Loners and Family Values​​.

[EirikJohannesen]

Where on the road to Thailand disappeared your family values​​? Or have you never had family values​​, a loner?

It seems that many here on TV have not received the upbringing in how to treat family members. I was raised to take care of my family, the core family is the most important thing you can have in your life. When I read all the posts about the farang who refuse to take care of the in-laws, so I wonder what kind of family relationship they come from. Have you never experienced a family relationship where you come from, you do not help each other in your family back home.

If my Mom had problems at home and my wife had refused to help, so I had separated myself from her.

So what is your philosophy of life when it`s not taking care of the family you marry into? And I 'feel that many saves money to a divorce, your just sitting and waiting for the big bang.

Keep your in-laws happy, so you get much better life with your wife.

[JurgenG]

I think it will be fair to you future wife to inform her in advance that she will be only your "minor" wife as your "first" wife will always be your mother.

[EirikJohannesen]

The Topic should be "Loners and Family Values​​."

[lovelomsak]

Since you brought it up I will reply. Different families different values. Everyone deals with the same family problem different and every family develops different ways of dealing with problems and helping.

I am a loner and proud of it. My family values were such that a man must first and formost be able to take care of himself and not be a burden to others. First you take care of yourself. Second you take care of those close to you( immediate family) Third you take care of extented family. Fourth you assist the community. It is like oxygen masks in an airplane put yours on first before assisting others.

If a person cannot take care of themselves how the heck can they assist others. They themselves are in need if unable to care for themselves. The theory is simple. If everyone worked at taking care of themselves,few people would need help.

People donot like loners like myself because I say what I think is right and live by it. I am in my 60's. I make no demands on others for help but give assistance to a degree to others. I am a strong believer in many cases that the best thing you can do for a person is nothing. Too much help defeats the purpose. People need to work their own way out of their own problems that builds character and selfworth.Take a look at socialist countries and tell me what good it has done them. Conquering adversity gives a person strengh. Helping them too much makes them dependent.

Look at Thaialnd, family is everything. Do you see behaved youth, low crime,a strong middle class,good community values,low domestic violence and I could go on but will stop there. You donot see any of this. Do you ask why? Well because the family assists no matter how terrible the person is or what they have done. No accountability.The family protects and nurtures to a point of complete failure.

All that said I should mention helping someone who is already helping them selves and speeding up the process is a very good investment of time and energy.Giving support to an person making the effort is the way to go. You will see reward for your effort in the way of helping a person willing to do their part in bettering themselves and others they are close to.

Edited June 9, 2011 by lovelomsak

[TheWalkingMan]

Since you brought it up I will reply. Different families different values. Everyone deals with the same family problem different and every family develops different ways of dealing with problems and helping.

I am a loner and proud of it. My family values were such that a man must first and formost be able to take care of himself and not be a burden to others. First you take care of yourself. Second you take care of those close to you( immediate family) Third you take care of extented family. Fourth you assist the community. It is like oxygen masks in an airplane put yours on first before assisting others.

If a person cannot take care of themselves how the heck can they assist others. They themselves are in need if unable to care for themselves. The theory is simple. If everyone worked at taking care of themselves,few people would need help.

People donot like loners like myself because I say what I think is right and live by it. I am in my 60's. I make no demands on others for help but give assistance to a degree to others. I am a strong believer in many cases that the best thing you can do for a person is nothing. Too much help defeats the purpose. People need to work their own way out of their own problems that builds character and selfworth.Take a look at socialist countries and tell me what good it has done them. Conquering adversity gives a person strengh. Helping them too much makes them dependent.

Look at Thaialnd, family is everything. Do you see behaved youth, low crime,a strong middle class,good community values,low domestic violence and I could go on but will stop there. You donot see any of this. Do you ask why? Well because the family assists no matter how terrible the person is or what they have done. No accountability.The family protects and nurtures to a point of complete failure.

All that said I should mention helping someone who is already helping them selves and speeding up the process is a very good investment of time and energy.Giving support to an person making the effort is the way to go. You will see reward for your effort in the way of helping a person willing to do their part in bettering themselves and others they are close to.

The last part of your post is precisely on the money. The helping of obviously worthless family members holds people back. I think you have a good policy of helping people who show a record of helping themselves. The rest can look for help elsewhere as they have not shown a spark of effort.

TheWalkingMan

[transam]

Since you brought it up I will reply. Different families different values. Everyone deals with the same family problem different and every family develops different ways of dealing with problems and helping.

