Step Children

[South]

Some points raised .... but, how about if tables are turned? I have a very good friend (farang) who has divorced his (ex) Thai wife and who has sole custody over their wonderful daughter. She, the mother is no longer around but he, the father is and is in a relationship with a lovely Thai woman with whom he will be marrying soon. The daughter totally accepts the 'new' mother as does she totally accept having a step daughter.

Anyone can generalize but each situation is different as are the end results.

[mark45y]

I know MUCH more Farang Fathers that DON'T look after the Wife's Kids form previous relationships etc, than those that do..

In many cases, the Kid up in the Village with Grandma isn't even really spoken about, no Pictures or anythign like that either heaven forbid, the Kid just appears to be dismissed a lot of the time from both the Fraang & the " Wife's " psyche.

Of course $ has to get back to the Kid, but no parenting or emotional stuff gets back there from it's Birth Mother & it's now " Step Father ".

All of the Women in teh situations i mention above are of course Ex Bar Girls.

I do wonder about the mentality behind Men that willingly look after another Man's Children & why they would do that especially when they don't have their own Kids with their Wife, when they simply do not have to & when there are numerous other " Ladies " out there that don't have Kids that they could start their own Families with.

Fair play to them, but the need their bumps felt in my opinion..

I have a Guy opposite me, he's mid 60's, he's got a " Wife ", nice House, Car etc yet there are 2 x Thai Daughters from her previous Marraige, both 100% Thai, one is 7 Years Old & the other is 3 Years Old..

I have enquired as to how all of that, the initial meeting of the 2 people, the Marraige, the Car, the House, the perfect Family Environment all happened so quickly, but my question got dimissed pretty quickly by my Daughter's Mother whom i asked, & that was that..

I asked because i couldn't work out & still can't work out, why a 60 somethign Year old Man would take on 2 x young Daughters that weren't his, when he has grown up Children & even Grand Children, that are older than them ??

Uh, perhaps that silly little word "love" might have something to do with it?

Love ??

It's not a silly little word, but it is thrown around a little too often for my liking, real love anyway & especially in Thailand, a place where people " fall in love " in 24 hours..

Bear in mind also that this Man is 65 Years old & his Wife is 32, & i'm not too sure there is a whole lot of " love " there to be honest do you ??

I'd say it was a Marraige more for convenience of both parties more than the stuff Fairytales & Movies are made from so where " love " comes into where the little one's are concerned, i really don't know.

But if you wnat to call it " love ", who am i to argue..

& if the Kids are getting a better life with the Guy & better Schooling etc then happy days all round & i take my hat off to him.

Note to add : Neither Kid can speak a word of English though so i'm not sure how much influence he actually has on them or how much actual " love " as we know it can be shared, as he can't speak a word of Thai either..

I loved my grandfather a lot more than I loved my parents. You have to think about this for a while in context with your above statement.

When I was teaching school in Thailand if the school burned down I know which kids I would have saved first. Harsh I guess but that is love. You can call it like or love, still I know I would have grabbed Gam and carried her out of the building before any of the other kids. If her parents both died, I would have taken her to raise as my own in a heartbeat. People love old people, like I did my grandfather or kids. I think it is hard to love a wife because marriage seemed to me more like a war than a relationship, with power and dominance issues and strategy and explosions. My grandfather never smacked me nor did Gam. Thai women have routinely chased me with knives and cleavers or sharp tongues.

[jazzbo]

from Post #62 "Thai women have routinely chased me with knives and cleavers or sharp tongues." ... You sure can pick 'em.

Edited April 4, 2011 by jazzbo

[mark45y]

from Post #62 "Thai women have routinely chased me with knives and cleavers or sharp tongues." ... You sure can pick 'em.

When I was a kid I worked on a horse ranch and had the same trouble with horses. I don't know why I always picked the high spirited ones. I got bucked off and stamped on more times than I can count. All of my children have been relatively calm and didn't seem to inherit the mothers temperament.

