Hello Daddy This Is My New Boyfriend

[mark45y]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

I don't know what your are talking about. I have four daughters. Two are married. What I would ask and try to convince them to ask is, if the guy has enough money, good job or potential to have a decent job to support them and a family. If he does not, don't get married. Wait till they meet someone who does. Love is highly overrated. One of my daughters was dating one of the ugliest men I have ever seen. He worked his way through college managing a 500 head cattle ranch. Imagine that. Went to college and ran 500 head of cattle. His parents were dirt poor. He was a brain and not only that one of the hardest working men I have ever met. And so darn ugly no other woman was ever interested in him. I am not a rice farmer but I want my daughters to marry a man who can take care of them. I don't give a crap about taking care of me. Are you saying it is bad if a father wants his daughter to marry a man who can support her and any children they may have?

[Birdman]

looking around in nature, there is nothing happening like that, excluding humans sometimes. If that would happen to my daughter&me and that guy is reasonable, I would say it's up to her.

[gregb]

The only reason I go into this in so much detail is I don't think you have any idea how a couple with a significant age difference can get along or what they do. Women adapt very easily to an older man. Maybe now you have a little better understanding.

Thanks marky. I do understand better about your history now and I'm sure we all appreciate your sharing. You are the first person I have ever met who has related a story like that. I have a few other acquaintances who have married younger women, and they were all based on financial realities, so this is a unique perspective.

I would just like to point out, that the root of the word pathetic is the same as sympathy, and indeed pathetic means evoking sympathy or sadness in the observer. In the cases you have described, while the young woman certainly gained something and may indeed have been happy, she also lost something. That something is the myth, or the fairy tale of what married life is supposed to be. The loss does not mean she didn't gain something more, but it is the perceived loss that evokes sympathy, not the reality. I can agree that in your specific circumstances this reality of this loss may have been minimal, and I certainly can appreciate your views, but I, along with most of us here, are products of our environment. We can't really internalize what you relate, because we have not lived that. Analyze it logically, yes. Feel it? No.

The shared narrative of our culture is different than your perspective. And however much a fairy tale that narrative may be, it is the loss of the dream that evokes pity. Reality is largely irrelevant when that emotion is stimulated. I thank you for your efforts to educate us to the contrary. It certainly has given me something to think about, but I still think it should be fairly obvious to you why seeing a young woman with an old man evokes sadness in the general population. Without your life experiences, all people see is the loss of the dream.

I hope you will also have less animosity towards those who do feel such a relationship is pathetic. The root of that feeling is not a denigration of the life you have lived, but rather a feeling of sadness that the normal dream we read about in story books will not come to pass.

[GM1955]

Thanks marky. I do understand better about your history now and I'm sure we all appreciate your sharing.

But how much is true ?

Quite a few months ago Marky was going on in some post about what a legend he was in Pattaya and he lived in the 3rd road area, when he was asked by a guy that has lived on 3rd road for 20 years to come clean with who he was and if he was a legend this guy would surely know him...

The silence was deafening.

[473geo]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

I don't know what your are talking about. I have four daughters. Two are married. What I would ask and try to convince them to ask is, if the guy has enough money, good job or potential to have a decent job to support them and a family. If he does not, don't get married. Wait till they meet someone who does. Love is highly overrated. One of my daughters was dating one of the ugliest men I have ever seen. He worked his way through college managing a 500 head cattle ranch. Imagine that. Went to college and ran 500 head of cattle. His parents were dirt poor. He was a brain and not only that one of the hardest working men I have ever met. And so darn ugly no other woman was ever interested in him. I am not a rice farmer but I want my daughters to marry a man who can take care of them. I don't give a crap about taking care of me. Are you saying it is bad if a father wants his daughter to marry a man who can support her and any children they may have?

The point I am making is that any reaction as to who, or what, a daughter brings home, and, if a father finds them acceptable or not, may well relate to individual circumstances.

Goes without saying any father would prefer a potential son in law to be able to take good care of his daughter, and any family, however in my opinion the circumstances of the father may well influence his reaction to a 70 year old suitor for his 20 year old daughter.