I am a loner and proud of it. My family values were such that a man must first and formost be able to take care of himself and not be a burden to others. First you take care of yourself. Second you take care of those close to you( immediate family) Third you take care of extented family. Fourth you assist the community. It is like oxygen masks in an airplane put yours on first before assisting others.

If a person cannot take care of themselves how the heck can they assist others. They themselves are in need if unable to care for themselves. The theory is simple. If everyone worked at taking care of themselves,few people would need help.

People donot like loners like myself because I say what I think is right and live by it. I am in my 60's. I make no demands on others for help but give assistance to a degree to others. I am a strong believer in many cases that the best thing you can do for a person is nothing. Too much help defeats the purpose. People need to work their own way out of their own problems that builds character and selfworth.Take a look at socialist countries and tell me what good it has done them. Conquering adversity gives a person strengh. Helping them too much makes them dependent.

Look at Thaialnd, family is everything. Do you see behaved youth, low crime,a strong middle class,good community values,low domestic violence and I could go on but will stop there. You donot see any of this. Do you ask why? Well because the family assists no matter how terrible the person is or what they have done. No accountability.The family protects and nurtures to a point of complete failure.

All that said I should mention helping someone who is already helping them selves and speeding up the process is a very good investment of time and energy.Giving support to an person making the effort is the way to go. You will see reward for your effort in the way of helping a person willing to do their part in bettering themselves and others they are close to.

The last part of your post is precisely on the money. The helping of obviously worthless family members holds people back. I think you have a good policy of helping people who show a record of helping themselves. The rest can look for help elsewhere as they have not shown a spark of effort.

TheWalkingMan

Bang on the money.

[ozzieovaseas]

Good post Lovelmosac. I am also a loner which is probably why i like LOS so much.

At least when you are alone in LOS there are no :jerk: 's to look down on you for being a loner, treating everyone that chooses to be alone a second class society dropout. Usually these :jerk: are the people who (deep down) are not really content in the constraints of their own lives but put labels on others to make their own existance seem better.

Essentially i would think there are quite a few of us in LOS, It seems a good place to live and be left alone, far away from the gaze of those who think their way of life is "IT" and everyone else should follow.

But actually i think the OP's point was leaning towards the question of why us westerners have so much trouble with giving away money wholesale to the Thai Inlaws.

It sounds to me like Erik is one of those people who has spent a fortune on his Thai family. Its nice that he talks about commitment to a family but he should realise that no matter what the farang does (in some cases) he will never truelly be accepted into the family that he calls family. Although I hope his situation is one of the (probably) many exceptions.

After all, when members of the (real) Thai family become broke they will remain family, and as such, be sheltered and cared for.

If the Farang falls on hard times and cannot be the financier to all and sundry will the "family" understand and apply the same rules?

[Beetlejuice]

Since you brought it up I will reply. Different families different values. Everyone deals with the same family problem different and every family develops different ways of dealing with problems and helping.

I am a loner and proud of it. My family values were such that a man must first and formost be able to take care of himself and not be a burden to others. First you take care of yourself. Second you take care of those close to you( immediate family) Third you take care of extented family. Fourth you assist the community. It is like oxygen masks in an airplane put yours on first before assisting others.

If a person cannot take care of themselves how the heck can they assist others. They themselves are in need if unable to care for themselves. The theory is simple. If everyone worked at taking care of themselves,few people would need help.

People donot like loners like myself because I say what I think is right and live by it. I am in my 60's. I make no demands on others for help but give assistance to a degree to others. I am a strong believer in many cases that the best thing you can do for a person is nothing. Too much help defeats the purpose. People need to work their own way out of their own problems that builds character and selfworth.Take a look at socialist countries and tell me what good it has done them. Conquering adversity gives a person strengh. Helping them too much makes them dependent.

Look at Thaialnd, family is everything. Do you see behaved youth, low crime,a strong middle class,good community values,low domestic violence and I could go on but will stop there. You donot see any of this. Do you ask why? Well because the family assists no matter how terrible the person is or what they have done. No accountability.The family protects and nurtures to a point of complete failure.

All that said I should mention helping someone who is already helping them selves and speeding up the process is a very good investment of time and energy.Giving support to an person making the effort is the way to go. You will see reward for your effort in the way of helping a person willing to do their part in bettering themselves and others they are close to.

You remind me of some of my grouchy old Uncles that I used to hate when I was a kid.

