After The Big Break Up

[slackula]

Greetings all,

So, after ~7 years my beloved and I have parted company. I came home from work and *everything* was gone. I am wondering what my options are to get my stuff back.

She has returned one of my cars to me and some clothes, but still won't return my credit cards, money, golf clubs (I miss them the most ), rest of clothes etc.

She has cleaned out both my bank accounts and our joint ones and also maxed out the credit cards with cash withdrawals.

I have managed to stop some of the credit cards but since she has taken all my documents I don't have any records to work from.

Can anybody give suggestions of where I stand legally, and how I can go about recovering my gear? (She is Thai, I am not. We are/were "properly" married as in all documents properly done & she has taken my surname and it shows on all her official documents/ID etc so I guess common property will come into it somewhere)

Thanks very much for any info or help.

PS: I know I am a dumbass for not seeing it coming and for trusting her with all my banking info, so posts like "hahaha sux to be you!" are not really needed unless you absolutely can't resist, thanks

[Felix Lynn]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I cannot offer advice but the post was compelling and sad. Good luck.

[marquess]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I cannot offer advice but the post was compelling and sad. Good luck.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My senitments exactly, I have an idea how you feel, as the same thing has happended to me in Blighty. I would suggest that you contact your embassy and get the name of a trust worthy lawyer.

[lopburi3]

Sorry but after a 7 year marriage the comment about golf clubs, in para 2, may be more telling than you know.

There should be a 50/50 split so if you have less than that you should probably obtain legal services.

[Gary A]

I know of a similar story. The guy had the house and everything up country. He went to Bangkok, came back and found the locks on the doors changed. As expected he was livid. The police came and escorted him off the property. He got back in his car and went back to Bangkok. The next day the police found him and took the car away from him. That too was in his girlfriends name.

Here's the kicker. He got a lawyer and ended up getting half the proceeds from the sale of the house. His lawyer immediately arranged for him to get his personal items back. The bad news is that it took four years for him to recover his half of the house money.

Try to find a good Thai lawyer and hope for the best. Good luck.

Greetings all,

So, after ~7 years my beloved and I have parted company. I came home from work and *everything* was gone. I am wondering what my options are to get my stuff back.

She has returned one of my cars to me and some clothes, but still won't return my credit cards, money, golf clubs (I miss them the most ), rest of clothes etc.

She has cleaned out both my bank accounts and our joint ones and also maxed out the credit cards with cash withdrawals.

I have managed to stop some of the credit cards but since she has taken all my documents I don't have any records to work from.

Can anybody give suggestions of where I stand legally, and how I can go about recovering my gear? (She is Thai, I am not. We are/were "properly" married as in all documents properly done & she has taken my surname and it shows on all her official documents/ID etc so I guess common property will come into it somewhere)

Thanks very much for any info or help.

PS: I know I am a dumbass for not seeing it coming and for trusting her with all my banking info, so posts like "hahaha sux to be you!" are not really needed unless you absolutely can't resist, thanks 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Dragonman]

I know of a similar story. The guy had the house and everything up country. He went to Bangkok, came back and found the locks on the doors changed. As expected he was livid. The police came and escorted him off the property. He got back in his car and went back to Bangkok. The next day the police found him and took the car away from him. That too was in his girlfriends name.

Here's the kicker. He got a lawyer and ended up getting half the proceeds from the sale of the house. His lawyer immediately arranged for him to get his personal items back. The bad news is that it took four years for him to recover his half of the house money.

Try to find a good Thai lawyer and hope for the best. Good luck.

Greetings all,

So, after ~7 years my beloved and I have parted company. I came home from work and *everything* was gone. I am wondering what my options are to get my stuff back.

She has returned one of my cars to me and some clothes, but still won't return my credit cards, money, golf clubs (I miss them the most ), rest of clothes etc.

She has cleaned out both my bank accounts and our joint ones and also maxed out the credit cards with cash withdrawals.

I have managed to stop some of the credit cards but since she has taken all my documents I don't have any records to work from.

Can anybody give suggestions of where I stand legally, and how I can go about recovering my gear? (She is Thai, I am not. We are/were "properly" married as in all documents properly done & she has taken my surname and it shows on all her official documents/ID etc so I guess common property will come into it somewhere)

Thanks very much for any info or help.