Edited November 27, 2010 by 473geo

[mark45y]

The only reason I go into this in so much detail is I don't think you have any idea how a couple with a significant age difference can get along or what they do. Women adapt very easily to an older man. Maybe now you have a little better understanding.

Thanks marky. I do understand better about your history now and I'm sure we all appreciate your sharing. You are the first person I have ever met who has related a story like that. I have a few other acquaintances who have married younger women, and they were all based on financial realities, so this is a unique perspective.

I would just like to point out, that the root of the word pathetic is the same as sympathy, and indeed pathetic means evoking sympathy or sadness in the observer. In the cases you have described, while the young woman certainly gained something and may indeed have been happy, she also lost something. That something is the myth, or the fairy tale of what married life is supposed to be. The loss does not mean she didn't gain something more, but it is the perceived loss that evokes sympathy, not the reality. I can agree that in your specific circumstances this reality of this loss may have been minimal, and I certainly can appreciate your views, but I, along with most of us here, are products of our environment. We can't really internalize what you relate, because we have not lived that. Analyze it logically, yes. Feel it? No.

The shared narrative of our culture is different than your perspective. And however much a fairy tale that narrative may be, it is the loss of the dream that evokes pity. Reality is largely irrelevant when that emotion is stimulated. I thank you for your efforts to educate us to the contrary. It certainly has given me something to think about, but I still think it should be fairly obvious to you why seeing a young woman with an old man evokes sadness in the general population. Without your life experiences, all people see is the loss of the dream.

I hope you will also have less animosity towards those who do feel such a relationship is pathetic. The root of that feeling is not a denigration of the life you have lived, but rather a feeling of sadness that the normal dream we read about in story books will not come to pass.

I know what you are saying. You are a romantic. I completely believe that young men are very romantic. Old men are pragmatic. Young men with all of your youth and vim and vigor worry about different things. I think I have a better understanding of women both young and old than you do. I realize you cannot relate to that. But you will.

There are thousands of men who read Thai Visa that are over 60. I know that not one of them thinks he knew more about women at 40 than he does at 60. 100% sure.

Think about that for a second.

I am also convinced that you at 60 will realize that you know more about women at 60 than you do today.

Reading my posts is like a time machine. You can travel in the future. Reading your posts for me is like traveling in the past. I see myself in a lot of things younger men say.

At 30 I realized some of the things I did at 20 were downright silly.

Same thing happened at 40. After 50 I pretty much did the same things I would do now. I don't mean today I don't make mistakes. I should have listened to my Thai instructor and learned to write Thai when I was learning how to speak Thai.

I have done a number of less than bright things since I have been in Thailand. I try to learn from my mistakes.

I do read and think about all of the on topic posts that I respond to. I learn stuff every day.

I gave my fiancée a 2 carat engagement ring that I had specially designed for her. She liked Celtic stuff. I took her to her jeweler to have it appraised and put on our insurance policy. Then she took it to the jeweler next door to one of my restaurants to have it sized. He substituted Russian high quality cubic zirconia for the diamonds. I put the diamonds in my safety deposit box. I wouldn't have done that as a young man.

[mark45y]

Thanks marky. I do understand better about your history now and I'm sure we all appreciate your sharing.

But how much is true ?

Quite a few months ago Marky was going on in some post about what a legend he was in Pattaya and he lived in the 3rd road area, when he was asked by a guy that has lived on 3rd road for 20 years to come clean with who he was and if he was a legend this guy would surely know him...

The silence was deafening.

Do you really think I would post my real name on Thai Visa? It was not 3rd road BTW. I know you are trying to make yourself feel big and me feel small. What kind of man are you? Why don't you read what I have posted in this thread and agree or disagree. Calling me a liar does little for the advancement of the topic or understanding of what is being discussed. Did you believe the guy has lived on 3rd road for 20 years? How do you know the man is not just a silly person. There are a lot of silly people who live in Pattaya. There is even a guy who has been called a silly man so many times that his nickname is silly man. Next time please try and further the understanding of the topic.

