I'm Beginning To Really Resent My Life...

[zaz]

The past 4/5 years have been personal/emotional turmoil for me and had I not been a tough cookie I'd either have slit my wrists by now or ended up in the loony bin.

Because of my situation I ended up a compulsive impulse buyer where I would buy expensive cars / bikes and other material items to fill in the black hole in my life, but inevitably these things can only provide with so much temporary happiness. Soon I would realise that maybe spending so much was not wise and the money would have been better spent elsewhere or investing for my future.

Work has more or less got to the point where I don't know what my future is and whether this is really what I want to be doing....I've been with my present employer for 8 years now, have a descent job and earn for a comfortable standard of living, but still not as happy as I would like (but when do we ever stop?)

It's come to the point where I am really begining to not like life...in fact I absolutely hate it sometimes. I've had enough of this, can do without that and this whole rigmarole is just becoming repetitive and boring with no hope for the future. I look around me and see different people going about their own business and just wonder "Am I the only one?". Sure, everyone has their own story, everyone has their own problems. But for me life has got to be worth living. Surely you've just got to ride out the ups and the downs and hope there's always light at the end of the tunnel - you never know what tomorrow brings....right?

What's made it worse is my discovery of Thailand. Especially over the past couple of months where I've made up my mind that it's where I want to be. "Here's another one" I hear you say "They come on holiday, fall in love with what they see and want to live here". Yes I know I know. But my question is to you expats and others thinking of packing it all in and heading for the Bangkok skyline:

What drove you to make the move, what tipped you over the edge to think "fck this I'm outta here"?

[tuky]

I can relate to what your are saying zaz, I just keep reminding myself that the life I lead at the moment is going to pay for the life I want to lead in my retirement. The more I work (earn) now the sooner that retirement will be.

Keep your chin up mate!!!

[pnustedt]

What drove you to make the move, what tipped you over the edge to think "fck this I'm outta here"?

I was going thru a similar thought process that you seem to be when an opportunity came to break the cycle. I said "fck this I'm outta here" and never looked back. Thankfully, my problems didn't follow me.

Gotta find that opportunity then grab it.

[cclub75]

What drove you to make the move, what tipped you over the edge to think "fck this I'm outta here"?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Survival instinct.

I don't know in which contry you live. As for myself, "old europe", AKA France.

The country is fxxxx up. Nothing less, nothing more.

I came to a point of total hatery about the way things are managed (or not managed) over there.

So... Thailand. At least in Thailand, i'm a stranger, i don't understand what people are saying to me... I don't have a clue of what's going on...

So actually, i feel better, and in peace.

Anyway : there is a simple way... Just try. Never say never. You might come back one day. But before, why dont just try to live in BKK for a while ? If it doesn't suit you, no harm done...

[haha]

to me, the most important thing in life is happy memories. or rather, the pursuit of them.

...can you sit alone somewhere and then smile because of some treasured memory that comes to mind?

ahhhhhh! ooooohhhhhh!

if you can say yes, then, you can understand what I'm saying.

if not, then, in my opinion, you need to reconsider where you should be.

the reason why I live in thailand right now is because I find myself gathering many happy memories here. when this stops, it will be time to leave.

I have many happy memories from my life while in san francisco which I will treasure for the rest of my life. but after close to 20 years of living there, the happy memories just stopped coming. and so, it was time to leave.

I think part of the reason for my interest in thailand at this time in my life is because it doesn't cost me an arm and leg to live here. so, money is not as big of a concern - which in turn feeds my happiness.

my greatest fear is being 10 minutes from death and not being able to think of a happy moment in my life. ..I have seen people at their deathbed who cried realizing that they cannot remember a happy moment in their life.

..it is a sobering feeling that humbles you to the realization of just how small you are in this universe.

with this new awareness, go forward, and find happiness.

a tip: wishing your fellow man happiness can also bring you happiness.

..to happy memories.

[Beachcomber]

ZAZ I’m sure we can all feel for you. But look on the positive you have a job you have the luxury of an income, a home, money to spend. Just think how much more your “personal problems’ would be multiplied if you didn’t have all that. You would be to busy worrying about the next mouthful of food and where you’re going to sleep. Then you would have something to be really unhappy about.

So instead of feeling sorry for yourself why don’t you at the end of next month when you get your paycheck, without telling anyone, just park up your car lock your front door go to the airport and get a one way ticket to Thailand never to go back.

All your problems will be solved.

Just don’t forget your credit cards.

[chuchok]

If your feeling like &lt;deleted&gt; in your own country, is a change to living here a short term fix anyway?Won't you start feeling the same after a few/half a doz months??