Eeeee Aye lad, we ad if ruff, aye, dad sent me down mine when I be knee I ta grasshoppa and now I be self made man, ya works ard and puts own backbone into it, laddy.

I think the definition of the word loner here is self-indulgent and egotistical old fart.

Even today within my family, siblings, nephews, nieces, cousins and the same on my Thai girlfriends side of the family, there are some that wouldn't pee in our mouths if we were dying of thirst in the desert or would not lose a nights sleep if they heard that we had gone out in a blaze of glory during some thermal holocaust. You know, the types we usually meet every 20 years or so at family weddings and funerals, speak to us as if we've been bosom buddies forever and then will disappear and probably never contact us again.

Some years ago I attended a funeral of a very mean Uncle that no one particularly liked during his lifetime. He and his wife, my Aunt, had 1 son who had immigrated to Canada. We nicknamed their house the British museum because they were so mean and never threw or gave anything away. My Uncle worked for the same company for 40 years but had few friends. After my Aunt died, Uncle died 1 year later. I can remember only 3 people attended his funeral. An Aunt, a cousin and myself. Not even his son attended. After the funeral my Uncle was forgotten, hardly ever mentioned again.

The fact is that it`s all down to what's in the hearts and souls of people and whether or not they are capable of displaying any compassion for people. If someone is happy to help other family members, close or extended, then fine and that's a nice thing to do, or otherwise they just remain locked in their own little environments.

You only get out what you put in. Some may respect themselves but doesn't mean that others will respect them. If that's OK then no problem, people are either nice or they're not.

Edited June 9, 2011 by Beetlejuice

[krangeek]

Good post Lovelmosac. I am also a loner which is probably why i like LOS so much.

At least when you are alone in LOS there are no :jerk: 's to look down on you for being a loner, treating everyone that chooses to be alone a second class society dropout. Usually these :jerk: are the people who (deep down) are not really content in the constraints of their own lives but put labels on others to make their own existance seem better.

Essentially i would think there are quite a few of us in LOS, It seems a good place to live and be left alone, far away from the gaze of those who think their way of life is "IT" and everyone else should follow.

But actually i think the OP's point was leaning towards the question of why us westerners have so much trouble with giving away money wholesale to the Thai Inlaws.

It sounds to me like Erik is one of those people who has spent a fortune on his Thai family. Its nice that he talks about commitment to a family but he should realise that no matter what the farang does (in some cases) he will never truelly be accepted into the family that he calls family. Although I hope his situation is one of the (probably) many exceptions.

After all, when members of the (real) Thai family become broke they will remain family, and as such, be sheltered and cared for.

If the Farang falls on hard times and cannot be the financier to all and sundry will the "family" understand and apply the same rules?

No.

[Richb2004v2]

I like to think the whole family thing is one of the positives of Thailand, but in reality I think it is a negative in many cases. There seem to be hangers on in every family who don't do much but expect to be supported. The western system is far superior. Whilst my parents are far from well off I have never had to give them anything or support them in any way. I wish the same could be said for the Thai side. Of course Thailand is not alone in this. There are many country's with the same system.

[transam]

I like to think the whole family thing is one of the positives of Thailand, but in reality I think it is a negative in many cases. There seem to be hangers on in every family who don't do much but expect to be supported. The western system is far superior. Whilst my parents are far from well off I have never had to give them anything or support them in any way. I wish the same could be said for the Thai side. Of course Thailand is not alone in this. There are many country's with the same system.

100% right.

BUT it is ingrained in Thai society and will not change. I talk to my mrs about the piss takers in her family BUT they are family, she says.

[ozzieovaseas]

Good post Lovelmosac. I am also a loner which is probably why i like LOS so much.

At least when you are alone in LOS there are no :jerk: 's to look down on you for being a loner, treating everyone that chooses to be alone a second class society dropout. Usually these :jerk: are the people who (deep down) are not really content in the constraints of their own lives but put labels on others to make their own existance seem better.

Essentially i would think there are quite a few of us in LOS, It seems a good place to live and be left alone, far away from the gaze of those who think their way of life is "IT" and everyone else should follow.

But actually i think the OP's point was leaning towards the question of why us westerners have so much trouble with giving away money wholesale to the Thai Inlaws.

It sounds to me like Erik is one of those people who has spent a fortune on his Thai family. Its nice that he talks about commitment to a family but he should realise that no matter what the farang does (in some cases) he will never truelly be accepted into the family that he calls family. Although I hope his situation is one of the (probably) many exceptions.