[mark45y]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

I don't know what your are talking about. I have four daughters. Two are married. What I would ask and try to convince them to ask is, if the guy has enough money, good job or potential to have a decent job to support them and a family. If he does not, don't get married. Wait till they meet someone who does. Love is highly overrated. One of my daughters was dating one of the ugliest men I have ever seen. He worked his way through college managing a 500 head cattle ranch. Imagine that. Went to college and ran 500 head of cattle. His parents were dirt poor. He was a brain and not only that one of the hardest working men I have ever met. And so darn ugly no other woman was ever interested in him. I am not a rice farmer but I want my daughters to marry a man who can take care of them. I don't give a crap about taking care of me. Are you saying it is bad if a father wants his daughter to marry a man who can support her and any children they may have?

The point I am making is that any reaction as to who, or what, a daughter brings home, and, if a father finds them acceptable or not, may well relate to individual circumstances.

Goes without saying any father would prefer a potential son in law to be able to take good care of his daughter, and any family, however in my opinion the circumstances of the father may well influence his reaction to a 70 year old suitor for his 20 year old daughter.

In general I would agree with you but point out the circumstances of the potential son in law is probably uppermost in any fathers thoughts be rich or poor.

[Loz]

I think we should call this, Mark45y's Forum.

He's got us all owned!

M45y, I love the time machine analogy. Perfect! I think thats why I always enjoy reading your posts. I think so differently now than in my twenties but sometimes its sad that I have lost some of the romance and idealism. But that said, I have avoided some of the elephant traps that my more impulsive aquaintances have experienced.

I think if a guy likes a girl and is willing to take a chance, and the girl is up for it too, what else is there to do but try?

Having said that, I have not been willing to take that chance since I got here and the desire to go home is linked strongly to that situation. So, do I go home or to Australia and marry and then have it blow up in my face? What is a guy to do... ?

[473geo]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

I don't know what your are talking about. I have four daughters. Two are married. What I would ask and try to convince them to ask is, if the guy has enough money, good job or potential to have a decent job to support them and a family. If he does not, don't get married. Wait till they meet someone who does. Love is highly overrated. One of my daughters was dating one of the ugliest men I have ever seen. He worked his way through college managing a 500 head cattle ranch. Imagine that. Went to college and ran 500 head of cattle. His parents were dirt poor. He was a brain and not only that one of the hardest working men I have ever met. And so darn ugly no other woman was ever interested in him. I am not a rice farmer but I want my daughters to marry a man who can take care of them. I don't give a crap about taking care of me. Are you saying it is bad if a father wants his daughter to marry a man who can support her and any children they may have?

The point I am making is that any reaction as to who, or what, a daughter brings home, and, if a father finds them acceptable or not, may well relate to individual circumstances.

Goes without saying any father would prefer a potential son in law to be able to take good care of his daughter, and any family, however in my opinion the circumstances of the father may well influence his reaction to a 70 year old suitor for his 20 year old daughter.

In general I would agree with you but point out the circumstances of the potential son in law is probably uppermost in any fathers thoughts be rich or poor.

A father can comfortably afford to support send his 20 year daughter to university for 3 years.......she brings home a 70 year man who can take good care of her.....his thoughts would be?

Second the father cannot afford to send the daughter to university......in fact her future is either reaping or planting rice, or prostitution,..she brings home 70 year old man who can take good care of her........his thoughts would be?

Not about the father gaining....but his reaction could well based on the actual current financial situation.

[mark45y]

Response to 473geo

I try not to talk about things I don't know anything about. I have only seriously dated one woman who has a father who was sending her to university. Actually a lot more than 3 years and also in a number of different countries. I met her father. He was cordial. Her mother actually seemed more in control. But I could have read that wrong. They invited me for dinner.

I don't really know what would have happened because I stopped the relationship. Nothing to do with parents. I thought she was not sincere. I also thought she liked girls more than guys. Been there done that and got the t shirt.

My only other experience was with a family as a group. They were supporting an orphan because both of her parents were killed in a car crash. They were putting her through school and approached me with an offer of marriage. They are old friends of mine from the 60's. I am sure they wanted to remove the college responsibility while still insuring that the woman went to school. She was studying to be a doctor. The offer was couched in terms of it would be good for me when I got old to have a wife who was a doctor. I didn't bite.