PS: I know I am a dumbass for not seeing it coming and for trusting her with all my banking info, so posts like "hahaha sux to be you!" are not really needed unless you absolutely can't resist, thanks 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Obviously this is far too complex a matter to consider here other than see a good lawyer and also make a theft report to the police regarding money taken from your personal bank account and credit cards.

Gary A. I am interested in your friend's case. How was the lawyer able to get the 50% return on the property, which was presumably his wife's and on which he had signed a waiver if he was a farang? I have always had the impression that a Judge would exclude thai owned land from Communal Property laws.

[Boo]

to the op, firstly, where are you, in you own country or Thailand. Secondly, if the cc & bank details are in your name, surely you can contact the police as she has effectivly stolen your money??? Thirdly, get a bloody good lawyer. Good luck

[bkkexplorer]

Sorry to hear the news,.. I've no legal advise to give.

I would like to know if you saw this coming or was it a total surprise. If so, what caused it. I know these are personal questions so I understand if you don't want to answer.

[slackula]

Wow! Fast forum!

Thanks for the replies. To Boo: We are both in Thailand (Phuket).

Things had been pretty bad for a while. The night before she came home late and raving drunk and started smashing things up around the house. I coaxed her outside and then locked her out to stop anything else getting broken until she calmed down.

She then called the police to accuse me of hitting her (I have NEVER and could never hit any woman). When the police arrived they were fantastic. The sized up the situation and came down heavily on my side. They told her to behave herself. I went to sleep in a hotel when the police left because I didn't want any other drama and I was facing a busy day at work.

After I got home and realised everything was gone I went down to the station and told the police what had happened. They gave me a ride home and took a look around the empty house. A couple of days later when she was still refusing to give anything back and taunting me over the phone I went down and had a chat with the duty officer. He rang her up and she pissed him off so he yelled at her to bring my stuff back. She said she would but never showed up, and stopped answering her phone also. This happened on the next two nights too.

I filed a report about the car being stolen and the a few days later the police called to say they had convinced her to drop the car off at the station and she had done it. They have been really great but they say there isn't much more they can do and I feel bad disturbing them any further.

I have offered her half of the savings (somewhere over 300,000 Baht) for a nice quick settlement but she refused and said she wanted 2 million!! I don't have anything like that money, and anyway we have no kids or house and she earns about 25K a month so I don't see that I owe her a ###### thing more. She has been working for about 4 months, up till now I was the only bread winner.

FWIW She is not a BG, we met in Oman where I was a chef and she was assistant accountant in an international hotel.

I really don't want to waste all the money on lawyers, I wish to just settle it and get on with life *sigh*

(Sorry for the long post)

[cobra]

Sorry to hear your tale but not a particularly uncommon one,

I doubt the relationship deteriorated overnight, probably in critical condition for a while,

Whatever set her off, imagined or otherwise, beware the scorn of a woman ...

She may have truly been in love with you but also you were an investment, and now the note is due,

Change the locks on the door or move immediately, write off any material, not worth the stress trying to get it back, golf clubs can be replaced. Close out all credit cards and mutual accts, etc,

It seems bad now but you'll recover, she on the other hand will run out of money soon enough, be prepared for her trying to come back into your life with tales of misunderstanding and wanting to start all over. Don't, if she fired you once she'll do it again, cut your losses, whenever you feel like it cast your net again for the sea is full of fish...

Good luck and hang in there,

[Boo]

that is harsh slackula, but as others have said, maybe better to just write off the fincial loss (you at least have the car back, get the keys changed just in case) & start work on curing the emotional fall out I have to say though, that at least the boys in brown showed some decency & tried to help, but TiT & they probably knew as well that the chance of getting the money back is minimal. If you can afford to let it go, the do & get on with your life & the next time you meet a girl, be a little more possesive over your money. I know thats not helpul but the only good advise I can give you.

oh, & are the cc insured, are they thai cards or from overseas, if overseas like barclaycard etc, then they are insured I think for theft, check with the issuing bank & present them witht he police report.

[snoophound]

Sorry to hear ,Its tough especialy when you gave that level of trust and respect.

