Step Children

[lovelomsak]

I often hear about people looking down on marriages between a foreigner and thai woman of definite age differences. I feel many of these foreign men marrry a woman who has children from past relationships with Thai men. In my opinion these foreigners are quite beneficial to Thai society. Taking single mothers and marrying them and assisting in bringing up their children. I am just a little curious as to how many thaivisa members are willing to let us know that their beautiful Thai wife had children from a previous relationship and they are helping to raise them now. I want it known that I myself am single but look highly at men who do take on the task of stepfather. So please if you are a thaivisa member and a stepfather here in Thailand can you please come forward and tell us. I think but amnot sure that there is quite a large number of you and more power to you. This thread came to mind after reading the one about men over 50 not being able to marry Thai women.

[Boater]

thai wives with thai children from before are genrally bar girls, and as all 110,000 TV members dont have BG wives, and married super rich Bangkok Thai Girls from wouldbe good familes, i suppose your answer will never be truly answered

[Amir]

I am married since 5 years, know my wife since 6, my wife is older (8 years), comes from the south (south south) and I met her there when I used to work in the south, I got a stepdaughter as my wife had a previous marriage (she divorced 8-9 years ago and her ex-husband died in a car crash 6 years ago), i educate my stepdaughter since a little after i met my wife, she (my stepdaughter) accepts it very well, when I am angry for X or Y justified reason i just show it and she understands... after crying ;-), my stepdaughter is 16 years old and 16 years younger then me, yes some people look strange as they think I am old looking for a "very" younger (hmmm... no comment). Her friends at school call me Khun Po. Everything is fine, nothing special, I love and care about my stepdaughter as if she would be my daughter...

Edited April 1, 2011 by Amir

[Amir]

thai wives with thai children from before are genrally bar girls, and as all 110,000 TV members dont have BG wives, and married super rich Bangkok Thai Girls from wouldbe good familes, i suppose your answer will never be truly answered

If you think this way, that's up to you, but as you said... "Generally" doesn't mean all right? So you can agree that there are some exceptions and that some people will answer you truly.

[PattayaParent]

You should have done it as a poll.

My answer would be no, I'm not a stepfather.

[robblok]

You should have done it as a poll.

My answer would be no, I'm not a stepfather.

Neither am i, but i was one in my previous marriage.

[Boater]

thai wives with thai children from before are genrally bar girls, and as all 110,000 TV members dont have BG wives, and married super rich Bangkok Thai Girls from wouldbe good familes, i suppose your answer will never be truly answered

If you think this way, that's up to you, but as you said... "Generally" doesn't mean all right? So you can agree that there are some exceptions and that some people will answer you truly.

it was supposed to be a joke

[keestha]

Lomsak you are completely right. There are many farangs taking good care of children resulting from a previous relationship their wife/girlfriend had. They are fathering them and paying their way through school/university, bless them.

[mstribling]

My wife has 2 children from a previous marriage. Kinda hard to imagine some flat-footed girl remaining unmarried for 36 yrs. waiting on a fat white boy.

It is what it is. The kids are all right.

I don't mind being a step parent. Makes those "Who would you save first?" questions easier.

[mark45y]

I lived with a Thai lady for three years. She had a 14 year old daughter who lived with a taxi driver in Bangkok. He beat her up and she moved in with us for a couple of years till she got a job as a dancer and moved out on her own. After dancing for a year she met a Thai guy, got pregnant and had one child. They are doing great. He has a good job and she is very happy staying home and taking care of the baby.

[jimbeam1]

I lived with a Thai lady for three years. She had a 14 year old daughter who lived with a taxi driver in Bangkok. He beat her up and she moved in with us for a couple of years till she got a job as a dancer and moved out on her own. After dancing for a year she met a Thai guy, got pregnant and had one child. They are doing great. He has a good job and she is very happy staying home and taking care of the baby.

I don't wish to appear naive here. But 14yr old daughter living with a taxi driver. Really?

jb1

[jimbeam1]

I think it would be quite difficult to find a now, single lady here, say over 25yrs old who doesn't have a child. At that age they are normally dumped for a younger model.

jb1

[mark45y]

I lived with a Thai lady for three years. She had a 14 year old daughter who lived with a taxi driver in Bangkok. He beat her up and she moved in with us for a couple of years till she got a job as a dancer and moved out on her own. After dancing for a year she met a Thai guy, got pregnant and had one child. They are doing great. He has a good job and she is very happy staying home and taking care of the baby.