So I can't tell you about a Thai family that could afford to send a daughter through college. I suspect it may not be as clear cut as you think. Or you may be correct. I just don't know.

[MSingh]

Ask him how much money he is willing to pay for Sin Sot.

What a couple of absolute Sicko's, you fit in really well here the pair of you...

[Chonburiram]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

I don't know what your are talking about. I have four daughters. Two are married. What I would ask and try to convince them to ask is, if the guy has enough money, good job or potential to have a decent job to support them and a family. If he does not, don't get married. Wait till they meet someone who does. Love is highly overrated. One of my daughters was dating one of the ugliest men I have ever seen. He worked his way through college managing a 500 head cattle ranch. Imagine that. Went to college and ran 500 head of cattle. His parents were dirt poor. He was a brain and not only that one of the hardest working men I have ever met. And so darn ugly no other woman was ever interested in him. I am not a rice farmer but I want my daughters to marry a man who can take care of them. I don't give a crap about taking care of me. Are you saying it is bad if a father wants his daughter to marry a man who can support her and any children they may have?

:cheesy:

marky, you are such a <deleted>(cking)nny TROLL!

Your 2 married daughters, you know the one with the pharmacist who turned into a druggie ( already divorced?) and the other, with the bricklayer who built a nice house for her

and is a loving father to your grandkids, which one of them had to attend college and was managing a 500 head cattle ranch? ( BTW, 500 cattle sounds little for US standard )

Or was it one of your unmarried daughters who was dating the ugliest guy in the universe with dirt poor parents? Why did they break up? Please don't tell us it was because

he was too BIG.

[Beetlejuice]

You're daughter's named Wendi, the guy's called Rupert and he his in publishing ?

I say "Welcome home, Son ! "

As a matter of fact, there is a lot of sense in your comment even if it is meant to be in jest.

We have to consider each different state of affairs as they arise.

[MAJIC]

IMO the only thing to do,is the same as you would if she brought home an Orange and Green haired gormless dropout,her own age, Grit your teeth and welcome him in for a Coffee.

Anything anti in your behaviour to him,will only result in her being rebellious to you,and strenghening the relationship further.

Go through the motions and hope it fades away,if it doesn't,whats wrong with an older mature man? I think I would prefer him to immature Mr. Orange Green haired dropout,as my Daughters choice,shows she is thinking on a practical level,assuming he has the money problem in life comfortably solved.

A pschological way of surreptitiously hastening the premature end this fatal attraction is: to talk to him in depth,after all you should have a lot to talk about (as you are so close in age) and also show friendliness to him,beyond the call of normal social duty.

Remember this was probably mean't to be a rebellious surprise for the Parents,so go overboard with the welcome,my guess is,he won't be around too long!

Edited November 27, 2010 by MAJIC

[needforspeed]

Ask him how much money he is willing to pay for Sin Sot.

What a couple of absolute Sicko's, you fit in really well here the pair of you...

Thanks :jap:

[Ulysses G.]

Most appreciated.

[mark45y]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

I don't know what your are talking about. I have four daughters. Two are married. What I would ask and try to convince them to ask is, if the guy has enough money, good job or potential to have a decent job to support them and a family. If he does not, don't get married. Wait till they meet someone who does. Love is highly overrated. One of my daughters was dating one of the ugliest men I have ever seen. He worked his way through college managing a 500 head cattle ranch. Imagine that. Went to college and ran 500 head of cattle. His parents were dirt poor. He was a brain and not only that one of the hardest working men I have ever met. And so darn ugly no other woman was ever interested in him. I am not a rice farmer but I want my daughters to marry a man who can take care of them. I don't give a crap about taking care of me. Are you saying it is bad if a father wants his daughter to marry a man who can support her and any children they may have?

:cheesy:

marky, you are such a <deleted>(cking)nny TROLL!

Your 2 married daughters, you know the one with the pharmacist who turned into a druggie ( already divorced?) and the other, with the bricklayer who built a nice house for her

and is a loving father to your grandkids, which one of them had to attend college and was managing a 500 head cattle ranch? ( BTW, 500 cattle sounds little for US standard )

Or was it one of your unmarried daughters who was dating the ugliest guy in the universe with dirt poor parents? Why did they break up? Please don't tell us it was because

he was too BIG.