But I learnt from Falang ex wife,never give them joint acct access or cards.

With a Thai girl never ever ever.

They are incredible at finding ways to rationalise in their own minds (and their friends help) that they are right,its their money,you can afford it etc etc.

Do not gamble what you cant afford to lose.

that is harsh slackula, but as others have said, maybe better to just write off the fincial loss (you at least have the car back, get the keys changed just in case) & start work on curing the emotional fall out I have to say though, that at least the boys in brown showed some decency & tried to help, but TiT & they probably knew as well that the chance of getting the money back is minimal. If you can afford to let it go, the do & get on with your life & the next time you meet a girl, be a little more possesive over your money. I know thats not helpul but the only good advise I can give you.

oh, & are the cc insured, are they thai cards or from overseas, if overseas like barclaycard etc, then they are insured I think for theft, check with the issuing bank & present them witht he police report.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Dragonman]

that is harsh slackula, but as others have said, maybe better to just write off the fincial loss (you at least have the car back, get the keys changed just in case) & start work on curing the emotional fall out I have to say though, that at least the boys in brown showed some decency & tried to help, but TiT & they probably knew as well that the chance of getting the money back is minimal. If you can afford to let it go, the do & get on with your life & the next time you meet a girl, be a little more possesive over your money. I know thats not helpul but the only good advise I can give you.

oh, & are the cc insured, are they thai cards or from overseas, if overseas like barclaycard etc, then they are insured I think for theft, check with the issuing bank & present them witht he police report.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

slackula. You only have to give half communal property ie anything acquired during the marriage. Tell her to see a lawyer about the 2 million. Can just walk away if you want to and let her sue you for divorce in a few years. Will change her mind on the 300,000 I'm sure.

You may make things worst if you report to Barclaycard that the cards were stolen. They have a policy of prosecuting even if you don't want to. Unless of course you are happy to have her clear her thoughts in prison

[eddie eagle]

Sorry to hear of your bad news ..... a salutory lesson for us all

Something I learned a while ago is in finacial matters don't be surprised if the worst of all outcomes actually happens, don't commit more than you are prepared to lose and ring fence property and funds you want to hang on to.

Difficult but best get a good local adviser that can be trusted ....is that an oxymoron? ......get what you can now then move on emotionally and perhaps physically as well.

Edited August 14, 2005 by eddie eagle

[Pink Mist]

It's not a Thai thing, just remember it goes on all the time any where.

[mrbojangles]

It's not a Thai thing, just remember it goes on all the time any where.

Absolutely, Bronco. My Ex (farang) tried it with me but i was way too cunning for her. Fortunately i had seen it coming though

[siamesekitty]

Ouch! Sorry to hear about your story, slackula I'm glad that at least the police were sympathetic and tried to help you.

Not much legal advice I can give you except get a good lawyer.. but I hope you can still afford one na (How did she manage to take *everything* out within just a day?? That was some fast movin'! )

Anyway, the best of luck to you; hope you make it through okay (both financially and emotionally)

P.S. By the way, this doesn't mean all Thai girls are bad naka (note to the sour old farts that love to slag off Thais)

Edited August 14, 2005 by siamesekitty

[slackula]

<snip> I have to say though, that at least the boys in brown showed some decency & tried to help, but TiT & they probably knew as well that the chance of getting the money back is minimal. </snip>

The police here in Phuket have been really fantastic in the two dealings I have had with them.

(OT) About 6 months ago I got knocked off my bike by a drunk driver and two of them behind me on another bike saw the whole thing happen. They chased him down, took me to hospital and then to the police station and impounded his pick-up for a week until his boss who owned the pick-up coughed up 18,000 Baht for repairs to my bike. It was the same lieutenant from that case who has been trying to help me out in this one, he's a really decent guy.

Thanks everybody for all the suggestions and thoughtful replies, I have already done all the cancelling of cards (they were all local) and lock changing etc.

[Simbo]

Ouch! Sorry to hear about your story, slackula    I'm glad that at least the police were sympathetic and tried to help you.