[tutsiwarrior]

tutsi takes a break from vietnam and descends on the ranch...teenaged girls have been forewarned and upon tutsi's arrival go into dog pile mode as tutsi emerges from his transportation: we gonna go shopping soon? huh?

now...I've known these girls from when they were little kids and am loathe to presume that they have mercenary intentions...I know that they truly love me and etc...

to the leggiest girl; 'now we know that with the purchase of this laptop you shall complete matayom as we have agreed...'...she simply giggles seductively when as a little girl inna supermarket in saigon six years ago she played hide and seek with her uncle tutsi...a heart breaker who has already enticed and brutally rejected two offers of marriage...

to the second oldest of the oldest BiL who has moved on from a pudgy little girl to some nice 15 y.o curves; get back godammit and don't get into bad habits...

to the stepdaughter and the oldest niece (first daughter of the oldest BiL) who are the ringleaders: uncle tutsi ain't stupid...oh no...yew ainyt too old fer me to bend yew over me knee...

now, if I don't buy them what they want (it's only tescos after all) they shall pretend to never speak to me again and I'll be 61 this year...heartbreak and juvenile terrorism...tutsi hurls himself into the south china sea to never be seen again...

[jazzbo]

from post #64 When I was a kid I worked on a horse ranch ... and was there a dock at the ranch for your sailboat?

[nidge]

My wife has 2 girls from a previous marriage. They are 7 and 8 years old. Her ex was a farang. Because the kids are half farang, everyone automatically assumes they are mine. If you saw how we act together you would also assume they are mine. They adore me and i adore them. I would not swap them for the world. We are now trying for another child, being surrounded by children that love you is an awesome feeling.

Many of you have said it is crazy to have a relationship with a girl if she already has kids. I didn't go looking for this, i wasn't even looking for a girl when i met my wife. We just clicked and that was that. If you really love someone, you take them as they are, (warts and all). I, like most of you, have plenty of my own faults and issues, my wife accepted all of them. So what is so bad about making a family where not just one person, but 3 of them all love you and all tell you every day?

Nidge.

[mark45y]

from post #64 When I was a kid I worked on a horse ranch ... and was there a dock at the ranch for your sailboat?

Michigan and Ontario are a sportsman's paradise. We used to ride the horses on the beach every day.

We ran a couple of hundred head of horses and no it wasn't too far away from the dock.

[jazzbo]

My apologies Kuhn M ... sometimes when it comes to Canada, Michigan, Florida (where we call it a horse farm) and Texas and Oklahoma and .... I just lose track. BTW good thing those Thai girls with knives all have lousy aim especially when one has known not hundreds but thousands of women in the Biblical sense... strippers or otherwise.

Google -- like Michigander Bob Seger's Rock & Roll ... -- never forgets.

Edited April 5, 2011 by jazzbo

[bifftastic]

My wife has 2 girls from a previous marriage. They are 7 and 8 years old. Her ex was a farang. Because the kids are half farang, everyone automatically assumes they are mine. If you saw how we act together you would also assume they are mine. They adore me and i adore them. I would not swap them for the world. We are now trying for another child, being surrounded by children that love you is an awesome feeling.

Many of you have said it is crazy to have a relationship with a girl if she already has kids. I didn't go looking for this, i wasn't even looking for a girl when i met my wife. We just clicked and that was that. If you really love someone, you take them as they are, (warts and all). I, like most of you, have plenty of my own faults and issues, my wife accepted all of them. So what is so bad about making a family where not just one person, but 3 of them all love you and all tell you every day?

Nidge.

Good for you man

[villagefarang]

No way, no kids, before or after marriage. Met when she was 23 and married at 25. I was 43 and 45 respectively. First marriage for both of us and no kids. Still very happy, 13 years later.

[techno]

I think it would be quite difficult to find a now, single lady here, say over 25yrs old who doesn't have a child. At that age they are normally dumped for a younger model.

jb1

Most have kids before 25 and are dumped with no income from a husband who has found something younger. The problem maybe that the marriage was a normal village buddist wedding which means nothing. The dumped women then goes out looking for a man either Thai or a rich Farang to take care of her and the kid(s). Not for me thanks

[techno]

You would have to be absolutely heartless and in my mind slightly completely thick to turn down the role of father to your wife's child if you and your wife share a sound and loving relationship and are committed to making a family home environment, you share and have the means and the said child has been completely abandoned by their father and wants to have a "Dad".

Each to his own, but to me starting a relationship with a Thai woman having one or more children is a no-no.