My personal opinion is to get your head space fixed before you come here, then you will enjoy it here even more.Just my opinion though.

I came here because the ball and chain asked me if I would live in Thailand for a few years.I agreed, but can honestly say that I would be happy in most countries as long as I can get a cold beer and get Rugby on TV.

[mrbojangles]

I can relate to what your are saying zaz, I just keep reminding myself that the life I lead at the moment is going to pay for the life I want to lead in my retirement. The more I work (earn) now the sooner that retirement will be.

Keep your chin up mate!!!

I gotta agree with this. It's the same for me. Zaz, we all go through the same feelings mate but sometimes you've just got to "Bat" on.

Out of interest, how old are you?

[Gazza]

to me, the most important thing in life is happy memories.  or rather, the pursuit of them. 

my greatest fear is being 10 minutes from death and not being able to think of a happy moment in my life.  ..I have seen people at their deathbed who cried realizing that they cannot remember a happy moment in their life.

..to happy memories.

One of the reasons I started travelling, which eventually brought me to Thailand, was the thought of waking up on my 50th birthday and looking back on my life.

I wanted to be able to reminisce about places that I'd been to and people I'd met rather than just having vague memories of the ocassional 'fun' night out down at the local boozer.

I'd still like to see more and do more with my life obviously, but, if my time comes anytime soon then I won't regret as much if I had of stayed back in England.

[chang35baht]

Welcome to the club!! We all fall in love with this place the first time we come here.

Firstly I would say that If you were impulse buying then can I assume that you have a reasonably good job were you can afford to do this. If that`s the case use that money to come over here for your 2-3 month trips or whateverand enjoy the place as we did when we first started coming here.

None of us I`m sure came once and never went back.Certainly people my age anyway. I was in my mid thirties when I first came here.

Learn more about this place and you will become even more excited about moving here in the future or even finding employment opportunities here in the near future.

It won`t happen overnight but you can realise your dream, believe me. I have and I still only stay here for 2/3 of the year.

You`ll be one of us soon Zaz.

All the best mate.

[davethailand]

I'm in the "If all this in Thailand goes wrong, What the **** am I going to do after syndrome" I've lost all skills of work back home, not having qualifications does'nt help.

[terdsak_12]

I'm in the "If all this in Thailand goes wrong, What the **** am I going to do after syndrome" I've lost all skills of work back home, not having qualifications does'nt help.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Me too mate, came here at 19, now I'm 31, don't know anything else!!! Things are ticking ok at the moment though, and can't see this place going totally belly up.

[Beachcomber]

I'm in the "If all this in Thailand goes wrong, What the **** am I going to do after syndrome" I've lost all skills of work back home, not having qualifications does'nt help.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You just got to find yourself one of those nice honest genuine local ladies that we keep reading about on this forum.

You know the ones they don’t want any money just love their man and would do anything to take care and look after him.

There seem to be lots of them about, a simple thing to find one to take care of you when the money runs out.

[davethailand]

I'm in the "If all this in Thailand goes wrong, What the **** am I going to do after syndrome" I've lost all skills of work back home, not having qualifications does'nt help.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You just got to find yourself one of those nice honest genuine local ladies that we keep reading about on this forum.

You know the ones they don’t want any money just love their man and would do anything to take care and look after him.

There seem to be lots of them about, a simple thing to find one to take care of you when the money runs out.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Got one of those already

[zaz]

Out of interest, how old are you?

I'm 34.

It's true I have fallen for the Thai bug and I raise my hat to you all who have made it there and are doing well, I really do.

My background/upbringing when I was a young lad denied me of a lot of the things I would have done had I had the freedom to do so and in a way I feel I've missed out on a lot. Then education was a very high priority to my Dad and I went on for further education and then onto university for 4 years and then managed to get a job some time later. Looking back I appreciate everything I was cornered into doing because I would have ended up a low down bum right now. On the other hand a lot of what I've done has been to please other people at the expense of my own happiness and this is where it's all just built up and come to this point.

I know coming to the LoS will be a major step for me and I appreciate I need to clear my head first and sort out some of my problems here and start a fresh but I just feel it's something I just have to do. Even if it doesn't work out I don't care as long as I had a go and I am one to try hard to make it work!

Thanks guys!!!!

[khall64au]

Hi Zaz,

You are certainly not alone. There must be millions of people going through what you are right now. Surely you know the old saying "the grass is always greener on the other side"?

