Anyone Having Trouble Finding A Relationship Here?

[bobbin]

It has been awhile since I visited the forum. I see the same dribble is being posted

I recently laughed as I had a Western friend move here not to long ago. He read that assnine book "Thailand Fever". That book made me laugh as I skimmed it. It was geared to the typical scum bag foreigner who met GF in a bar and after she did him well, now he wants to marry her. So for those few, pick up the book it has all the answers.

Here are a few of my rules of the thumb.

1)STAY WAY FROM BARS.

2) STAY AWAY FROM DATING WEBSITES

3) Rule of thumb # 1

4) Rule of thumb # 2

My GF and I laugh when we see the 50+ year old guy with the 20 year old gal. For some reason it is perceived that it is OK here to have a GF 30+ years younger...well let me tell you, in the groups of people I associate with here, it is not. They may not say it out loud but trust me they are as disgusted with it as the people are in the country you came from. Thai folks typically are quiet and avoid confrontation but do not kid yourself if you think they embrace your pedophile activity.....

Well!!

You aren't an advanced member at all, are you?

Seriously, sure your GF isn't saying what you want to hear? They will do that you know...

It's Valentine's Day and I feel like a 20 year old. In fact, I feel like two 20 year olds.

[Heng]

Just from observing around town, another goal apart from finding a relationship IMO should be finding someone who is actually capable of understanding more than 20-25% of what you're saying.

"You stay here and do the shopping and I'll go pickup the car from the dealership."

*significant other continues nodding and heading off towards the parking lot...*

Edited February 14, 2011 by Heng

[IanForbes]

It's Valentine's Day and I feel like a 20 year old. In fact, I feel like two 20 year olds.

Try three, like me, it's a juggling match... but actually fun. It's even more fun when you get caught. There's laughter all around, but you've got to start all over again.

[macleod101]

I'm married to a girl who used to work at a massage parlour, she sold her body to make money. so i can't comment on finding a Thai girl who's not a working girl..

but why would you want to marry a thai lady?

I'm happily married, but every relationship I've seen In Britain between thai ladys and english men is far from perfect. You might not get a lady with such a nice body but the culture difference makes it hard to say any thai-ferang relationship is normal.

I once went out with a thai girl who was upper class and educated and that was no better.

come to Thailand, get laid go home IMO..

although I love my wife and I wish to be with her for life, the relationship would have been better if she was from the western part of the world. If this relationship fails then I will never go back to a thai women..

I literally came to Thailand backpacking, first day in bangkok I met my wife and here I am...

again we are happily married but thai girls argue over really silly things. unlike western girls who argue over silly things..

anyway Thai women in general like the idea of meeting a fairly good looking wealthy westerner and getting married. If you've been in LOS for 7years and not found that yet then your looking in all the wrong places..

My mother who's 60 had 35-45yr old men falling at her feet when she met the in laws...

anyhow good luck..

[bartender100]

This is from Stickman this week ( sorry if your reading this Sticks, and hope you don't mind me posting this here) but this reader submission is really worth reading if your wanting a relationship in Thailand, hits the nail on the head

http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/ReadersSubmissions2011/reader6564.htm

[nocturn]

I know, my bad. I must have had a serious blackout when I posted then. I was basically trying to express that while I do have conversations with Thai girls they seem nice. However I do not get far and I have no idea how other men do. I lack social skills obviously.

there is no point in opening if you can't close.

[nocturn]

Mark, it's Sunday, so you really shouldn't be drinking so much....

When a guy joins a dating web site, he's paying for an introduction service....gaining the ability to meet and talk with women he might not otherwise meet or know...

What happens after that, in most cases leading to any kind of normal relationship, has absolutely nothing to do with P4P....

I thought everybody got on free but if you wanted to communicate you had to pay. So some of the women pay and some don't. If you communicate with a woman who pays fine. But if you pay and communicate with a woman who does not pay isn't that the same as P4P?

your trying to turn every conceivable scenario into p4p does grow tiresome. one could only hope you are being purposely obtuse

[mca]

I know, my bad. I must have had a serious blackout when I posted then. I was basically trying to express that while I do have conversations with Thai girls they seem nice. However I do not get far and I have no idea how other men do. I lack social skills obviously.

there is no point in opening if you can't close.