Part of basic checklist before moving on with a relationship

You are right and l would not consider entering a relationship with a Thai lady with kid(s) from a pervious relationship

[IanForbes]

Lovelomsak quote

I often hear about people looking down on marriages between a foreigner and thai woman of definite age differences. I feel many of these foreign men marrry a woman who has children from past relationships with Thai men. In my opinion these foreigners are quite beneficial to Thai society. Taking single mothers and marrying them and assisting in bringing up their children. I am just a little curious as to how many thaivisa members are willing to let us know that their beautiful Thai wife had children from a previous relationship and they are helping to raise them now. I want it known that I myself am single but look highly at men who do take on the task of stepfather. So please if you are a thaivisa member and a stepfather here in Thailand can you please come forward and tell us. I think but amnot sure that there is quite a large number of you and more power to you. This thread came to mind after reading the one about men over 50 not being able to marry Thai women.

I'd always given to charites that I had researched into ones doing the most good with the least amount of overhead. But, there is ALWAYS overhead, and in many cases the actual amount that actually reached the people who the charity was SUPPOSED to help was very minute. And, In many cases the charity directors received huge salaries. I often gave to World Vision to help children in need in foreign countries. Then, after my first visit to Thailand I realized just how many people in Asia live on very little through no fault of their own. I knew that you can't help EVERYONE, but if you can help just a few then it will give some people a chance to better themselves.

At that point I decided to unofficially "adopt" a Thai family I thought I could help. I knew it was going to cost me a lot more than just sending a few dollars off to some official charity that may or may not help a few people. So, I found a Thai family and for the past 8 years I've been giving the family about 6 to 8,000 baht per month. I get to visit them for about one week a year on my annual trip to Thailand. There have been some VERY frustrating moments, but, for the most part it has been a reward to me. I have been the only REAL father the children (now 11, 13 and 15) have known. BUT, There is no way in Hades that I wouldl EVER marry the mother. She would drive me crazy by her consistent foolishness. At any point I could withdraw my funding, but I don't do so because I love the two younger children. Unfortunately, I was never able to get close to the older girl and she is now an unwed mother with a 7 month old baby.

So, in answer to the OP's topic, I believe there ARE things that can be done, but marriage is not something I would recommend when there is a wide gap in ages. Sometimes it works, but more often it doesn't.

[saraburioz]

You would have to be absolutely heartless and in my mind slightly completely thick to turn down the role of father to your wife's child if you and your wife share a sound and loving relationship and are committed to making a family home environment, you share and have the means and the said child has been completely abandoned by their father and wants to have a "Dad".

Each to his own, but to me starting a relationship with a Thai woman having one or more children is a no-no.

Part of basic checklist before moving on with a relationship

You are right and l would not consider entering a relationship with a Thai lady with kid(s) from a pervious relationship

I think open relationships are good

[notbritish]

As a child that has had 1 long term step father while seeing the father here and there

I gotta say, i hated him..

He didn't like me much, but he still gave me the same education he gave to his children and he really tried hard. He had money, so i got some really nice gifts and experience for sure and i still did not like him because he pushed me so hard.. In the end he kind of failed because my parents we're going the other way, giving me too much slack but he still gave it his best. He cheated on my mom at some point and we left, but i still can't hate him for all the efforts he's done. The only way a step parent would be there and hate children, would be if the mom was Hollywood super sex symbol hot. Otherwise he loves her because of herself and her family(which is an extension of you) so i don't see how the kids pose any problem?

As an adult, i would definitely take care of step children, but i know i would never be put into a situation like that. I would never go for someone who's is 'leftover' Unless the father is dead, is means he found something better.. Im not looking for an average woman, i want the prize (which i do have with a child) the one that ex-boyfriends or old friends still call 20years later trying to steal away from you. (which i have) and im definately not looking for a thai woman who has... 'foolish' enough to get it on unprotected with a no future thai skirt chaser who works at 7/11. Most thai men who father children and have good education/jobs, will at least turn their main girl into paid mia nois or just offer small child support from far away. The middle class thais LOVE children, most of them dont run away like that.

[glassdude007]

I take care of my girlfriend and her two thai children...

Its just the right thing to do when you care about somebody....

don't you think ???

Edited April 6, 2011 by glassdude007

[MSingh]

I take care of my girlfriend and her two thai children...

Its just the right thing to do when you care about somebody....

don't you think ???

Absolutey, what's your definition of " take care " though ??