Girlfriend's Parent's Causing Major Issues

[NALAK]

What a load of old waffle, just dump her and move on.

best reply for me on the whole post, either that or she dumps her mum.

still nothing from op

Edited April 28, 2011 by NALAK

[Warhammer820]

i lost faith when you said a bar was involved....too many scams from bar girls and owners...i am shocked you have been here a year and not heard how 90% of those relationships end

[SeekingAdvice]

I just want to reply to my post as people seem to be mocking it, I can understand why because yes it does happen but my head was not in the right place when writing, and I still have not slept and just got back into my house, thanks for all the positive advice and Criticism, it won't be ignored. After a full day of <deleted> I've decided nothing will come of this it's just idle threats from the mother to scare me into spending money which will never happen, Oh and the girlfriend is currently on her way back to Issarn.

Once again I apologize for my naivety and sorry for posting in the wrong forum.

[IanForbes]

I just want to reply to my post as people seem to be mocking it, I can understand why because yes it does happen but my head was not in the right place when writing, and I still have not slept and just got back into my house, thanks for all the positive advice and Criticism, it won't be ignored. After a full day of <deleted> I've decided nothing will come of this it's just idle threats from the mother to scare me into spending money which will never happen, Oh and the girlfriend is currently on her way back to Issarn.

Once again I apologize for my naivety and sorry for posting in the wrong forum.

No need to apologize and thank you for coming back with a reply. That tells me that it wasn't a "troll". It was a fair topic, even though it gets repeated on a regular basis. And, most of us who have responded have done so from having made similar mistakes themselves. Take it as a valuable lesson in life, but don't let it discourage you from further adventures. Most lessons learned the hard way have been worth it for the experience alone. I feel sorry for both you and your young lady, but just remember the good times and forget the bad.

[PingManDan]

Tell them to fly a kite or get a new girlfriend, all the see is an easy way to make money off you, and you GF is probably in on it also. You can read many, many stories about this BS going on, guy meets girl, in bar, girl wants or parents want MONEY !!

DO YOU REALLY THINK A THAI MAN IS GOING TO PAY THAT KIND OF MONEY

Edited April 28, 2011 by PingManDan

[daveh]

For those that do not have experience with ladies in Thailand, take a look at this and make a copy for your reference in the future:

"Charles Darwin? Name like my last boyfriend. He name Charles, too."

Awesome.

[xbusman]

Dont be sorry for posting and thanks for giving us the follow up. The learning curve here is steep and can be dangerous, you did the right thing in reaching out and looking for advice from the old timers. I always try to do the same when I think about wandering down blind alleys, has saved my bacon more than once.

I do not think the responses were mocking you and I certainly hope you did not read that into my response. Most of the westerners in Thailand have their own horror story of the first time reality hit up against their cultural beliefs. We save the mocking for people who should know better such as those investing in the Elite card or buying time shares in Pattaya. In fact, I think mocking was designed for the 98% that are too smart to ask for experienced advice or the other 1.99% that ask for it and then ignore it.

One last note for you if you are interested. I would really advise you turn off your cellphone for a few weeks. Lots of people here gave you some very unvarnished truth, walk away fast and far. That advice is pretty hard to take when you fall in love but its much more true than you can imagine in your current state. Odds are this is not over and it should be. Turning the phone off or changing the number for a few months might give you time to put it in perspective.

Best of luck.

[jazzbo]

There is at least some optimism for K. Seeker's circumstances as -- at least for now and as with so many other similar tales posted here -- he has not yet said 'And BTW she is 4 months pregnant.'

[jackdawson]

since ur so young

u may want to write this down

"NEVER get between a thai girl and her mom"

[trisailer]

Thanks for the update Seekingadvice. You got a lot of good advice here and you have a lot to think about. I agree you should take a break and cut yourself from her and heal yourself, gather some strenth and jump back in when you are stronger.

This is a awesome game, but not for the faint hearted. You have to know that you can walk away when you need to.

[happyrobert]

All good advice for what to do now.

As for the future, perhaps you might follow in the footsteps of my friends, Fred and Nils (names changed to protect the innocent).

They prowled Thai Love Links for months. One of their "requirements" was that any responding young lady be an orphan. I laughed when they first told me this but they ended up with a date or two every week in CM. Now steady with lookers with no ties. Not even a water buffalo.

Why didn't I think of that?

Edited April 29, 2011 by happyrobert

[mstribling]

Good for you bro. Oddly I figured you would receive a tremendous amount of shit, given most folks burning hatred of bargirls. But you received some really good advice on this one.