It turned out that the daughter who married the pharmacist whom everyone thought was the ideal husband was a bad move. I really liked the guy when I first met him. Not only did he have a great job and a wonderful education but he came from a wealthy Canadian family. What more could you ask for? Straight A's in graduate school, he worked out daily had a body like Charles Atlas. His mother gave them a house for a wedding present. Perhaps my daughter nagged him into it but for whatever reason he abused prescription drugs and got caught driving while under the influence with the kids in the car. My daughter got a divorce. He was lucky and only got a slap on the wrist for the drugs and kept his job so he can pay the daughter alimony and child support. She won't have to work till the kids are 18 which is nice for her.

My oldest daughter married a blue collar guy who drank a bit too much beer. He turned out to be the good guy. I liked him because he drank beer, skied and played hockey. I realize skiing, hockey and beer drinking are probably not good indicators of a future husband but in his case it seems to have worked out.

The ugly kid, Jason is his name never did join the family. One of my younger daughters dated him. He would have been a good son in law. I might have even stayed in the west just to hang out with him on the ranch. He was skinny, giant ears and round horned rim glasses. He wore a large silver belt buckle that he won bull riding when 14 years old. His father had him on a horse before he could walk. A modern day cowboy. I don't know what happened to him. I'll ask next time I call home.

[evanson]

Reply to gregb.

Quote gregb "Come on marky. I enjoy reading your posts but cut evanson some slack. He said the guy was 20 years older than her father. So imagine a situation where the girl is 20, the father is 45, and the old geezer is 65. I have to agree that such a situation does qualify as pathetic.

Why?

Because it reduces the institution of marriage, or just the cultural standard of finding a partner, to a business transaction. A 20 year old and a 65 year old do not share enough common cultural traits to form a lasting friendship. The only reason they are together is financial, and it does look kind of sad. Not because there is anything unnatural about it, but because it destroys the dream of what a life together is supposed to be like. It destroys the dream of growing old together and looking back on your 50 years of marriage and holding your great grandchildren in your arms together.

That loss of the dream, to be replaced by a relationship that is grounded merely in financial realities, is a very sorry state of affairs, and not what we are taught to aspire to."

My response.

Perhaps I should use my relationship in the west to take the Thai bar girl equation out of the picture.

She got married at 17 because she was pregnant. Her husband seemed like a nice guy. He was a car salesman. He made good money. He wasn't ready for a baby. He attacked her and got put in prison. She was a neighbor of mine and I knew her parents.

I gave her a job and she was good at it. She booked the banquets for my restaurant and gave sales presentations to groups about what kind of food we could provide and so on. She moved in with me. I wanted to marry her. I was 50 something at the time she 18. I provided her and the baby with a stable home life. No drugs no booze. And her family across the street to babysit. When I got old she and the child would get the small chain of restaurants. Perhaps that is a financial arrangement.

My first wife's father was 60 when he married her mother who was 18. They had 8 kids. They lived on a 600 acre farm. Dad died at 99.

I think you forget that 50% of marriages end in divorce. 10 years is a good run for a lot of people. Folks no longer get married and stay married for 50 years that's a rarity.

Love may be the worst reason in the world to get married. If one of my daughters tells me she is getting married I remind her to check off a whole list of things about the potential husband and love is not on the list. Financial stability, or potential financial stability is right up there at the top. I don't think that is a sorry state of affairs especially since most divorces are caused by financial problems.

There was a 30 year age difference between myself and my fiancée. What possible interests could we share? Her child, our business, sailing, Florida, I had a sailboat and she liked to sail. Riding, ballroom dancing, playing the guitar, cooking at home and at work. Skiing in Canada, she also spoke French and half of my family speaks French. Dinner out and movies. Shopping for her daughter, our house and the restaurant. She got along well with my daughters because my kids wanted nothing to do with the restaurants. We went to a lot of black tie charity events (good business contacts). She liked dressing up and dancing. To dance well together you have to take dance lessons, tango, rumba and so on. She liked taking dancing lessons.

