Never Wai A Waitress

[ChiangMaiFun]

wai oh wai?

[Xangsamhua]

A slight twist on advice to a new recruit:

"If it moves, wai it. If it doesn't, paint it."

[Nawtier]

The OP is very broad and not correct.

I have seen many well off Thais wai wait staff in return, never first, but many times by return.

So, do what is said in another thread...if it feels right...do it....

I never return a wai in a restaurant or such...I will nod my head and say thanks though.....unless it is the owner or such.

[domprz]

A long time ago I asked my Tai Chi master what is meant by the posture of the wai. They don't call it a wai but the gesture, and I believe, the message is the same.

His answer: "I respect myself [only] as much as I respect you."

It can be used in any circumstance where you feel that to be true.

The response is a reciprocation [of the sincerity] of the gesture.

He considered it an exercise in humility - to look for enlightenment in circumstances, and from people, where it is unexpected.

I find a wai particularly well received in response to any enlightenment/explanation, regardless of whether it is from a bar-girl or an elder.

Edited October 20, 2010 by domprz

[tombkk]

A long time ago I asked my Tai Chi master what is meant by the posture of the wai. They don't call it a wai but the gesture, and I believe, the message is the same.

His answer: "I respect myself [only] as much as I respect you."

It can be used in any circumstance where you feel that to be true.

The response is a reciprocation [of the sincerity] of the gesture.

He considered it an exercise in humility - to look for enlightenment in circumstances, and from people, where it is unexpected.

I find a wai particularly well received in response to any enlightenment/explanation, regardless of whether it is from a bar-girl or an elder.

Thank you. I mentioned earlier that it is a mirror, but your explanation is clearer: "I respect myself [only] as much as I respect you." I like that way of seeing it, and will remember this.

[kropotkin]

Recently i went with my thai wife to a doctor.

The doctor waied ME, but he did not wai my wife - she being the patient that pays him...... - that supports his hiso lifestyle.

My wife was very upset.

Any comments?

Before in this tread i said: i am farang, i hug, i shake hands, i kiss - why would i wai anyone?

The answer came swiftly....."because you are in thailand".......

OK - so we expect thai people to hug and kiss when they are in europe?

[domprz]

Recently i went with my thai wife to a doctor.

The doctor waied ME, but he did not wai my wife - she being the patient that pays him...... - that supports his hiso lifestyle.

My wife was very upset.

Any comments?

Before in this tread i said: i am farang, i hug, i shake hands, i kiss - why would i wai anyone?

The answer came swiftly....."because you are in thailand".......

OK - so we expect thai people to hug and kiss when they are in europe?

They hug and kiss here too.

[kropotkin]

Recently i went with my thai wife to a doctor.

The doctor waied ME, but he did not wai my wife - she being the patient that pays him...... - that supports his hiso lifestyle.

My wife was very upset.

Any comments?

Before in this tread i said: i am farang, i hug, i shake hands, i kiss - why would i wai anyone?

The answer came swiftly....."because you are in thailand".......

OK - so we expect thai people to hug and kiss when they are in europe?

They hug and kiss here too.

You are in a bar ?

555 - you asked for that answer!!!!

[domprz]

Recently i went with my thai wife to a doctor.

The doctor waied ME, but he did not wai my wife - she being the patient that pays him...... - that supports his hiso lifestyle.

My wife was very upset.

Any comments?

Before in this tread i said: i am farang, i hug, i shake hands, i kiss - why would i wai anyone?

The answer came swiftly....."because you are in thailand".......

OK - so we expect thai people to hug and kiss when they are in europe?

They hug and kiss here too.

You are in a bar ?

555 - you asked for that answer!!!!

To me the Thai Wai is a more civilised social greeting. Why should we grope at each other when greeting. Hugging and kissing is for lovers, wives and children... or for men who want a trial grope of their friend's wife. Perhaps that's why so many of us falangs seem to have grown up with warped social/sexual attitudes. I think the Thais have much to teach us.

[kropotkin]

Recently i went with my thai wife to a doctor.

The doctor waied ME, but he did not wai my wife - she being the patient that pays him...... - that supports his hiso lifestyle.

My wife was very upset.

Any comments?

Before in this tread i said: i am farang, i hug, i shake hands, i kiss - why would i wai anyone?

The answer came swiftly....."because you are in thailand".......

OK - so we expect thai people to hug and kiss when they are in europe?

They hug and kiss here too.

You are in a bar ?

555 - you asked for that answer!!!!