[Berkshire]

I just want to reply to my post as people seem to be mocking it, I can understand why because yes it does happen but my head was not in the right place when writing, and I still have not slept and just got back into my house, thanks for all the positive advice and Criticism, it won't be ignored. After a full day of <deleted> I've decided nothing will come of this it's just idle threats from the mother to scare me into spending money which will never happen, Oh and the girlfriend is currently on her way back to Issarn.

Once again I apologize for my naivety and sorry for posting in the wrong forum.

I know I'm late to the party, as you seem to have moved on. Good on you. But let me play Devil's Advocate for just a minute. From the mom's point of view. I'm sure you've heard about the family bond in Thailand, especially mother/daughter. Boyfriends will come and go, but family is forever. With that backdrop, consider what the mother must know, working in that industry. Pretty much 99% of the guys that walk into a bar really just wants a short term shag. And a young guy, well they're renown for wanting same, but of the "freebie" variety, for as long as possible. So she knows that if she let's it go on, the minute you tire of the 19 yr old or find something better (a mathematical certainty, at your age), you're going to ditch her daughter like week-old stale bread. She knows this because she's seen it time and time again (customers of bargirls are about as honest as the bargirls themselves). All that's going to happen is her daughter will be left with a broken heart...or worse (a baby with no father). So what if you really love her? Then prove it. Talk is cheap. She wants you to put your money where your mouth is. So even if you did a runner, you would have "invested" something into the relationship beyond just mere words. Can't say I blame her. Anyways, just another perspective to consider.

[sarahsbloke]

Age of majority is 21 in Thailand. The girl is still a minor and the OP can be charged with holding her from her parents.

Age of consent is I believe 15 in Thailand, but consent can be revoked after the "event" in case of a minor.

Of course the counter claim is the under age girl was being forced to work as a prostitute in her mothers bar.

A much more serious offense for the mother with serious jail time.

[Mario2008]

Age of majority is 21 in Thailand. The girl is still a minor and the OP can be charged with holding her from her parents.

Age of consent is I believe 15 in Thailand, but consent can be revoked after the "event" in case of a minor.

Of course the counter claim is the under age girl was being forced to work as a prostitute in her mothers bar.

A much more serious offense for the mother with serious jail time.

Working in a bar does not automatically means a girl is a prostitute.

[happyrobert]

Age of majority is 21 in Thailand. The girl is still a minor and the OP can be charged with holding her from her parents.

Age of consent is I believe 15 in Thailand, but consent can be revoked after the "event" in case of a minor.

Of course the counter claim is the under age girl was being forced to work as a prostitute in her mothers bar.

A much more serious offense for the mother with serious jail time.

Working in a bar does not automatically means a girl is a prostitute.

Correct. Please see thread by MrsMills: Where Did You Meet Your Wife or Girlfriend.

[Familyonthemove]

For those that do not have experience with ladies in Thailand, take a look at this and make a copy for your reference in the future:

I'm sorry Beetlejuice, but that chart has got to be the most bogus and misleading chart around (I've seen it before). Regarding Thai women's English proficiency, there is no correlation between level of education and fluency in English. If anything, there's an inverse relationship, i.e., the more English they can speak, the less educated they are. I've met MANY highly educated Thai women--and I'm talking Master's and PhD's--very intelligent and well spoken women, all of whom speak little to no English. Makes sense if they did all of their university studies in Thailand. And then there are the countless bargirls who ply their trade in the predominantly tourist districts, many of whom never finished high school, yet, speak rather good English (albeit bargirl English) and can converse effectively. There are exceptions, of course (and I'm sure someone will bring it up), but the vast majority of university-educated Thai girls simply do not speak very much English.

I agree .... I thought this chart was meant to be a joke ... but it's not funny. To try and group something as complex as people and their relationships into a chart is not really practical and should be limited to Cosmopolitan Magazine ('Will your relationship last, just answer these 10 questions etc. I hope Kate has done her homework by the way - she looks like a Cosmo reader).

I do think the section on Social Acceptability in Thai Culture is probably right ... because this is based on strict rules (Chinese origins, length of name, skin whiteness factor, father's bank balance, Central Card Points, Mini Cooper ownership etc) so could be written as a mathmatical formula to give an 'Acceptability Index' - but then it also depends on how much you care about this.

As for the OP ..... wise to move on.

Lets be honest - there are so many amazing women in this country, why go for one that is a grief magnet.

Edited April 29, 2011 by Familyonthemove

[PattayaParent]

^when did they change the age of majority to 20?

I think you need parental consent to get a passport, get married or sign a business deal if under 20 years of age.

You can search "Parental Consent" for further information.

Yes but he doesn't want to do any of that with her, only shag her and she's legal age for that.

Anyway he only has to wait until 9 May when she's 20 and the mother can have no say.

