Stages

[61guitarman61]

I started a topic yesterday - Strange Farang Phenomenon - and due to so many "newbie" referrences, I thought a thread directed toward all those western transplants of more than a decade pertaining to the stages that a western person goes through upon moving here for the longterm would be useful. As a newbie myself, I will refrain from any input at the outset of this topic's discussion.

Take it away all you veteran expats.............

:jap:

Edited January 25, 2011 by 61guitarman61

[bkkjames]

Stages..

1. Blissful ignorance

2. Sneaking suspicion

3. Denial

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

6. Boredom

7. Regret

8. Dispair

9. Balcony

Jk;)

[61guitarman61]

Stages..

1. Blissful ignorance

2. Sneaking suspicion

3. Denial

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

6. Boredom

7. Regret

8. Dispair

9. Balcony

Jk;)

Perhaps I should just jump now then...................................

[mstribling]

Hilarious list. I'm a newbie myself so have no insight to offer.

[robblok]

Stages..

1. Blissful ignorance

2. Sneaking suspicion

3. Denial

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

6. Boredom

7. Regret

8. Dispair

9. Balcony

Jk;)

Are you nearing nr 9 ?

[tim armstrong]

Oh so depressing, there must be a better list.

1. Lust

2. Lust

3. lust with less money

4. denial

5. capitulation

6. values realignment

7. friendship

8. return of lust

9. love for some

10. confusion or contentment

[bkkjames]

Stages..

1. Blissful ignorance

2. Sneaking suspicion

3. Denial

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

6. Boredom

7. Regret

8. Dispair

9. Balcony

Jk;)

Are you nearing nr 9 ?

I am on number 11 Rob. (hidden from view)

[geriatrickid]

How come no one ever just does the obvious sane thing when things become unpleasant? Just leave. You sell the assets, buy a plane ticket and go somewhere else where the environment is more welcoming. If someone loses everything or is so despondent that he or she is going to turn into a grouch or take a leap off of a balcony, he or she was going to end up that way whether he or she stayed in East Anglia, Bora Bora or Tupelo. Sheesh.

[balhamred]

How come no one ever just does the obvious sane thing when things become unpleasant? Just leave. You sell the assets, buy a plane ticket and go somewhere else where the environment is more welcoming. If someone loses everything or is so despondent that he or she is going to turn into a grouch or take a leap off of a balcony, he or she was going to end up that way whether he or she stayed in East Anglia, Bora Bora or Tupelo. Sheesh.

what are you talking about? i've seen many people on the forum write posts about how they have left - it's not uncommon, and plenty of people i know who used to be here have left too.

On topic i would say I am at the 'bored' stage, having previously gone through phases of: excitement, care-free, hedonsim, disappointment, hedonism again, reflection, and then on to the boredom.

[robblok]

How come no one ever just does the obvious sane thing when things become unpleasant? Just leave. You sell the assets, buy a plane ticket and go somewhere else where the environment is more welcoming. If someone loses everything or is so despondent that he or she is going to turn into a grouch or take a leap off of a balcony, he or she was going to end up that way whether he or she stayed in East Anglia, Bora Bora or Tupelo. Sheesh.

That is what i did in Holland and what i will do here if it ever gets that far. Truth be said i love it here but i do complain because nothing is ever perfect.

[bermondburi]

Started off great, got slowly worse untill I was really bored with the place and then I met my wife , had kids which was a total fuc_king nightmare at first ( and still is sometimes ) because they are only fifty-five weeks apart , but probably because of the kids getting older and my finances improving things just keep on getting better and better. I am now probably in a fulfilled sense ( as opposed to a drunken or drugged sense which used to be all the time ) the happiest I've ever been here. Having a good job with nice benefits and a nice house does help though. I think that after a while Thailand is pretty much just like anywhere else and you pretty much do the same kind of stuff as you do anywhere else. Don't expect too much and you wont be disappointed. As we used to say on the beach " PARADISE AIN'T PERFECT !!!"

[annamargarita]

Stages..