To me the Thai Wai is a more civilised social greeting. Why should we grope at each other when greeting. Hugging and kissing is for lovers, wives and children... or for men who want a trial grope of their friend's wife. Perhaps that's why so many of us falangs seem to have grown up with warped social/sexual attitudes. I think the Thais have much to teach us.

To me, the Thai Wai is a sign of submission - to me submission is bad, wether genuine or faked.

But do reply to my observation please: The hiso prick waied ME, but not his thai customer. Or do i read too much into this (but so did my thai wife)?

And hey, i am not being agressive, i realy want to know your opinion, i realy want to learn.

Honest!

[domprz]

To me, the Thai Wai is a sign of submission - to me submission is bad, wether genuine or faked.

But do reply to my observation please: The hiso prick waied ME, but not his thai customer. Or do i read too much into this (but so did my thai wife)?

And hey, i am not being agressive, i realy want to know your opinion, i realy want to learn.

Honest!

I'm no expert, but my guess is that he reckoned you were the one with the money, that he showed more respect for money than for his patient. He will probably prescribe something that she doesn't need, but that will make himself some more money. I would get another doctor.

[kropotkin]

To me, the Thai Wai is a sign of submission - to me submission is bad, wether genuine or faked.

But do reply to my observation please: The hiso prick waied ME, but not his thai customer. Or do i read too much into this (but so did my thai wife)?

And hey, i am not being agressive, i realy want to know your opinion, i realy want to learn.

Honest!

I'm no expert, but my guess is that he reckoned you were the one with the money, that he showed more respect for money than for his patient. He will probably prescribe something that she doesn't need, but that will make himself some more money. I would get another doctor.

So you agree with my opinion, that waiing is a sign of submission - to money, authority - genuine or faked.

And yes you are right about the subscription.......he subscribed calcium - AND SOLD IT - even Boot's are cheaper!!!!!!!!

Doctors selling medicin they prescribe - yes, this IS the far west.

And yes you are right again about getting another doctor - we will - in 6 months, when we go to Europe, and see a REAL doctor. Not a red or yellow hiso.

But i will miss the cheap lobsters..........

[domprz]

To me, the Thai Wai is a sign of submission - to me submission is bad, wether genuine or faked.

But do reply to my observation please: The hiso prick waied ME, but not his thai customer. Or do i read too much into this (but so did my thai wife)?

And hey, i am not being agressive, i realy want to know your opinion, i realy want to learn.

Honest!

I'm no expert, but my guess is that he reckoned you were the one with the money, that he showed more respect for money than for his patient. He will probably prescribe something that she doesn't need, but that will make himself some more money. I would get another doctor.

So you agree with my opinion, that waiing is a sign of submission - to money, authority - genuine or faked.

And yes you are right about the subscription.......he subscribed calcium - AND SOLD IT - even Boot's are cheaper!!!!!!!!

Doctors selling medicin they prescribe - yes, this IS the far west.

And yes you are right again about getting another doctor - we will - in 6 months, when we go to Europe, and see a REAL doctor. Not a red or yellow hiso.

But i will miss the cheap lobsters..........

I don't agree. Respect and submission are entirely different. Think of self-respect. Where does submission come into it?

[kropotkin]

To me, the Thai Wai is a sign of submission - to me submission is bad, wether genuine or faked.

But do reply to my observation please: The hiso prick waied ME, but not his thai customer. Or do i read too much into this (but so did my thai wife)?

And hey, i am not being agressive, i realy want to know your opinion, i realy want to learn.

Honest!

I'm no expert, but my guess is that he reckoned you were the one with the money, that he showed more respect for money than for his patient. He will probably prescribe something that she doesn't need, but that will make himself some more money. I would get another doctor.

So you agree with my opinion, that waiing is a sign of submission - to money, authority - genuine or faked.

And yes you are right about the subscription.......he subscribed calcium - AND SOLD IT - even Boot's are cheaper!!!!!!!!

Doctors selling medicin they prescribe - yes, this IS the far west.

And yes you are right again about getting another doctor - we will - in 6 months, when we go to Europe, and see a REAL doctor. Not a red or yellow hiso.

But i will miss the cheap lobsters..........

I don't agree. Respect and submission are entirely different. Think of self-respect. Where does submission come into it?

Ah.

A real discussion at last.

Thank you.

When i go to a dressmaker, i respect his knowledge and experience.

I do not assume i know better.

But i do reserve my right to have a different opinion about style, color, etc.

I respect the authority of people that know more then me , but i resent the power of people that for some rediculous reason think they are above me, hiso or aristocrats or whatever.

In thailand and in the free world aswell.

[ChiangMaiFun]

They don't shake hands here they Wai - what's the big deal? it's more or less the same - you don't feel submissive when you shake hands do you?