[moe666]

For those that do not have experience with ladies in Thailand, take a look at this and make a copy for your reference in the future:

I'm sorry Beetlejuice, but that chart has got to be the most bogus and misleading chart around (I've seen it before). Regarding Thai women's English proficiency, there is no correlation between level of education and fluency in English. If anything, there's an inverse relationship, i.e., the more English they can speak, the less educated they are. I've met MANY highly educated Thai women--and I'm talking Master's and PhD's--very intelligent and well spoken women, all of whom speak little to no English. Makes sense if they did all of their university studies in Thailand. And then there are the countless bargirls who ply their trade in the predominantly tourist districts, many of whom never finished high school, yet, speak rather good English (albeit bargirl English) and can converse effectively. There are exceptions, of course (and I'm sure someone will bring it up), but the vast majority of university-educated Thai girls simply do not speak very much English.

English is taught at many Thai schools but there is no motivation to learn it. Learn it for what reason, everything they do is associated with other Thais. When the girl is told to go and make money for the family she soon realizes she can make more money if she speaks English. Now she has the motivation to learn and in about 6 months she will have more english than she ever bothered to learn several years of school. Its all about motivation.

[Mario2008]

^when did they change the age of majority to 20?

I think you need parental consent to get a passport, get married or sign a business deal if under 20 years of age.

You can search "Parental Consent" for further information.

Yes but he doesn't want to do any of that with her, only shag her and she's legal age for that.

Anyway he only has to wait until 9 May when she's 20 and the mother can have no say.

As said before, one becomes of age when turning 21. He will have to wait a year longer.

[BRichards]

Many want to vent and they might read and hear what others have to say but will end up doing what the little head keeps telling him to do. BR

[PattayaParent]

^when did they change the age of majority to 20?

I think you need parental consent to get a passport, get married or sign a business deal if under 20 years of age.

You can search "Parental Consent" for further information.

Yes but he doesn't want to do any of that with her, only shag her and she's legal age for that.

Anyway he only has to wait until 9 May when she's 20 and the mother can have no say.

As said before, one becomes of age when turning 21. He will have to wait a year longer.

I read what you wrote before but was being polite in not pointing out your mistake.

[IanForbes]

I know I'm late to the party, as you seem to have moved on. Good on you. But let me play Devil's Advocate for just a minute. From the mom's point of view. I'm sure you've heard about the family bond in Thailand, especially mother/daughter. Boyfriends will come and go, but family is forever. With that backdrop, consider what the mother must know, working in that industry. Pretty much 99% of the guys that walk into a bar really just wants a short term shag. And a young guy, well they're renown for wanting same, but of the "freebie" variety, for as long as possible. So she knows that if she let's it go on, the minute you tire of the 19 yr old or find something better (a mathematical certainty, at your age), you're going to ditch her daughter like week-old stale bread. She knows this because she's seen it time and time again (customers of bargirls are about as honest as the bargirls themselves). All that's going to happen is her daughter will be left with a broken heart...or worse (a baby with no father). So what if you really love her? Then prove it. Talk is cheap. She wants you to put your money where your mouth is. So even if you did a runner, you would have "invested" something into the relationship beyond just mere words. Can't say I blame her. Anyways, just another perspective to consider.

Truer words were never spoken, Berkshire. I agree with you 100%. It almost always works both ways and that is why the long term bar girls get so hard. I can't count the number who I know personally that have had their hearts broken.

[Huey]

*sigh* Why is it that when a post starts out with something like "I met my girlfriend in a bar, and "X" manner of stupid sh*t happened" It's always made by someone with no prior posts? For years it's been like that. Who can really take these seriously? I couldn't even bring myself past the first 2 sentences.

[happyrobert]

I know I'm late to the party, as you seem to have moved on. Good on you. But let me play Devil's Advocate for just a minute. From the mom's point of view. I'm sure you've heard about the family bond in Thailand, especially mother/daughter. Boyfriends will come and go, but family is forever. With that backdrop, consider what the mother must know, working in that industry. Pretty much 99% of the guys that walk into a bar really just wants a short term shag. And a young guy, well they're renown for wanting same, but of the "freebie" variety, for as long as possible. So she knows that if she let's it go on, the minute you tire of the 19 yr old or find something better (a mathematical certainty, at your age), you're going to ditch her daughter like week-old stale bread. She knows this because she's seen it time and time again (customers of bargirls are about as honest as the bargirls themselves). All that's going to happen is her daughter will be left with a broken heart...or worse (a baby with no father). So what if you really love her? Then prove it. Talk is cheap. She wants you to put your money where your mouth is. So even if you did a runner, you would have "invested" something into the relationship beyond just mere words. Can't say I blame her. Anyways, just another perspective to consider.

Truer words were never spoken, Berkshire. I agree with you 100%. It almost always works both ways and that is why the long term bar girls get so hard. I can't count the number who I know personally that have had their hearts broken.

