Blondes

[mrbojangles]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes".

"What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, but the blonde yells,

"You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."

[lovejoy]

very good :-)

[BambinA]

[lovejoy]

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police

cruiser pulled her over.

The police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde.

She asked for the blonde's driver's license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?'

Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.

She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman.

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this.

[BambinA]

[BambinA]

Three girls get into a lift at work, a brunette, a redhead and ablonde. The brunette is first to notice a white stain on the floor 'Eww! that looks like sperm!' she exclaims.

The redhead tentatively bends down and sniffs it. 'I think you're right' she says 'It smells like sperm!'

The blonde picks some up on her finger and tastes it. 'Well it's no-one from our floor!'

[mrbojangles]

Three girls get into a lift at work, a brunette, a redhead and ablonde. The brunette is first to notice a white stain on the floor 'Eww! that looks like sperm!' she exclaims.

The redhead tentatively bends down and sniffs it. 'I think you're right' she says 'It smells like sperm!'

The blonde picks some up on her finger and tastes it. 'Well it's no-one from our floor!'

[BambinA]

A blonde and a brunette, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.

The brunette sighs and says, "Oh, shit, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.....for no reason."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal,don't you like getting flowers?"

The brunette says, "Oh sure.....but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

[BambinA]

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

[BambinA]

brunette girl

Bambi

Edited August 19, 2005 by BambinA

[mrbojangles]

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?

A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?

A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?

A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her indicator is working on her car?

A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

[andyfletch]

Did you hear about the blonde who won the gold medal at the Olympics?

She had it bronzed.

What do you call an all-blonde skydiving team?

A new version of the Lawn Darts game.

Why did the blonde take his new scarf back to the store?

It was too tight.

What do you call a blonde at university?

A visitor.

Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath?

She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.

Did you hear about the blonde who never learned to water ski?

She couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Why was the blonde smiling when it was lightning?

She thought someone was taking her picture.

What did the blonde say to the physicist?

"Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?

She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

What does a blonde make best for dinner?

Reservations.

What are two blondes doing in front of a motorcycle?

Arguing about who is going to sit by the window.

How did the blonde burn her nose?

Bobbing for french fries.

Why do blondes have more fun?

They are easier to keep amused.

How do you know if someone is a true blonde or a fake?

Ask them what color they use, if they give you crayons,they're blonde.

What did the blonde get on her IQ test?

Drool.

What did the blonde name her pet zebra?

Spot.

What's a blonde behind a steering wheel?

An air bag!

Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?

To see what was on the other side.

What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?

You pick them up, throw them in the gutter, and they always come back for more.

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?

Oh look, donut seeds!

What do you call a smart blond?

Endangered species.

Why did they stop the wave at sporting events?

To many blondes drown.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.

Why can't blondes be pharmacists?

Because they can't figure out how to fit the bottle in the typewriter.

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Benjamin Moore came out with a new paint color called "Blond".

It's not too bright but it spreads real easy.

What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?

Lipstick.

What is the definition of eternity?

Four blondes at a four way stop.

What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?

Last year's hide-and-seek champ.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?

Tell her she's pregnant.

What's her first question?

"Is it mine?"

Why don't blondes eat bananas?

They can't find the zipper.

What two things, found in the air, can get a blonde pregnant?

Her feet!

What's the mating call of the blonde?

"I'm *sooo* drunk!"

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?

Introduces herself.

How does a blonde turn the light on in the morning?

She opens the car door.

Why did the blonde fail her driver's license test 3 times?

Every time the car stopped she jumped into the back

seat.

What is a blonde's most frequently used 4-letter word?

"NEXT!"

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1 - blondes will screw any thing.

What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?

If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

What do you say to a blonde who won't give in?

"Have another beer."

[BambinA]

[andyfletch]

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts herever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.

She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"

She says "No, I'm really a blonde".

"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."

[BambinA]

[BambinA]

Not at all tasty. Doctor's true story.

I was caring for a blonde woman in the hospital and asked, "So, how was your breakfast this morning?"

"It was very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.

I asked if I could see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Bambi