Personally, I chose to start travelling on a regular basis in my 20's. I have many, many amazing memories of these times and will also collect many more into the future. It does come at a price though. While I trip around the world, my friends at home have been busy working themselves to the bone to accumulate possessions and future financial security.

I am poor in assets but rich in life experience and memories. You have to decide what you want. Life is a journey and I must agree with some of the other posters to your question: do you want to go to the grave with no happy memories or will you get out there and live and explore this planet?

What is it that will make you happy? Have you really contemplated this? I suggest you sell some toys, make sure you have a good amount in the bank and get out there. Go stare at your navel in some fresh mountain air. Come to Thailand for a few months and see if you can really be happy here. Don't come as a tourist but as a new resident. I had a job to come to so it was a real change of life for me. Three years on, the novelty has worn off but I still like living here.

Come and decide if it's for you. If it's not here it may end up being somewhere else! Happy travels, Zaz!!!!!

[richard10365]

None of us I`m sure came once and never went back.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I came one time and never went back.

I was at the point in the USA where I had my fill of the American dream. I did my bit for God and country and both of them let me down.

I wasn't happy with my life at the time and before I killed people at work or myself, I decided to change my life.

Coming to Thailand was the medicine I needed to get me back on the right track and enjoying life.

There are others less fortunate than I am and helping them on a regular basis helps me to give my life a little more meaning.

I hope you find what your looking for Zaz.

[jrincon17]

If your feeling like &lt;deleted&gt; in your own country, is a change to living here a short term fix anyway?Won't you start feeling the same after a few/half a doz  months??

My personal opinion is to get your head space fixed before you come here, then you will enjoy it here even more.Just my opinion though.

I came here because the ball and chain asked me if I would live in Thailand for a few years.I agreed, but can honestly say that I would be happy in most countries as long as I can get a cold beer and get Rugby on TV. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you cant be happy with yourself inside, there , you will not be happy anywhere . visit do some soul searching , visit some villages see your life is not that bad , but yes quality of life can be better. not by money standards but by simplicity !

[GuestHouse]

I'd say, sort the problems you have out first before making a huge change to your life. Or at the very least talk to a health professional about them.

I've seen too many guys turn up in Thailand with problems they have not sorted out only to have the problem follow them with a vengence.

[Clip_My_Wings]

many good replies for you here kuhn Zaz as expected from the thaivisa community ...

i agree wholeheartedly with the ones that suggest you need to do some soul searching within to discover yourself, what is making you unhappy and how you need to address that. sometimes a change of scenary or direction in life can just be what is needed to freshen and enlighten your life.

don't come to thailand expecting to find all the answers unless you have in ur mind and heart what you truly seek (and not what you feel is expected of you) follow your instincts and do what you feel is right.

and take a reality check .. if you look around you, life can be so beautiful, but compare yourself with those less fortunate, the thousands killed and effected by the tsunami, those in new orleans and louisanna, and now those tragedly effected by the earthquakes in pakistan and india , not to mention all those people caught up in the aftermath of the numerous wars going on around the world ... so really things aren't that bad for you are they ??? ...

so take some time now to really think ... if LOS is the next destination on your path go for it ... keep a smile on your face and remember things can always change for the best ... you have your own destiny in your hands ... and if you have the financial means don't just stay in one destination but i suggest travel around asia and see the many alternative ways to live your life rather than the 2.4 children syndrome, nice house and nice car consumer lifestyle.

good luck !!!!

[Sir Burr]

Whenever I start getting depressed about my shitty job, or, life in general, I switch on the BBC news. It brings me back to earth and puts my problems back into proportion.

If you are having problems that a simple change of location won't solve, get them sorted out first. Then you can start with a clean slate here.

Don't forget, when looking back at your life, regreting something you have done is a thousand times better than regretting something you haven't done.

[zaz]

Thanks all for the very supportive comments, I'm really touched!!

It's true, if we look upon those less fortunate than ourselves we soon realise how lucky we are and appreciate what we have.

My last trip to Thailand was ideal as I travelled on my own. Some people may remember that I was in a dilemma before going out there but it was no big deal at all. I think being there just gives me a good time-out session but unfortunately a 2 week holiday just isn't enough.

I don't know what it is about the place but it's just magic. No wonder some people go there "to find themselves", so far I'm just about finding myself no sooner it's time for my flight back and I've lost myself again!!

My mind is positively set and I am going head for the LoS!!

One thing to look forward to already!!! Thanks!!

[Ice Maiden]

Zazzer,

Plenty of great responses to your thread

It seems that you are obviously not happy emotionally. Are you hoping Thailand will be the cure? If you are coming to Thailand to live I'm sure your emotinal issues will forever come to haunt you. Sure you can forget about them whilst living in 'The Land Of Smiles' but sooner or later they will visit you.