After all, when members of the (real) Thai family become broke they will remain family, and as such, be sheltered and cared for.

If the Farang falls on hard times and cannot be the financier to all and sundry will the "family" understand and apply the same rules?

No.

Krangreek...Glad to see no indecision on your part

Its no wonder that westerners find it a bit rich when they are expected to support the wifes family. As another poster pointed out, in the west it is not the norm for people to have to support their parents. In a lot of cases in Australia today the older parents are actually supporting their kids until they are 30, by way of the kids never mooving out of home .

I would never dream of asking for money from my parents and i dont expect to have to support them financially either but they sure would kick my arse if i told them i was going to marry a poor girl in Thailand and spend my hard earned life savings supporting her family as well.

But if you choose to live in Thailand and choose to marry a poor Thai then that is what you sign up for..up to you really.

[remiss]

But if you choose to live in Thailand and choose to marry a poor Thai then that is what you sign up for..up to you really.

Uh, no. Only grandmother has gotten a couple thousand baht when I came visit.

I think lovelomsak has the right opionion (at least to a certain degree).

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for life" is probably what it all comes down to. If people get used to receiving money every month, then they will be content with that. In other words, do not give money away unless you are prepared to keep it up.

[Tonto21]

I believe in giving everyone a fair crack of the whip; family,friends, acquaintances even strangers, (I really am a big softy) a genuine request for help, I will not turn away. I did help my Thai ex-wife's family, more than once, and no, not one sick buffalo in sight! I was happy to help. The fact is, I was very lucky; my ex-wife's families were only guilty of being poor.

However, farang or Thai, rich or poor, extended family or not…They get one go with me, take the piss and they can sling there hook!

OP, families are a two way street, give a little…..takea bit. But if you see someone as some sort of wanke_r for not supporting, (unconditionally) a NEW Thai family, when all that family want to do is hang, the new SIL up by the gonads and 'drip dry him' …………………Well, I've got just the girl for you, I've been promised 20% of everything she gets from anyone I hook her up with…………..Interested? PS; I hear her families are very friendly.

Edited June 9, 2011 by Tonto21

[Beetlejuice]

I believe in giving everyone a fair crack of the whip; family,friends, acquaintances even strangers, (I really am a big softy) a genuine request for help, I will not turn away. I did help my Thai ex-wife's family, more than once, and no, not one sick buffalo in sight! I was happy to help. The fact is, I was very lucky; my ex-wife's families were only guilty of being poor.

However, farang or Thai, rich or poor, extended family or not…They get one go with me, take the piss and they can sling there hook!

OP, families are a two way street, give a little…..takea bit. But if you see someone as some sort of wanke_r for not supporting, (unconditionally) a NEW Thai family, when all that family want to do is hang, the new SIL up by the gonads and 'drip dry him' …………………Well, I've got just the girl for you, I've been promised 20% of everything she gets from anyone I hook her up with…………..Interested? PS; I hear her families are very friendly.

Make that 15% and I`ll take you up on your offer.

[Richard4849]

Not many members here hooked up with upper class Thai women, one might venture to guess?

[Cobalt60]

I keep saying it, get yourself fixed up with an orphan. I did, dont recognise any of what is being discussed here

[Tonto21]

Not many members here hooked up with upper class Thai women, one might venture to guess?

Yes Richard…one might venture indeed, but keeping with the topic, 'family values' Are you so green in; 'the way of the Thai' do you honestly think that Hi-So families in Thailand will be any less out to drip dry you, (if that is there want) Just how do you think the majority of Hi-So's made, (and still do) make their money?????? Off the backs of, not so Hi-So Thais……..and any passing dumb farang.

I would sooner be with some 'tart with a heart than one of them Hi-So bints of a Thai soap opera.

Edited June 9, 2011 by Tonto21

[ozzieovaseas]

I keep saying it, get yourself fixed up with an orphan. I did, dont recognise any of what is being discussed here

Yes but expect a long lost older sister to show up just before the wedding so as the sinsot tradition can be kept up

[Tonto21]

I keep saying it, get yourself fixed up with an orphan. I did, dont recognise any of what is being discussed here

Nice one Cobalt, I'm sure your wife is as happy as you are,(basking in you warm glow) that she has no family to give any possible hassle! Good for you…"You the man"

Edited June 9, 2011 by Tonto21

[Tonto21]

I believe in giving everyone a fair crack of the whip; family,friends, acquaintances even strangers, (I really am a big softy) a genuine request for help, I will not turn away. I did help my Thai ex-wife's family, more than once, and no, not one sick buffalo in sight! I was happy to help. The fact is, I was very lucky; my ex-wife's families were only guilty of being poor.