Works for 7-11

[StreetCowboy]

Just from observing around town, another goal apart from finding a relationship IMO should be finding someone who is actually capable of understanding more than 20-25% of what you're saying.

....

Maybe you talk too much

SC

[mark45y]

Mark, it's Sunday, so you really shouldn't be drinking so much....

When a guy joins a dating web site, he's paying for an introduction service....gaining the ability to meet and talk with women he might not otherwise meet or know...

What happens after that, in most cases leading to any kind of normal relationship, has absolutely nothing to do with P4P....

I thought everybody got on free but if you wanted to communicate you had to pay. So some of the women pay and some don't. If you communicate with a woman who pays fine. But if you pay and communicate with a woman who does not pay isn't that the same as P4P?

your trying to turn every conceivable scenario into p4p does grow tiresome. one could only hope you are being purposely obtuse

Perhaps it is because I have seen a lot of P4P during my life, not all of which has been lived in SEA.

That others don't see it may be caused by one of two reasons. Either I am more observant than them or they are less observant than I.

The lady whose family invented canned tuna used to keep a photo of her dead husband in her check book and pay silent homage to him every time she wrote a check. I guess you could interpret that gesture in many ways.

I was out on the town on Valentines day as my GF was on a bus home and did not arrive till after 9 PM. I observed a number of touching romantic moments but by far the most touching and also the most practical happened between a giant of a man and the kitchen staff at a local Falang restaurant/brothel.

You may find it a reference to P4P but I think it is a touching story of mutual need fulfilled. I was having a Valentines dinner of roast pork loin in a black pepper sauce with home fried potatoes and fresh steamed carrots and green beans while I noticed a jovial really big fat man across the dining room from me surrounded by the day shift of the ladies of the night. They were attaching heart stickers on his shirt and he was sticking hearts on their chests. He would have stuck them on their shirts but they weren't wearing shirts only white knickers with red hearts on them. He was buying the drinks, whiskey and coke (none of those watered down lady drinks, hard core place). I was enjoying the show immensely. The ladies were a bit drunk for 3 in the afternoon but they were having a good time. As big men do he had a big voice. And he bellowed, “send out the little darlings.” In a minute the 5 woman cooking staff shyly ventured out of the kitchen. Togged out in hair net hats and white kitchen blouses and black and white checked trousers. They were a stark contrast to the paid companions surrounding the big guy. He poured them each all a hefty drink from the quart of whiskey on his table. They, one by one came up and toasted him, drank and scurried back to the kitchen. 20 minutes passed and he shouted again, “send out the little darlings.” The same ritual took place three times. Each time the little cooks toasting their benefactor.

I walked over to his table and congratulated him, “that is a nice thing to do, people forget the cooks on most holidays. I applaud your gesture.”

The day shift cooks, now in the bag got off work at 5 o'clock.

I was just out killing time till my GF arrived on the bus I walked around town seeing what I could see of the Valentines celebrations.

At a different bar with five women on his generous lap (really big guy) he was having the time of his life and the ladies were joking and singing enjoying themselves. The ladies were dressed in red short skirts and tops of various designs, the clothes looked new, just like a vendor across the street had been selling for the holiday. As I looked closer I recognized the ladies were not bar girls. They were the day shift cooks from the restaurant. Here was a guy who obviously liked to eat and he had started a conversation and fledgling romance with five cooks who were experts at cooking Western food. Brilliant.

He started the conversation with the help of some whiskey sure but the end result was mutually beneficial to both parties. The ladies even though wearing new clothes smelled a bit like French fries but I think the gentleman like that fragrance.

It was one of the most heart warming Valentines scenes I have ever witnessed and a perfect example of how to start a conversation with ladies who have never taken money for sex. A fat guy and five ladies who like to cook is a grouping made in heaven.

Starting a conversation is not that hard. Be creative and let your imagination flow.

[IanForbes]

Great story, Mark. Although I'm not fat, I could be that guy. If you treat everyone with a smile and a genuine appreciation for what they do then you never know what might happen later. A bit of generousity in Thailand goes a long way.

[ignoramus]

Terrific story Mark, but by god you can talk. Don't mind me...I'm shy.

[StreetCowboy]

Terrific story Mark, but by god you can talk. Don't mind me...I'm shy.

