Thai Funeral And Memorial Customs

[NowImEasy]

Next week, I will be traveling to Issan for the 100 day memorial of the death of a young neice. I was out of the country when she died and did not have the chance to attend her funeral.

What can I expect, and more importantly, what is expected of me? A gift to her family? An offering to her temple?

[Semper]

for the 100 day memorial

What is this? I've been to many Thai funerals but never heard of this.

[necronx99]

for the 100 day memorial

What is this? I've been to many Thai funerals but never heard of this.

Yes. Once is not enough, my family just did it for their mother,

[robblok]

for the 100 day memorial

What is this? I've been to many Thai funerals but never heard of this.

Same here when my gf father died after 100 days they had a memorial

[chris1970]

we have a 1 year memorial coming up soon,

we didn't goto the 100 day one - appartently some people went to the temple and made some offerings to the monks etc and some money to put something on a wall of the temple ?

[elwood]

Haven't heard of a 100 day affair, but making merit after a person's death is standard. Our latest, in Isaan, was 5 months after my sister-in-law's death. One of her sons and a nephew became monks for a month, so it involved feeding the monks on the day of the merit. Also many of the family came from all over Thailand to pay respects, so there was plenty of food and drink, even a little show the night before.

Sums paid to the deceased's husband varied from 20 to 500 baht - and no, as a farang's wife, my wife has never been expected to pay more than the standard!

It was a nice occasion, seeing all the nieces and nephews again, especially as they always ensure that the old fart is never short of food or drink!

Elwood

[elwood]

Sorry, forgot to mention that yes, some people did visit the temple to make donations in my sister-in-law's memory after the procession to take the new, temporary, monks there.

[davyboy]

for the 100 day memorial

What is this? I've been to many Thai funerals but never heard of this.

It's time for you to get out of the touroid areas!

[Kwasaki]

You can google this.

From what I remember 7 days for funeral less if the family is poor and a memorial party after a 100days if you have your wife with you just follow her lead nothing special required.

[pattayadingo]

In many cases this 100 day affair has more to do with those friends, family and others who did not hear of the death or were unable to attend, to go and pay their respects.

To those who know little or nothing about this maybe you should get beyond the bar scene you or Farangland and you would understand this. It is a common custom here.

To the OP....

What is expected? Talk to your wife / g/f. She will advise you on any financial donations be it towards the cost of food, the temple, monks or whatever. Just remember the golden rule of not being taken for a ride financially

You will be expected to attend, obviously, to show your respects as if it were the funeral itself.

[Semper]

if you have your wife with you just follow her lead nothing special required

Kwasaki, best answer so far. Wonder why the op didn't think of this, instead of asking the armchair undertakers on this forum.

Edited February 13, 2012 by Semper

[veryruay]

Yes, put some money in an envelope for the family, pay the money for the Monks doing the prayer. And pay for all necessary items use for the ceremony.

[sbk]

7 days, 100 days, and one year are normal times to make merit at the temple for the deceased. The 100 day ceremony will be early morning at the Wat and food will be prepared to serve the monks as well as offerings made to them. I have been to many of these and was never expected to pay, the only time payment is made is at the cremation ceremony when money is offered to the family to help defray the costs of the funeral.

If you want to, you can help pay for some of the food for the ceremony.

I am quite surprised at members who have never heard of it, it is extremely common.

[Semper]

7 days, 100 days, and one year are normal times to make merit at the temple for the deceased. The 100 day ceremony will be early morning at the Wat and food will be prepared to serve the monks as well as offerings made to them. I have been to many of these and was never expected to pay, the only time payment is made is at the cremation ceremony when money is offered to the family to help defray the costs of the funeral.

If you want to, you can help pay for some of the food for the ceremony.

I am quite surprised at members who have never heard of it, it is extremely common.

Yes, I'm surprised myself. But, I've been to many (too many) funerals but never to a 100 days merit. Maybe this "ritual" is only for family members?

[lapoon]

So the one year- is this once only or each year.

[lopburi3]

Family members normally arrange a tamboon yearly which basically involves cooking/serving the monks and prayers for the deceased senior family member. Those most close will have candle lighting/water pouring rituals but very low key (at least in Central Thailand) but will vary from place to place. It is a yearly gathering of family much as many westerners have for Christmas and family from other areas will often come to the family home for the night before to partake. It can be morning or noon meal but at temple it will only be perhaps two hours with monks and another hour eating after the monks finish. I will travel to Lopburi this Saturday for ours. There will be expense for food and if you have to arrange catering for that. It is also common for senior family to provide small baht amounts as gifts to the youngest family members in my experience.

[sbk]

So the one year- is this once only or each year.

My husband's family would organize a yearly event on the anniversary for a couple of years but then, when it got to be a few people (2 uncles, 2 aunts, a couple of cousins as well as grandpa) they consolidated them all into one big tambun at the Wat which they do yearly.