However, farang or Thai, rich or poor, extended family or not…They get one go with me, take the piss and they can sling there hook!

OP, families are a two way street, give a little…..takea bit. But if you see someone as some sort of wanke_r for not supporting, (unconditionally) a NEW Thai family, when all that family want to do is hang, the new SIL up by the gonads and 'drip dry him' …………………Well, I've got just the girl for you, I've been promised 20% of everything she gets from anyone I hook her up with…………..Interested? PS; I hear her families are very friendly.

Make that 15% and I`ll take you up on your offer.

OK ‘Beetlejuice’ 15% it is, I’ll put you on the books,just remember start of small…something like a rice-cooker and work your way up,slowly, (’Gently, gently catch a monkey’) to, say something like a new hip for grandma.We can go from there.

[EirikJohannesen]

Good post Lovelmosac. I am also a loner which is probably why i like LOS so much.

At least when you are alone in LOS there are no :jerk: 's to look down on you for being a loner, treating everyone that chooses to be alone a second class society dropout. Usually these :jerk: are the people who (deep down) are not really content in the constraints of their own lives but put labels on others to make their own existance seem better.

Essentially i would think there are quite a few of us in LOS, It seems a good place to live and be left alone, far away from the gaze of those who think their way of life is "IT" and everyone else should follow.

But actually i think the OP's point was leaning towards the question of why us westerners have so much trouble with giving away money wholesale to the Thai Inlaws.

It sounds to me like Erik is one of those people who has spent a fortune on his Thai family. Its nice that he talks about commitment to a family but he should realise that no matter what the farang does (in some cases) he will never truelly be accepted into the family that he calls family. Although I hope his situation is one of the (probably) many exceptions.

After all, when members of the (real) Thai family become broke they will remain family, and as such, be sheltered and cared for.

If the Farang falls on hard times and cannot be the financier to all and sundry will the "family" understand and apply the same rules?

I have lived half my life here and do not think I have spent more money on my family here than I would use at home. I feel also accepted in the village I live, but true enough, I will always be a farang.

Yes I have a little trouble understanding why it is so difficult to give some money to the family, and I mean NOT hundreds of thousands, but a few thousand in a while.

[EirikJohannesen]

I believe in giving everyone a fair crack of the whip; family,friends, acquaintances even strangers, (I really am a big softy) a genuine request for help, I will not turn away. I did help my Thai ex-wife's family, more than once, and no, not one sick buffalo in sight! I was happy to help. The fact is, I was very lucky; my ex-wife's families were only guilty of being poor.

However, farang or Thai, rich or poor, extended family or not…They get one go with me, take the piss and they can sling there hook!

OP, families are a two way street, give a little…..takea bit. But if you see someone as some sort of wanke_r for not supporting, (unconditionally) a NEW Thai family, when all that family want to do is hang, the new SIL up by the gonads and 'drip dry him' …………………Well, I've got just the girl for you, I've been promised 20% of everything she gets from anyone I hook her up with…………..Interested? PS; I hear her families are very friendly.

When you come to Thailand, chances are high that you meet a poor girl, then I find it odd that you do not manage to take some responsibility,

Become familiar with the girl and her family before you get married can not be that difficult. So you do not have to be skinned for money.

[EirikJohannesen]

Not many members here hooked up with upper class Thai women, one might venture to guess?

Yes Richard…one might venture indeed, but keeping with the topic, 'family values' Are you so green in; 'the way of the Thai' do you honestly think that Hi-So families in Thailand will be any less out to drip dry you, (if that is there want) Just how do you think the majority of Hi-So's made, (and still do) make their money?????? Off the backs of, not so Hi-So Thais……..and any passing dumb farang.

I would sooner be with some 'tart with a heart than one of them Hi-So bints of a Thai soap opera.

Agree. My ex was a hi-so, never again. There were no problems with monetary nonsense, but the lifestyle and behavior sucks,

Thai soap opera at high-level

[rgs2001uk]

When you come to Thailand, chances are high that you meet a poor girl, then I find it odd that you do not manage to take some responsibility,

Become familiar with the girl and her family before you get married can not be that difficult. So you do not have to be skinned for money.