I wish I had the courage to say that

SC

[IanForbes]

Terrific story Mark, but by god you can talk. Don't mind me...I'm shy.

I wish I had the courage to say that

SC

Don't worry about Mark, Streetcowboy, he's a lover, not a fighter, and one of the more colourful characters on tv. I'm the nasty one on the forum. Even the moderators agree with that.

[bassyfarang]

Sorry, guys, just to get back on to the topic, and of course I may be naieve and I admit I have not read all the replys, but it seems there are sooooo many Thai ladies looking for a farang, any da*m farang. I have today joined Thai Love Links, I am no looker and after just 2 hours there are least 40 ladies who want to know me. How can the poster possibly struggle to find a suitable companion with numbers like this?

One constantly hears endles rubbish about how Thai ladies don't really like farangs. What nonesense. One has to arm oneself with a stick to beat these them off. Perhaops the poster has set out to achieve failure as some kind of SM adventure, I can think of no other explanation for the difficulties he describes.

PS, sorry about spelling, I have had two beers.

[SteeleJoe]

My GF and I laugh when we see the 50+ year old guy with the 20 year old gal. For some reason it is perceived that it is OK here to have a GF 30+ years younger...do not kid yourself if you think they embrace your pedophile activity....

Say what?!

I know of no reputable source that would differ from the DSM:

"The paraphilic focus of Pedophilia involves sexual activity with a prepubescent child (generally age 13 years or younger)."

There may be a lot of less than positive things to be legitimately said about such relationships (20yo and 50yo) in general -- but it's not even close to "pedophile activity" (it's not even ephebophilia); and that (all too common) distortion is irksome not only because it's just so completely inaccurate but it also misplaces peolpe's concern for the horrific fact of real pedophile activity.

EDITED FOR FORMAT

Edited April 6, 2011 by SteeleJoe

[StreetCowboy]

Terrific story Mark, but by god you can talk. Don't mind me...I'm shy.

I wish I had the courage to say that

SC

Don't worry about Mark, Streetcowboy, he's a lover, not a fighter, and one of the more colourful characters on tv. I'm the nasty one on the forum. Even the moderators agree with that.

I meant owning up to being shy; I'm optimistic I can still run faster than Mark...

SC

[siammcfarang]

..the problem is often.. and I did it myself.. we farang often find a decent thai lady the first or second time in LOS, and then proceed to <deleted> it up with spinning head syndrom, like the kid in the candy store that can't make up his mind, so he grabs at several "things" all at once..

signed: don't know what you got till its gone

[JPPR2]

Sorry, guys, just to get back on to the topic, and of course I may be naieve and I admit I have not read all the replys, but it seems there are sooooo many Thai ladies looking for a farang, any da*m farang. I have today joined Thai Love Links, I am no looker and after just 2 hours there are least 40 ladies who want to know me. How can the poster possibly struggle to find a suitable companion with numbers like this?

One constantly hears endles rubbish about how Thai ladies don't really like farangs. What nonesense. One has to arm oneself with a stick to beat these them off. Perhaops the poster has set out to achieve failure as some kind of SM adventure, I can think of no other explanation for the difficulties he describes.

PS, sorry about spelling, I have had two beers.

I have mixed views on internet dating. I personally have never used them but have known a few that have here. Based on their feedback I would never use them. The Thai women that are throwing themselves at you so easily are doing it for a reason. The feedback from these guys has been from wanting to marry them on the first meet, Have children, sex for money, a lot have lied about their age. Most have many men on the hook. A great number have been burned by Thai men and want a meal ticket out. Some are actually call girls using the site as a money train, some have children and need support. One guy has dated about 20 different gals(or at least met 20 gals). Some he has said ended before it even started. I enjoy listening to their escapades but man is that a lot of drama to deal with.

So I think the OP is asking an honest question. He wants a relationship not a Thai internet dating nightmare. With the vast number of beautiful women here it just takes time to meet the gal you want to share time with. They are out there. I have posted this before, go to night markets, malls, walk the street areas at night when people are out and about. Make eye contact, a smile, be polite, dress respectfully, If you live in an area frequent it a lot. Folks get to know you. They feel comfortable. One may even approach you. I met my GF at a night market. I knocked her food out of her hand by accident. We have been dating ever since. A very nice women.