[sbk]

7 days, 100 days, and one year are normal times to make merit at the temple for the deceased. The 100 day ceremony will be early morning at the Wat and food will be prepared to serve the monks as well as offerings made to them. I have been to many of these and was never expected to pay, the only time payment is made is at the cremation ceremony when money is offered to the family to help defray the costs of the funeral.

If you want to, you can help pay for some of the food for the ceremony.

I am quite surprised at members who have never heard of it, it is extremely common.

Yes, I'm surprised myself. But, I've been to many (too many) funerals but never to a 100 days merit. Maybe this "ritual" is only for family members?

Generally yes, its limited to immediate family such as parents, children, siblings, grandchildren as well as aunts, uncles and cousins and their spouses and children

[Semper]

7 days, 100 days, and one year are normal times to make merit at the temple for the deceased. The 100 day ceremony will be early morning at the Wat and food will be prepared to serve the monks as well as offerings made to them. I have been to many of these and was never expected to pay, the only time payment is made is at the cremation ceremony when money is offered to the family to help defray the costs of the funeral.

If you want to, you can help pay for some of the food for the ceremony.

I am quite surprised at members who have never heard of it, it is extremely common.

Yes, I'm surprised myself. But, I've been to many (too many) funerals but never to a 100 days merit. Maybe this "ritual" is only for family members?

Generally yes, its limited to immediate family such as parents, children, siblings, grandchildren as well as aunts, uncles and cousins and their spouses and children

Hence I've never heard of this. Thanks.

[thequietman]

So the one year- is this once only or each year.

My husband's family would organize a yearly event on the anniversary for a couple of years but then, when it got to be a few people (2 uncles, 2 aunts, a couple of cousins as well as grandpa) they consolidated them all into one big tambun at the Wat which they do yearly.

its a little different here in the north east. we have the 3 months rememberance but its a huge party. for those that can afford it, dancing girls and a stage also. normally takes place over 2-3 days. they crank the speakers up at 5 a.m. or earlier if they drink straight through and turn the Bass as loud as it goes. no thoughts for neighbours who need to go to work or attend schools and need some sleep. stops about 11 p.m. (the music) but the drinking and gambling continue and the dogs go nuts.

its the way they 'remember' the deceased but i just see it as another excuse to get pissed up and play cards. it is not a solemn event and i have said to my wife, that if and when her mother passes on, i would hope we would remember her with a bit more thought and compassion. she agrees and like myself, just sees it as another opportunity for the villagers to get drunk, again.

[sbk]

No drinking at the Wat where I live, never have allowed it for that matter.

[onionluke]

I was at a ceremony at the local wat recently , in rememberance of two elderly relatives . They had died some time in the past 10 years . My sister in law was over from Hong Kong and she initiated the proceedings . She had been away for years with only one other home visit and wanted to pay her respects . So , the family all came round and helped prepare the food , some drink was drunk . In the morn we all trooped up to the wat for the ceremony and offered the food to the monks , then we ate . I have been to a few of these gatherings and I don't find them so daunting now . At the end I ferried the old folks back to our house . A few people stayed behind at one of the monk's treehouses . There I was witness to a strange ritual where two people , my brother in law and my wife's distant cousin , lay down on the ground and were covered in white shrouds , they died symbolically and were brought back to life , for a small fee . And that was that . New beginnings .

[NowImEasy]

if you have your wife with you just follow her lead nothing special required

Kwasaki, best answer so far. Wonder why the op didn't think of this, instead of asking the armchair undertakers on this forum.

Becuz I broke up with wifey but still love the family.

And... when asking the ex about what I should do, she says "mai loo".

And... asking other Thai people about customs, I received differing answers....

So... I go to the well again. Thai Visa and all the armchair undertakers, and sometimes, some serious advice, thank you.

[bina]

out of curiousity, christians dont have things like this?. we do. we have 7 days, then 30 days then yearly. it makes sense. first the funeral. then some time to mourn. then a time of rememberance, and depending on the background, issan thai, chinese thai or whatever, i gues its for when they think the spirit soul or whatever moves to wherever its supposed to go.... so it seems that its not done for everyone - a lot depends on how the person died (natural causes, accident, etc. ) same as how /when the funerals are done. i knew a family that waited a year to have a funeral for son since no one knew how he died (he died a day after landing here in israel, probably from blood clot). they had to wait for when the monks agreed to do the funeral. and the 100 was never done. thais here say its not always done but cant really explain when and why.

[mstribling]

We went to a 100 day a few moths ago. The women just made food, and I hung outside and talked with some of the fella's.

I think they made some food baskets. Fed the monks, ate lunch, and then we rolled.

No big deal. No idea if I paid anything or not. I don't run a tab.

