As a starter:

If you must tell the truth, be sure to park your car at the back door with the engine running.

After eating larb goy fart with care. It might be a wet one.

Expect the worst

anything better then that's a bonus..

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

an ancient eastern proverb:

man who walk sideways through airport turnstyle, is going to bangkok...

After eating larb goy fart with care. It might be a wet one.

What is "goy"?

''Life's tough ... it's even tougher if you're stupid.'' - John Wayne

"You can't fix stupid" - Ron White

and yet another idiom

"No good deed goes unpunished" - Clare Booth Luce

Life for most of us is easy, it's bad attitudes that make it difficult.

Worry about the things that directly affect you and your loved ones and then only worry about the ones you have control over. The rest, just keep in mind.

No matter who you vote for the !@#$%^&* government always wins.

People are generally stupid selfish <deleted>.............dont forget it.

its wire to learn from your mistakes. wiser still to learn from anothers.

After the age of 50

Never pass a toilet

Never trust a fart

Never waste a 'fat'

never spend more in thailand than you can afford to walk away from.

if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, its a duck. the same may be said of hookers.

As a man with scarcely an original thought, and an education better than I deserve, my life is sadly a series of quotes and analogies:

Sadly, as a man of poor memory, but better rememberence, some of these quotes may be either misquoted or not prequoted...

Of the most useful (or at least, most quoted):

"Always look on the bright side" - two crucifixees, in Life of Brian

"Walk away from trouble, if you can" Kenny Rogers, Coward of the County

""I'll tell you this..." Rab C Nesbitt, every week

"Is it?" - Our Safety Manager

"Never Surrender, Never Give In, Never Let the Enemy Win" - Blitz (I think, from the cover art, they were an '80s skinhead band).

We can all learn a lot (obviously, except for those of us that know it all) from many sources; sadly, we don;t always learn wisely or the truth....

My life has been .... tainted - enhanced - exagerrated - blighted - whatever - by Davros, father of the daleks, when imagining holding some doomsday weapon, saying "Yes, yes, I would do it!", whether it be hitch-hiking to Sacramento, waching the Calcutta Cup in Manila.

I've got another rant on sport, as well, but I;ll save that for later...

SC

Why do today, what can be done tommorrow?

There are people in this world worse off than me........ But they must be in a hel_l of a state.

In ten years time, the state im in now wont really matter.

measure once, cut twice (carpentery)

Old chinese proverb. " go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.

Don't ask a woman about her : gender, age, weight, social class, ex-boyfriends, and if her big boobs (being real or not)

Do unto others before they have a chance to do unto you.

Old chinese proverb. " go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

What is the exact meaning ?

Why do today, what can be done tommorrow?

There are people in this world worse off than me........ But they must be in a hel_l of a state.

In ten years time, the state im in now wont really matter.

measure once, cut twice (carpentery)

Old chinese proverb. " go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

surely it should be measure twice and cut once:D

Shit happens.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Fools rush in. (Where angels fear to tread).

Why do today, what can be done tommorrow?

There are people in this world worse off than me........ But they must be in a hel_l of a state.

In ten years time, the state im in now wont really matter.

measure once, cut twice (carpentery)

Old chinese proverb. " go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

surely it should be measure twice and cut once:D

Measure once, fold once - you might still be growing...

SC

the past is dead

the future imagined

Double post

I looked through the "analects of confucius" for the meaning of the ancient chinese proverb, and apart from the "anal" in the title, there is no mention of bums, itchy or otherwise. So I think i may have been mislead. Unless the quote is from another dynasty.

Measure twice, cut once? Yeah, it should be, but how often does that happen?

Another ancient chinese proverb. "Need sleep, turn off computer" ( I think I just made that up)

Booty Stank , Booty Stank ~ Wash That Booty if Yo Booty Stank.

What goes around, comes around.

Make sure brain is in gear before setting mouth in motion.

Think, then post

Think twice, then don't post

SC

time flies when your drunk and you dont give a <deleted>