1. Blissful ignorance

2. Sneaking suspicion

3. Denial

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

6. Boredom

7. Regret

8. Dispair

9. Balcony

Jk;)

The above applies to single farang tourist , coming to Thailand without purpose or direction. Thailand will be FUN temporarily and you will just go through each phases 1-9 again and again and again. My advise;

1. Hang out with good friends, not drinking buddies

2. Find a hobby like sports, arts, music

3. Find a club or community group

4. Volunteer for a cause

5. Get a good job ! It's all about timing and connection too

6. Find a good girl friend/boy friend, not bar girls or one night stand

7. Build a life

Anywhere in the world, if you dont change your style and attitude you will go through cycles of 1---->9

Goodluck !!

[61guitarman61]

Stages..

1. Blissful ignorance

2. Sneaking suspicion

3. Denial

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

6. Boredom

7. Regret

8. Dispair

9. Balcony

Jk;)

The above applies to single farang tourist , coming to Thailand without purpose or direction. Thailand will be FUN temporarily and you will just go through each phases 1-9 again and again and again. My advise;

1. Hang out with good friends, not drinking buddies

2. Find a hobby like sports, arts, music

3. Find a club or community group

4. Volunteer for a cause

5. Get a good job ! It's all about timing and connection too

6. Find a good girl friend/boy friend, not bar girls or one night stand

7. Build a life

Anywhere in the world, if you dont change your style and attitude you will go through cycles of 1---->9

Goodluck !!

Insightful and helpful advice. Thank you.

[dansat]

Stages..

1. Blissful ignorance

2. Sneaking suspicion

3. Denial

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

6. Boredom

7. Regret

8. Dispair

9. Balcony

Jk;)

I am on number 6. I think that is only becuase i have quite a good paying job here and i am not married to Thai Lady.

I am sure without the job and being married to a Thai lady i would be on number 10..... at the end on my Balcony dive.

All joking aside this is a great chart and spot on for most... Now lets just see how many people are number 3 ?? ... Judge for yourselfs and by reading the replys i will get from this post

Edited January 27, 2011 by dansat

[Berkshire]

Stages..

1. Blissful ignorance

2. Sneaking suspicion

3. Denial

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

6. Boredom

7. Regret

8. Dispair

9. Balcony

Jk;)

I am on number 6. I think that is only becuase i have quite a good paying job here and i am not married to Thai Lady.

I am sure without the job and being married to a Thai lady i would be on number 10..... at the end on my Balcony dive.

All joking aside this is a great chart and spot on for most... Now lets just see how many people are number 3 ?? ... Judge for yourselfs and by reading the replys i will get from this post

Dansat, I conferred with James and he says it's perfectly acceptable for you to skip a couple of stages. What floor do you live on?

[Shotime]

Great list bkkjames. The balcony is still making me laugh. I'm just too much of a coward to jump, but very funny. I think I'll just go home, and get a basement apartment.

[Chonburiram]

Stages..

1. Blissful ignorance

2. Sneaking suspicion

3. Denial

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

6. Boredom

7. Regret

8. Dispair

9. Balcony

Jk;)

... Now lets just see how many people are number 3 ?? ... Judge for yourselfs and by reading the replys i will get from this post

Number 3 , since 12 years, can't wait for my upgrade, it must be exciting to be depressed !

[WatUp]

I am in my own stage 2.

Stage 1 was basically happy with the low rent, safe as long as you don't act like a complete idiot, a tolerant local population, no real laws as you can basically bribe yourself out of any minor violations, etc... Not such a bad place to live (BKK).

Stage 2: discover and read TV forums and somehow begin to have a negative opinion on anything Thai.

I am trying to regain my mai pen rai attitude and can feel myself moving into stage 3...boredom which has nothing to do with Thailand, can happen anywhere.

[bkkjames]

I was joking when I wrote that list. Sorry to hear it hits home in actuality. Shall I revise it in order not to depress everyone?

[robblok]

I was joking when I wrote that list. Sorry to hear it hits home in actuality. Shall I revise it in order not to depress everyone?