Okay so you have visited Thailand several times as a tourist and had an amazing time. It's easy to forget about your emotinal problems when here. The beautiful sunshine, the smiles and the wonderful enviroment and people. Sounds like a perfect cure to someone stuck in a situation such as yourself.

I'd get your emotinal happiness fixed before moving here Zazzer. Once you have the capital I'd come out here for more than just a few weeks. Enough to out live a little holiday romance

Then that way you'd be able to plan living in Thailand with more than just a tourists view on the place. Saying that how long is it before the holiday feeling wears off? I recall Khall saying a few years. Only time will tell.

Go and chase your dreams Zazzer but get the mind department sorted out first

[Kan Win]

Thanks all for the very supportive comments, I'm really touched!!

It's true, if we look upon those less fortunate than ourselves we soon realise how lucky we are and appreciate what we have.

My last trip to Thailand was ideal as I travelled on my own.  Some people may remember that I was in a dilemma before going out there but it was no big deal at all.  I think being there just gives me a good time-out session but unfortunately a 2 week holiday just isn't enough.

I don't know what it is about the place but it's just magic.  No wonder some people go there "to find themselves", so far I'm just about finding myself no sooner it's time for my flight back and I've lost myself again!!

My mind is positively set and I am going head for the LoS!!

One thing to look forward to already!!!  Thanks!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

But it's Just Magic. Click and you will see, it really is.

Hope this helps you along that "Long and Winding Road"

Zaz also read below this message, may help you a little bit

Edited October 12, 2005 by Kan Win

[Sir Burr]

Zaz,

The whole point of travelling is not to "find yourself", it is to "lose yourself".

[bartender100]

I've just returned to the Uk for while, after almost three years in Pattaya.

I started to feel really lazy, and boredom was setting in.I'm 50 and its a bit early for me to think of retiring,(plus I don't have the money)I stock trade,but even that has been an effort to do lately,I took my eye of the ball a few times,and its cost me.

Its been a wake up call coming back to the UK,but I'm going to stay at least 6 months,before I return to Thailand.

Its been 18 years since I first came,and I love the country dearly,but it can get under your skin if you let it.

[Nam Kao]

OT bartender

Try twaves.net, It'll cure the $$ and boredom problems, trading is exciting

especially when there never a down day

[Thaipwriter]

"better to regret doing things than regret not doing them"

This was one one my motives when I made the move 6 months ago.

Totally disillusioned with the UK, running to stand still, 30 year mortage.

Just like you I looked for hapiness in material things, plasma tv, 3 series BMW, flash mobile. just trash that never filled the void.

came to samui on holiday for 6 weeks, i knew i had to come back to stay, Thailand just felt so right....it was as if i had arrived at home.

I sold my house, nice car, big telly, furniture, the lot. Quit a very good job and came with some clothes. a girl here was part of the equation.

I had 60KGBP in the bank. i bought a house and a car. I'm 36

investments give me about 7500 per month to live on. which i can do easily if i HAVE to. Khon Kaen is cheap. very very cheap

I work a little and started a business, a hobby if you like, i earn enough money for food and gasoline. not too many extras...income is increasing slowly.

Am i happy?

very.

my advice is this:

dont come to Thailand if you have no money, it can be the pits if your broke. if you get 50 grand together you can retire.

if you have a house in UK, dont sell it, keep an asset there.

come here and rent a place, dont buy unless you are 100% sure there is no going back!

just my 25 satang worth

[Sir Burr]

I had 60KGBP in the bank. i bought a house and a car. I'm 36

investments give me about 7500 per month to live on. which i can do easily if i HAVE to. Khon Kaen is cheap. very very cheap

Bloody he.ll, that's brave!

I always figured half a million US dollars minimum is the requirement to retire. Mind you, I do live in Phuket. More expensive than KK.

[SoCal]

Ah, the malaise of those who have.

I wonder if the people of Kashmir are now sitting around pondering the value of life? I wonder if the rice farmer wakes up in the morning, and questions the value of his work?

Zaz, I don't think changing work, your location, or another toy will make the difference you seek.

My reccomendation is to look past yourself. Give some of your time to those who need. Give some of your "worthless" time to Habitat of Humanity, or go spend some time in a pediatric cancer ward. Children particularly have a smile that warms the soul.

Then when you can look past this debate of the worth of your life, and make a clear headed decision on what it is you want to do, and where you want to be.