[IanForbes]

So I think the OP is asking an honest question. He wants a relationship not a Thai internet dating nightmare. With the vast number of beautiful women here it just takes time to meet the gal you want to share time with. They are out there. I have posted this before, go to night markets, malls, walk the street areas at night when people are out and about. Make eye contact, a smile, be polite, dress respectfully, If you live in an area frequent it a lot. Folks get to know you. They feel comfortable. One may even approach you. I met my GF at a night market. I knocked her food out of her hand by accident. We have been dating ever since. A very nice women.

I agree, JPPR2. You never know when love will find you. But, you have to be open enough to recognize it. Although I've never bothered with internet dating sites I know a few guys who are happily married because of them. I just found I never needed to waste my time when there is so much available without searching for it. A big smile and a happy attitude was all I ever needed. If you don't force the issue then the women seem to come to you. I'm 71 and I'm STILL getting proposals from attractive Thai women who are NOT working the "night trade". I'm certainly not a "handsome" man, but I'm not fat and ugly either. However, I know several fat guys who Thai women flock to, so what do I know about what the Thai women want.

What I've noticed when I try to analyze things is a positive attitude and a confident behaviour seems to attract women. That, and an attitude where you are friendly but not being needy. And not EXPECTING anything in return for your friendliness. There is an attractive women in my neighbourhood who has two cute little daughters of about 2 and 3. I just struck up a friendly game with the little kids and they seem to like me. I stick out my hand and the little girls give it a big wack and have a laugh. As it turns out the woman is single and she's shown some interest in getting to know me better. But because I'm a confirmed bachelor I haven't proceeded with the "invitation" even though I know it's there if I wanted it. I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by starting something I don't want in my future.

[MSingh]

OP : In the West it is always rumored that it is easy to pickup women in Thailand. This may be the case in the bar and prostitution scene which makes up about 2 % of the countries women. However the normal women are quite hard to get a relationship with as I have experienced in the last 7 years I have been living in LOS. However many Farangs are quite sucessful and happy with their Thai girlfriends / wives. I wonder how they do that.

It's very simple Maths really, 2% are Prostitutes like you said which is approx 1.2m people, there are nowhere near 1.2m Farangs living in Thailand & you say many Farangs are " quite successful & happy with their Thai Wives/GF's " so you shouldn't really be wondering for too long any more after thinking about it like that..

[dmax]

talk a walk down soi 6 , end of problem only joking off course, my personal view is a relationship with any thai wether hi so or bar girl is allways going to be very difficult, though i still wouldnt get involved with another western woman ( i think most of us know why ) i have my ups and downs with my wife and it is very hard sometimes to understand them , obviously likewise with thai woman trying to understand us.

[lemerou]

Depends on your definition of "normal women?"

Do you speak Thai? Makes all the difference in the world. Or at least in Thailand.

Okay, bad advice from 11 days ago. Forget it. Speaking Thai won't help.

Where: Restaurant in Chiang Mai

When: Last night

Who: Unknown foreigner who spoke pretty good Thai and Thai female who spoke a little English, apparently on their first date.

How did it go?

Something like this (both speaking Thai):

Girl: "Sorry. I itch." (vigorously scratching her forearm)

Guy: "Uh...." (same in English)

Girl: "All the time."

Guy: "Uh...(looking uncomfortable) why do you think?"

Girl: "I don't know, maybe when I'm nervous."

Guy: "Sounds like... (screws up face trying to think of the word in Thai and switches to English) "hives"."

Girl: "What's that?"

Guy: (back to Thai) "Sometimes people have red rash when they have stress. In English, it's called hives."

Girl: "How do you say in Thai?"

Guy: "Uhm, I don't know."

Girl: "How do you spell in English? I can look up when I am home."

Guy: "H-I-V --"

Girl: (speaking both in Thai and English) No, no no, I don't have..."

Guy: (somewhat shocked at the new level of vocalization from quiet girl) "No, no! H-I-V ---"

Girl: "No, no, not HIV. You are very rude man."

Everyone looking. She turns red. He turns red. He tries to talk to her in Thai. She leaves quickly. He sits with face in hands. Food comes. Entertainment portion of the evening over, I eat alone. So does he.

Thanks for this !

Horrible moment for the poor guy.

But very well described !