Nothing wrong with either a poor girl or poor family.

However why should the farang take resposibility, are the family unable to take responsibilty for their own (in)actions?

I dont hear of my Thai friends paying vets bills for sick upcountry bovine, must be a phenomenon that only affects farang.

[Old Croc]

I have lived half my life here and do not think I have spent more money on my family here than I would use at home. I feel also accepted in the village I live, but true enough, I will always be a farang.

Yes I have a little trouble understanding why it is so difficult to give some money to the family, and I mean NOT hundreds of thousands, but a few thousand in a while.

You've spent half your life here, in a village where you will always be the Farang, and you are calling others "loners"?

And you berate others for not looking after their inlaw families financially because you give "a few thousand (once) in a while" ?

[Beetlejuice]

I believe in giving everyone a fair crack of the whip; family,friends, acquaintances even strangers, (I really am a big softy) a genuine request for help, I will not turn away. I did help my Thai ex-wife's family, more than once, and no, not one sick buffalo in sight! I was happy to help. The fact is, I was very lucky; my ex-wife's families were only guilty of being poor.

However, farang or Thai, rich or poor, extended family or not…They get one go with me, take the piss and they can sling there hook!

OP, families are a two way street, give a little…..takea bit. But if you see someone as some sort of wanke_r for not supporting, (unconditionally) a NEW Thai family, when all that family want to do is hang, the new SIL up by the gonads and 'drip dry him' …………………Well, I've got just the girl for you, I've been promised 20% of everything she gets from anyone I hook her up with…………..Interested? PS; I hear her families are very friendly.

Make that 15% and I`ll take you up on your offer.

OK 'Beetlejuice' 15% it is, I'll put you on the books,just remember start of small…something like a rice-cooker and work your way up,slowly, ('Gently, gently catch a monkey') to, say something like a new hip for grandma.We can go from there.

I always start off small, but these days it takes a lot more to turn me on, so working it up big could be a problem.

So I’ll tell you, she’d better be darmn attractive, otherwise the deals off.

[moe666]

donot get married easy enough. Then change girlfriends before they get their hooks into you.

[EirikJohannesen]

When you come to Thailand, chances are high that you meet a poor girl, then I find it odd that you do not manage to take some responsibility,

Become familiar with the girl and her family before you get married can not be that difficult. So you do not have to be skinned for money.

Nothing wrong with either a poor girl or poor family.

However why should the farang take resposibility, are the family unable to take responsibilty for their own (in)actions?

I dont hear of my Thai friends paying vets bills for sick upcountry bovine, must be a phenomenon that only affects farang.

I help only in-laws father and mother, not brother and sister, etc.

Both work in rice fields and fish, they are not sitting in front of the house and polluting the site all day. I purchased a pickup truck to them so it's easier for them to work, I pay for the food here. They never ask me for money, I give it to them, When I ask if they need anything they say always no, we are doing well is the answer. They treat me with great respect and always ask if there is anything they can do for me.

I made it very clear to them before I got married that I do not accept monetary issues, but that I help with what they need and ensure that they have a good life.

This is my third wife in Thailand for 22 years and I have never experienced the types of families that are described here on TV, just heard about them. But I have met Thai vultures several times and can not say I have much to spare for them.

Edited June 9, 2011 by EirikJohannesen

[NancyL]

Hubby and I are both Americans. Hubby's parents died shortly after he graduated from college, and he was an only child, so I guess he was an "orphan". I didn't realize it when I decided to marry him, but family values were important. It became apparent when my parents fell on hard times, partly due their own decisions, and Hubby was the first to suggest that we give them a "loan". I was the one that insisted on them signing a promisory note form so we could prove that they actually owed us money. Once they asked for the third loan, I got my brother involved and together we did the "tough love" stuff mentioned by the previous posters. My brother drove their fancy cars back to the out-of-town leasing agent, figuring that fulfilled his requirement to "help out", leaving me to buy a suitable used car for them.

Things improved for a while, but my Dad lost his new job after a few years and once again Hubby offered up money without anyone really asking.

He wasn't especially close to my parents, but did it out of a sense that "he had married into the family". I still continue to be pleasantly surprised by his actions and I wish my parents had realized they aren't the norm.

I think the guys who have a "tough love" and "everyone should take care of themselves" mentality, also had failed relationships in the west. They use the term "loner". I'd use the term "loser" because of what they've lost (or never known).

Edited June 9, 2011 by NancyL