I don't wish to appear naive here. But 14yr old daughter living with a taxi driver. Really?

jb1

She also worked as a maid during the day in a hotel when she lived with the taxi driver. Mom didn't like the guy. I didn't know the guy. On visits my job was to keep mom from beating up daughter. The taxi guy was 19 or 20. She was a quiet girl around me most of the time.

I didn't find it that odd seeing she went to school till M-3. 14 or 15 most girls stop school.

[jimbeam1]

I lived with a Thai lady for three years. She had a 14 year old daughter who lived with a taxi driver in Bangkok. He beat her up and she moved in with us for a couple of years till she got a job as a dancer and moved out on her own. After dancing for a year she met a Thai guy, got pregnant and had one child. They are doing great. He has a good job and she is very happy staying home and taking care of the baby.

I don't wish to appear naive here. But 14yr old daughter living with a taxi driver. Really?

jb1

She also worked as a maid during the day in a hotel when she lived with the taxi driver. Mom didn't like the guy. I didn't know the guy. On visits my job was to keep mom from beating up daughter. The taxi guy was 19 or 20. She was a quiet girl around me most of the time.

I didn't find it that odd seeing she went to school till M-3. 14 or 15 most girls stop school.

Oh well at least it seems to have turned out ok in the end.

jb1

[Timthai]

Yep, my partner has an 8 year old son.

He was living with his grandmother upcountry. We just brought him back to Bangkok to start the new year in a decent school here.

Everyone is happier with the arrangement, and hopefully he will have a chance at a better life.

Besides, he will hopefully be able to support us better in our old age!

[gregb]

Nope. No stepchildren. I worked hard to make our children, and they're all mine (and hers.)

Nothing against those who take care of the stepchildren though. I am sure one can love them just as much as his own genetic offspring.

[MSingh]

I know MUCH more Farang Fathers that DON'T look after the Wife's Kids form previous relationships etc, than those that do..

In many cases, the Kid up in the Village with Grandma isn't even really spoken about, no Pictures or anythign like that either heaven forbid, the Kid just appears to be dismissed a lot of the time from both the Fraang & the " Wife's " psyche.

Of course $$ has to get back to the Kid, but no parenting or emotional stuff gets back there from it's Birth Mother & it's now " Step Father ".

All of the Women in teh situations i mention above are of course Ex Bar Girls.

I do wonder about the mentality behind Men that willingly look after another Man's Children & why they would do that especially when they don't have their own Kids with their Wife, when they simply do not have to & when there are numerous other " Ladies " out there that don't have Kids that they could start their own Families with.

Fair play to them, but the need their bumps felt in my opinion..

I have a Guy opposite me, he's mid 60's, he's got a " Wife ", nice House, Car etc yet there are 2 x Thai Daughters from her previous Marraige, both 100% Thai, one is 7 Years Old & the other is 3 Years Old..

I have enquired as to how all of that, the initial meeting of the 2 people, the Marraige, the Car, the House, the perfect Family Environment all happened so quickly, but my question got dimissed pretty quickly by my Daughter's Mother whom i asked, & that was that..

I asked because i couldn't work out & still can't work out, why a 60 somethign Year old Man would take on 2 x young Daughters that weren't his, when he has grown up Children & even Grand Children, that are older than them ??

[mark45y]

I know MUCH more Farang Fathers that DON'T look after the Wife's Kids form previous relationships etc, than those that do..

In many cases, the Kid up in the Village with Grandma isn't even really spoken about, no Pictures or anythign like that either heaven forbid, the Kid just appears to be dismissed a lot of the time from both the Fraang & the " Wife's " psyche.

Of course $$ has to get back to the Kid, but no parenting or emotional stuff gets back there from it's Birth Mother & it's now " Step Father ".

All of the Women in teh situations i mention above are of course Ex Bar Girls.

I do wonder about the mentality behind Men that willingly look after another Man's Children & why they would do that especially when they don't have their own Kids with their Wife, when they simply do not have to & when there are numerous other " Ladies " out there that don't have Kids that they could start their own Families with.

Fair play to them, but the need their bumps felt in my opinion..

I have a Guy opposite me, he's mid 60's, he's got a " Wife ", nice House, Car etc yet there are 2 x Thai Daughters from her previous Marraige, both 100% Thai, one is 7 Years Old & the other is 3 Years Old..

I have enquired as to how all of that, the initial meeting of the 2 people, the Marraige, the Car, the House, the perfect Family Environment all happened so quickly, but my question got dimissed pretty quickly by my Daughter's Mother whom i asked, & that was that..