[necronx99]

out of curiousity, christians dont have things like this?. we do. we have 7 days, then 30 days then yearly. it makes sense. first the funeral. then some time to mourn. then a time of rememberance, and depending on the background, issan thai, chinese thai or whatever, i gues its for when they think the spirit soul or whatever moves to wherever its supposed to go.... so it seems that its not done for everyone - a lot depends on how the person died (natural causes, accident, etc. ) same as how /when the funerals are done. i knew a family that waited a year to have a funeral for son since no one knew how he died (he died a day after landing here in israel, probably from blood clot). they had to wait for when the monks agreed to do the funeral. and the 100 was never done. thais here say its not always done but cant really explain when and why.

No, death is a fairly dour, dire thing for christians, except for the pagan Irish.

You put them in the ground, cover them up and then that's it.

[thequietman]

No drinking at the Wat where I live, never have allowed it for that matter.

nope in my village we have muai thai boxing matches at the temple with alcohol freely available. when the boxings over, then the half naked dancing girls come on.

[villagefarang]

The problem with these kinds of questions, especially when asked of other foreigners, is that whatever the general textbook answer the variation from region to region and family to family can be great. People can only give anecdotal accounts of what they have read, seen or heard and it may have no relevance to your situation.

In our village one can only say it all depends, as even different families do things differently. You need to ask the people involved and if they ask for more than you are comfortable doing, simply decline politely and ask if you could do or give something else that you would feel comfortable with.

There is a 100 day memorial going on as I type and for some reason there has been an excess of fireworks both last night and early this morning. That is not usual and we never did that for the four grandparents, father, brother, uncles and aunts that have died over the last several years. People seem to just make it up as they go, so my advice is just go with the flow and don't try to pin things down as one might do in the west.

[elwood]

So the one year- is this once only or each year.

My husband's family would organize a yearly event on the anniversary for a couple of years but then, when it got to be a few people (2 uncles, 2 aunts, a couple of cousins as well as grandpa) they consolidated them all into one big tambun at the Wat which they do yearly.

its a little different here in the north east. we have the 3 months rememberance but its a huge party. for those that can afford it, dancing girls and a stage also. normally takes place over 2-3 days. they crank the speakers up at 5 a.m. or earlier if they drink straight through and turn the Bass as loud as it goes. no thoughts for neighbours who need to go to work or attend schools and need some sleep. stops about 11 p.m. (the music) but the drinking and gambling continue and the dogs go nuts.

its the way they 'remember' the deceased but i just see it as another excuse to get pissed up and play cards. it is not a solemn event and i have said to my wife, that if and when her mother passes on, i would hope we would remember her with a bit more thought and compassion. she agrees and like myself, just sees it as another opportunity for the villagers to get drunk, again.

You're unbelievable mister. This was a simple request about a ceremony, but as usual you managed to bash out one of your regular, and frankly boring, anti-Thai screeds.

As an ancient fogie, I have attended many Christian funerals during my lifetime, and at several of them there has been booze flowing and some people getting pissed. Oh the shame of it, some horrible mourners actually having a smile to celebrate the remembrance of a friend or loved one!

[villagefarang]

So the one year- is this once only or each year.

My husband's family would organize a yearly event on the anniversary for a couple of years but then, when it got to be a few people (2 uncles, 2 aunts, a couple of cousins as well as grandpa) they consolidated them all into one big tambun at the Wat which they do yearly.

its a little different here in the north east. we have the 3 months rememberance but its a huge party. for those that can afford it, dancing girls and a stage also. normally takes place over 2-3 days. they crank the speakers up at 5 a.m. or earlier if they drink straight through and turn the Bass as loud as it goes. no thoughts for neighbours who need to go to work or attend schools and need some sleep. stops about 11 p.m. (the music) but the drinking and gambling continue and the dogs go nuts.

its the way they 'remember' the deceased but i just see it as another excuse to get pissed up and play cards. it is not a solemn event and i have said to my wife, that if and when her mother passes on, i would hope we would remember her with a bit more thought and compassion. she agrees and like myself, just sees it as another opportunity for the villagers to get drunk, again.

You're unbelievable mister. This was a simple request about a ceremony, but as usual you managed to bash out one of your regular, and frankly boring, anti-Thai screeds.

As an ancient fogie, I have attended many Christian funerals during my lifetime, and at several of them there has been booze flowing and some people getting pissed. Oh the shame of it, some horrible mourners actually having a smile to celebrate the remembrance of a friend or loved one!

There must be a vendetta here that I am not privy to. Recanting what one has seen and discussed with ones wife hardly seems out of bounds to me. I too am not a fan of village drunkenness and the anger, violence, accidents and occasional deaths that often follow.

Our dogs have been going nuts since last night.

Edited February 14, 2012 by villagefarang