The only reason I go into this in so much detail is I don't think you have any idea how a couple with a significant age difference can get along or what they do. Women adapt very easily to an older man. Maybe now you have a little better understanding.

She was 18 and you were 50 'something'. Well that says a lot. 59? Can you not be more specific? Have you forgotten 'exactly' how old you were when you married this child?

And your ultimate sentence speaks volumes about how arrogant/condescending you are and thus can only attract girls half/third your age.

Edited November 28, 2010 by evanson

[evanson]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

The rice farming families here simply don't mix amongst the circles which would include a farang. And so how would your daughter 'find' a rich foreigner? Because you pimped her out, that's why.

Edited November 28, 2010 by evanson

[Wallaby]

When I was 32 I dated a 17 year old girl for about 5 years. The only girl I've dated that actually picked ME up. I still work with her, I still play golf with her father, we all still get on very well and she still goes to visit my parents. I have no idea if her parents had any issues, they never said anything to me. If they did say anything to me I think I would have probably just told them to tell their daughter of the concerns, if she didn't want to date me then we would finish.

She's now my best friend.

[mark45y]

Reply to gregb.

Quote gregb "Come on marky. I enjoy reading your posts but cut evanson some slack. He said the guy was 20 years older than her father. So imagine a situation where the girl is 20, the father is 45, and the old geezer is 65. I have to agree that such a situation does qualify as pathetic.

Why?

Because it reduces the institution of marriage, or just the cultural standard of finding a partner, to a business transaction. A 20 year old and a 65 year old do not share enough common cultural traits to form a lasting friendship. The only reason they are together is financial, and it does look kind of sad. Not because there is anything unnatural about it, but because it destroys the dream of what a life together is supposed to be like. It destroys the dream of growing old together and looking back on your 50 years of marriage and holding your great grandchildren in your arms together.

That loss of the dream, to be replaced by a relationship that is grounded merely in financial realities, is a very sorry state of affairs, and not what we are taught to aspire to."

My response.

Perhaps I should use my relationship in the west to take the Thai bar girl equation out of the picture.

She got married at 17 because she was pregnant. Her husband seemed like a nice guy. He was a car salesman. He made good money. He wasn't ready for a baby. He attacked her and got put in prison. She was a neighbor of mine and I knew her parents.

I gave her a job and she was good at it. She booked the banquets for my restaurant and gave sales presentations to groups about what kind of food we could provide and so on. She moved in with me. I wanted to marry her. I was 50 something at the time she 18. I provided her and the baby with a stable home life. No drugs no booze. And her family across the street to babysit. When I got old she and the child would get the small chain of restaurants. Perhaps that is a financial arrangement.

My first wife's father was 60 when he married her mother who was 18. They had 8 kids. They lived on a 600 acre farm. Dad died at 99.

I think you forget that 50% of marriages end in divorce. 10 years is a good run for a lot of people. Folks no longer get married and stay married for 50 years that's a rarity.

Love may be the worst reason in the world to get married. If one of my daughters tells me she is getting married I remind her to check off a whole list of things about the potential husband and love is not on the list. Financial stability, or potential financial stability is right up there at the top. I don't think that is a sorry state of affairs especially since most divorces are caused by financial problems.

There was a 30 year age difference between myself and my fiancée. What possible interests could we share? Her child, our business, sailing, Florida, I had a sailboat and she liked to sail. Riding, ballroom dancing, playing the guitar, cooking at home and at work. Skiing in Canada, she also spoke French and half of my family speaks French. Dinner out and movies. Shopping for her daughter, our house and the restaurant. She got along well with my daughters because my kids wanted nothing to do with the restaurants. We went to a lot of black tie charity events (good business contacts). She liked dressing up and dancing. To dance well together you have to take dance lessons, tango, rumba and so on. She liked taking dancing lessons.

The only reason I go into this in so much detail is I don't think you have any idea how a couple with a significant age difference can get along or what they do. Women adapt very easily to an older man. Maybe now you have a little better understanding.

She was 18 and you were 50 'something'. Well that says a lot. 59? Can you not be more specific? Have you forgotten 'exactly' how old you were when you married this child?

And your ultimate sentence speaks volumes about how arrogant/condescending you are and thus can only attract girls half/third your age.