I asked because i couldn't work out & still can't work out, why a 60 somethign Year old Man would take on 2 x young Daughters that weren't his, when he has grown up Children & even Grand Children, that are older than them ??

I can tell you why I did. The girl showed up one day, no place to go, no money and a black eye and bruises. You do what you have to do.

[Roadman]

I know MUCH more Farang Fathers that DON'T look after the Wife's Kids form previous relationships etc, than those that do..

In many cases, the Kid up in the Village with Grandma isn't even really spoken about, no Pictures or anythign like that either heaven forbid, the Kid just appears to be dismissed a lot of the time from both the Fraang & the " Wife's " psyche.

Of course $$ has to get back to the Kid, but no parenting or emotional stuff gets back there from it's Birth Mother & it's now " Step Father ".

All of the Women in teh situations i mention above are of course Ex Bar Girls.

I do wonder about the mentality behind Men that willingly look after another Man's Children & why they would do that especially when they don't have their own Kids with their Wife, when they simply do not have to & when there are numerous other " Ladies " out there that don't have Kids that they could start their own Families with.

Fair play to them, but the need their bumps felt in my opinion..

I have a Guy opposite me, he's mid 60's, he's got a " Wife ", nice House, Car etc yet there are 2 x Thai Daughters from her previous Marraige, both 100% Thai, one is 7 Years Old & the other is 3 Years Old..

I have enquired as to how all of that, the initial meeting of the 2 people, the Marraige, the Car, the House, the perfect Family Environment all happened so quickly, but my question got dimissed pretty quickly by my Daughter's Mother whom i asked, & that was that..

I asked because i couldn't work out & still can't work out, why a 60 somethign Year old Man would take on 2 x young Daughters that weren't his, when he has grown up Children & even Grand Children, that are older than them ??

I cannot for the life of me figure out what having older children or grand children has to do with the basic want to be a father or father figure to a new partners children.

And the term other peoples children has wide variations. I know I would and do apply different levels of fatherhood to "other peoples children" with the level being set to what the involvement is in the child's life from the biological father. You would have to be absolutely heartless and in my mind slightly completely thick to turn down the role of father to your wife's child if you and your wife share a sound and loving relationship and are committed to making a family home environment, you share and have the means and the said child has been completely abandoned by their father and wants to have a "Dad".

I gradually accepted the role of father to my wifes 15 year old daughter 3 years ago. It was a choice of leaving her in Thailand with the partial guidance of my wifes thai family or bring her to live with us in a more controlled and committed (perhaps nurturing is the term) family unit with the bonus of getting a western education. Three years on the most magical word in my life is "Dad" from a daughter who I consider is a gift in my life and the second best thing that has happened to me behind my thai partner. And yes I have the joy of having the older children that you describe, and they accept and enjoy the new family unit that is us. That also includes the heart wrenching pain of losing through her choice, a beautiful falang 19 year old daughter for reasons that only she ever knew. The awesome thai girl who now lovingly calls me Dad will never replace my daughter lose, but she has opened up a shattered heart and allowed me the joy of being a dad again. And that is something I would not trade for all the gold in Thailand. I trust that may give you an insight and understanding to at least one example of the older guys who not only accept but lovingly give opportunity to other mens children be they thai or falang.

Edited April 1, 2011 by Roadman

[Beetlejuice]

Unfortunately they are my children and I`m stuck with it.

[tartempion]

I lived with a Thai lady for three years. She had a 14 year old daughter who lived with a taxi driver in Bangkok. He beat her up and she moved in with us for a couple of years till she got a job as a dancer and moved out on her own. After dancing for a year she met a Thai guy, got pregnant and had one child. They are doing great. He has a good job and she is very happy staying home and taking care of the baby.

I don't wish to appear naive here. But 14yr old daughter living with a taxi driver. Really?

jb1

Nothing unusual.

Farang friend, stepfather, had his 14 year young stepdaughter pregnant from a Thai male.

She is 18 now with a 3 year old baby and the father is in jail for 20 years, found guilty of being the hitman's motorbike driver.

My GF's younger brother (age 30) managed to get a 14 year old girl pregnant, have baby now and live together in new house built/paid by girl's mother. Does not look as if sin sod will be paid soon to the lady's mother

Don't ask me for more examples, I would still be posting this reply tonight.

[tartempion]

I think it would be quite difficult to find a now, single lady here, say over 25yrs old who doesn't have a child. At that age they are normally dumped for a younger model.

jb1

Thank you for that insight, I should have known, being an expert on all Thai matters

I was wondering until now, how it is possible that 80%+ of farangs I see with Thai wives are trailing a harem of children behind the lady.