[kropotkin]

They don't shake hands here they Wai - what's the big deal? it's more or less the same - you don't feel submissive when you shake hands do you?

not correct - they do not wai here - they wai some people but they do not wai other people.

did you read my post about me and my wife at the doctor ? please comment to that.

[ChiangMaiFun]

They don't shake hands here they Wai - what's the big deal? it's more or less the same - you don't feel submissive when you shake hands do you?

not correct - they do not wai here - they wai some people but they do not wai other people.

did you read my post about me and my wife at the doctor ? please comment to that.

its not exactly the same as handshake but close - people will wai in place of the handshake many times when first meeting and in other contexts they wai as respect - and, yes, sometimes they may wai in submission but it's not normal nor is it common.

I do not wai waitressses (getting back to the original thread) nor would they expect me to - when they do it it is respect for the customer - a hello or thank you. A nod of the head is sufficient - wai-ing waitresses or bar staff is pretty absurd. Its an unconcious thing that you learn when to do and when not to do when you have lived here a number of years.

Any-wei - can we move on?

[kropotkin]

They don't shake hands here they Wai - what's the big deal? it's more or less the same - you don't feel submissive when you shake hands do you?

not correct - they do not wai here - they wai some people but they do not wai other people.

did you read my post about me and my wife at the doctor ? please comment to that.

its not exactly the same as handshake but close - people will wai in place of the handshake many times when first meeting and in other contexts they wai as respect - and, yes, sometimes they may wai in submission but it's not normal nor is it common.

I do not wai waitressses (getting back to the original thread) nor would they expect me to - when they do it it is respect for the customer - a hello or thank you. A nod of the head is sufficient - wai-ing waitresses or bar staff is pretty absurd. Its an unconcious thing that you learn when to do and when not to do when you have lived here a number of years.

Any-wei - can we move on?

my question was - and i will inform my thai wife of your answer .... why did the doctor wai me, an not my wife / his customer ?

[ChiangMaiFun]

They don't shake hands here they Wai - what's the big deal? it's more or less the same - you don't feel submissive when you shake hands do you?

not correct - they do not wai here - they wai some people but they do not wai other people.

did you read my post about me and my wife at the doctor ? please comment to that.

its not exactly the same as handshake but close - people will wai in place of the handshake many times when first meeting and in other contexts they wai as respect - and, yes, sometimes they may wai in submission but it's not normal nor is it common.

I do not wai waitressses (getting back to the original thread) nor would they expect me to - when they do it it is respect for the customer - a hello or thank you. A nod of the head is sufficient - wai-ing waitresses or bar staff is pretty absurd. Its an unconcious thing that you learn when to do and when not to do when you have lived here a number of years.

Any-wei - can we move on?

my question was - and i will inform my thai wife of your answer .... why did the doctor wai me, an not my wife / his customer ?

I guess the obvious reason? status - it all depends on context - same in western counteries - no different - hotels fawning over the one they suspect is the 'payer' 'hello sir come this way' while the wife/gf tags along? but only in this context - in other situations wei's can be respect - in the temple for instance.

[kropotkin]

sorry - i do not get your point.

if waiing means i respect you, because you are the one that pays, i not want to be waied.

especially not in a so called buddhist country.

and - same same - i do not wish to be treated differently from my wife when i am in europe - but that happens seldom.

and we never told the hiso doctor that i , not my wife, was going to 'check bill'

hiso upstarts with loso intelligence .............

we had them in europe too ...... OK....... we still have them .....huhuhuhu

[ChiangMaiFun]

sorry - i do not get your point.

if waiing means i respect you, because you are the one that pays, i not want to be waied.

especially not in a so called buddhist country.

and - same same - i do not wish to be treated differently from my wife when i am in europe - but that happens seldom.

and we never told the hiso doctor that i , not my wife, was going to 'check bill'

hiso upstarts with loso intelligence .............

we had them in europe too ...... OK....... we still have them .....huhuhuhu

I can hardly understand your English let alone your points - you obviously have zero understanding of the culture here. If you think they are 'hiso' upstarts (whatever that means) why marry one? and go home!

[kropotkin]

sorry - i do not get your point.

if waiing means i respect you, because you are the one that pays, i not want to be waied.

especially not in a so called buddhist country.

and - same same - i do not wish to be treated differently from my wife when i am in europe - but that happens seldom.

and we never told the hiso doctor that i , not my wife, was going to 'check bill'

hiso upstarts with loso intelligence .............

we had them in europe too ...... OK....... we still have them .....huhuhuhu

I can hardly understand your English let alone your points - you obviously have zero understanding of the culture here. If you think they are 'hiso' upstarts (whatever that means) why marry one? and go home!