There goes all the credit you build with all your good posts gone in just one topic

[gravion]

man... im so depressed man.... so booooring man.... wake up every morning nothng to do man.... telly is boring man...

i fgot nothing to do man,.... going to club is boooring man... interracting with ppl is fun for a while man... then get depressed man... cuz once ur on ur own again u got nothing to do man.....

shiiiz money is disappearing day by day man.... i see ppl running their own restaurants getting big bucks with repeating customers office workers day by day.... i feel not good man... im just draining me money and aint generating... work for thai company is like 20k for me man.... i aint got special skill or experience man.... man.... shizzz... maybe wen i got no money, i just jump off the brdige man.... make sure vehicle should finsih me up if i dint die from the fall.... man i will be all laxed man.....

i cant take ppl starig at me man.... they can tell by looking in me eyes that i got no purpose.... wow life's all about earning money? well if u got like heaps, maybe party for u everyday man... im so tired of life man.....

[Beetlejuice]

On the more serious side.

A long time ago when my Thai wife and I lived in New York, I paid the expenses for my mother in law and brother in law to come over from Bangkok. 6 months holiday for the mother in law and a one year English language course my brother in law.

I was given the responsibility for the welfare of my brother in law while in the States. I done all the arranging, Visas, the school, finding him part time employment, lodgings and so on. Later on my brother in law was able to work full time in America and stay there permanently all due to the fact that I showed him the way in the first place.

When I decided to move to Thailand it was the complete opposite for me. I was extremely naive in those days. But when I needed help or advice, no one knew anything, everyone was either too busy or had other excuses for reasons they were not able to assist me and in actuality, no one was really interested or cared.

If I did receive any help from the wife's Thai family the incentive was usually, is there an earner in it for them. So whatever side of the ocean I was on, I paid anyway.

I over spent by thousands and thousands of bahts for nothing because I was naive and not knowing the way. I made some horrendous errors that cost me dear.

I wasted truck loads of money, got ripped off, obtained all the wrong kind of visas, bought a plot of useless land and got involved with in a business that was doomed before it even began.

That was a time before the Internet when the only information available was an out of date brief guideline leaflet from the Thai embassy.

These days I have become a well seasoned ex pat. What I don't know is not worth knowing. I no longer put myself out for people and put my family and me first.

I am sure others have shared similar experiences.

Edited January 27, 2011 by Beetlejuice

[Beetlejuice]

man... im so depressed man.... so booooring man.... wake up every morning nothng to do man.... telly is boring man...

i fgot nothing to do man,.... going to club is boooring man... interracting with ppl is fun for a while man... then get depressed man... cuz once ur on ur own again u got nothing to do man.....

shiiiz money is disappearing day by day man.... i see ppl running their own restaurants getting big bucks with repeating customers office workers day by day.... i feel not good man... im just draining me money and aint generating... work for thai company is like 20k for me man.... i aint got special skill or experience man.... man.... shizzz... maybe wen i got no money, i just jump off the brdige man.... make sure vehicle should finsih me up if i dint die from the fall.... man i will be all laxed man.....

i cant take ppl starig at me man.... they can tell by looking in me eyes that i got no purpose.... wow life's all about earning money? well if u got like heaps, maybe party for u everyday man... im so tired of life man.....

:crying:

[Ulysses G.]

Oh so depressing, there must be a better list.

1. Lust

2. Lust

3. lust with less money

I've been stuck on number 3 for 20 years, but it's a lot better than lonely with little money back home.

[mark45y]

On the more serious side.

A long time ago when my Thai wife and I lived in New York, I paid the expenses for my mother in law and brother in law to come over from Bangkok. 6 months holiday for the mother in law and a one year English language course my brother in law.

I was given the responsibility for the welfare of my brother in law while in the States. I done all the arranging, Visas, the school, finding him part time employment, lodgings and so on. Later on my brother in law was able to work full time in America and stay there permanently all due to the fact that I showed him the way in the first place.

When I decided to move to Thailand it was the complete opposite for me. I was extremely naive in those days. But when I needed help or advice, no one knew anything, everyone was either too busy or had other excuses for reasons they were not able to assist me and in actuality, no one was really interested or cared.