Excuse me for only responding to half of your question but what difference would it make if I was 51 or 59?

[mark45y]

Reply to gregb.

Quote gregb "Come on marky. I enjoy reading your posts but cut evanson some slack. He said the guy was 20 years older than her father. So imagine a situation where the girl is 20, the father is 45, and the old geezer is 65. I have to agree that such a situation does qualify as pathetic.

Why?

Because it reduces the institution of marriage, or just the cultural standard of finding a partner, to a business transaction. A 20 year old and a 65 year old do not share enough common cultural traits to form a lasting friendship. The only reason they are together is financial, and it does look kind of sad. Not because there is anything unnatural about it, but because it destroys the dream of what a life together is supposed to be like. It destroys the dream of growing old together and looking back on your 50 years of marriage and holding your great grandchildren in your arms together.

That loss of the dream, to be replaced by a relationship that is grounded merely in financial realities, is a very sorry state of affairs, and not what we are taught to aspire to."

My response.

Perhaps I should use my relationship in the west to take the Thai bar girl equation out of the picture.

She got married at 17 because she was pregnant. Her husband seemed like a nice guy. He was a car salesman. He made good money. He wasn't ready for a baby. He attacked her and got put in prison. She was a neighbor of mine and I knew her parents.

I gave her a job and she was good at it. She booked the banquets for my restaurant and gave sales presentations to groups about what kind of food we could provide and so on. She moved in with me. I wanted to marry her. I was 50 something at the time she 18. I provided her and the baby with a stable home life. No drugs no booze. And her family across the street to babysit. When I got old she and the child would get the small chain of restaurants. Perhaps that is a financial arrangement.

My first wife's father was 60 when he married her mother who was 18. They had 8 kids. They lived on a 600 acre farm. Dad died at 99.

I think you forget that 50% of marriages end in divorce. 10 years is a good run for a lot of people. Folks no longer get married and stay married for 50 years that's a rarity.

Love may be the worst reason in the world to get married. If one of my daughters tells me she is getting married I remind her to check off a whole list of things about the potential husband and love is not on the list. Financial stability, or potential financial stability is right up there at the top. I don't think that is a sorry state of affairs especially since most divorces are caused by financial problems.

There was a 30 year age difference between myself and my fiancée. What possible interests could we share? Her child, our business, sailing, Florida, I had a sailboat and she liked to sail. Riding, ballroom dancing, playing the guitar, cooking at home and at work. Skiing in Canada, she also spoke French and half of my family speaks French. Dinner out and movies. Shopping for her daughter, our house and the restaurant. She got along well with my daughters because my kids wanted nothing to do with the restaurants. We went to a lot of black tie charity events (good business contacts). She liked dressing up and dancing. To dance well together you have to take dance lessons, tango, rumba and so on. She liked taking dancing lessons.

The only reason I go into this in so much detail is I don't think you have any idea how a couple with a significant age difference can get along or what they do. Women adapt very easily to an older man. Maybe now you have a little better understanding.

She was 18 and you were 50 'something'. Well that says a lot. 59? Can you not be more specific? Have you forgotten 'exactly' how old you were when you married this child?

And your ultimate sentence speaks volumes about how arrogant/condescending you are and thus can only attract girls half/third your age.

2nd half of your question.

Half my age would be 30's and a third would be 20's. What pray tell is wrong with a woman in her 20's or 30's. Do you think women get better looking or more intelligent after 30?

Or do you think it would be more difficult for me to attract a woman 65 than a woman 25?

I have had physical relationships with women who were 65 and women who were 25 and to be completely honest I liked it better with the women who were 25. I also liked talking to women who were 25 better than women who were 65. Women who are 65 talk a lot about health problems. I liked dancing with women who were 25 better too. In general they are more agile than 65 year old women. Skiing, I don't know. I have asked but never found a 65 year old women who liked to ski. I am sure they are out there but I have not met them. 25 year old women are better restaurant cooks and they mop the floor a lot quicker than a 65 year old women. It is quite hot in a restaurant kitchen and the 25 year old women seem to tire less.