Uhm, am I reading too much into that last sentence, Ian?

[Briggsy]

You got no dough. That's what's going on. You ain't wanted. You're blocking the income stream.

[NanLaew]

All this time this young foreign kid has been hanging with prime bar totty, talking about 'his house' and not a hint of where HIS revenue stream is coming from. But I digress...

I was 22 when I embarked on my first Thai adventure. In Bangkok, I was introduced through a mutual friend to an older Thai schoolteacher that also used to dance most evenings at a couple of those traditional Thai dinner/dance places. Set meal, Ramayanna epic on stage, etc... you know the style. She was unmarried (divorced?) but had 8 year-old daughter anyway. After staying with me at the hotel for several nights, she was stressing about how she would be seen by her peers, ie. respectable teacher hanging with young farang off Sukhumvit. This was my first ever trip and I knew absolutely nothing about Thai culture, bar girls, hi-so's or even p4p.

In the end, her mum paid me a visit at the hotel coffee shop along with some Thai friend of the family that spoke English and in hindsight, I was introduced to the concept of 'face', sin-sodt and other bits and bobs with the end-game being that if I was going to see her daughter again, it would be with marriage firmly in the picture. What did I do? I RAN like the wind!!!

Next trip, I went to Pattaya and got myself a go-go dancer.

Sorted!

[Member]

I would try to find out what the girl herself she wants most, she wants to keep the good relation with her mum first of all, but maybe wants you too but just blocked by her family culture. After all you already stayed together for several months so you must already have something together. With a mediator you could try to find out about the girl her true feelings, and make a deal to offer a small amount of e.g. 50ooo first only as a -fake- 'show of respect' for the old bag (who is crazy for money so she might bite so she can finally get the new smart phone) giving you both the time to learn each other better, eventually promising another payment when you get married (with making it sound like you will marry her for sure). If it was really good between the both of you this might be worth to try. Fukc the family traditions but also don't give up too easy if you really were a nice couple ! Sounds to me more like a minor issue to be fixed. Don't take them serious, just give a little in with the help of a good mediator. Depending on what you both feel for each other. Nothing bad about creative interacting with this culture here, if the relationship was worth it !

A small monthly payment to the gf, quite normal here, what she probably will give to her mum to keep the old bag feel good. Feelings often are not very deep in this culture, it's all based on short time emotions. Don't take them too serious as they also don't take each other serious. If you manage to turn the feelings of the old bag she might adore you right away. It's just a game. Just try to find out the value of your relationship for the both of you. 3 months with 1 girlfriend is already very long for me.

Edited April 30, 2011 by Member

[Berkshire]

I know I'm late to the party, as you seem to have moved on. Good on you. But let me play Devil's Advocate for just a minute. From the mom's point of view. I'm sure you've heard about the family bond in Thailand, especially mother/daughter. Boyfriends will come and go, but family is forever. With that backdrop, consider what the mother must know, working in that industry. Pretty much 99% of the guys that walk into a bar really just wants a short term shag. And a young guy, well they're renown for wanting same, but of the "freebie" variety, for as long as possible. So she knows that if she let's it go on, the minute you tire of the 19 yr old or find something better (a mathematical certainty, at your age), you're going to ditch her daughter like week-old stale bread. She knows this because she's seen it time and time again (customers of bargirls are about as honest as the bargirls themselves). All that's going to happen is her daughter will be left with a broken heart...or worse (a baby with no father). So what if you really love her? Then prove it. Talk is cheap. She wants you to put your money where your mouth is. So even if you did a runner, you would have "invested" something into the relationship beyond just mere words. Can't say I blame her. Anyways, just another perspective to consider.

Truer words were never spoken, Berkshire. I agree with you 100%. It almost always works both ways and that is why the long term bar girls get so hard. I can't count the number who I know personally that have had their hearts broken.

That's right, Ian. That's why many of these hardened bargirls have lost the capacity to love...which in many ways, is probably the best way to be in that line of work. I don't understand why many here are coming down so hard on the mother. What would you do if your young (and seemingly innocent) daughter was being manipulated and used in the worse way by some Romeo? I would think most would do everything in their power to protect her. I've seen it happen within the Thai community, i.e., young Thai guys being taken to task by angry parents for deflowering their daughter. Our young Romeo (OP) really just wants to have his fun with no strings attached, and I understand that. What her parents want is really of no interest to him. These sorts of guys will leave a trail of broken hearts and not feel a bit of remorse. Perhaps he'd be better off with a hardened bargirl who wouldn't be as gullible and naive.

[trogers]

I can picture it all now...your parents visiting her parents in their bar...

Is such a scenario socially compatible for your family?