"why marry one", one what? i did not marry a thai hiso; no, i married a thai loso - and we are both proud of that.

if you wish, we can use another language, since you say you do not understand my english --- ok tell me what other languages you speak, i speak several.

and you do not understand my points ?

sorry for you - may i guess? - fan of HRH thatcher ?

,

[Goshawk]

I do not wai waitressses (getting back to the original thread) nor would they expect me to - when they do it it is respect for the customer - a hello or thank you. A nod of the head is sufficient - wai-ing waitresses or bar staff is pretty absurd. Its an unconcious thing that you learn when to do and when not to do when you have lived here a number of years.

that is the most absurd thing i've read on Thaivisa... you need to get off your high horse..

Edited October 22, 2010 by Goshawk

[ChiangMaiFun]

sorry - i do not get your point.

if waiing means i respect you, because you are the one that pays, i not want to be waied.

especially not in a so called buddhist country.

and - same same - i do not wish to be treated differently from my wife when i am in europe - but that happens seldom.

and we never told the hiso doctor that i , not my wife, was going to 'check bill'

hiso upstarts with loso intelligence .............

we had them in europe too ...... OK....... we still have them .....huhuhuhu

I can hardly understand your English let alone your points - you obviously have zero understanding of the culture here. If you think they are 'hiso' upstarts (whatever that means) why marry one? and go home!

"why marry one", one what? i did not marry a thai hiso; no, i married a thai loso - and we are both proud of that.

if you wish, we can use another language, since you say you do not understand my english --- ok tell me what other languages you speak, i speak several.

and you do not understand my points ?

sorry for you - may i guess? - fan of HRH thatcher ?

,

hiso? loso? what the hel_l is that? even Google brings up nothing - Thatcher? what are you talking about? what's Thatcher (who I did not like actually) got to do with wei-ing and your obvious hatred of Thais and Thai culture? you married a Thai right? can't she teach you the rudimentaries of Thai culture? bet she's frightened of your 'amiable' personality?

[ChiangMaiFun]

I do not wai waitressses (getting back to the original thread) nor would they expect me to - when they do it it is respect for the customer - a hello or thank you. A nod of the head is sufficient - wai-ing waitresses or bar staff is pretty absurd. Its an unconcious thing that you learn when to do and when not to do when you have lived here a number of years.

that is the most absurd thing i've read on Thaivisa... you need to get off your high horse..

Its standard - go read some books on Thai culture - if it's the most absurd thing you have read on TV you have not been reading very much! no high horse here friend - I have respect for Thai culture and think I pretty much well understand 'when' to wei - as in temples, meeting people etc. anyone who wei's a waitress has not understood the cultre and it's application - go read and you may understand what I was trying to convey. I only see tourists wei-ing to waitresses normally.

[Goshawk]

I do not wai waitressses (getting back to the original thread) nor would they expect me to - when they do it it is respect for the customer - a hello or thank you. A nod of the head is sufficient - wai-ing waitresses or bar staff is pretty absurd. Its an unconcious thing that you learn when to do and when not to do when you have lived here a number of years.

that is the most absurd thing i've read on Thaivisa... you need to get off your high horse..

Its standard - go read some books on Thai culture - if it's the most absurd thing you have read on TV you have not been reading very much! no high horse here friend - I have respect for Thai culture and think I pretty much well understand 'when' to wei - as in temples, meeting people etc. anyone who wei's a waitress has not understood the cultre and it's application - go read and you may understand what I was trying to convey. I only see tourists wei-ing to waitresses normally.

no.. its not standard.

remember you are a visitor here.. paying taxes or not, you can be ejected quicker than a squirrel up an oak tree.. And not being Thai means that you don't have to follow the lead.. you can set an example if you choose....

the waitress may not 'expect' you to wai, no more than the security guard opening the door for you at the Emporium Mall may either.. but hows about this for a thought:

they are real people too.. and in our (i take it you are western) western countries we, if we are not stuck up on our high horses thinking we are better than everyone else, generally acknowledge people in a kind way to make them feel good in themselves no matter what class you think they belong in..

so its up to you.. pretend you are Thai and ignore what you see as a lower class of person (seems thats what you do)

or make their day with a surprise gesture..

...and i've probably been in Thailand a lot longer than you, so spare the 'i know more than you' crap...