[mark45y]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

The rice farming families here simply don't mix amongst the circles which would include a farang. And so how would your daughter 'find' a rich foreigner? Because you pimped her out, that's why.

I have met farmers daughters at the Thai market, every other day where I live and on buses and Song taus.

I have met then where I taught school when they came to pick up their sister after school. The sister introduced me.

I met them at the Wat. I met them at the 7/11. I met them eating at the Thai buffet restaurant. I met them at the cell phone store.

I think that's about it. Perhaps I forgot some places.

[473geo]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

The rice farming families here simply don't mix amongst the circles which would include a farang. And so how would your daughter 'find' a rich foreigner? Because you pimped her out, that's why.

A very narrow view, but I'm sure you are aware of your limited vision and experience, any intelligent person knows there is migration to the cities for employment, and not all that employment revolves around prostitution.

[MSingh]

You're both most welcome & are both, obviously, very much aware of it..

[evanson]

When I was 32 I dated a 17 year old girl for about 5 years. The only girl I've dated that actually picked ME up. I still work with her, I still play golf with her father, we all still get on very well and she still goes to visit my parents. I have no idea if her parents had any issues, they never said anything to me. If they did say anything to me I think I would have probably just told them to tell their daughter of the concerns, if she didn't want to date me then we would finish.

She's now my best friend.

And was/is she of the same nationality/cultural background?

[evanson]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

The rice farming families here simply don't mix amongst the circles which would include a farang. And so how would your daughter 'find' a rich foreigner? Because you pimped her out, that's why.

A very narrow view, but I'm sure you are aware of your limited vision and experience, any intelligent person knows there is migration to the cities for employment, and not all that employment revolves around prostitution.

I agree. But that particular post was about rice farmers. How many of their daughters even get a sniff at a job at Homepro/7/11/restaurants catering to farang? Men?

Believe bars careers of choice and the pickings of the dross that is all that is available to them.

Edited November 28, 2010 by evanson

[473geo]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

The rice farming families here simply don't mix amongst the circles which would include a farang. And so how would your daughter 'find' a rich foreigner? Because you pimped her out, that's why.

A very narrow view, but I'm sure you are aware of your limited vision and experience, any intelligent person knows there is migration to the cities for employment, and not all that employment revolves around prostitution.

I agree. But that particular post was about rice farmers. How many of their daughters even get a sniff at a job at Homepro/7/11/restaurants catering to farang? Men?

Believe bars careers of choice and the pickings of the dross that is all that is available to them.

There are a couple in my family who hold down supervisor jobs in Bangkok factories, not highly paid I agree, but don't underestimate the abilities, given the opportunity. There are useful and growing networks among the Issan people providing legitimate employment in Bangkok. But of course there are networks in the entertainment industry too.

[evanson]

I wonder if you were a rice farmer who lived in a shack, and made enough to eat off say 5 rai, and had little of anything else, and little hope of breaking the cycle of poverty..........I wonder if your values about the type of person your daughter married would be affected.

Now I'm not saying you send your daughters out to find a rich foreigner, but if they did happen to turn up with one.......well being the rice farmer....are you likely to object too much?

The rice farming families here simply don't mix amongst the circles which would include a farang. And so how would your daughter 'find' a rich foreigner? Because you pimped her out, that's why.

I have met farmers daughters at the Thai market, every other day where I live and on buses and Song taus.

I have met then where I taught school when they came to pick up their sister after school. The sister introduced me.

I met them at the Wat. I met them at the 7/11. I met them eating at the Thai buffet restaurant. I met them at the cell phone store.

I think that's about it. Perhaps I forgot some places.

Strange. I've never 'met' (I'm assuming you're using this word the same as 'party' has 'evolved?) at a 7/11, wat (?!), 'phone store, or having been introduced to 'their' sister.

So, you have a habit of 'hitting on' every Thai girl you come across? I've seen your type in and at all these venues doing this, and it makes my skin crawl.

The culture of the Thai is to be (a) as polite as not to tell you to f*k off (you are, after all an old man whose attentions are really not welcome. OR, in the 'sister' case 'Ere sis, got a stupid old farang I can hook you up with. Get as much off the old git as poss before settling down with Somchai' LOL!!!!!