The A-team In Thailand

[fxm88]

In 1972 an elite group of commandos was convicted of a crime they didn't

commit. They promptly escaped from a maximum military prison into the

Los Angeles underground. If you have a problem, and you can find them,

you might get help from...

Theเอ Team

[Cue the A-Team Theme http://homepage.ntlworld.com/brien.hannah/ateam.mid]

[Act I]

A smiling Auntie Nid arrives early one morning to open her beach-chair

mini-resort on fabulous Pattaya beach. She discovers a group of surly

men breaking up her chairs and umbrellas. She tries to stop them but

they attack her and push her to the ground. Before leaving one of the

men rips off her 10 baht gold necklace and warns her to pay her "rent"

faster next time.

[Act II]

The next week after being released from the hospital she limps back down

to the beach to survey the damage. She collapses into the sand and begins

to weep. Just then a figure emerges from the water. At first Nid fears

her tormentors have returned, then she decides she is hallucinating,

next she is certain it is a ghost, but wait... it's Godzilla! No, it's

just some crazy farang in a Godzilla suit. Smoking a cigar.

Hannibal: Khun Nid I presume?

[Nid stares at him blankly.]

Hannibal: You called The A-Team?

[Hannibal signals the rest of the team. A man sitting on the a bench

chatting with some girls comes over... it's Face. A jogger runs over

and it's... BA Baracus. And a man who's been digging for clams... is

Murdoch! Everyone comes over.]

Hannibal: I believe you've been informed of our fee?

Nid: Sorreee! I no have money for pay.

Hannibal: It's non-negotiable.

[Nid thinks for a moment.]

Nid: Here, you like my sister? You can have!

[Just then Nid's sister Noy walks in]

Face: Good God! She's blacker than BA!

Hannibal: More gold, too.

BA: No way Hannibal -- you know I like white wimmin!

Hannibal: Later, BA, we've got work to do. [To Nid] Really, it's...

Nid: You like young gurl? Here my daughter...

[On cue Nid's daughter Boo walks in]

Hannibal: Wha...? She can't be more than 13 years old!

Murdoch: Ahhh, me rikey.

Nid: You can do!

Murdoch: Say "yes", Hannibal, please say "yes", please Hannibal, please,

please, please.

Hannibal: OK, OK, we'll figure it out later. Face, you know what to do.

Face: I'm already on it!

Hannibal: BA, Murdoch, we're gonna need some firepower.

BA: I don't know Hannibal... it's not watermelon season... but I'll figure somethin' out. [smiles]

Murdoch: Sir, yes sir!

[Murdoch flags a songthaew and hops on.]

BA [panicking]: No, no, no! I ain't gettin' on no songthaew!

[Murdoch pulls a syringe from his pocket and injects it into BA's neck. BA

immediately passes out and they drag him onto the waiting truck.]

Murdoch [to driver]: Once around the park, Jeeves, then home for tea.

Driver: You pay five hunnert baht?

Murdoch: Money is no object, my good man.

[They speed off.]

Face: I hope you've got a plan.

Hannibal: I've always got a plan. [Lights his cigar.]

[Act III] [The next day]

[Hannibal is on the beach with Nid cleaning up the mess. BA arrives looking

disheveled and lacking his trademark gold necklaces.]

Hannibal: BA! What happened to you? Are you all right?

BA: Last night while I was walking back to my hotel a couple guys on a motorbike swooped down on me and stole my gold!

[Murdoch arrive with a new second-hand van done up A-Team style.]

Hannibal: Hey, nice van! Where'd you find it?

Murdoch: It's second-hand and 15 years old but I got a great deal on it -- only 2 million baht, that's like what? 500 bucks American?

Hannibal: No, that's more like $50,000!

BA: I pity the fool buys a car in Pattaya!

Murdoch: I painted it myself. Do you like it?

[Face arrives with trailed by a large entourage -- it's his new wife, her parents and uncles and aunts and their buffalo.]

Face: Morning everyone! I'd like you to meet my new wife. We met last night. In a bar. But don't worry, it was her first night working. These are her parents, some uncles and aunts and assorted relatives. Apparently the buffalo is a little under the weather.

BA: I pity the fool finds a wife in Pattaya!

Face: I guess I'm gonna need a house.

Hannibal: Hey, I just bought a beautiful 12 bedroom, 2 bathroom Thai-Bali style concrete bunker. It's in a quiet village near the train station and the beach with hi-class furniture and convenient to all amenities. I'd be happy to rent it to you -- what do you say to 65,000 baht per month?

BA: I pity the fool buys a house in Pattaya!

Hannibal: Now, about these hooligans who roughed you up.

Nid: Mai pen rai! My niece get married and I sale one of my houses... now I have money to pay the rent 50 baht, no problem.

Face: Waitamiinut... you mean we went through all this over a matter concerning 50 measly baht?

Murdoch: Why... that's just ting-tong!

Hannibal: I love it when a plan comes together.

BA: F* all y'all -- I'm going to Svay Pak.

[They all laugh. Exit.]

The A-Team airs on Star World every week day at 9am.

Edited August 25, 2005 by fxm88

[tripperj]

I love it . Brilliant