[canuckamuck]

I do not wai waitressses (getting back to the original thread) nor would they expect me to - when they do it it is respect for the customer - a hello or thank you. A nod of the head is sufficient - wai-ing waitresses or bar staff is pretty absurd. Its an unconcious thing that you learn when to do and when not to do when you have lived here a number of years.

that is the most absurd thing i've read on Thaivisa... you need to get off your high horse..

I have read some absurd things on Thai Visa, this isn't even close.

CMF is right, you don't wai waitresses normally, a nod is sufficient I usually smile too if I am happy about the meal. But that doesn't mean I would never wai a waitress. If she had done something specifically nice like telling me I left my bag or wallet or something, or if I knew her personally I would wai. You wouldn't shake a waitresses hand after a meal in the west would you?

[ChiangMaiFun]

I do not wai waitressses (getting back to the original thread) nor would they expect me to - when they do it it is respect for the customer - a hello or thank you. A nod of the head is sufficient - wai-ing waitresses or bar staff is pretty absurd. Its an unconcious thing that you learn when to do and when not to do when you have lived here a number of years.

that is the most absurd thing i've read on Thaivisa... you need to get off your high horse..

Its standard - go read some books on Thai culture - if it's the most absurd thing you have read on TV you have not been reading very much! no high horse here friend - I have respect for Thai culture and think I pretty much well understand 'when' to wei - as in temples, meeting people etc. anyone who wei's a waitress has not understood the cultre and it's application - go read and you may understand what I was trying to convey. I only see tourists wei-ing to waitresses normally.

no.. its not standard.

remember you are a visitor here.. paying taxes or not, you can be ejected quicker than a squirrel up an oak tree.. And not being Thai means that you don't have to follow the lead.. you can set an example if you choose....

the waitress may not 'expect' you to wai, no more than the security guard opening the door for you at the Emporium Mall may either.. but hows about this for a thought:

they are real people too.. and in our (i take it you are western) western countries we, if we are not stuck up on our high horses thinking we are better than everyone else, generally acknowledge people in a kind way to make them feel good in themselves no matter what class you think they belong in..

so its up to you.. pretend you are Thai and ignore what you see as a lower class of person (seems thats what you do)

or make their day with a surprise gesture..

...and i've probably been in Thailand a lot longer than you, so spare the 'i know more than you' crap...

you have totally, totally, missed the point

[ChiangMaiFun]

I do not wai waitressses (getting back to the original thread) nor would they expect me to - when they do it it is respect for the customer - a hello or thank you. A nod of the head is sufficient - wai-ing waitresses or bar staff is pretty absurd. Its an unconcious thing that you learn when to do and when not to do when you have lived here a number of years.

that is the most absurd thing i've read on Thaivisa... you need to get off your high horse..

I have read some absurd things on Thai Visa, this isn't even close.

CMF is right, you don't wai waitresses normally, a nod is sufficient I usually smile too if I am happy about the meal. But that doesn't mean I would never wai a waitress. If she had done something specifically nice like telling me I left my bag or wallet or something, or if I knew her personally I would wai. You wouldn't shake a waitresses hand after a meal in the west would you?

You have totally, totally, 'got it' - you would never shake a waitresses hand after a meal - thank God someone 'get's it'

It is NOT about superiority or inferiority - high horses or any of the other insults - it's about 'culture' and, of course, if someone helped me particularly I would 'wei' them in thanks - to go around 'wei-ing' everyone is a mis-understanding of the cultural norms here - period.

Just like in 'farangland' we don't go around handshaking everyone - but I doubt some of the posters here understand that their 'wei-ing' everything that moves is very patronising. You either 'instinctively' get it - or you do not.

Edited October 22, 2010 by ChiangMaiFun

[Goshawk]

I do not wai waitressses (getting back to the original thread) nor would they expect me to - when they do it it is respect for the customer - a hello or thank you. A nod of the head is sufficient - wai-ing waitresses or bar staff is pretty absurd. Its an unconcious thing that you learn when to do and when not to do when you have lived here a number of years.

that is the most absurd thing i've read on Thaivisa... you need to get off your high horse..

I have read some absurd things on Thai Visa, this isn't even close.

CMF is right, you don't wai waitresses normally, a nod is sufficient I usually smile too if I am happy about the meal. But that doesn't mean I would never wai a waitress. If she had done something specifically nice like telling me I left my bag or wallet or something, or if I knew her personally I would wai. You wouldn't shake a waitresses hand after a meal in the west would you?

yep... there's the key word

like i say.. don't pretend to be Thai.. cos you aint !

a wai with a grin and a wink is great.. especially to the one recieving it.. whether they are cleaning your toilet or handing you a 1million baht cheque (quit thinking about yourselves ppl, & how you will look to others in the room..)