[tartempion]

You would have to be absolutely heartless and in my mind slightly completely thick to turn down the role of father to your wife's child if you and your wife share a sound and loving relationship and are committed to making a family home environment, you share and have the means and the said child has been completely abandoned by their father and wants to have a "Dad".

Each to his own, but to me starting a relationship with a Thai woman having one or more children is a no-no.

Part of basic checklist before moving on with a relationship

[JAS21]

Yes, my step-daughter is now 27 years old. A nice girl.....a 'kin pain in the arse.....UK educated (MSc)....Oh if only she would leave home....anyone want to marry her!!!!!!!!!!!!

[zzaa09]

thai wives with thai children from before are genrally bar girls, and as all 110,000 TV members dont have BG wives, and married super rich Bangkok Thai Girls from wouldbe good familes, i suppose your answer will never be truly answered

If you think this way, that's up to you, but as you said... "Generally" doesn't mean all right? So you can agree that there are some exceptions and that some people will answer you truly.

it was supposed to be a joke

...some don't joke.

[zzaa09]

I've 4 daughters and one adopted waif cousin. 2 girls in Sukhothai from one Mother with no previous baggage. 2 girls in Surin from one Mother {same same no previous "leftovers"}.....the current household took in one of my wife's second cousin's orphaned little girl. She fits in nicely. And I'm clearly outnumbered - a 4-to-1 ratio.

[bifftastic]

You would have to be absolutely heartless and in my mind slightly completely thick to turn down the role of father to your wife's child if you and your wife share a sound and loving relationship and are committed to making a family home environment, you share and have the means and the said child has been completely abandoned by their father and wants to have a "Dad".

Each to his own, but to me starting a relationship with a Thai woman having one or more children is a no-no.

Part of basic checklist before moving on with a relationship

A checklist? You've got a checklist? So, even if you really like a woman, you look at your checklist and, if there's not enough 'ticks' (do you have percentage criteria? Or do you allow your feelings to have any part in the decision making process?) You decide that she 'hasn't made the grade' and break it off?

Do you have pre-printed 'I'm sorry it's not you it's me' letters that you can just sign and post? No, that would be wrong, they're more likely to be 'it's not me it's you' my mistake.

And they say romance is dead!

[zzaa09]

You would have to be absolutely heartless and in my mind slightly completely thick to turn down the role of father to your wife's child if you and your wife share a sound and loving relationship and are committed to making a family home environment, you share and have the means and the said child has been completely abandoned by their father and wants to have a "Dad".

Each to his own, but to me starting a relationship with a Thai woman having one or more children is a no-no.

Part of basic checklist before moving on with a relationship

A checklist? You've got a checklist? So, even if you really like a woman, you look at your checklist and, if there's not enough 'ticks' (do you have percentage criteria? Or do you allow your feelings to have any part in the decision making process?) You decide that she 'hasn't made the grade' and break it off?

Do you have pre-printed 'I'm sorry it's not you it's me' letters that you can just sign and post? No, that would be wrong, they're more likely to be 'it's not me it's you' my mistake.

And they say romance is dead!

Love me love my dog?

[bifftastic]

You would have to be absolutely heartless and in my mind slightly completely thick to turn down the role of father to your wife's child if you and your wife share a sound and loving relationship and are committed to making a family home environment, you share and have the means and the said child has been completely abandoned by their father and wants to have a "Dad".

Each to his own, but to me starting a relationship with a Thai woman having one or more children is a no-no.

Part of basic checklist before moving on with a relationship

A checklist? You've got a checklist? So, even if you really like a woman, you look at your checklist and, if there's not enough 'ticks' (do you have percentage criteria? Or do you allow your feelings to have any part in the decision making process?) You decide that she 'hasn't made the grade' and break it off?

Do you have pre-printed 'I'm sorry it's not you it's me' letters that you can just sign and post? No, that would be wrong, they're more likely to be 'it's not me it's you' my mistake.

And they say romance is dead!

Love me love my dog?

Well, if a woman has children, there's generally more of an attachment than with pets, but yes, they do come as a package!

[mstribling]

That's Singh's preference. Everyone should have at least a basic checklist. Ie not a man, not hooked on drugs etc.

He includes no children. Got it.

It was part of my checklist that she had children.

I wanted proof she was good enough for at least one other man.

Plus with 2 step-daughters it's like a 3 for 1 sale. Win-win.