Not much legal advice I can give you except get a good lawyer.. but I hope you can still afford one na   (How did she manage to take *everything* out within just a day?? That was some fast movin'!  )

Anyway, the best of luck to you; hope you make it through okay (both financially and emotionally)

P.S. By the way, this doesn't mean all Thai girls are bad naka    (note to the sour old farts that love to slag off Thais)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

As much as I would like to trust them, I would NEVER put anything in their name again. enough said.

[siamesekitty]

As much as I would like to trust them, I would NEVER put anything in their name again. enough said.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good advice... actually applies to just about anybody though

[baht&sold]

From the little I've read here, you sound like a damned decent guy Slakula. Amazing you've kept your cool (well done) and got on with it as much as one can (particulaily after 7yrs, not to mention the material losses). Sounds like you respect women in general and have treated the police similarily. Also, this doesn't seem to have affected your views of other Thais apparently and that's great.

I had a serious run in a few years back here (business related issue with some 'heavyweight' Thais). I was feeling fairly frustrated and alone but to my surprise, the cops were great! Well, it didn't hurt I tried to keep calm, also had previously spent an hour a day over there getting them set up and trained on email etc. Point being, if you continue to keep your cool, show them you're the one being helpfull and calm, you're much farther ahead. I think you already know this tho Good luck

[jackr]

Just consider yourself lucky in that you don't have kids in the equation and once all the financial end of it is sorted out you never have to see her again.

All the best

[The Skipper]

If you can afford to walk away, do it.

She could have family members that are benefitting from her good fortune.

If they see you attempting to take it away, they might make an offer you can't refuse.

[slackula]

If you can afford to walk away, do it.

She could have family members that are benefitting from her good fortune.

If they see you attempting to take it away, they might make an offer you can't refuse.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Fortunately that is not an issue. She has one sister (nice girl) married to a guy I could have fired in a heartbeat, an elderly mother and 14 yo son (who I have supported over the years). I think it's the loss of that support because of a moment of rashness and losing face over getting rejected by the police that is causing her to be so stubborn. She has always been a feisty one! Plus many unsavoury things have been sms messaged back and forth at times over the last month.

I even offered to continue our AIA endowment payments so we don't lose the 5 years we have paid in already (1 policy each for us and one for her son) in lieu of alimony if she'd give back everything and half the money but that didn't sway her. She just wants to cause as much disruption as possible. It's a real "cutting off your nose to spite your face" situation.

I am certainly not the best husband in the world: I work very long hours, I come home late and drunk sometimes after a night out with friends or colleagues, and I take after my father in being rather remote and aloof. If that's not bad enough I have had dalliances with a demimondaine on occasion, although *very* infrequently in comparison to most other married guys I have met, and I have never admitted to anything (and yes I feel sh!tty about that).

She asked to come back, I said give me all the stuff and we'll talk, she said no way because if she gives it back we've nothing to talk about. It's all a bit Catch 22, that's why I am looking at the legal options and asking advice now.

Sorry for straying off topic (again), I'm actually not here looking for a hug.

Take my story as a cautionary tale; with anybody, of any nationality, you never really know what they are thinking.

If anybody knows a cheap farang-friendly lawyer in Phuket that would be great.

[The Skipper]

My Laywer is an a**hole, a prick and a jerk.

In other words, a great lawyer.

He is in Bangkok though. PM if you need a number.

[slackula]

PM sent, thanks Skipper

[britmaveric]

Credit cards are joint - I dont think you have legal recourse since accounts are jointly owned legally she can max out and you are both responsible.

[loong]

Credit cards are joint - I dont think you have legal recourse since accounts are jointly owned legally she can max out and you are both responsible.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

In that case, is he legally entitled to only pay off his half?

[britmaveric]

Credit cards are joint - I dont think you have legal recourse since accounts are jointly owned legally she can max out and you are both responsible.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

In that case, is he legally entitled to only pay off his half?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

CC companies will go after who's most likely to pay even the wife's half....

[pnustedt]

Sounds like a pretty volatile relationship you 've got there. Are you certain that it's over. Doesn't sound like your wife is leaving you for a better situation.

Maybe try to u'stand wot she is wanting or missing.

In my experience, once you appoint lawyers, there is no going back, be sure that is what you want. My advice would be to wait a bit and calm down.