Bar Owner's High Season Tactics Explained

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Bar Owner's High Season Tactics Explained

Nightmarch

Ode to a Haggis: As I noted in the last issue, the popular Offshore beer boozer in Soi X-zyte (off Third Road) will be holding its annual Robbie Burns night on 25 January with the official program starting at 8:30pm. By the time you read this, the 120 tickets for this unique event should have been snapped up by people of Scottish heritage and those who like to dress in fetching tartan outfits.

The 2011 event celebrates the 252nd birthday of Scotland's most famous poet and the man who brought the world the New Year's Eve anthem Auld Lang Syne. The main part of the supper will consist of Haggis, neeps and chappit tatties, which, in English, is Haggis, turnips and potatoes. The turnips are being flown in from Scotland.

The evening is open to all Offshores' usual customers and anyone else who would like to observe the cultural aspects of a country which has given the world William Wallace, Adam Smith, Mary Queen of Scots and the Bay City Rollers. For more information please call mine host, the genial Bob Lawrence, on 089 4011131 or drop in to the Offshore Bar in Soi X-zyte.

A real watering hole: The Club Oasis go-go (corner of Soi Buakhow and Soi Chaiyapoon) will be celebrating its fourth anniversary with a party on Thursday night 30 December. Although the den is always busy this party is more of a thank you for their many regulars and will feature a spitting pig and other goodies for patrons who wander by the chrome pole palace around 8:00pm onwards. The usual happy hour deals will apply: the two for the price of one house liver wasters at 100 baht has to be one of the best in Fun Town. I know a couple of people who spend an evening or two every week reducing their liver function by way of the happy hour deal while ogling the 40 or so dancing damsels scattered about the den.

If only they knew: There is an assumption among many bums on bar stools that the owners of the bars, be they foreigners or Thais, are in the business of obtaining as many bar fines for their working ladies as possible, as this leads to greater profits. There are even a few bar owners who believe this. The reality is completely the opposite. Bar owners live off the earnings of alcohol consumption not (illegal) prostitution.

The best result in financial terms for any bar owner is to have a plethora of good quality mattress actresses working in their establishment, with the majority of these remaining un-barfined until as late as possible on any given evening. That way, when prospective punters come to the bar they are likely to stay for a drink or sixty because of the tunnel vision on show. These damsels will, in turn, make some money because of the commission they receive on over-priced lady drinks. So, when a bar has the numbers of its primary attraction depleted rapidly because of bar fines, the chances of keeping the joint full with imbibers is severely reduced. This is one of the reasons why so many bars have what appear to be outrageously expensive bar fines during the Christmas-New Year period. The aim is to discourage punters from bar fining the staff. Whether the damsels who work in the dens and beer boozers are aware of this I don't know. Nowadays, they are increasingly encouraged to opt for operating in a short-time environment and many seem to have embraced this idea with a passion, realizing they can make more money.

Prisoners of more than Zenda: After much hype and fanfare the Alcatraz go-go opened on Walking Street in early December. The joint is huge in terms of size, which is going to cause problems after high season I would think. The owners have created a theme and stuck with it all the way, although I suspect the whole faux prison concept brings back a few too many memories for many punters. Not the kind of nostalgia many would be looking for, especially since the serving wenches, dressed in drab brown, are equipped with real handcuffs; I know, because one of them decided I looked dodgy enough to be locked in the bracelets. The place is arrestingly clean, bright, and fresh, unlike its namesake.

The dancing damsels are broken into three groups. There are coyote gyrators in short orange shorts and wrap shirts with the word 'guilty' stenciled on the back. The 'guilty' might well be right as a number were a little bit too much on the 'healthy' side and need to experience a prison diet for a few weeks. The downstairs dancers are way overdressed for a go-go bar, in black and white striped tops and black bikinis. The chains on their wrists keep with the theme, which is good, as are the large numbers of their tunics (007 for example), but the outfits need some serious 'sexing up'. Upstairs is what might be termed the solitary confinement room where a cage is in the centre and inside are dancers whose clothing has slipped to reveal the ravages of prison life. This section of the den is nicely appointed and more comfortable than the ground floor.

Between dancers, coyote girls, serving staff and hostesses (dressed in serious black) there must have been 70 or more people on the payroll. Given the investment in the joint and the huge staff required to make it look busy, it's no surprise the drinks prices are over the top. Liver wasters at 150 baht are designed for tourists, not expats and regulars, and come May this year they may find life getting a bit tough on the financial bottom line. Especially if the dancers remain almost fully clothed.

Just around the corner, Angelwitch (Soi 15), charges 125 baht for a liver waster and yet they have professionally choreographed shows and damsels with assets on show; Alcatraz has no shows and not much on display. Basically, well worth a look to experience the theme, but I doubt it will garner a sufficiently large crew of regular visitors.

A yawning gap: Wandered into the Cavern go-go (Walking Street) at about 9:45pm on a Saturday night in December and was surprised to see there was more staff than customers. This is another themed joint (formerly Honey and then Sisterz) with about 20-25 dancers in various stages of attire, or lack thereof, and of varying ages, shapes, sizes and attractiveness. Nothing really wrong with the place except it lacks ambience and looks to be a one-drink den to be visited on irregular occasions. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-14