details, let's just say that there's a lot of negligence going on and I feel bad for the kid.

[neverdie]

why not date an educated thai woman who makes 100k+/month like I do?

thats the idea, send her out to work and you can spend more time in the garden with the flowers & improving neighbourly relations.

Edited September 14, 2010 by neverdie

[Werfer]

Hey OP,

You did not withhold money from her early in the relationship to see if she was for real?

Tell them you are poor from the out set do not flash cash and when they ask initially never give cash.

If they are still around then good to go.

[BillR]

problem with telling people you're poor in thailand, is nobody ever believes you, even if its true.

[barsie]

Does she not realise no marriage = no job?

Ditch her if you have had 10 such arguments it's not worth waiting for 10 more before you crack.