If I did receive any help from the wife's Thai family the incentive was usually, is there an earner in it for them. So whatever side of the ocean I was on, I paid anyway.

I over spent by thousands and thousands of bahts for nothing because I was naive and not knowing the way. I made some horrendous errors that cost me dear.

I wasted truck loads of money, got ripped off, obtained all the wrong kind of visas, bought a plot of useless land and got involved with in a business that was doomed before it even began.

That was a time before the Internet when the only information available was an out of date brief guideline leaflet from the Thai embassy.

These days I have become a well seasoned ex pat. What I don't know is not worth knowing. I no longer put myself out for people and put my family and me first.

I am sure others have shared similar experiences.

I was dumb. The Thai people were nice but I had to figure it out. My first girlfriend here. Everyone told me the same thing. Even her parents and family and all of her friends. She has a heart as big as the ocean but she drinks a little bit too much.

She was drunk every day and gave away every cent I gave her.

They all told me. She had more friends than any woman I have ever met. She gave them all stuff. Mostly my stuff but we sure had a lot of friends.

After a couple of years I figured it out.

[Jingthing]

This may sound a bit odd, but most of my adult life before expatriation I have lived in areas of the US that were about as American as Taipei or Mexico City. Living in Thailand, except for a few technical adjustments like getting used to no good Mexican food where I live, doesn't feel all that much different than what I'm used to. In fact, in Pattaya, more people speak English surrounding me than I was used to! I am not sure my experience is all that unique either. Now for someone like me, moving to some small whitebread town in the US midwest, that would be my version of expatriation (and road to the balcony most likely).

Edited January 27, 2011 by Jingthing

[MJP]

Stages..

1. Blissful ignorance

2. Sneaking suspicion

3. Denial

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

6. Boredom

7. Regret

8. Dispair

9. Balcony

Jk;)

About 9.4 . . . just falling past the sixteenth floor now, approaching terminal velocity. But I routinely catch a thermal and find myself around 100 feet above the balcony again . . . yet still in mid-air.

A dear friend in the next village is going through this right now, pretty severe case but not the worst. I think he's recently entered stage 4. Or it could be between 6 and 7, not sure. Very, very nice man, done incredible and valiant things in his life, only to end up in a dog rough village in Issan with a right miserable piece and a family from the Lao Kao fueled fires of hell. It is a genuinely sad situation and I struggle to find the words to console him. For his sake I hope he heads home soon to spend an extended period with family and friends back in the US, just to get some psychological relief and take stock of his life and plan accordingly.

[NanLaew]

Based on bkkjames benchmark and considering this is my second rodeo, my stages are...

1. Party time

2. Blissful ignorance

3. Sneaking suspicion

4. Denial

5. Revelation

6. Depression

7. Balcony (fleeting thought only)

8. Acceptance

9. Separation (with divorce.... FINALLY!)

10. Hedonism I

11. Exeunt

12. Intermission (15 years) - allegedly includes mid-life crisis.

13. Hedonism II

14. Exhaustion (also known as Revelation II)

15. Romance (with unconditional love)

16. Fulfillment

...it's still a work in progress but looking awesome from here. I also live on the ground floor.

[MJP]

Based on bkkjames benchmark and considering this is my second rodeo, my stages are...

1. Party time

2. Blissful ignorance

3. Sneaking suspicion

4. Denial

5. Revelation

6. Depression

7. Balcony (fleeting thought only)

8. Acceptance

9. Separation (with divorce.... FINALLY!)

10. Hedonism I

11. Exeunt

12. Intermission (15 years) - allegedly includes mid-life crisis.

13. Hedonism II

14. Exhaustion (also known as Revelation II)

15. Romance (with unconditional love)

16. Fulfillment

...it's still a work in progress but looking awesome from here. I also live on the ground floor.

I take it Stage 15 involves a woman of the same age and body mass index?

[travelmann]

Stages..

1. Blissful ignorance

2. Sneaking suspicion

3. Denial

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

6. Boredom

7. Regret

8. Dispair

9. Balcony

Jk;)

Perhaps I should just jump now then...................................

Its regarded as cheating if you are anything less than on the 12th floor upwards